Tyson POV

"Did you hear?" Xavier asks me at the end of the day. "Tiana got sent home along with Amanda."

"I heard," I say, feeling tired. "I knew this would happen."

"Same. What're you going to do about your parents?"

Last night I got a call from my mom. She's trying to get me legally adopted. She needs my biological parent's permission.

"Nothing much to do, is there? How do you feel? Your mom didn't come home last night."

"I feel how you'd expect me to feel. Are you going to go over to Amanda's now? 'Cause my parents will be home and I've gotta talk to them in private."

"Sure."

And that's that. It's funny how we don't talk a lot sometimes but I know for a fact that he's one of the few people I'd die for.

I don't want to go back to see the girls yet, too tired to deal with it all. Too fucking tired and sometimes it's too much but-

But going our separate ways is easy. We've done it before and we can do it again. It doesn't matter if I'm worried about him. It doesn't matter that I won't like what I'd see when I get to Tiana's room. It doesn't matter that Amanda might be in a mood. It doesn't matter that I've felt fucked up since my mother called. A step is a step and a step is easy.

I start walking and, for some stupid fucking reason, my mind won't stop working.

There are some moments you want to write into poetry, toss around words you'd never use and there are some moments you'd rather forget, let the mercy of forgetfulness take over it, even though you know it won't, and there are some moments you wish would happen later, when you're ready.

Today morning had been poetry, when Tiana held my hand and I had my lips pressed against her forehead. It wasn't poetry because it was profound or exhilarating. It was poetry because it was beautiful in a way only simple things are.

When Xavier's mom didn't come home, that was a moment I want to forget. I want to forget the hurt and resolution, that look of defeat that passed Xavier's face when he knew she wouldn't be home. He knew where she would be. And I couldn't do anything but be there for my friend.

And when my mother called me, that was a moment I had hoped would be put off. I don't think I want to go back but I know at this point it's more pettiness than fear.

When I reach the front porch of the house, I sit on the stairs and run a hand through my hair. I don't know when my life became complicated, but I don't think I can complain. I know I've grown from this. Doesn't mean it isn't fucked up but when was life ever been anything but a mess?

Sighing, I get up and open the door, letting myself in. I walk up the stairs and stop when I hear voices in Amanda's room. I walk slowly towards the door and listen. Maybe I'm eavesdropping but at this point I really can't bear to give a fuck.

"I just... it feels like my parents don't give a shit, ya know? They think having a child is throwing money at her face and leaving. I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the money, but it wouldn't hurt to have them around once in a while," comes Amanda's voice through the door and my eyebrows shoot up. How long has she been feeling like this?

"I know I'm supposed to be happy I have parents and stuff but sometimes... it just feels like all I have are memories. Like, come on, would it hurt to get a little hug once in a while? They're my parents... but they're not. Last year, they weren't even around for my birthday. My birthday. The one fucking day I want them home so badly. Fuck-"

She breaks off and something tells me she's crying. When did everything get so fucked up?

"They don't know what they're missing," comes Tiana's soft voice. It sounds muffled, and I know for a fact that they're hugging.

"Sorry, I know you had a shit day and I'm unloading all this on you and you went through so much more-"

"It's not a competition."

A sigh. "I know."

When the silence stretches, I open the door and let myself in again. The both of them look up at me and for a minute I feel like I'm interrupting but then Amanda smiles and Tiana smiles and it's alright.

"I know you heard the whole thing," Amanda says and I give her a sheepish look.

"You could've told us."

"Not really."

I can't really argue with that, knowing I can't give her what she would've needed so I just shrug, sitting on the bed. From the corner of my eye I see Tiana staring at me and I know she's thinking about that moment at school. I don't think I want to talk about. I glance at her and she frowns and I know she doesn't want to talk about it either.

"You know, if I'm interrupting-" Amanda says, starting to get up but Tiana holds her hands and they share a look and she sits back down.

"Stay," she says and Amanda nods, taking a pillow and hugging it towards her.

There are moments where words spill out to fill the silence and there are moments where the silence is a comfort.

This moment is the latter. We all sit in silence as the sun shines in through the big window and falls on Tiana and Amanda, both of whom are sitting next to each other, with Tiana next to the window, while I sit on the opposite end. Amanda still has a tear or two on her eyelashes and Tiana looks out the window like she doesn't know where to be.

Amanda lets out a laugh so humourless it hurts to hear. "Man, when did we all get so fucked up?" she says, repeating the thought I didn't voice out.

"Haven't you heard, Princess?" I say, letting a little smirk settle on my lips, "Everyone's fucked up now."

She gives me a sardonic smile before letting her head hit the bedpost as she stares up at the ceiling. "Right. What's fucked you up?"

I move to lean my head against the wall as I look at the way the sun gently plays with Tiana's features. "Mom called. Said she's tryna get me adopted. Got me thinking about whether I should go home or not."

I don't really want to talk about it, and I can see that Amanda sees this. Tiana still hasn't turned away from the window and I watch her as she looks at everything outside. She stares out the window like she belongs anywhere but here. The light bends wrong and all the sunlight does is show just how pale she is while accentuating her bruises. It's different with Amanda, who's looks are complimented by it. Tiana looks more likes she's meant for the moon. Doesn't mean she doesn't look goddamn beautiful in the sun.

Something about this moment seems like poetry, but a melancholic sort. The sort that someone reads when there's no one around but them. We sit in silence for a while and I stare at the picture of the initial three of us that Amanda has on her nightstand. We were drunk and nothing made sense back then but it was a moment and it was enough.

In the picture, my eyes were drooping and Xavier's were red and Amanda's hair looked more like a nest. It was beautiful. Like poetry.

I look at Amanda now and I know she has become stronger. I also know she's had a sense of loneliness around her. Like she had no one while being surrounded by everyone. With Tiana, it feels like she has someone to confide in and that makes me smile. Everyone else around her just wanted the popularity. Cliche, but true.

Fuck, we're all just cliches in here, aren't we?

We sit in silence for a while more before I decide to break it. "How're you doing, Tiana?"

She looks up at me and her eyes are empty and carefully blank. She stares at me and I already know what her answer is going to be. "Fine."

A flash of annoyance hits me but I ignore it. Amanda raises an eyebrow but stays carefully quiet. I sigh.

We're all fucked up and ugly here. We're tired and we're done and we're angry. But that's okay.

My eyes go back to Tiana. She has her own flaws. She expects everyone to save her and craves attention while blocking herself from it. She won't let herself be happy while wanting it. She hopes for too much and expects too less and she's just a whole lot of contradictions in one and a hell of a lot of work. She's selfish in her own way and selfless in her own way and all I've come to see it as is human.

We're not angels and we're not demons. We're just human and sometimes we forget that it's okay to be human.

"You're not," I say , because she isn't.

She looks at me and she lets the blankness go for a second and I can see that she's tired. Tired of anything and everything and I know my eyes look the same.

"No, I'm not," she says, because she knows there's no other answer. Not anymore.

"Who's ever actually fine anymore?" Amanda asks and that's a good fucking question.

It's so stupid that we're all so obsessed with being beautiful that our obsession turns us ugly and now we don't know what to do. So obsessed with being perfect we forget what it means.

The door slams opened and then slams closed and suddenly Xavier is sitting next to me with his hands in his hair and I know the talk hadn't gone well.

"How did-"

"Divorce," Xavier interrupts me and we all stay silent. This is all fucked up and this is all temporary but it's there and all we can do is sit and rot in it. They say poetry is beautiful but sometimes I wonder if poetry is darkness wrapped in pretty packaging.

No one says a thing because there's nothing to say. What can anyone say? A meager "sorry" wouldn't cut it and we knew it.

Tiana interrupts the silence this time. "This is all fucked. Xavier's parents don't belong to each other and Tyson's parents aren't actually his and Amanda's parents aren't parents and my parents are ugly. We're all fucked but we're all here and at least that's there."

And we all sit in silence as we take it in, a circle of teenage angst and rebellion, meant to move and meant to be jacked in the head, now with our spitfires calmed and all that's left is our need for love and rest.

Xavier laughs and it's so bitter it sounds more like a cry. It's a little like Amanda's but it's its own type of painful because it's pain after a blow to the heart. Love will always hurt.

"You okay?" I ask, because I'm stupid and I don't know what to do.

"I will be," he says and it's the most hopeful thing I've heard in a while.

"That's all we can hope for, isn't it?" Tiana says and it's true. It's a speciality of being human. Life moves on and so do you and so does everything around you. Nothing stays.

"Are you okay?" I ask her again because I'm a broken record and because I'm too scared and tired to ask anything else.

"No," is her answer and I get the distinct feeling that there's anger threaded in carefully and cluelessly with her words.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask her, because I know I'm too tired to argue right now.

"Mad you didn't let me die," she replies and all I can think about is how she didn't say "save" instead of "let me die" and she must be feeling worse than I thought.

"Life moves on," she says and I know she's giving me a metaphorical white flag.

"And so do we," I reply, taking it.

"I know I shouldn't be angry," she says and she looks up. Her eyes are soft.

"You aren't," I say, because she isn't. She nods. She isn't, not anymore.

"Are you okay?" I ask Amanda. She rolls her eyes and rests her head back on the headboard. "I have shit in my head and a fucking water tank behind my eyes ready to burst, Tyson. What do you expect? I'm not okay. But I will be."

And isn't that the most hopeful thing you'll hear?

"Are you okay?" Tiana asks me and it's the first time she's talked to me. My heart leaps.

"I will be," I say. What else is left?

We stay quiet and slowly Amanda crawls towards us and leans forward and hugs Xavier and Tiana does too and I join in and it's all fucked up and it's all ugly and we're teenagers and nothing makes sense and maybe we'll never see each other after school but we have this and this-

This is enough.
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I'm trying to make a Tired™️ energy radiate from this. I don't know if I got it just right but I'm tired too so it doesn't matter. I also don't know what I'm trying to say with this chapter. Maybe it's okay to be tired. I don't know. I just think they all need a breather or something.

(This chapter is a fucking mess just admit it)

Also, if someone wants to come and stab me that would be good too, thanks

(Or a hug. A hug sounds much better right now)

Vote and comment!!
*Waves*
Bye:)