~ Matteo's POV ~

Without taking her hand I walked past her, sitting towards the end of her bed so that I would keep some distance between us when she sat back down.

Gabriella let out a sigh before turning around and coming back to her bed, sitting in her previous position like I though she would.

I knew I was being a jerk to her and I definitely didn't want to be, but I also had every right to be pissed off.

I had nothing to do with what that son of a bitch, Dean, did to her, she didn't need to take it out on me too. But I knew why she was, it was obvious.

She thought I would hurt her too, I just wanted her to say it to my face. But it was something she wouldn't easily admit.

I didn't even want to think about Dean because I knew I would just lose it. The thought of anyone putting their hands on her...if I had the chance I would kill him with my bare hands.

"I don't know where to start from." I glanced over at her to see that she was already looking at me. "Maybe the beginning would be a good idea, don't you think?"

I could tell she wasn't happy with the way I was acting towards her but thankfully didn't say anything because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying things I would regret later.

I was just in that type of mood. I didn't want to be here but Giovanni pretty much forced me to agree earlier. But, I did care about Gabriella despite my current anger. She meant a lot to me and I wanted to be able to help her through something if it was bothering her or upsetting her.

Maybe after I'd calmed down a little though.

"Okay. Well, you know I care about you Matteo-"

"You can skip this part." When I cut her off a small frown appeared on her face and I could instantly tell that what I said hurt her. Yes I was a jerk, I know. But the fact she just carried on shows just how strong she is, she didn't even let it bother for more than a few seconds. When she spoke again her words came out a lot harsher and she didn't bother beating around the bush anymore.

I was grateful for that at least.

"I don't know if I'm okay with you being in the mafia. Actually no, I'm not okay with it."

"It didn't bother you before." She nodded her head as she leaned back against her pillows. "I know, that's before I read up on the Italian Mafia and what they do - what you do. I can't believe you would ever be okay with those kinds of crimes...that you're okay with hurting people and ruining their lives."

As she spoke and I started to realise what was going on I couldn't stop the amused smile from tugging at my lips. When she saw it her mouth dropped open and I had to try to stop it but it didn't work.

"You're actually laughing? You're sick Matteo. Honestly, I don't even know who you are-"

"Gabriella next time you try to research the mafia, and me, why don't you just come to me and ask me your questions. The information you'll get from me is a lot more accurate, I can assure you."

"I know what I read is the truth, you're just going to try and lie to me." I rolled my eyes at her words as I looked away from her, looking around her room for something else to entertain me when I started getting bored with the conversation.

"Matteo!" Letting out a sigh I turned to look at her before I stood to my feet with the intention of leaving.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I have no reason to lie to you. The stuff you're talking about is prostitution and trafficking, right? Well, we don't do that. If you think we do, then yes you don't know who I am because I would never do that. There are different levels and types of mafia Gabriella. There's the lower ones who do that crap and then there's us. We're not good or legal at all, but we don't hurt innocent people."

She seemed surprised by what I said as she stared at me for a moment with slightly wide eyes. When she didn't say anything I turned around and stepped towards her door, deciding it was better to leave this conversation for another time when I wasn't in such a bad mood.

Before I could leave though, the very annoyingly stubborn woman spoke again.

"You're just leaving? I haven't finished-" When she started talking again I spun around sending her a glare. "Well I'm finished Gabriella."

When I said this she got off the bed, giving me a glare of her own as her calm exterior started to slip. Good, it was pissing me off.

"You don't get to walk away Matteo. You're the one who wanted to speak to me, I tried to stay away from you, remember?"

"Yeah, I do. You ignored me for no damn reason. This thing about the mafia is bullshit and so is your other reason that you just can't bring yourself to say to me."

Gabriella narrowed her eyes at me when I said the last part. "What reason is that then?"

"You think I would hurt you too."

The second the words left my mouth I knew I had hit the nail on the head by the expression on her face. She looked away from me, refusing to look me in the eye as she took a step away from me.

"How could you think that Gabriella? I told you I'm in love with you, why the hell would I ever hurt you?"

"I don't know Matteo. I'm just confused, I don't know what's going on in my head, which is why I needed time away from you."

"Why couldn't you just talk to me? Just be freaking honest with me Gabriella because from where I'm standing it feels like you're just dragging this out, but you're not even that serious anymore about it." Her eyes snapped to mine when I said this and she instantly shook her head at me.

Maybe it wasn't true, but it sure felt like it when she could hardly look at me at the gym today. This was the same girl who took care of me when I was drunk and then stayed with me just because I asked her to.

"I am serious Matteo! I just...I don't know how to communicate things properly and I...I don't know." I could tell she was becoming more and more frustrated as she tried to decipher her feelings and explain them to me. "When...when Dean hurt me, I was in shock. I never thought someone could have such a dark side to them and hide it so well. So when I thought about you, I started thinking that it was more likely that you have a side like that too because of the mafia. I was scared of that, I guess."

"I do Gabriella, everyone has a side of themselves that they're not proud of or that they would rather hide. But I'm five years older than you and I've lived a hell of a different life to you. I've experienced things you couldn't even imagine, I can handle this. Just talk to me, properly. Be honest with me Gabby, and I'll be honest with you."

My tone became softer as I spoke to her and I took a step closer to her, reaching my hand out to take hers. When she looked at me, her eyes were full of unshed tears as she held my hand in hers. "What if I don't like the truth?"

"Then I'll leave and I'll never speak to you again, if that's what you want. But you need to tell me." I lifted my hand, placing it on her cheek as I wiped away a tear which fell from her eye.

"You promise you'll be honest?" I nodded my head, looking her in the eyes as I spoke.

"I promise."

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<

Gabby gave me a sheepish smile as she poured another glass of wine from her place across from me on the floor.

A couple of hours had passed since our conversation. Gabby asked me to come back later after she'd had a nap and taken a shower since she insisted she 'needed some rest before she lost her mind'. During the time I went to see Adrian and then picked up some food before she snuck me back into her house since everyone had gone to sleep. This was mostly because we thought having a conversation like this with so many people awake in the house was risky.

We were currently sitting on her bedroom floor surrounded by multiple McDonalds packages and a bottle of wine for Gabby and a beer for me.

Remember when I once said she was sophisticated? I don't know if that still applies anymore. Is it classed as sophisticated or unsophisticated to drink wine with McDonald's?

"Ask me whatever you want." I gestured to her to speak as I held my beer in my hand, leaning against the wall while she leaned against her bed.

"Can you explain what you were saying about the mafia again." I nodded my head putting the bottle down as I spoke.

"The mafia is a crime organisation, but there's different types, I guess? So there's the ones with the type of guys who run prostitution rings and human trafficking, they lack the intelligence to be able to do what we do, for example."

Gabriella listened to me intently as she sipped on her wine, never looking away from me.

"We focus on money and business. So the crimes would be money laundering, corruption and selling illegal goods. Yes we kill people, but you have to understand that they're people in our world. We don't target innocent people, they've signed up for this just like we did."

"When would you kill someone?"

"If they betray us or double cross us. Adrian is at the top so he delegates to a lot of people, there's a huge chain of command all the way down to the individual mangers of each business that we own to clean our money through. If someone in that chain double crosses us, we kill them. And of course rivals and things."

She nodded her head as if she understood what I was talking about before she asked her next question.

"What does cleaning your money mean?" I couldn't help but smile when she asked me this so innocently. The term is so commonly used in the mafia that you forget someone like Gabby wouldn't know what it means. Unless they watched a lot of crime dramas or something.

"It's money laundering. When we earn money illegally, like by selling drugs, we put the money into a legal business and boost the profits. So when it comes back to us, it looks legit."

Her mouth formed an 'o' shape as she began to understand what I meant before she pointed a finger at me, narrowing her eyes. "Don't laugh at me. I'm not a criminal, I don't know about all this."

I let out a small laugh at her words before I took another drink of my beer.

"Okay next one. How come you don't get arrested for any of this?"

"Adrian knows people. He's got contacts in the government who he pays so that they turn a blind eye. You'd be amazed what people will do for money."

"Oh, so that's the corruption part." I nodded, confirming what she said. "How much does he pay them?"

I shrugged my shoulders at this, since it was one of the things I wasn't sure on. "I'm not sure, I guess it varies by person. Probably a couple of thousand a week."

"A week?" I nodded my head, smiling when her eyes widened in shock. "Wow."

"That's the mafia for you. A bunch of men with more money than they'll ever know what to do with."

It fell silent for quite a long while she thought about her next question before she spoke again.
"Matteo?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, humming in response while I waited for her to speak. I could tell by the frown on her face and the way she averted her gazed away from me that she was nervous for some reason.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

Once again silence fell around us.

I knew I'd done many many bad things in my life, a lot of things come back to haunt my mind when I least expect it. But I knew in my heart there was only one thing that would count as the worst thing I'd ever done.

The one thing that still makes me physically sick the longer I think about it.

The one thing that no one ever mentions anymore but I know they haven't forgotten.

I haven't forgotten.

I haven't forgotten how I felt afterwards. For days, weeks, months and now years, I've felt the same way. The feeling has never decreased and I don't think it ever will.

"Gabby..." I shook my head at her, a frown forming on my face as the images that I try so hard everyday to block out of my mind came rushing in again.

I'd never talked about it to anyone after that day when it was finished with. Once she forgave me, it's never been mentioned out loud ever again. That was eight years ago.

When she saw the pained expression on my face, Gabriella shuffled across the floor over to me. Placing her hand on mine she sat across from me while I continued to keep my head down, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Look at me Matteo." When I still refused to look at her, she placed her hand on my cheek and gently lifted my face. "You can tell me anything, I won't judge you."

"You will. There's no way you won't."

She gave me soft smile, shaking her head at me before she spoke. "You don't know that. You can trust me Matteo."

The look she was giving me told me she really did believe that she wouldn't judge me, but I still couldn't see how that could happen. But I knew I could trust her, and I also knew if I ever wanted a real relationship with her, she needed to know this.

It was for both of us. She would know I was being honest with her since I told her my deepest secret, and I would have told someone about it. Maybe it would help to talk about it, that's what people say right?

"Okay...but you need to know I'm not like this anymore Gabriella. It was the only time I'd ever done anything like this and-"

"Matteo, just tell me." She tightened her grip on my hand, running her thumb over the tattoo that reached up to the back of my hand, poking through from under my sleeve.

"When I was twenty years old, Jordan and Adrian had just gotten married. Adrian brought Jordan to a business meeting when they were supposed to be on their honeymoon and a few days later we lost their business."

Gabriella seemed really confused with the way I started the story at least that's what I saw before I averted my gaze to our connected hands.

"I was so angry, but not just because we lost the client because of Jordan. It was because she'd been distracting Adrian for so long that we started losing other business and control over people. It was a stupid reason, I know that."

I took a deep breath as I thought about those events, a time that I've tried to hard to block out from my mind.

"One night I had a huge fight with Adrian and my parents and afterwards I got drunk and I was angry. So I went to Adrian's house to argue with him again, but Jordan opened the door. When I saw her I just completely lost it."

I glanced up at Gabriella who was watching me, but her expression was emotionless, she was hiding everything she felt.

"I beat her up."

An audible gasp left Gabriella's mouth when she heard those four words. Neither of us said anything as she let the words sink in, the whole time I kept my eyes on the floor next to me. When she didn't say or do anything I carried on talking.

"It's all a blur in my head, but I know what I did, I hurt her pretty badly. After I left, I was still drunk but not as much as before, it's like it sobered me up. The second I got home and I really thought about what I just did I couldn't breathe. It felt like my chest was tightening and there was no air left around me. The more I thought about her the less I could breathe. I threw up so many times that night I lost count. For the next few days I couldn't eat or hardly drink anything. I couldn't stop thinking about her. The guilt...it was so bad. I couldn't stop crying, at times the same thing would happen again with my breathing."

I didn't realise I was crying until I felt a teardrop land on my hand. I knew it would happen, it did almost every time. Whenever I had a nightmare about I would wake up and my pillow would be soaked.

"My pride didn't allow me to apologise to her straight away after Adrian and I fought again when he found out. But I did, and straight away she accepted my apology, but she didn't forgive me. She told me that if she ever would then I would have to earn it."

I took a deep breath as I spoke, trying to get my emotions back under control.

"This conversation happened at my dad's birthday party. At the same party she somehow managed to start another argument with one of our allies, Dante. He slapped Jordan so Adrian pulled his gun on Dante and almost instantly all Dante's men pointed their guns at my whole family. I tried to stop Adrian from shooting since I knew there was no way any of us would survive. But he didn't listen."

"He told me to get Jordan out and protect her with my life. So I did. When Adrian pulled the trigger I jumped in front of the bullet." This time when I finally looked at Gabriella again after telling her all of this, her eyes were wide when I told her the last part. I didn't give her any time to say anything and instead finished the story.

"He only shot my arm but he thought I was going to die, everyone did. I did try and tell him but I was in a lot of pain. But anyway, Jordan told me she forgave me then. After that moment no one ever mentioned it again. But I've never been able to stop thinking about it, I have nightmares constantly, I block out anything to do with that time. Whenever I have nightmares I usually throw up as soon as I wake up. I still feel so guilty."

When I finally finished what I was saying, I waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Not for a while, so we just sat in silence while she held on to my hand. The whole time she never let go of my hand.

"You can't torture yourself forever Matteo. At some point you have to let go, I know you'll probably never forget it or forgive yourself, but you have to let go soon or you never will."

"I can't. I deserve this feeling, I deserve to feel like this for the rest of my life." Gabriella shook her head at my words and moved closer to me.

"No you don't. She's forgiven you, it's finished. You're not the same person as you were then - if you ever even were that person. The fact you felt so guilty after shows it wasn't in your character to do something like that. Someone like Dean would be able to sleep peacefully at night after doing what he did, but you didn't. You're a good person Matteo, you made a mistake - it was a very bad one, but we all make them."

"You're not angry?"

Gabriella fell silent for a moment as she thought of a response. "I don't think so. Obviously I don't like it, but it's nothing to do with me Matteo. That was between you, Jordan and Adrian. But it doesn't change how I feel about you...and I appreciate you telling me."

She gave me small smile before she lifted her hand to wipe away the last few tears from my cheeks. Slowly she leaned in, her eyes focusing on my lips as she did before she pressed hers against mine.

The kiss was slow, soft and full of emotion. She moved even closer as she kissed me while my hand went to her waist, pulling her even more against me. Eventually she pulled away, giving me the same small smile again.

"I think that's enough questions for one day."

I let out a small chuckle at her words before I leaned in, kissing her again, this time more passionately. When the kiss ended and she pulled away, I rested my forehead against hers trying to catch my breath.

"I love you Gabriella."

She seemed unsure at first of what to say after I said that but just as I was about to reassure her that she didn't need to say it if she wasn't ready, a small smile stretched across her face.

"I love you too."

Even if we were sitting on her teenage bedroom floor late in the night,