Nick's POV.

The essence of falling for someone, it's not really a mystery but to me it kinda is, like how do you fall for someone
you didn't plan on falling for? How do you fall for someone who's so different from you? And why them? Why not another person? No one has ever given me a knowledgeable answer, they give me answers like, the heart wants what it wants and that love just happens.

I think not.

When I packed my bags and decided to move to this town with my mom and brother, I told myself that falling for someone would be the last thing on my to do list but then I met her on my very first day at school, she was rushing to class with a milkshake in her hand which she spilled all over my shirt and gave me bad language advice, I didn't want in on falling for Allison but everything about her is just.... Almost perfect?

I love it when she laughs, smiles or rolls her hazel eyes at me. our conversations are always playful and endless, she makes life seem less shitty.

But there's a problem.

Me, I'm that problem. I hate to say this but I suck at relationships since kayla, the only relationship I was good at was with her, that didn't end well so I started sleeping around and believe it or not, I'm used to that now, I don't want to break Allison's heart, she's a great girl and I don't deserve that, I'm just gonna fuck it up in like two weeks or less.

My phone vibrates on my chest, pulling me out of my thoughts.

*Dude does this mean that I'm single? Am I girlless?* Reads the message from Jason.

I roll my eyes at the screen.

Some of us basically want to stay girlless you asshole.

Being girlless is better than knowing I'm gonna end up breaking someone's heart.

Amanda and Sofia stopped talking to Jason completely, I'm proud of Amanda for making that decision, I just hope she doesn't crawl back to him like the many times he fed her lies.

*Totally, congrats you're finally free to fuck around* I reply to his text.

Jason dropped Allison and I earlier today from the beach house, Allison avoided the conversation that we were supposed to have and ran to her house, I haven't seen her for like two hours but it feels like two days.

Like I said, the essence of falling for someone. It's a true mystery.

My phone rings, I look at the screen only to find an unknown number calling, I pick it up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Nickolas Adams?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Hello Mr Adams, I'm calling you from the academy of artistic talents, I believe you applied to us earlier this year?"

Shit. I sit up.

"Uhm, yes Sir I did."

"Right, we checked the drawings and paintings you sent us and we loved them, you could really be the next big thing with our help, that is why we decided to call you instead of sending an email, we wanted to let you know that we would be glad to have you at the academy."

"Holy shit- I mean thank you very much."

"No, thank you and one more thing Mr Adams, our school program is different from other colleges, by that I mean the first semester begins next month and we expect you to be there for orientation."

"Next month? But don't I have to graduate high school first?"

"We already have that sorted out with your high school, they're going to let you graduate from New York."

How does that even happen?

"Okay then, I'll think about it."

"Please do, we'll be expecting you. Have a great day." He says then hangs up.

Holy shit.

I actually got into the fucking academy of artistic talents.

Fuck yes.

I never thought I could, I mean I was super high when I was writing that application.

But I got in.

Shit, now I have to leave.

I was really starting to like the place.

I get up from my bed to peek on my window, her window is closed and no sign of her anywhere, I'm about to close the curtains when I spot her hugging Carl fucking Bennett in her driveway.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

That stupid little shit won't leave her alone.

Deep down, I know he can treat her much better than I can but I still can't stand seeing her with another person, especially if the person is carl, there's a stingy feeling to that.

I hear a light knock on my door.

"Come in." I turn away from the window, my mom walks in with something that looks like a white envelope in her hands.

"Hey you." She's nervous and acting weird.

Should I tell her I got in? Nah, she'll just tell the whole world about it.

"Why are you greeting me and what's that in your hand?" I ask, pointing at the paper.

She looks down at the envelope and hands it to me.

"Kylie sent it in the mail today." She says.

"Kylie? Kayla's sister?" I ask as I open the envelope and pull out a folded paper that says for Nick's eyes only. It's written in Kayla's handwriting.

Fuck. Me.

"How? Why?" I ask myself out loud, I feel my heart getting heavy.

"I have no idea but I don't think you should read it." She crosses her hands over her chest and warns me.

I shift my eyes to her worried expression.

"Thanks for giving me this, shut the door on your way out." I say to her, my eyes looking back down at the piece of paper.

I hear her sigh before getting out of my room and shutting the door.

My hands start to shake so I let the paper fall from my hands and onto the wooden floor, I sit back down on my bed, staring at the paper that lays across from me while I tap my foot on the floor.

Why is this happening? Today was supposed to be a happy day.

Should I read it or burn it? Burning it sounds great but then I'll never know what she had to say to me.

You know what, fuck Kayla, I almost forgot about her, I was starting to concentrate on Allison but she just had to come back into my life with a God damn letter.

My door swings open, Allison walks in with her hands blinding her eyes.

"Is he naked?" She asks playfully, closing the door and leaning against it.

Shit, bad timing.

"She wishes " I try to play along.

She removes her hands from her eyes and smiles at me.

Why can't life be more like Allison's smile, I know how cliché that sounds but I'm serious, why not?

She scans my room and holds one of my work in her hands, it's a painting of a girl with short hair and big brown eyes, her tears turned into black makeup painted on her cheeks but with a smile plastered on her lips.

I honestly don't know why I painted that, my friends from new York used to call it dark and told me to get rid of it.

I don't know why I never did.

"You can paint." It's not a question.

"I try."

"This is not trying, Nickolas." She shows me the painting, "You can really paint." She puts the painting back then she continues searching for something else to look at.

I can watch her all day.

"So this is your room." She says, "I thought it would be..messier." She laughs.

"You missed that part, my mom made me clean as soon as I dropped my bag." I chuckle, she joins.

Her eyes land on the letter which is still on the floor.

Shit.

"A letter." She's about to pick it up when I beat her to it.

"Don't touch that." I hold it away from her, placing it neatly underneath my pillow.

"Who's that from?" She's suddenly serious.

"No one you know." I respond honestly.

"Give me a name at least." She pushes.

Here we go..

There's a certain point that girls seriously don't understand about guys, every time I make out with a girl she tends to think that it's the beginning of something special, the thing is that it's not, it's just kissing, nothing special and that is exactly what is going on right now.

"Stop acting like a jealous girlfriend, you don't see me bitching around about you hugging Carl the asshole like your chest depended on it." I roll my eyes.

She gives a sarcastic laugh.

"Nick, don't be such a big baby, Carl is currently going through some shady shit-"

"Nobody gives a shit about what he's going through, Allison, this is life and it's fucked up, we all go through shady shit at some point but that doesn't mean he should go around letting his dumb emotions get to him like a girl, no one cares about his problem and neither should you." I point out, slightly lifting my shoulders.

She shakes her head disapprovingly.

"I'm not gonna do that, Carl is my friend and I care about what he's going through." She says this with so much determination.

She just doesn't get it.

"You have no idea what that dick wants from you, do you?" I reduce my tone.

"Nick, if we're gonna do this thing, I need you to trust me" she says.

I scoff, squinting my eyes at her, "What thing are we talking about here?"

"This," She points between us, "Whatever this is."

Didn't I tell you? I fucking knew it.

I huff, looking elsewhere, raffling my hair then looking up at her again.

"Allison, just because we made out twice, doesn't mean we are now a 'thing' " I point out.

I realise that Kayla's letter just took me right back where I started, which is not being ready to move on and I don't want to hurt Allison or involve her in my little fucked up situation.

"What?" She raises her brows.

"It was just a good first kiss, don't make it a thing." I shrug, my eyes focused on the wall behind her.

Call me a coward but I call it being human, looking into her eyes would be more painful.

"Are you saying that you.. played me?" She asks which makes me look at her.

I see anguish in her eyes.

"I didn't play you, Allison, you kissed me remember?" I remind her, her jaw goes tight.

Fuck, I made her angry.

This is what I was trying to avoid.

"I'm so stupid." She says to herself, shaking her head, "Turns out, it really was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life." Her voice is shaky and cold as she mumbles.

"Stop lying to yourself Allison, if you thought it was a mistake then you wouldn't have kissed me the second time, we were friends, we flirted then we shared a kiss there's nothing wrong about that but-"

"Shut the fuck up, Nick I don't wanna hear it." Her voice is barely audible but she sounds angry.

And she cursed, now I feel like the bad guy.

I move closer to where she's standing, placing my hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Allison I didn't mean to-"

"Didn't mean to play with my feelings? Yeah well, you did, didn't you?" She wrecks out of my hands and I watch her walk out of my room.

Damnit.

Why do I feel like I just watched her walk out of my life and not my room? I didn't say those things to push her away, I said them to push us away from that dating signal that I saw coming.