💫ANGEL💫

Pants and heavy breaths escaping my lungs, as I'm running in a loop of chaos and panic. The path I ran was never-ending, every villain was cast as a lead in my worst nightmare. Darkness closing in on me, suffocating my thoughts with its negative presence. A haze of fear and madness surrounding every meter of my soul's parameter. There was a battle worth fighting but I was provided no weapons of protection. I was alone. I was defenseless. I was weak.

"Special Delivery." A voice shouted, echoing around me and bouncing off black walls.

"I can't take this anymore, Angel." A pain-stained voice whined, ringing loudly in my ears.

"Angel, I love you." Her sweet voice sashayed through the air.

"Angel, Help!"

Then an unrecognizable, dark and gloomy toned repeated, "Everyone you love will die. Everyone you love will leave you. Everyone you love will suffer."

Every direction I turned in, there were echoes of pain; reverberations of doubt, resonates of disapproval. I was being tortured at every turn, never once needing physical arm because the psychological warfare taking place did enough damage altogether.

"Special delivery", followed by a vengeful cackle.

"Goodbye Angel", sounded out with the hurts and pains of lifelong secrets. I watched her fall down into darkness, arms spread like an eagle, stretched far beyond my reach as she disappeared into nothing.

"Lina! Angelina please!" I screamed, reaching out for the impossible.

"Am I going to die too? Will you be the death of me too, Angel?" Giselle cried out, backing into that corner of unforgiveable doubt. "Don't kill me, Angel." She winced.

I tried moving towards her, but that only drew her further out of reach. I tried calling out to her, but my voice was too small to be heard.

"I love you!" I cried. "I love you so much! Please don't leave me, too."

Crunching down into a tight ball, I wrapped my arms around my legs, rocking from side to side as I begged for the echoing guilt to cease. I couldn't take it anymore. All I saw was Angelina jumping over and over, the barrel of that gun smoking as he laughed with disdainful blame, and my fearful Giselle, afraid she'd be the next to go. It was torture. It was torment. It was one of many nightmares to come.

Tossing and turning every night for the past three days, fighting the demons roaming the earth around me as depression slowly sank its claws into me. Grief was a beast, grinning a devilish grin as the sight of my pain caused great satisfaction. Another death on my hands. How was I supposed to cope with that? If I had it my way, I'd lock and load up all of my guns and go give those Rojas assholes a taste of their own medicine. I'd dope them up with pain, remorse, fear, grief, and see just how bad they really were. But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew this wasn't my territory. I knew nothing about them or what they were really capable of.

"Are you sure you're not coming up for the holidays?" Lee had spent far too much time begging.

"Soliciting doesn't suit you. Its unattractive as fuck." I cracked.

"Ha! Funny. No seriously. Want me and Jeremy to come down there?"

"Nope."

"Have you talked to your parents?"

"Lee? Why?""

"I'm just saying. Thanksgiving is tomorrow."

"New subject."

"You and Giselle a couple yet?"

"Damn, girl. You're on a roll tonight." I couldn't help but laugh. "We're not, but we're working on it. She just got out of a relationship. We'll probably take it slow."

"Hey, Aaron was kind of hot, though. Admit it."

"Why would I admit something like that?"

"I'd bone."

"Lee, you're gay." Not that I had to remind her. My line beeped. "Hey, I'll call you back, it's her."

"Ooooh!! Tell Giselle I said goodnight!" Lee sang into the phone.

EVERY NIGHT GISELLE MADE an effort to call me, and we'd sit and talk for hours. We'd even fallen asleep like high school lovers one night. Crazy thing is, in high school, I must admit, I never paid so much attention to a girl and what she had to say. With Giselle, I hung on to her every word. I smiled when she smiled. Moved when she moved. She made me feel happy, loved, free. She made me forget about the pains and stains my life left embedded inside me.

"Tomorrow's the big day, right?"

"Or so they say." She sighed loudly. "They're inviting business friends over. It's not your typical Thanksgiving."

"Well, that could be fun though, right?"

"Could it be fun for you to be home with your family?"

"No." I frowned, not believing she let those words leave her mouth. "What's the problem? Will you be bored, or—"

"No. I'll be a pretty little showcase, being tugged on and touched on by whoever dared show interest."

"What?"

Giselle sighed

"Want me to come shake up the party?" I joked.

"You would never."

"You never know." I shrugged, taking a seat on my sofa to put my sneakers on.

"Where are you headed so late?"

"Booty call." I lied.

"Oh." I watched Giselle lower her eyes. She was so jealous, and I loved it.

"I'm kidding. I'm going to Hanigan's."

"Again?"

"Well, that's what happens when you can't cook. V usually cooks for me, but—"

"Oh. So, I've never asked, but why have you and Vanessa never like—gave it a try?"

"Because I don't want V. I want you. Plus, we talked about it. She doesn't do relationships."

"What do y'all talk about?"

"Nothing, really."

"You two are so hard to understand."

"I think me and you are more hard to understand than me and V. We love each other, but we can't seem to get it right long enough to actually have something real."

"Angel."

"Giselle." I sighed. "Whatever. Have you heard from her? I talked to her once, but not for long."

"I texted her yesterday when she was at a festival. I talked to Zack this morning. Loki reaches out every day."

"Yeah. Loki's actually on a flight back to Florida."

"What happened?

"His folks aren't coming home."

"God! I feel bad for him. Well at least you two will have each other tomorrow."

"Yeah. We're flying out to Cali and crashing your party."

"I dare you." She smiled. I could tell she would be stoked if I really did, so I pushed my luck.

"Send the addy." I grinned.

"You'd take a four-hour flight just to come crash my Thanksgiving gathering?"

"Fuck yeah, I would. Text me. Seriously. I've got to go." I grabbed my keys and headed out of the door. "See you tomorrow." I winked.

THANKSGIVING MORNING, or more like midnight, Loki and I were up at his house smoking and drowning out the misery that lurked behind every lonely corner of his house. He was playing The Weekend's sappy ass last album and I must admit, it made me horny. I wanted to feel the touch of a woman badly.

"Are all the hoes home for the holidays? I haven't laid eyes on one single hot chick sense the break started." I slurred, half awake and half sleep.

"You don't need a hot chick, you have Giselle." Loki reminded me. "And you have V."

"I have no such thing." I sat up, looking at him for an explanation to why he'd say that.

"Why do you toy with that girl man? She actually likes you." Loki confessed a confession that wasn't his to reveal.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're blind as fuck, dude. She only puts up with your shit because she thinks that's all you'll give her. And she'd rather have that than nothing at all."

"Loki where are you getting this information?"

"I see shit."

"You're a psychic now? You're going to read my fortune?"

"I don't have to read your fortune. I watch people constantly. She digs you. Not saying she loves you or anything. I'm not even saying she's jealous of what you and Sunshine have. All I'm saying is she's feeling you more than to just cook your meals and suck your dick."

"Hmm." I slouched into the couch as I allowed my mind to go to places I'd always avoid. I'd never gotten any hints of V having feelings for me or wanting anything more than I was already giving. I just thought she was a lot like me and okay with just having a few extra benefits to our friendship. Hell, she'd even told me she wanted nothing extra from me and how she wasn't meant to be in a relationship.

***Author's Words****

Angel is always going through hell. It's great to have such a refreshing friendship like Loki's.

What are your thoughts on Loki's assumption of V's feelings?

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