Tyson POV

The party rages around me, loud and alive and pulsing. The bodies around me grind against each other, the stench of alcohol our temporary oxygen. And we're all gasping for oxygen, for fire, for the feeling of being free. Filling our lungs with burning alcohol. Sloppy words and roaming hands surround me, and I'm one among the masses of intoxicated teenagers. The humidity paints a coat of sweat on me and everyone here, and we all dance with our sweat-covered limbs. Someones hair brushes against my cheek and someones hands trail across the length of my arm.

My heart beats along with the sound of the music and all I can hear is the loud songs and all I can smell is alcohol and all I can see are grinding bodies and the blinding lights. All I can feel is hands on my chest and all I can taste is alcohol on my lips. I am not an individual here. I am one of the crowd, one of many. Here, no one cares and everyone cares and its too loud for no reason at all but because we need everything else to fade away until all we can feel is the same as everyone else. Until we can forget who we are and become someone else entirely.

Who am I? I don't know. I am one among many.

And yet I don't feel alive. Why don't I feel alive when it's the only reason I'm here?

Gutsy hands settle on my chest and I look at the girl in front of me. Another nameless girl among many. I wouldn't be able to tell her apart from the rest. And yet she stands in front of me.

I know she wouldn't know me from the rest either.

She leans in close to me, this nameless girl, and every part of her presses onto me. Her breasts against my chest and her thigh between my legs. Her hands play with my hair and my breathe fans her neck as I look down. I put my hands on her waist, slowly pulling her closer. My skin is hot all over, excitement and arousal taking over. My heart races.

Am I alive?

She asks me, her hair brushing my chest, her voice soft, "Do you have anything to prove to me?" Her lips brush my sweat-covered neck as she says this and my hand slowly brushes against her hip in slow, deliberate movements, pulling an enticing sound from her.

Do I? Or do I have something to prove to myself?

My skin tingles with anticipation, blood rushing downward while my mind loses itself. Her scent is all I smell and her face is all I see and her body against me, her skin on mine, is all I feel and all I need is more more more.

Am I alive now?

My breathe fans her face in response as her hands roam my body freely, hands caressing the expanse of my skin under my shirt and just over my belt as I wait to feel alive. She grinds against me, exciting me further. My fingers dig into her soft hips and she sighs, her breathe shuddering in anticipation. Sweat-coated skin and alcohol for oxygen, we all, in this room, live to feel fake pleasure. I dance along with her, a dance of roaming hands and coy smiles. A dance of grinding bodies and frantic breathes.

I don't feel alive. I don't feel alive. I don't feel alive.

I'm not alive. I'm not myself. I don't want to be here.

Why aren't I alive?

I lean in close to her, my mouth an inch from her ears, and I say, "I don't have anything to prove to you. But maybe I have something to prove to myself."

My hands let go of her waist and the space between us is charged with nothing. There's no electricity there. Just plain nothing. How could I ever have hoped to feel alive with her?

She pulls me close then, her hands on my waist and her thigh between my legs, and she asks, her voice more breath than sound, "Are you sure?"

I nod, not wanting to speak. I don't know what I'd say. I don't want to suffocate.

She pulls back then and stares at me. I don't know what she sees in my face, but she lets me go, her lips grazing my neck as she does so. She puts space between us, space charged with nothing, and says, "It's been a pleasure."

Before I get the chance to reply, she nods at me once before walking away. I feeling nothing but relief once she's gone. I take a breath, letting in all the air I lost when I was suffocating.

I'm still suffocating.

I look around the room, searching for a way out. Everything about this place is both enchanting and repulsive to me. I don't want to be one with the crowd. But maybe I do.

As I make my way to the exit, a brown mop of hair catches my attention and I make my way towards Xavier. He seems to be as desperate as me to get out of here, but for different reasons. I eye the people around him that seem to be laughing, while also looking at the anger that's hidden in his eyes. Something's not right.

As I reach closer, I hear snippets of what the guys surrounding him are saying and I freeze, letting the words settle.

Anger is such a funny feeling. It's so sudden, in both it's arrival and it's departure. For a second, nothing matters and everything in you wants to beat the living shit out of the person you're targeting.

And then you stop, realising that you are also a victim of your own anger. Self-hate is the worst type of hate, after all.

But, by then, it's too late.

But this, this isn't something I'll regret. I know that for a fact. I know for a fact that I wouldn't regret beating these guys into oblivion.

"Hey dude, do you ever have to urge to suck your own dick or something?" one of the guys asks Xavier as the people around him laugh. Xavier gets up, hands shaking and eyes hard, and punches the guy on the face.

The thing about Xavier is that he barely loses control, barely gets angry and never punches someone in the face. So something must be wrong.

I march towards the dipshit now lying on the floor and pin him to the ground and all I feel is heat and anger and destruction.

"What the fuck did you say to him?" I seethe, looking at him like the disgusting person he is.

"What, are you his little twink-for-the-day or something?" he says, and it's clear that he's highly aware of the crowd around us. It's always about the image, isn't it?

What's also clear is that he doesn't think I'll hurt him. I haven't exactly hit anyone since I tried working on my anger issues.

The light sheen of Xavier's glossy eyes is all it takes.

I punch him as hard I can in the face and I hear a crack and a scream and I smell blood and I see red and I feel the heat from the crowd surrounding me, suffocating me.

Why am I always suffocating?

But now, I'm suffocating because of anger. So much anger, blind and uncontrollable and red.

Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

I hit him again, and again, and again. I feel the skin on my knuckles break but I don't care. I put my confusion from these few weeks into it too and everything in me wants to let lose, to just lose control for once in my fucking life.

"Tyson!" someone screams and hands are pulling me back and someone's checking the dipshit for injuries and my head starts hurting and my chest is heaving. Everything's blurry for a second before a slap brings me back to reality.

"What the fuck, dude?" Xavier exclaims and I look at him blankly. How could I lose control again?

"He-he was....that fuck said something-"

"And I could've handled it. You didn't have to save me. Trust me to save myself sometimes," Xavier says, sighing and running a hand through his hair.

"You've got enough and more on your plate right now," I mumble, my voice small.

I'm so ashamed. But I don't regret it.

He eyes me and there's so much he wants to say and so much he wants to let go of and so much he wishes he could do but all he does is give me a smile and say, "Thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend."

I nod once, watching on as the dipshit gets up, clutching his nose and glaring at me. I look at him blankly.

"You sure you don't need some ice for that?" I call out, satisfied by my handiwork. I'll have time to feel sorry for myself later.

"Fuck you," he spits, blood from his nose dripping to the ground, staining the carpet, and I grin.

"You wish you could," is all I say, enjoying the way his glare intensifies. There's a cut on the side of his face and the area surrounding his eyes are a little coloured. I'm sure it'll become black in a day.

"Hey, did you know your face is broken," Amanda says, looking at him with fake concern before walking towards us.

"I insulted that guy while trusting the fact that you punched him with good reason. Please tell me I'm right," she states.

"He was talking shit about this guy's sexuality," I say, pointing my thumb at Xavier who rolls his eyes immediately.

"Good reason then. So, I guess I'm not the only one who wants to get out of here?" she asks, looking at the two of us expectantly.

"You can't just punch someone and walk away," Xavier says exasperatedly.

"We just did," Amanda says, winking at him before pulling us out of the house.

"We paid for the booze!" Xavier whines as he's pulled, looking back and pouting.

"Meh," is all Amanda says, shrugging before walking over to my car.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I press the button on my keys to unlock the doors.

"My house," she informs me, getting comfy in the front seat. I roll my eyes and enter the car as Xavier occupies the back seat, lying horizontally and spreading out his legs, sighing contently.

"Dude, leg's off my baby," I say, scowling.

"We're gonna have to share your baby, now, aren't we," Xavier says, getting comfortable in my back seat.

"Can we not speak of your car this way? I feel offended on behalf of your car," Amanda says, looking at me exasperatedly.

"What did I do?! What're you looking at me for?" I say, holding my hands up in surrender. Why does it feel so freeing to be childish? So joyous?

"It's your car, ass-shit."

"Ass-shit is just shit, idiot," Xavier comments from behind.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" Amanda asks, giving him a dirty side-eye.

"It's a free world," Xavier says, and I look back just in time to see him spread his arms in a grand gesture. I laugh along with him as Amanda scoffs, looking put-out.

"Where's Tiana?" Xavier asks, popping his head in front and looking at me. The fact that he's looking at me even though it's Amanda that lives with her makes me simultaneously embarrassed and pleased.

"Asleep probably," I say, looking at him curiously. "Why'd you ask?"

"Don't know," he says, shrugging. "Just feel like she should be here." Something about that makes me happy.

"Uh.... I can't drive. Alcohol breath," I say sheepishly.

"Good thing you're not a lightweight," Amanda mumbles and I give her a smirk.

"Well, I can't drive. I'm the victim," Xavier says, a faux solemn expression on his face.

"You can't play the victim card," Amanda says accusingly.

"I can and I will," Xavier states. "I'm too comfortable to drive."

"But... we can't let Amanda drive. She's drives horrifically fast," I say and Amanda glares at me.

"I drive just fine, thank you very much," she says indignantly while I laugh at her statement.

"Just fine, my ass," I say and Amanda hits my arm.

"Well, now's your chance to prove yourself," Xavier says and Amanda rolls her eyes.

"I don't need to prove anything to you. I know what I'm made of and that's that."

I don't have anything to prove to you

My own voice from tonight sends a jolt to me. What was I about to do? Why was I about to do it?

In all the drama that's been happening, I've forgotten about the girl, that nameless girl, that managed to catch my attention.

And I'm suffocating again, guilt choking my neck.

Why am I always suffocating?

Tiana's face comes into mind and the guilt intensifies. We aren't in a relationship, that much is obvious. But just picturing her face sends a jolt of guilt through me.

Why am I so selfish?

I suddenly register a hand waving in front of me and I look to the side to see Amanda looking at me curiously.

"I've called your name, like, five times dude," she informs me and I shrug, not knowing what to say.

"You thinking about that girl you were dancing with?" Amanda tries again, her face twisting funnily when she says the word "dancing", her expression quite suggestive.

"Yeah," I admit, though I doubt I'm thinking about her the same way they think I'm thinking about her.

"You... looked like you were having fun," Xavier says carefully.

"I was at first but... I don't know man. I wasn't feelin' it. Something about it felt wrong," I say, scratching my head.

"Well, why do you think that is?" Xavier questions and Tiana's face comes into mind. Who knew one person could have such a grip on me?

"You know what I'm going to say," I say and they both give me sly grins that confirm my statement.

"Well, lets go see the love of your life," Amanda teases and I roll my eyes, comfortable with the blush on my cheeks.

"It's people like you that made people coin the term "mountains out of mole hills" you know," I state and the both of them laugh, warming me a little. I love them so much.

"What's the fun without a little dramatics? I'm sure that's something you'll understand," Amanda teases and I grin.

"That's trues. I'm The Queen of drama, after all," I say a little haughtily.

"All hail Queen Tyson," Xavier says mockingly and we all laugh heartily, our eyes crinkling and our hearts light.

"You know,"  Xavier says softly and I look back to see a small smile on his face. "This is better than the party."

"I don't know dude, Tyson was having a pretty good time," Amanda teases.

"Don't think I didn't see you talking it up with that Indian guy," Xavier teases and Amanda blushes.

"Shut up. He was sweet."

"I'm sure he was," Xavier teases.

"You're just mad you can't chat anyone up," Amanda fires back and Xavier rolls his eyes.

"You're just jealous that I don't have to."

Amanda sticks her tongue out and we all laugh at her childishness. She's so cute.

"When are we going to see Tiana, though?" Xavier reminds us and I frown.

"Why're you so eager to see her?"

"She's... I don't know man. Shes.... her. Don't worry, I'm not tryna take her away or anything. I'm in a relationship, remember?" Xavier says, rolling his eyes.

"Right," I say.

"Dude, she helped me with a panic attack, that's it," Xavier says and my eyes widen.

"Oh," I say.

"Yeah," Xavier says, rolling his eyes again.

"Well, are we going or what?" Amanda asks, looking at me expectantly. I sigh and we exchange seats. After putting on my seatbelt, we bicker for a bit about what song to put before Amanda starts driving. She wants to visit Jared too, seeing as she hasn't seen him in a while, but I'm too uncomfortable to go back home so we decide to go later. I really do miss that little brat.

I smile as Amanda and Xavier start bickering again about something unimportant.

This is definitely better than the party.
———————
Hey guys!! Belated Merry Christmas to those celebrating!! If not, happy holidays!!

This chapter has a little boogity woogity in it, just a little. I'm not really very good at writing  it, seeing as I've got zero experience, but I just feel like that needed to happen. Eh, whatevs.

Was it alright...?

Guys I've been going out with my family (including extended family) for 4 days continuously and tomorrow I have fucking school. Ughhhhh. Wish me luck.

Again, thank you guys for voting and commenting and adding this story to ur reading lists♥️❤️♥️❤️

Vote and comment!!

*Waves*
Bye:)