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šŸ’«GISELLEšŸ’«


I almost said it. I almost told Angel that I loved him. Although, I always thought it was pretty obvious, it would've been nice to see the look on his face if I could have finally spoke my truth. Roman just had to ruin my moment, barging in the way he always does. That day, at the charity event, I tried my best to remain nice and sweet, but I was pissed. Counting down each second that passed, I was ready to be dropped off at my dorm or at Loki's. My mind wandered freely into different realms of multiple realities. I found myself more fond of the ones that involved Angel. I wanted him so badly to be mine and mine alone. The way we were avoiding one other couldn't have been healthy. So, absent from my true feelings, I tried hard to tread carefully around him. I tried my best to be friends and friends alone. But in reality, we really were just avoiding the truth, causing further damage to both our egos.

"Everything okay? You were pretty quiet today." Roman interrupted my thoughts as he drove me towards Loki's place.

"Yeah." I sighed. "I guess I'm just tired. Been having late night cram sessions, preparing for my last two finals.

Roman's hand ran down my thigh and I couldn't help but feel the urge to vomit. I followed his hand with my eyes. Once it sat idle, no longer moving, but resting on my leg, I looked up at him.

"What are you doing?" I frowned.

"Whaā€”? Iā€”I'm sorry. I thought."

"Thought what?" I pushed his hand from my leg.

"Giselle, what is it that we're doing?"

"Driving me home." I said, matter-of-factly.

"No. I mean...are we not into each other? We hang out daily, we've gone on like three dates, I thought there was a mutualā€”"

"No. I'm not. We're just friends, Roman. I've never given you permission to touch me that way." I tried to hide the disgust, but I could tell that it was written all over my face.

"Cool." His face went cold as the muscles in his jaw flinched. There was a stillness in the air that almost made me afraid to say anything else. So, I didn't.

Roman couldn't have driven any faster, getting me to Loki's house in less than ten minutes. Before I got out of the car, I turned to face him. My mouth opened, but no words came out. Finally, he looked over at me, shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes.

"It's all good. Your heart is somewhere else. I get it. I'll see you."

"K." Was all I managed, and before I could get the door closed securely, he was speeding off.

I watched his car until it disappeared down the street. Then I just watched the sky, the sand, the wind, getting lost in oblivion. I needed a shower, sweating out in the sun as we gave out food and toiletry baskets to the homeless took its toll on my hygiene.

I had learned to keep a bag at Loki's house. Max called it a hoe-bag. Every time I thought of that name, I laughed to myself. So I grabbed my hoe-bag and made my way to the guest bathroom on the west side of the house. That one was usually empty. When I walked into the bedroom attached to it, I noticed the door slightly open and shower in. I peeped inside to see who was inside. There he stood, tall, dark, and soaked in soap suds. I literally stopped breathing, watching him glistening as the water sprayed over him. His slim, strong build. All those glorious tattoos. I could have sworn I heard him calling out to me. Begging me to join him. Asking me to touch him.

Resting my head on the trim of the door, I had no intentions of leaving that spot. I could watch him all day and night. I felt a jolt of electricity between my legs, immediately squeezing them tight. Letting out a light sigh, I imagined myself in there with him, underneath the warm water, within his grasp as he whispered dirty things to me. Angel loved talking dirty, making me nervous yet stimulated. So trapped in my own imagination, I failed to realize that he was staring back at me. I jumped, startled, lowering my eyes. When I brought them back up to him, he mouthed, "Itsā€”Rudeā€”Toā€”Stare", and ended it with a wink, turning his back to me and finishing his shower.

Completely fucking embarrassed, I rushed out of the room and found somewhere else to shower. I took my time, dreading having to face Angel after being caught watching him in the shower. I knew he'd have a million jokes after that, and I wasn't ready for them. I wanted to go back and finish the conversation we were having before we were interrupted the other day. I wanted to let go of my fears and tell him how much I loved him and wanted him. It was eating away at me, the urge to be near him, underneath him, wrapped around him. It was as if I was in a pool of piranha's, with piece after piece of my flesh being ripped from me, devoured by blood hungry monsters that had no intensions on pouring anything back into me. So slowly, I was dying.

"Hey!" Angel's voice played in my head as I walked out of one of the other bathrooms. Then, as I bumped into him, I realized, it wasn't my imagination.

"Oh! Hey." I laughed nervously. "Sorry aboutā€”"

"About being a peeping tom?" He joked.

"Yep. That. Sorry."

"Why? Would've been better if you just came in with me."

"Really?"

"Hey...I missā€”" He let out a sigh, reaching for my hand. I met him halfway, not wanting him to change his mind.

"Angel." I sighed.

"Giselle." He damn near whispered into my soul. My heart was racing right along with my mind as I anticipated the next words he'd say. I wanted one of us to have just an ounce of courage. If he truly wanted me the way I wanted him, I prayed he'd make it known right then and there.

"Earlier, when I was trying to talk to you about..."

"About us?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you...thank you."

"You're welcome. Butā€”is that all?" Angel looked hopeful. I could tell he knew there was more. I just didn't know who to say the rest. So, didn't.

I walked away feeling incomplete, stupid, annoyed with myself. Why was it so hard to just say, I was wrong about wanting to be friends? I love you and I want to be with you? What was so hard about saying those words? Was it not the right time? Because I was the way I felt, I just knew it was the perfect moment to be open and honest as I spilled my heart out to the man I loved. But I couldn't. So, like the coward that I was, I didn't.



***Author's Words****

I hope you all are enjoying this so far

It took me a while to write the last two chapters, but the ones that follow were fairly easy.

Please continue....

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