Tiana POV

I let a thin smile escape my lips as I stare at Tyson, who's excitedly showing me around the house, his hands flying around animatedly while a spark graces his eyes.

He looks so alive. Too alive to be with someone as dead as me.

"And this is your room," Tyson says as he opens the door and gestures around the room with grace. I look around the room and I'm pleasantly satisfied to find that the room resembles my old one.

My safe zone.

"It looks like my old room," I say, stating the obvious. I sigh as the tension leaves my shoulders at the sight of the room.

"Yeah. Mom figured you'd want some sort of familiarity while things changed so drastically in your life," Tyson says, looking at me expectantly.

"Thank you," I breathe out, at a complete lose for words. It truly baffles me sometimes that these people care for me enough to go out of their way to make sure I felt welcomed. I turn to look at Tyson and I know my eyes convey just how grateful I am.

"It's the least I could do," he says, a guilt flashing in his eyes for just a second before it vanishes like it was never there in the first place. It surprises me sometimes, the way people hide the entirety of themselves behind masks.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. My mask is tighter than the rest, after all.

"The least you could give is the most I've ever had then, I suppose," I murmur, looking around at the room I'd spend most of my time in.

"Is something wrong?" Tyson says all of a sudden, concern shown clearly in his eyes as he stares at me. I've always hated it when people looked closed at me. It always made me feel exposed and vulnerable. Like the person's staring at every flaw I have. Like they're judging my every move. Like they could look inside me and see the thoughts I refuse to share to the world.

I give him a shaky sigh and look up at his piercing grey eyes, the concern in them shining through. "I'm scared."

His eyes soften and he slowly takes both my hands in it, holding them so reverently that, for a moment, I wonder if I'm worth his affection.

"Do you want to know a secret? I'm scared too. I'm so scared. I wanted you far away from the stench of death. I kept imagining you being a part of it and... and I was so scared," Tyson says, looking at our intertwined hands and refusing to make eye contact.

"To be honest, I'm scared I'll join them too," I whisper, looking at our hands as well.

Tyson quickly jerks his head up to look at me before sighing and looking away guiltily. He looks like he's hiding something. Something he knows I won't like.

"What is it?" I ask sharply, pulling my hands away from his tight grip and resting them at my sides. Tyson looks at his hands, that used to hold me mine, for a while, a spark of guilt crossing his features, before he too lets his arms dangle. He sighs and looks up at me.

"I..." he says, then trails off.

"What?" I ask, feeling slightly nervous.

"I..." he says, then sighs in defeat and lowers his head before mumbling, "I asked Amanda to stay with you. She said yes."

"Wh-what?" I stutter, completely at a loss for words. I don't want to live with someone I don't know. I can't. They're a threat.

"Tiana, I'm sorry. I know you're not comfortable around new people. But.... but I got scared! I know I'm being paranoid, but I can't help it! I saw you in a pool of you're own blood, Tiana! I get nightmares about it!" he says, his voice edging on maniac.

"I-I-I-I can't! P-Please! S-She's a threat!" I stutter again, hugging myself while feeling myself shake. Panic overtakes me as I sink to the floor. Arms surround me seconds after my vision becomes blurry and I try pushing them away but I can't. I can't think. All I can feel is panic. My breathing becomes shorter while I hold on to myself for an anchor.

"Shhhh. It's okay. Breathe with me," a voice says and I latch on to it, desperate for an anchor to pull me away from my state of panic and breathlessness. I hate not being in control of myself. I hate not knowing.

I do as the voice says and breathe along with it, taking in deep breathes and letting it out heavily. When I've calmed down slightly, I look up into Tyson's bright grey eyes. "I-I'm so scared, P-Piggy. You have n-no idea."

He looks deep into my eyes with a sad, desperate, rueful sort of smile on his lips. "Trust me when I say I know, Kitty. Fear is now something I'm very familiar with."

I grimace. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It might've been the most horrible thing I've witnessed, but it bought me you. And I think that's worth it," he says, a soft smile on his face.

I give him a tight smile in return. "Will Amanda really be staying with me?"

"Yeah," he says looking guilty. "I know you don't like it, but it's for your own good. I know you don't trust her, but I've known her since diaper-days. She's a good person."

"What about her parents?"

"They're these big shot business people so they're always out of country. She doesn't have siblings so she's actually kinda glad she'll have someone to fill the empty spaces. And she has a "gut feeling" that you're a good person. In fact, she's so eager she agreed on the spot. Which kinda surprised me," he says, laughing slightly.

I smile. "I guess that's good. And I understand the fact that I need supervision, I guess. How can you leave someone who attempted suicide with a house all to herself, right?"

This time he grimaces and says, "Sorry."

"Not your fault," I say dismissively but I catch the small flash of disbelief cross his face and I sigh.

"It's true," I say, a finality in my words. But he doesn't let it rest at that.

"I was the final factor-"

"You weren't. In fact, the reason I did it earlier than planned is 'cause you made me doubt whether I'm doing the right thing," I say, looking at him sincerely.

He smiles in a way that shows he doesn't believe what I've just said and says, "I guess."

"Trust me, Piggy," I say, giving him a genuine, reassuring smile. "You're good for me."

He gives this tiny relieved smile that, while isn't all that believable, is more genuine than the last one. Little steps.

"Nightmares..?" I ask, instead of pushing the topic.

"Yeah," he says, scratching the back of his head. "Like... I keep dreaming about what would have happened if I was too late. Or if I didn't follow you to make sure you were okay. It's.... scary. I hate it." He takes a shuddering breath and looks away, hands shaking.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, wondering how stupid I could've been to think dying was the answer.

"I don't blame you. But, please, don't do that again, alright?" he says, his pleading grey eyes looking directly into my guilty green ones.

"Yeah," I say, holding out my pinky finger. He lets out a laugh.

"Really?" he says, laughing incredulously. He wraps his pinky finger around mine anyway.

"I promise to never consider suicide and even if I do I promise I'll talk about it or I'll find a reason to live," I say, shaking our conjoined pinkies and then letting go.

"What was that all about?" he asks, amusement in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips.

"I never got the chance to be a kid so I thought I'd try it," I say shyly, ducking my head to hide my blush.

"How about, tomorrow, we go for a tour around the place? Dedicate a whole day to being kids?" Tyson asks, something akin to excitement shining in his eyes and through his smile.

My excitement shines through me to as I smile widely, looking up at him happily. "I would love to."

His answering smile is even brighter than the last. I wanna ask him about the nightmares but I also don't want to ruin the moment. This lighthearted, happy moment that is so rare in my life. So I smile at him while silently making a promise to myself. A promise to ask about his nightmares. A promise to be there for him. A promise I intend to keep.

"We can go to that place I told you about. The one with the good view of the stars," he says, his voice growing more excited with each word.

I smile, blushing at how excited he looks. "I look forward to it."

"Well don't let me interrupt you two," a voice at the doorway says, smirk evident in her voice. I turn towards the door to see Amanda standing at the doorway, suitcase in hand and smirk on her lips.

"Well shit, Panda. Way to ruin the moment," Tyson scowls, glaring at Amanda.

"Panda?" I question quietly, my voice barely a whisper as my anxiety level increases. I don't really like talking to people I'm not familiar with. But I guess I'm going to have to learn if I'm going to live with her.

"I used to call her that when I was little since I thought her name sounded a lot like the word," Tyson says, smiling teasingly at Amanda, who rolls her eyes in return. Seeing the familiarity of their actions, an unpleasant feeling boils in my chest that makes me feel worse about myself and raises my insecurity. I frown, confused by myself. A small part of myself knows exactly what the feeling is and keeps trying to get my attention but I push that part away from myself, protecting myself from all that it entails.

"So where's my room Mr.Tour Guide?" Amanda asks, giving him a teasing smile.

Tyson rolls his eyes and says, "The one next to ours."

"Ours?" Amanda asks, raising an eyebrow, amused.

Tyson, surprisingly, blushes and mumbles, "Tiana's."

"Is everyone decent in there or will I walk in on a threesome if I enter?" another voice asks and we all turn in time to see Xavier enter the room.

Tyson shakes his head in mock disappointment and turns to look at me. "Look, Kitty. All my friends insist on making dramatic entrances. Be lucky I'm somewhat normal."

I shake my head and give him a patronizing look before saying, "What's the fun in being normal?" I smile as a sense of familiarity overtakes me. These guys were really supportive when they first met me after the ...incident. If I have to share the house with someone, I'm glad it's Amanda.

"I like this chick," Xavier says, smirking.

I roll my eyes at him and say, "I aim to please." I clasp my hands together to hide the slight shivering from actually talking out loud. Tyson notices this and, discretely, gives me a proud smile. I smile back.

"What are you doing here, man?" Tyson asks Xavier.

"Helping Queen Bitch here move," Xavier says, jerking a thumb towards Amanda and smirking.

"That's never getting old, is it?" Amanda asks, sighing exasperatedly.

"I hope it doesn't," Tyson says, looking pretty pleased with himself. He probably started the nickname. I wouldn't be surprised, honestly.

"Why're you so rude to us and so sweet when you're with Tiana?" Amanda says, a deviant spark in her eyes.

"Th-That's not true," Tyson says, looking at me before quickly looking away when our eyes meet.

"Bruh, don't lie to us. You know you can't," Xavier says, sharing a glance with Amanda and smirking.

"Yeah I do treat Tiana better than you two fucks. But that's because she actually deserves it," Tyson says, looking pleased with his answer. He gives me a soft look before looking at them with a daring spark in his eyes. A small smile immediately takes over my lips at his words.

Amanda consider his words for a minute before sighing in defeat. "That's true."

"Hey! You were supposed to be on my side!" Xavier says, looking at Amanda like she just ate the last slice of pizza. In one word, he looks betrayed.

"You've gotta admit though, Tiana's better than all of us combined," Amanda says, nodding once, for some reason.

"That's right," I say with a false air of importance, my heart light. "I am your leader. You three now belong to me."

"What must we do for you, O Great One?" Tyson asks, mock-bowing.

"Pick your nose," I say immediately.

"Ew no," Tyson says, scrunching his nose in disgust.

I shrug. "I expected that."

"Then what did you hope to achieve out of it?" Xavier asks curiously.

I shrug. "Wouldn't hurt to try."

"I'm sure Tyson would pick his nose if you really asked him to," Amanda says, smiling mischievously.

"Shut up, you fucks!" Tyson hisses, glaring at Amanda.

I tilt my head a little to the side. "Why would he?"

"Never mind. Hey Amanda? I might pop in a lot when I'm here so don't be surprised when you see me, kay?" Tyson says. Amanda rolls her eyes but nods.

"Yeah you didn't have to tell me that. It's pretty clear."

Tyson blushes again and mumbles a "Shut up."

"Okay, since the awkwardness and obliviousness in this room is quite near unbearable, how about we all go to the coffee shop?" Xavier says, clapping his hands once to get our attention and looking at us expectantly.

"Sounds good," Amanda says, nodding again.

"I won't mind if Tiana doesn't," Tyson says. I smile at his thoughtfulness.

"Which one?" I ask him.

"The one I took you to that day," he says and immediately I know which one he's talking about.

"Yeah sure I'd love to," I say, smiling excitedly.

"Great! Then let's go!" Xavier says, walking out the door. Amanda follows after him, bickering with him about something. Tyson sends me a smile and pulls me along towards his bike, talking excitedly about some movie.

And all the while I revel in the feeling of being normal.
—————
Wassup!! Updates might get a bit slower due to the lack of a phone on weekdays, but I've got the laptop so it's all good.

Tiana's doesn't know crushes cuz she's never had one and has never been aware of anyone having one on her. She's too caught up in her own world. That's why she's so oblivious. Just putting that out there.

(Hi, future me here. Coming back and editing this to say that I've seen a lot of people bashing Tyson for having Amanda live with Tiana and it's honestly necessary?? She just attempted su*cide and the only other person she knows is in rehab. In a normal situation she probably would've been sent to a facility where initially she'd probably be on 1:1 suicide watch (which means there'd be someone with her at all the time. Yes... including bathrooms. And if there's trouble then it would be a 2:1 watch. Which means two people...). Without Amanda there Tiana would attempt again.

Tyson himself has just witnessed someone attempting su*cide which in and of itself is extremely traumatic. He will also be plagued with paranoia and related thoughts. Tyson has many flaws and has made bad decisions but having someone live with her is not one of them.

I'm putting this out there and saying through my OWN EXPERIENCE that you cannot!! Be trusted!! To make!! Good decisions!! When you're in that state of mind. Your thoughts are volatile and can change very easily. One second you want freedom and the next you desperately want to d*e. Without Amanda there there is no doubt in my mind that she would go through with it.

Tyson put someone he trusted with all his heart in there because he knows she will keep her safe. Because right now she is not safe. And Amanda will keep her safe.

Sometimes it's a battle between what you want and what you need. They're two very different things. Just because she wants freedom doesn't mean it's good for her. Especially now, when her thoughts are more violent and being alone will only keep her in danger. Please consider this

Future me: out. Love y'all!!)

Guys! GUys! GUYS!!!! I'VE GOT 5k VIEWS!!!! Holy shit!!!! I'm thanking you all from the bottom of my heart for reading this!!!! It means so much to me!!! Thank you all so fucking much ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️. This book has helped me so much. I'm glad people enjoy this♥️. Also, plz comment!! I would love to know what you think, both good and bad!!

(Also, did anyone watch Avengers: Infinity War?? Come scream at me about it. About the pure injustice of it. I watched it like probably a month ago and I'm still not over it.)

(Also, super nervous about saying this but I finally got the guts to go to the school counsellor without turning tails and running away. Yay me.)

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