Chapter 24

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I will be updating weekly now so make sure to add to your library to get the notifications!

S. A. A

°°°°°°°♧°°°°°°

"Well, we'll need to leave soon, if we want to make it in time."

I heard the voice of Abrax and murmurs of agreement from the others as I neared the door of Negus's study. Edging in, I looked around the candle-lit room and the group gathered around the desk, just as we had done once to discuss the battle plan.

I felt the subtle sting that no one thought to call me, confirming my true value. It was only when the door creaked as I edged closer in that everyone looked in my direction.

Ayla sent me a small apologetic smile and I nodded in her direction with a smile to show that I wasn't angry with her. I couldn't be when she was just uttering the thoughts in my head. Both Demir and Abrax continued on discussing their plans, their gaze fixed on a parchment paper on the desk. It was Maya's angry gaze that uneased me the most, so I chose to look everywhere but at her.

Arun smiled kindly, ushering me over with a wave of his hand and I gripped the door tightly, staying rooted to the spot. If they had wanted me to be here, I would have been called.

I heard footsteps and turned to see Emut coming towards me, a warm look on his face. He stopped a few inches in front of me, his voice gentle.

"We do need you." He spoke as if he could hear my dark thoughts and I looked down embarrassed, suddenly feeling very much like a child that needed consoling.

Emut paid no heed to this and moved closer to which I gazed up, finding his honey eyes.

"I need you here, Hanna." He murmured, his voice quiet so only I could hear and I sighed sadly. He watched patiently as I tried my utmost best to not let the tears fall.

"I didn't mean to." Was all I could say about the tragic events of last night and Emut tensed notably before shaking his head.

"Don't." He said only this before turning to look into the room. His gaze flitted over the parchment on the desk as he spoke.

"After you left, Negus came to inform us of our next steps. We're preparing for that." He explained and I nodded despite the fact his gaze was elsewhere.

He gave a final glance in my direction before walking further into the room, expecting me to follow him. I stepped in after him, ignoring the gazes and planting myself in between Ayla and Arun. Ayla nudged her shoulder against mine and I smiled at her form of affection before placing my focus onto Abrax who was now looking around the table.

"We'll go through it again for those who were absent." He sounded out before sending a kind smile in my direction to which I nodded in response. He turned his gaze back to the parchment which I now saw to be a map. He placed a finger to a certain place as he spoke.

"This morning, Negus intercepted a child. He said he was a runaway from the Centaurea province and had been traveling for a week with only one flask of water. He fainted before he could be questioned further and was taken into care. Examination of his body show a number of physical afflictions: burns on his arm, whip marks on his back and a couple of his fingernails taken out." Abrax explained, his tone gruff and I suddenly felt rather stupid for feeling sorry for how I had grown up. Living with Debra was a blessing compared to that. I steeled myself as Emut nodded at his words before speaking, his tone serious and his eyes scanning every individual.

"Negus has chosen to send us to see what is happening. He suspects the Chigaru have taken over the province and subdued the villagers, most likely to take advantage of their fertile land." He said and we all nodded at his words.

"When will we be leaving?" Ayla questioned, a curious lilt to her voice.

"A little before dawn which is in 4 hours, so I suggest everyone get some rest. We're going to need it." Emut finalised and Arun let out a small wistful sigh.

"Alas, 4 hours is not enough to maintain my winsomeness, but it'll do." He muttered more to himself as he walked to the door. I would have smiled at his words had I not been feeling so down.

"Ma'as-salāma, all!" Arun almost sung as he left out of sight and I heard Ayla chuckle near me.

"What are we doing, Hanna?" I heard the sound of her soft voice and felt the urge to turn to her, but felt to upset to do so, instead, I looked to the window in the room.

"I think I'll go get some rest." I said, glancing at her finally as her expression dimmed due to my words. I knew I was pushing her away yet I felt I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

She nodded in understanding and I turned to walk out the room, watching as the boys and Maya squabbled over the battle plan yet again and I sighed deeply as I left.

I just needed some rest, that's all.

***********

Knock.

"Hanna?"

Knock

I opened my eyes groggily as I looked around the dark room, watching it slowly come into focus.

"Are you awake?" Ayla's voice rang out from behind the door and I let out a yawn as she opened the door, smiling when she saw me sat up. I smiled back, feeling half-tempted to lie back down and fall asleep due to how tired I was feeling.

She moved closer, sitting herself on the bed. I watched as she took hold of my hand, mine a tad bit warmer than hers and I relished in the cool feel.

"We'll get through this." She whispered and before I could say anything, she stood back up and clapped her hands. I cringed at the sound as it echoed across the large room.

"Come on, get dressed! It's nearly time!" She exclaimed, sounding more like herself and I nodded before standing up and taking hold of the clothes I had set out for myself.

Ayla turned around as I changed into my shorts before speaking.

"I think you'll find today's transport rather surprising." She said and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her words.

"You're not taking us?" I asked before pulling the tank top over my form. She shook her head and I nudged her arm to let her know I was done. She swiveled to face me, her arms folded around her petite frame.

"No, you see, I can only go to places that I can picture in my head. Meaning, places I've been before." She explained and I nodded before sitting in front of the vanity mirror and brushing my hair down.

"You've never been there?" I asked and she shook her head yet again before taking the brush out of my hand and continuing what I had been doing. I uttered out a small 'thanks' before she spoke.

"I've never been to the Centurae province, but I've heard how it rests within a large oasis- the whole village." She said and I smiled at the awe in her tone.

She gave the brush back to me before turning to the door and jutting a finger to it.

"Ready to go?" She asked and I let out a sheepish laugh before grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste from the drawer.

"One last thing," I promised before dodging the pillow that Ayla threw and making my way to the bathroom.

*************

I shivered slightly, pulling my arms around my form as we walked through the courtyard and out the gate. It was surprisingly chilly at dawn, something that reminded me much of home. I linked my arm through Ayla's as we walked in peaceful silence. It was only when I saw our chosen mode of transport that I let out a small noise, akin to a gasp.

"A horse and carriage?" I sputtered out, looking to the 2 white horses attached to a wooden carriage. Ayla laughed at my incredulous tone as we moved forward and I looked in awe as Arun fed a horse, his willowy hand resting against it's muzzle. It licked at his hand to which he let out a soft laugh.

Suddenly, there was a shadow by our side and I turned to see Negus walking along with us, gazing at me from the corner of his eye.

"I trust you are feeling better?" He directed the question to me and Ayla excused herself, making her way over to help Abrax load the weapons onto the carriage. He smiled as she approached and they continued together.

I felt Negus's gaze on me and nodded gently, trying to suppress the broken turmoil within.

"I'm fine, thank you, Negus." I said politely to which he raised a faint eyebrow.

"Those are but empty words." He responded as we halted in front of the carriage. He looked to it before opening the door for me.

"Every down is balanced with an up." He spoke in a small hum of a tone before moving ahead and sitting on the front seat out in the open, in front of the horses. Maya was sat beside him, holding the reins and I watched as she placed a blanket over his body. I knew from the look she was giving him that she loved him dearly despite the fact that they argued a lot.

I turned my gaze back onto the open door of the carriage and stepped in, using the small stool to help. Looking around, I was surprised by how spacious it was. There were 2 linen sofa chairs, facing each other with a bit of leg room in the middle. A rounded window was on both sides of the carriage walls which allowed some light to enter from the sun that was beginning to rise.

I smiled when my eyes met with Ayla, who patted the seat next to her. Right beside her was Arun, his face pale as he held a bucket on his lap. I sat down next to her, thankful that I wasn't next to Arun who looked as though he was about to puke any second and that I had the seat beside the window, so I could observe the views.

Hearing voices, I looked up as the boys clambered in. Emut gave me a small smile as he sat in the middle, the boys on either side with Demir opposite me. I attempted a small smile back as he nudged Abrax to close the door. He looked over to us all in the dim carriage.

"Are we all ready to go?" He asked and when everyone gave confirmation, he tapped on the wall behind him, signaling to Maya and Negus. I felt the carriage lurch forward and I looked out the window in awe as we moved past the house.

"Oh, by the Gods, why couldn't we just walk?" Arun muttered to himself, his eyes scrunched shut and his hands drumming against the bucket he held.

Ayla nudged him with a roll of her eyes but chose to say nothing and I looked out to see the sun rising, streaking orange within the carriage. There was a slight wind in the air and I closed my eyes as it hit my face, soaking in the serenity.

If only they were here to see it.

************

"Burn- A'max. Burn- A'max.." I repeated the word I had been remembering for the past weeks, my hands clutching onto the worn-out leather book. It was still the same case where nothing would happen, but I had gotten used to the disappointment. After the first few tries and struggles, I had stopped expecting something would happen.

I sighed, placing the book back in the bag I had brought before stretching my legs slightly. It had been several hours within the carriage in which I had chatted with Ayla, listened to battle discussions and read over the book Negus had given me. I was now starting to feel the tiredness, my eyes closing every now and then.

I looked around, laughing when I saw Arun sound asleep, the bucket over his head. I could hear the small soft snores that echoed as he slept. Demir sat opposite me, the sack of weapons at his shoes as he took turns to sharpen each weapon, a look of focus on his face. Emut had long gone to the front to help with map directions. Ayla had moved to sit in his place, to give Arun more leg room to lie down and I watched as she talked animatedly to Abrax, a permanent blush on her cheeks as he nodded at her words. Nevertheless, I knew the mood of everyone in the carriage wasn't as upbeat as it usually would be. I recalled how dinner had been with the group and how there was no moment of silence or sadness. Here, the battle had really knocked hard on them.

I shook my head and turned to look out the window in a bid to forget the battle. The moon was now high in the pale blue sky and I was surprised by the number of stars there were.

Ayla had told me how some believed that the dead became the stars when they passed and I sighed at the memory. Would Faridha and Khalid be there?

It was said they look down on the living, watching their loved ones and I wondered if they'd be watching me. Was I even to consider myself a loved one after I had failed them. Or, even for the fact that I had lied about who I was.

I stilled, thinking back to the look in Faridha's eyes when I told her the truth. Whether she was disappointed or relieved, I couldn't tell and just thinking about the vacant look in her eyes again made the dam break.

I felt a hot tear run down my cheek and I sniffled quietly, gazing out the window. From the corner of my eye, I could see Demir tilt his head up and make eye contact with me, but I made no move to wipe the tear; I felt too numb to do that. The feeling of emptiness that stirred within me was far greater than any embarrassment I felt. I had failed them; I had failed everyone and I hated myself for it.

I heard the sounds of Demir placing the weapons back within the sack, before placing it on the floor again. The sound of the bucket clattering off Arun's head made me turn my gaze and I smiled as I saw him sleeping, his hands folded under his head. But, the smile didn't last as long as the plaguing thoughts and I turned to the window, admiring the landscape.

"They're better off dead than in this world." Demir's deep voice rung through the dark and I snapped my head to him, looking to how he watched me intently with folded arms. My mouth was agape in shock. His heartless words made me internally recoil and I scowled slightly as I replied.

"Oh right, they should be dead because not everyone is invincible like you and the others, right?" I bit out, eying him with a flat stare, the disdain clear in my voice. His eyebrows furrowed at my words and he scowled back, leaning forward in his seat slightly. His hair fell into his grey eyes as he spoke.

"I think you're forgetting I've been here longer than your measly 2 months, Hanna. I've seen countless people I was close to die and I had to live with that. No matter how invincible I was, there was nothing I could do to bring them back." He said coldly, his intense gaze making me edge further into my seat. And, then he was sat back, looking out the window, a blank expression on his face. A muscle twitched in his jaw- the only indication of how angry he was.

I swallowed hard as I processed the words he said. It hadn't offended me, but- rather- it opened my eyes. Here I was thinking about the loss I had experienced, but not the loss the others had experienced from Faridha and Khalid passing. Nor, did I give a thought into how much times this must have happened to them. Instead, they still chose to comfort me, placing my sadness above theirs and I sighed deeply at how selfish I had been.

Looking to Demir, I instinctively placed a hand over his hand that was resting on his lap. He turned his head at the contact, eyeing my hand as I spoke.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise; I'm really sorry that you all had to go through that. You've all been through so much; I can't even begin to imagine." I said sincerely and I meant every word. Only now was I beginning to realise how it must have felt for the others and I promised myself internally that I'd try become a source of comfort for them rather than increasing their woes. I watched as he listened to my words, but his eyes remained on my hand over his, a stony look in his eyes. I moved my hand then and retreated it to my side, knowing how uncomfortable the people of Aaru were with that type of contact.

I looked out the window wilfully, continuing to voice out the thoughts in my head.

"I just wish I could have helped her, you know. Just- I just wish I wasn't so weak." I admitted pathetically, placing strain on the word that I knew everybody saw me as; what I saw myself as.

"You are weak." Demir said bluntly and I turned to look at him, a downcast look on my face. He had just confirmed my thoughts and it made me feel that much more pathetic. He sighed deeply as his gaze pierced into me, his eyes speaking more than he possibly could.

"But, don't we all start off that way?" He finished and, before I could say anything, he stretched and leaned back in his seat, folding his arms yet again.

I processed his words slowly, a small smile gracing my face. The thought that even they had been in my position made me want to strive harder. I looked out the window again and to the stars, a determined look on my face.

Thought it would take time, I would avenge Faridha and Khalid. And, if they could see me, I would let them watch a peaceful Aaru, no matter how hard it would be.

I'll keep that promise, Khala.

I smiled at the thought, imagining her warm smile before letting a yawn escape my mouth. I stretched my legs yet again before leaning my head against the side.

"Night." I murmured to Demir, looking on as he opened his eyes, his silver gaze laced with confusion. I watched as he turned his head and looked outside the window before turning to me.

"Yes, it is night." He replied, sounding puzzled and I let out a laugh before closing my eyes.

I could have sworn I heard him say something about humans and their stupid way of speech, but I drifted off to sleep far before I could fully process the words.

The grass beneath me was wet as I traced it with my palms. I sat up then and dusted off my back, looking to the sky that had clouded over with monstrous clouds.

"It's going to rain."

I snapped my head to see Faridha stood to the side, taking her washed clothes off a line that hung between two red trees. I tried to move to her or say something, but my feet stayed rooted to the spot and my mouth glued shut. Instead, I watched as she placed her clothes in the basket before hurrying away, but not before looking to me, an indecipherable look in her eyes- one that made shivers run down my spine.

She disappeared out of sight and only then was I able to move as I ran in her direction. The rain had started now, pouring down on me, in full red streams. I looked around, panicked when I reached multiple pathways. She was nowhere in sight and I sunk down to my knees, shuffling to the safety of a tree when the thunder started booming. The noise was loud enough for me to feel the vibrations run through me and I closed my eyes in fear.

The booming pounded on and, only when I opened my eyes, did I realise it wasn't thunder but objects falling from the sky.

Severed heads were falling from the sky and smashing to the floor.

I watched in terror at the sight, my hands scratching into my arms as I huddled into the tree. Then, one landed on my lap, a malicious grin on its face and I screamed loudly before the darkness took me again.

                        °°°°°°°♧°°°°°°

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I will be updating weekly now so make sure to add to your library to get the notifications!

S. A. A



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