Tiana POV

After our date, Tyson decides to drop me at my house and since I have no other way to get home, I get on the motorcycle with him, on that beautiful vehicle that makes me feel more than anything else in my life.

When we reach my house, I get off the motorcycle and enter my house. As I'm about to enter my house, Tyson yells "Kitty!" and I look back, wondering what he would want.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me before you leave?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. I don't say anything. I'm too exhausted to say anything.

He sighs. He looks dissapointed. I know I'm a disappointment, he doesn't need to point it out.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he asks again. He starts walking towards me. I don't like this.

"No," I say, and walk back in. When I'm about to close the door, Tyson places his foot in front of me in such a way that I now can't close the door. I'm exhausted. I need rest. He won't understand. I don't say anything.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

"No," I say. Inviting him in is like inviting him into my crappy life. He doesn't deserve it. I don't want it to happen. I don't know him well enough yet.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why?" he asks.

I slowly push his foot from where it's placed. He let's me.

"Because," is all I say before I close the door.

"Because you don't need to see how pathetic I am," I whisper for no one. I'm alone again. I prefer it this way. I go upstairs to my room and lie down. I'm exhausted. Today was more exhausting than most days.

I don't feel like doing anything so I don't. I lay there on the bed the whole day, doing absolutely nothing. My thoughts are muddled and I can't make sense of it. I feel heavy.

After a few hours or a few minutes, I don't know, my father enters the house.

I don't leave my room. I'm too exhausted to walk. Too exhausted to do anything. I know he'll find me in here anyway.

And he does.

The door flings open and my father stands in the doorway, an evil glint in his eyes. He drags me by my hair down the stairs. I let him.

He's always pissed after work, since he's a lawyer, and he always takes his frustration out on me. Always.

By the time he's done with me, my chest was hurting and
probably bruised badly and I have a few dark bruises all over my body.

Then something happens that makes me want to vomit, that makes me want to die.

The monster kisses me on the mouth.

I have never in my entire life felt as disgusted as I did then. It feels wrong, it feels horrible. I feel dirty.

"Why?" I whimper. "I'm your daughter."

He slaps me. Hard. Very hard. It's going to leave a mark tomorrow.

"You are not my DAUGHTER!" he yells, then walks away to his room. I feel disgusted. I hate myself.

I hate myself so much.

When I reach my room, I immediately take the blade and enter the bathroom.

Slice Slice Slice

I watch as the blood flows down my thigh and spills on the floor. The blood looks so beautiful. So thick. So pretty. It's such a pretty colour.

For a moment I wonder what it would be like for the blood to flow in abundance.

Monday. On Monday you'll know. On Monday you'll leave.

I cut again. It feels good to be in control of something. I control the cuts. I control this pain. I control my death.

I take my diary and write.

Dear Diary,

Today was weird. I went on a date for the first time. With Tyson. It was weird. Turns out I have dimples. I never knew that. He made me smile. He's a pig. He's a liar. He's also a good actor.

My dad kissed me today after he was done beating me up. It was horrible. I felt so disgusted. It was disgusting. I feel his lips even now. I hate this feeling. I want it gone.

Also, blood is beautiful. It's so beautiful. Yes, I cut again but I can't help it. I needed to control something. Anything. I need it. I crave it.

I can't wait to leave this hellhole. I'll leave on Monday. No one knows so no one cares. I never really existed anyways.

Love Tiana

After I'm done, I close the book, put my fluffy pen in one of the drawers in my nightstand and do the daily routine before going to sleep. Check the bruises, comb my hair, brush my teeth then change my clothes. The routine and familiarity is relaxing.

When I sleep, my dreams are either me searching for something, I don't really know what, or my past memories. There's never a day where I sleep peacefully. It doesn't help with my exhaustion.

The next day, after a nightmare of a dream, I wake up and do my daily chores, get my hoodie and head out.

When I reach school, I see Tyson standing near the entrance along with Xavier and Amanda, his best friends. I don't really want to deal with him right now, not after what happened yesterday, so I don't look at him. Instead I just walk past him.

He hold my arm and drags me back. My hoodie was about to fall of but I catch it just in time. My cheek had bruised over night. They don't need to see it.

"Come on! The hoodie was actually about to come off!" Amanda says.

"You're the only one out of the three of us who hasn't seen her face," Xavier says, smirking.

"I thought we could actually acknowledge each others existence after yesterday Kitty," Tyson says jokingly, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. He's so good at acting it's not even funny.

I don't say anything. Today is one of my bad days. I'm more exhausted than ever. I don't want this. I don't say anything.

"You don't say much do you?" Amanda asks.

"No," I say. Her eyes widen. Xavier's too.

"You can speak," Xavier says.

"Of course I can," I say and walk away. Tyson holds be back again.

"What do you want?" I ask him. My voice sounds tired and emotionless even to me.

"Just... want to talk Kitty," he says. I don't say anything. He sighs.

"Do you want to sit at our table today?" Amanda asks.

"No," I say. Her eyes widen again.

"Why?" she asks.

"No everyone wants to sit with you three," I say and walk away again. Tyson pulls me back again. I'm too exhausted to get angry. I'm used to this treatment anyway.

"What is your problem?" I ask.

"What is your problem? My friends want to talk to you. Is it so hard to talk to someone?" he asks. He looks angry. I don't react.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" he asks. He's still angry. Amanda still looks curious. I sigh.

"If you want to see me without my damn hoodie just ask," I say and pull my hoodie down. I left my hair loose today, too tired to do anything with it. They gasp. I know what they're seeing. Green eyes, as green as a leaf, that stands out a lot. I hate my eyes. Chocolate brown hair, messy and unwashed. Too full lips that look too ugly. Too big eyes. And... a bruise. I couldn't protect my face yesterday.

"What happened to you?" Xavier asks.

I don't say anything. I pull my hoodie up and walk away. They let me this time. I walk to my class, feeling their eyes on me. I don't care.

When lunch time comes up, I sit in my normal place at the corner of the cafeteria with a book in hand. I'm about to open it when Tyson, Amanda and Xavier come over to my table and sit with me. The whole cafeteria stares.

"What are you three doing here?" I ask.

"Eating," Xavier says, smirking. Everyone is staring, I can feel it. I'm pissed.

"No shit Sherlock. What I meant to ask is what are you doing here instead of the "popular table" as they call it," I say, pulling my hoodie closer to myself. I hate attention. Attention means bad thing happen to me.

"You look uncomfortable," Tyson says. I don't say anything. I just take my book and walk out the school. There's a tree nearby do I sit under it.

I'm about to read when the three people I just tried to escape from stood over me. They sat down next to me and placed a plate of food on my lap.

"You left your food when you tried to escape," Tyson says, smirking. I can see he's a little nervous now. He deserves a fucking Oscar.

"I don't want to eat," I say.

"Why not?" Amanda asks.

"I'm not hungry," I say, shrugging.

"You're more on the skinny side, I think you should eat," Tyson says, looking worried.

I push the food away and look at them.

"I'm not hungry," I say.

"Look, I get that you're not hungry but your not exactly on the healthy si-" Tyson says but I cut him off.

"Why do you care?" I ask. Then I look at all three of them. "Why do you care?" I ask again, looking at all three of them.

"Because we think your a great person and very different and unique," Tyson says and my heart stops.

He's acting, he's acting, he's acting....

At that moment I make a decision.

"You won't be seeing from now on," I say and give them a sad smile. Because I'll be gone. I can't wait till Monday... He's getting under my skin. I can't wait till he's completely changed my mind.

I walk back to my house. I need to do it today. I can't change my mind. I can't. I need this. I want this. I need this to end.

I need the pain to end.

I walk back home and walk up to my room. I walk into my bathroom and open the tap to fill the tub. Then, I take my diary out. For old times sake.

Dear Diary,

I'm doing it today. I need to do it today. This will be the last entry.

Tyson is getting to me. I can't let that happen. He's acting. He doesn't care. He doesn't.

Bye world. There's nothing for me to miss. I guess. But here's my story.

I'm not my father's child. My mom got raped and I'm the product of that encounter. I'm the child of a rapist. A monster. I hate myself. I'm worthless.

My mom grew depressed after that and started taking drugs to cope with everything. I don't have a mother anymore. It's my fault. She probably hates me.

My step-father... He abused me. Beat me up everyday. Touching me in places that a father shouldn't. Saying things that make me hate myself. Destroying me everyday. I hate him. And he hates me. Said I'm the reason my mom is the way she is. Said he'd kill me if it was legal. I let him do it all to me. I deserve it.

I already know that it's my fault though. I don't need him to tell me.

I've never had friends and I didn't want any. I like loneliness, it's the only friend I'll ever have. The only one that actually stayed with me.

I cut myself almost everyday. On my thigh. Since I was 10. It makes me feel in control. It male me feel something. I feel so numb most of the time. Feelings, even pain, is welcomed to me. I deserve the pain anyway.

Lastly Tyson, thanks for acting like you care, even if it's all just that, an act. It was all a bet to you but to me it was more. To me it was a glimpse at what it's like to be normal. Thanks for that. Don't worry about my eating habits though. I won't be eating any more.

I'm gonna do it now, in the bathroom. I love baths. It might as well be the last thing I do before I die.

Love,
Tiana.

I keep the book on my bed and take the pen with me. I love this pen. I want to hold it when I die. It's a pretty pen.

I take off all my clothes and enter the bath. I feel relaxed. I don't feel panicked. I want this.

I take the razors I bought with me and look at them. They'll be the last things that hurt me while I'm still alive. They're the same once I've had for a long time.

I smile. I cut my left wrist deeper than I ever had. The blood looks so pretty. I cut my right wrist just as deep.

Pretty.

I cut it again, but not as deep. I just want to see the pretty colours. I drop the razor.

I start feeling dizzy. That's good. I smile again.

I start feeling woozy. Woozy feels right.

I start feeling weak. Being weak feels right.

I start feeling cold. Being cold feels right.

My breaths are slower. My breathing slowing down feels right.

I fall into the tub. Falling feels right

I'm about to fall unconscious. It all feels right.

The last thing I feel is my fluffy pen falling from my hand before darkness takes me.
----
Boo! 👻

Wasn't expecting that now we're ya!! Yeah... I was having a shitty day so I thought I'd write... This.

Me exhausted!! 😐

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*Waves*
Bye:)