Six years later

TianaPOV

The coffee shop smells like heaven compared to the streets outside, the quiet comforting in a way I could never really put a name to. Maybe it's the aesthetic. Maybe it's the decor. Maybe it's Maybelline.

"Hey Tee," the barista, Sofia, calls as I enter and I smile.

"Hey Fee, you seem cheerful."

"Yeah, we got a new recruit today. Mama deserves some free time, baby!"she hoots, eyes shining. "You want your regular?"

"Yes please. And when can I meet the newbie?" I ask, her excitement bleeding into me. It's been a while since I got to hang out with her, now that I think about it.

"He's here right now. Here, I'll call him. Tyson!"

Fuck

My whole body stiffens at the name, memories flooding in like a broken dam. This isn't how I imagined it would go.

Tyson's a common name, right? It could be anyone.

The door to the back room opens and, to my dread, familiar grey eyes find mine. I watch in shame as his body stiffens, his hands frozen on the door. My hands shake and I grip my shirt to make it stop.

"Tiana," he says softly and a lump forms in my throat. It wasn't a question. When was the last time I heard that voice?

I can't breathe.

"You two seem to know each other," Sofia says cautiously. Thankfully, it's a week day so there isn't anyone here watching this unfold. I take one step back unconsciously and I see Tyson's eyes twist in hurt.

"Yeah," he says, eyes locked on mine, "You could say that."

"Okay... if you're both gonna make a scene then I suggest you do it in the back room," Fee, ever the manager, says and I shake my head.

"No! Uh, no. I'm... I'm leaving. It's ok."

I turn around, fully intent on walking away when someone grips my hand. I don't look back. I'm too scared.

"Tiana," Tyson says, his voice wobbly and worn. "Please, stay."

I turn towards his voice, closer than it has ever been in five years. I can't bring myself to look him in the eye so I settle for his nose. I can see his eyes turn wet. The world is nothing but liquid seeping through my skin. My hands shake where they're held in his.

"Please. Please," he says, voice desperate and I nod. What else can I do but agree?

"Okay. Okay, I'll stay."

"Would you look at that!" Sofia exclaims suddenly, breaking the tension, and our heads shoot towards her. "I need something very very important. And oh! Would you also look at that! It's all the way in the back room! Well, I'm going to be leaving. And it might take quite a while for me to come out. And there'll be no customers at this time of day so that's incredibly convenient, isn't it? I'm going to be going now."

We watch her leave in silence, a small laugh leaving Tyson when the door closes.

"I knew I made a good decision to work here," he says and my heart catches.

"Tyson," I say through the lump in my throat and Tyson gives me a look that's made for the stars.

"Let's sit down first, yeah?" he says, looking at me like he might never see me again. The lump in my throat grows bigger.

We sit down at one of the corner booths, away from the front, and I play with my fingers to have something to do as the silence stretches on. This isn't how I imagined it would go. My hands sweat and my head itches.

"Look Tiana-"

"I'm sorry!" I say, interrupting him. I hold my head in my hands in embarrassment. I feel like I'm still a child sometimes.

Tyson laughs then, softly, and the sound put me at ease. It's Tyson. If there's anyone who can understand, it'll be him.

"That awkwardness never changed, huh?" he asks, teasing. His eyes sparkle.

"I'm not even that awkward," I say softly and he raises an eyebrow.

"Sure. And I'm ugly."

"I see the arrogance is still there," I say and he laughs again.

"You've never denied it," he says and I roll my eyes. We fall back into silence but it's more comfortable this time. I wait for him to speak first. I owe him the space.

"Why'd your run away, Tiana?" Tyson asks softly, tentatively, and I take in a shuddering breath. I have nothing but the truth to give and he deserves nothing less. I don't want to give him less.

"I was scared," I say simple and he looks at me, saying nothing. I sigh. The words feel like chalk in my mouth but I spit them out nonetheless.

"It's- it's like when you're born in fire, you know? Like when that heat is all you know and suddenly you're thrust back into the normal world. It would be too cold, wouldn't it? It... it got too cold for me. I didn't... I didn't understand why you all did the things you did and my head gave me the worst possible reason and... it all became too much. All those memories. Those people. That place. Everything. I felt I was selfish. I felt like I was only friends with y'all cause I wanted someone and not because I cared about y'all. I felt like we were using each other instead of helping each other. It was too much and my mind wouldn't let me make sense of anything. And... I felt like, if I stayed, I wouldn't be here now. I knew I was developing some sort of disordered eating habits. I knew I was driving myself crazy, and I had to leave. I was too young to stay.

And I didn't know how to tell you guys. You all did so much for me. I didn't know how to repay you all. But I couldn't stay. Because everything overwhelmed me. Everything. It got bad enough that every word you all said was just... static to me. I... I wasn't good with love. People caring about me, it made me nauseous. Sick. And the day you guys celebrated my birthday? The party and the hugs and the gifts? It disgusted me. I puked in the toilet after you left because I couldn't deal with it. I didn't feel like I deserved it. I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough so I ran away as soon as my mom got out of rehab.

I felt like I could only learn to... to be something more if I left. If I left who I was behind, ya know? I wanted to be more than just a victim and I wanted there to be more to me than just trauma. And I felt so much fear. So much of everything. But nothing felt... right. I had to run away or I would not even be here today. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry that all I left you three and Jared with was letters. But... but I'm not sorry I left. I think... I think I had to do that to start over. To move on. So yeah... that's me. That's why."

Tyson looks at me carefully, eyes roaming, eyeing the changes that weren't present five years ago. I've learnt mixed martial arts since my second year here to make sure my body was strong enough. I cut my hair short in a fit of rage and then had it styled. It's just below my ears now. I have tattoos all over the scars on my hands and body. My ears are now pierced in four places where it was never pierced before.

And when other people see me, they think I'm doing this because I have something to prove. They think I'm doing this because I want to seem tough. But... but it's not that.

I don't want to see the same person in the mirror that I saw all those years ago. I don't want to see the same person who was nothing. Who was weak. When I look in the mirror, I want to be someone past me wouldn't recognise. I want to be strong.

I want to be enough for myself. I want to protect myself.

And I know Tyson will see this for what it is. And I want to let him.

"Do you think this is enough?" he asks, finally, and I pull in a breathe.

"I... I don't know. I feel...lighter. Braver. My therapist, she said this sort of trauma isn't easy to recover from. But I want to. I want to run where I couldn't even crawl, you know. I think that wanting is good. I think that I needed to want something all this time."

He smiles, then, and I tentatively smile back. This is good.

"What," I start, then swallow. "What about you?"

He sighs, gripping his hands together tightly. Guilt eats me away at the sight and I wait. I deserve to hear this.

" I was hurt," he says and I wince. He goes on. "For a while, I felt like it was my fault. If I hadn't don't this, if I had done that. I felt... I felt used. Like everything I've ever done for you meant nothing to you. I couldn't bring myself to see it from your side. I was... I was so angry. You left when I thought you might stay. I tried to keep you, foolishly. The guest house I offered. The rehab my family thought to pay. I thought it might keep you, back then. Well... not keep you. I thought... I thought you might know, then. That there are people who care for you. That you might stay, because you knew what love was. I didn't realise, back then, that I was trying too hard. I was so busy being angry with you and then making excuses for you that I didn't realise I had felt the same years ago, when they adopted me. I didn't realise it was me I was mad at.

So I.... I didn't realise you needed it. You left, leaving me with trauma myself. I had nightmares of you... dying... for months. I felt so scared for you. I felt so used by you. And Amanda and Xavier. They... they felt robbed. They wanted you there when we finally finished school. I did too. They were angry. We all were.

It was Amanda who finally knocked some sense into us, bless that girl. Told us to see it from your point of view. "From your eyes" as you wrote in that letter of yours. Made us remember where you came from. Xavier, he was worried that you would go back to something toxic because that's all you knew. Amanda told us to have faith in you. Guess I should've listened to her. You seem fine. That's it, I guess. There's more, I think, from your side and mine. But, for now, this is enough."

I rest my hand, palm up, on the table. I don't care that my they're shaking. I just... need to feel his hands in mine. I need to know that he is here.

He looks at my hand for a while and I pull it back, embarrassed. But he doesn't let me. He gently grips my hand, squeezing it once, and my body shudders in relief. Tears burn the back of my eyes but it doesn't matter. How could it ever?

"So, how are you now. Where do you live? How have you survived?" Tyson asks. I squeeze his hand once, just because I finally can.

"This apartment nearby. When we ran here, we had to live in my mom's car. Then we moved to this piece of shit apartment that could break down with, like, a small breeze. Mom had this contact that helped her start an interior designing business. It was... hard. And for a while we had nothing but ramen and beans or whatever canned food we could find. Coupons were out saviours. It was... really hard. I studied harder than I ever could at this time and my mom struggled to get enough money to put me in therapy. She did some odd jobs when the business was shit. And I... I wanted a scholarship. I needed it. I worked my ass off, studied till there was nothing in me but school shit. And I got it. I didn't go to a very prestigious college. But I got that scholarship. It was mine.

Around that time my moms business started picking up. We finally had some extra money and my mom... she used it to get into classes. She does some sort of support group leading thing on the side now, to help out abuse victims and drug addicts. It's been really good for her. We finally moved out of that piece of shit place into a better one.

The business is now going pretty well. It's not really BIG but... it's something. I work in a pet store to support and babysit sometimes for extra cash and just to keep my mind busy. Plus our neighbours are really sweet and help out a lot. It's been... much better now. I feel better. What about you?"

"That was... incredibly brave of you. Wow. Me? Well I tried the lawyer root for a while. Two years, in fact. But it never felt right. I'm not meant for that, I guess. I figured out I wanna be a police. I'm at a police academy now. Was pretty excited when I got accepted. What about you? What're you studying?"

I smile brightly at him. "That's... that's amazing! I'm so happy for you. So you're gonna be a police man then, huh? God, I don't have the energy for that. And me? I'm in law now. Criminal law, to be exact. So you put em behind bars and I make sure they stay there if it's legit."

Tyson snorts. "Don't have the energy? I see those muscles. Don't lie to me."

"Mama always said don't lie to a cop. Guess she was right."

Tyson laughs. "Your mama sounds like a smart woman. And... congratulations. On the whole lawyer thing."

"Thanks. I worked really hard for it. How are Amanda and Xavier? And Jared?"

Tyson smiles brightly at that and my heart leaps. It's amazing to see how much he loves them. "They're great! Jared just finished high school. He's taking a year off to "find himself" or something. He's really into art but is scared to pursue it. Amanda got a scholarship too. She's doing genetic engineering. Her parents spend a lot more time with her now. She was actually inspired by you. Like... your bravery to run away from everything you know. She felt if you could do that, she could make sure she's heard by her parents. And Xavier is actually in psychology. What's to be a therapist. And wants to specialise in the lgbt community and family type problems. We're all living together actually! Though Xavier plans to move out to live with Sam. His boyfriends from highschool? They're still together, it's really cute."

"Oh man I remember Sam! Xavier used to ditch us all the time to spend time with him!" I exclaim. I love these memories.

"He still does. Says his boyfriends is "less embarrassing" than us. I don't know what he's talking about. One of the times Sam slept over at our place, he farted in his sleep. I think we're better than that."

"I think I remember that one day your mom made us all work for some bake sale. You slept in the car and let out this really loud fart. Your mom and I bonded that day."

Tyson pouts. "You promised you wouldn't bring that up!"

I squeeze his palm where it still rests in my hand. "I crossed my fingers, sweetie. You know what they say. Never trust a lawyer."

"Nah, I think you're someone I would trust."

I smile at him softly at that. I forgot his penchant for saying ridiculously sappy things at random moments.

Suddenly the doors open and a deep voice says, loudly, "Where's the new barista? I need your finest macchiato!"

My breathe hitches. Brown hair and brown eyes. Blond and blue. Xavier and Amanda. They're beautiful. And they're staring at me.

Sofia bursts out of the back room, eyes wide, and stares at the scene. "What's going on in here?"

But there's no one to answer her question. I stare at them and they stare back. The air is thick.

Sofia sighs. "I'm going back in," she says, before rubbing her forehead and leaving. I feel so sad for her. Poor girl.

Finally, Amanda breaks the silence. "Long time no see, sugarplum."

I stand up. Before I can get a word out, two arms wrap around me, lifting me up into the air and spinning me around. I laugh and hug back as tight as I can. I missed them so so much.

"Hey, gem. I missed you," Xavier says after he puts me down, a blinding smile on his face. I smile back. It's been a while since I saw that smile.

"I missed you too. So much. I'm so so-"

"Nah," Xavier interrupts, "All in the past. I get it, you know? I'm just glad you're here. A little jealous that Ty here was the one that found you though."

"Aw, you don't have to be jealous. You're still my favourite one," I say, laughing. I don't even know why I'm laughing. I'm just so happy.

I look at Amanda. She cut her hair short too. She has a full face of make up on and her clothes look stunning. She looks stunning.

And that's what I think before I get punched in the gut.

"That's for running out on us," Amanda says, and I wince though it didn't hurt all that much. I stare at her, waiting for more. Her eyes soften.

"And this," she says, before wrapping me in a tight hug. "Is because I missed you."

I cling to her as tightly as I can, tears pricking my eyes. "I missed you too," I whisper into her ears. I love them.

"So," Xavier says after we pull apart, "How are you?"

Amanda settles down next to me while Xavier sits next to Tyson in the booth. It's so much like old times. I had almost forgotten how much energy Xavier had. I watch as his knees bounce up and down, fingers tapping against the table. I grin.

"It was shitty for a while. But I'm okay now. Better. Tyson filled me in on you both, by the way. Congratulations!"

"Not yet, I still need to get my masters and Amanda is swimming in her tears. But yeah, we're getting there."

"Speak for yourself I'm doing doing fine." Amanda says and Tyson snorts.

"I saw you putting redbull in your coffee once. I'm training to me a cop, Amanda."

"So, what're you doing, sugarplum? And where'd all these muscles and tattoos come from because damn girl," Amanda says and I laugh, allowing her to change the topic.

——

After about an hour of talking, Amanda and Xavier slip away, discreetly (not) sending Tyson a wink each. I hold back a laugh at the display. I've missed them so much.

I can feel that there's a long drawn out discussion about to happen but, for the first time, I'm not scared of it. I want it to happen.

"I.. I think you know why they left," Tyson says. I nod. I want to take the lead this time.

"I.. I like you. I'm... not gonna lie and say I don't have experience now, Tyson. It's been a while, and I wanted to experience new things. Plus, college was wild. But... things never felt the same as with you. So... if you're willing-"

"Yes," Tyson interrupts, laughing. "God, your face. Yeah. We've drawn this out long enough, haven't we? I... I like... I lo... I love you. Let's try this. And let's talk more about those wild college days... over... coffee?"

I stare at him. My heart skips a beat and I focus on the second part of the sentence. "Did... did you seriously just ask me out on a date? For coffee? In a coffee shop? God, that's so anti-climatic. After all these years. Fuck off. No coffee. We're going to our flat's rooftop garden durning sunset and having a picnic."

"I thought I was the one asking?" Tyson asks, amused, and I shake my head.

"No. You failed. I'm asking now. Deal with it."

Tyson laughs and stands up, holding a hand out. I take it an he pulls me to him, hugging me. I feel like this is something so new and something so old and something inevitable. The thought makes me smile

"Xavier and Amanda get a hug, I want one too," he says, burying his face into the crook of my neck. My skin feels hot where his breathe hits my neck. I breathe him in, the smell of men's shampoo and some random cologne. I had missed this smell.

He pulls back a little and stares at me. I stare back, my eyes searching his (they always have). My grip on his waist tightens in anticipation as his hands move from my shoulder to my cheeks. I know for a fact that this moment will be seared into my mind.

He leans in a little and my heart pounds in my chest. My head feels light. I feel alive. I tilt my head a little to the left.

I have kissed many people before. My first kiss was with a girl named Cody. It was scary at first, and I panicked, but I was curious and I was determined and she was patient. I wanted to make something good out of kissing. I wanted to make something good out of sex.

And I had. Kissing had felt