Chapter 9

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My words were sharp and cold. Her reaction was the worst. She was really hurt and I wanted to make things better but it was too late. I was confused, I didn't know what to say next. Apologize or be happy that I told what I really felt towards her. I was bad, evil, and selfish. She didn't deserve that. I felt like I played with her emotions. She really fell for me. She wanted me and there was nothing I could've done about it.

I felt like she wasn't ready for me. For my kind of love.

"You want me but..." I paused as I glanced at her, nervously. "You keep playing." I tried to save the situation. "Show me that you can make me want you," I suggested with strong confidence.

"I completely understand. I'll just stay away from you and bury my attraction towards you. Don't worry," She assured. "I won't bother you anymore." She finished, calmly.

"Do you want me?" I asked, sternly. "Or do you want me to make love to you?" I finally said.

"I don't understand your question." She denied.

"Come on," I laughed. "Do you want to use me so I can make love to you and make you feel good? Or do you want me to be yours completely?" Her face went pale as she rolled her eyes, impatiently.

"I want to follow your rules." She gave me a good answer but still didn't answer the question. "I want to try something new with you. The way you just made me feel in the other room was new and perfect. It's like you knew exactly how to drive me insane. I know you teased me and now you're pushing me away but I still can't get the feeling out of my head. It drives me crazy every time I think about it. I want your hands to be all over my body, I want your tongue to shower me and your body to be mine even if it's only for one night. It's hard to just go away and forget everything. It happened and I know it's too early but I can't get you out of my head and it's scaring me, Hawk." She sat on my lap as she caressed my face, gently. "I know it's wrong but I can't help it." She advanced on me as her lips tried to taste mine, purposely.

"I don't want to kiss you, Hazel." I refused by pushing her away from my face, slowly. "I don't feel the same way and I don't want to keep leading you on." I rejected her. "I'm sorry."

Hazel was hurt and that was exactly what I hated the most. I never meant to hurt her with my words.

"Why don't you want me?" She asked with decent shallow. "Hawk?"

"Hazel, it's not that I don't want you." I started. "I just don't want to hurt you. I'm dangerous and I don't want to break your heart. I've made mistakes and I don't want to go back to them by pretending with you. It's for your own good,"

"Since when do guys care?" She said, angrily. "Why can't I have you?" She asked, patiently.

"I never said you couldn't," I assured. "It's just right now, I don't feel the same way you do." Her tears burned her face with regrets.

"I feel like I'm begging you for a little attention when It was supposed to be the other way around." She stated, unfairly. "You were supposed to be the one chasing me."

"Wait," I interrupted. "I know that men love to chase but that doesn't mean we have to do it. You have to understand that I never forced you to like me or want me. I don't have to like you back. It's not fair and you feel hurt because I'm telling you how it is? You have to wear your pride somewhere else. I'll never fall for someone so prideful, so unfair." I grasped.

Hazel was being selfish and prideful.

"You know what?" Her tone was sharp as a knife. "I'm done. I've heard enough. I won't beg for your attention anymore."

"Hazel?" I stopped her from leaving. "Come here." We sat on my bed as she listened closely. "Can I give you a little advice?" She nodded her head. "If you want me to fall for you, you have to show me who you really are inside first. Your beauty is just a facade to attract but your personality is what really matters in my eyes." I kissed her forehead. "You're really gorgeous and trust me when I say this, It's not hard to fall in love with you but you have to show me a different side of you."

"I want to follow your rules." She rolled her eyes. She really wanted to taste me. She just wouldn't give up. "No strings attached."

O' God! 

I knew it was going to be hard and challenging. I knew It was possible to fall for Hazel by just pretending. It was easy and I was trying my best not to keep up with my rules. She caught me and I really didn't know what to say anymore.

"Do you really want that?" I asked, unsure. "What if you end up falling for me?" I teased.

"I don't know." She admitted. "Bury my feelings, I guess."

"If I fall in love with you?" I reversed it. "Wouldn't it be a crime to bury my feelings alive?" I tried to flip the situation by taking myself as an example. "Do you know what it's like to like someone? If I ever like you, Hazel, I'll never dare myself to forget you." Her cheeks burned by the temptation of my words. I was serious. I was honest.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" She whispered, desperately.

"Doing what?" I smiled.

"Leading me on with your words." Her tone flushed with pain. "You're selfish for making me want you more."

"And you're selfish for trying to steal my heart away without my permission." I flirted back.

I know, that was really corny.

"Am I wrong? Is it a crime?" She asked, intentionally.

"No, Babygirl," I answered. "If it's a crime, you can blame it all on me." Her smile played with my emotions, hungrily.

"Just a little bit of your heart." She caressed my face, gently. "I beg of you."

"My heart isn't for sale." I swallowed my saliva as I tried so hard not to give in. "If you want it, you have to show me that you won't break it," I warned her and refused to give it away.

"Why do you make it so hard?" Her question burned my thoughts with dark emotions.

"I don't believe in love." I grabbed her attention and spoke the truth. "The only person who ever cared for me was my father. Now, he's gone and I don't trust anyone." I explained. "Now you know why. I don't want to hurt you."

"I can make you believe." She assured, positively. "Just give me a chance. Just let me in."

"I don't think you understand." I sighed. "You're making a big mistake by trying to let yourself in. I can break you, Hazel. Why would you fight for something you'll never gain? My impossible love. Why do you want me so bad when I'm so dangerous?" I questioned as my brain whispered a couple of dirty answers.

I wanted Hazel at that moment but something was holding me back and it wasn't attraction or love.

It was Revenge.

I wanted Hazel to suffer just like I did. I wanted her to pay for my mother's crimes. I wanted to perish her with my hurtful words. I wanted to feel the pain I once felt but I realized that I was just angry at myself and I was trying to make her pay for everything. I realized that I was being selfish and I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was confused.

"You drove myself to you and it's your duty to fix me." Her sentence froze me completely as she whispered her words in my left ear.

Hazel! Do you know what you're getting yourself into? Why are you playing with fire?

I don't fix. I break.


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