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๐Ÿ’ซANGEL๐Ÿ’ซ

***WARNING: Very Emotional/slightly devastating***


FOLLOWING THAT SPECTACULAR twelve hours of lust, love, and everything I never knew I needed, I made a decision not to fight my feelings. Not to be afraid of something that could be so beautiful, adding an enormous amount of joy and color to my grey and poorly shaded life. I jumped up from bed, showered, and got on the phone. After ordering an outrageous amount of flowers and having them delivered to Giselle's door, I waited the hour until delivery, then called her up.

Listening to the happiness fill her voice as she anticipated my grand gesture gave me a certain level of fulfillment I could never describe. The butterflies, the cold sweats, the hopefulness that took over my spirit broke down more bricks on the wall that barely existed anymore. I felt good. It had been so long since I could admit something like that. That I could feel something like that. It almost felt impossibly delusional. And then there was silence. Just like that, she'd hung up the phone and I couldn't get her back on to save my life. No matter how many times I tried. What happened? Guess I'd have to wait to find out.



PREPARING FOR LOKI'S PARTY, I was dealing with three druggies, doped up and drunk all day. Vanessa came over with Carmen, hearing all the commotion from across the hall. They just loved her. Lee wasn't that fond of Carmen, though. She kept her distance. I wasn't surprised. After spending the day with a girl like Giselle, you'd develop a bad taste for a girl like Carmen. She didn't stand a chance either. Vanessa's energy was magnetic. She hit it off with my friends with ease.

"So, you've been bagging my boy these last two months with no strings?" Rod was a prier. He was good for that.

"No strings." Vanessa boasted.

"He had me first." Carmen joined in. Why anyone would be proud of something like that, I'll never know, but it turned me so far off, I had to leave the room to smoke a blunt.

Sitting in my room, on my bed, my mind went all the way left. I kept thinking about that stupid car. That dreadful car. The painful night that changed the course of my entire life. I reached underneath my pillow and pulled out my rabbit's foot. Shutting my eyes as I ran my fingers across the softness made goosebumps rise up the back of my arms. "Dammit Lina", I cursed her in my head. Saying her name, even just subconsciously, was almost as bad as me saying it aloud. My heart ached. My chest caved in over and over, smothering me just enough to cause panic, but not enough to put me out of my misery. My body swayed involuntarily, trying to soothe the pain. It didn't help. Once the weed invaded my system, it still didn't cure me of the agony I fought to keep away. Hearing the familiar laughs and voices of my friends from home didn't help either. The reminisce of home, the past, and sorrowful years excruciating pain rang through my ears, hearing their voices.ย  Every second that passed made me sink deeper and deeper into my slow death.



"I was reading this article the other day about how twins transfer their energy to one another even if they're miles apart." Lina took a drag of the blunt, holding in the toxins, and passing it to me.

I mimicked her, taking a drag and passing it back. "What do you mean?" I asked, clenching my throat to hold in the smoke a while longer.

As she blew out her first pull, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the high that approached her quickly. "I mean, if I'm feeling fucking amazing and you weren't, I could pass on some of my feelings to you. I even read that one twin girl was pregnant and when she went into labor, her sister started having labor pains, but she wasn't pregnant."

"That's crazy as hell. You better never have kids. I don't want to feel that shit." I took the blunt from Lina, taking one last drag. I was too high for my own good, and if I didn't stop, I would've fallen from the roof we both sat atop.

"I got you something today." Angelina took out something from her back pocket, unwrapping it and revealing a purple rabbit's foot. "For luck." She announced, handing it over to me.

"What do I need luck for when I have you?" I took it anyway, grateful for any gesture Lina made. She was the most gracious girl I'd ever known. God knew when he made me that he had to make her at the same time. There wouldn't be an Angel without an Angelina. My soulmate.

"Because, brother, I'm not always going to be around. So, now you have an emblem of me. Lady luck is what I am. And now you have a piece of it." She cracked a goofy smile.

"Not always going to be around? Like hell! You'll always be attached to my side. We should've been conjoined twins." I joked. "We're going to graduate together, go to college, work at the same place, marry into the same family. We gotta find a set of twins, damn."

"You play too much!" She laughed loudly, shoving me a little too hard for my liking. "On a more serious tip, we don't know what the future holds."

"What are you saying, Lina?" I grew confused, not understanding where any of it was coming from and wondering why it sounded so negative when she was always so positive.

I clenched the rabbit's foot in my hands, as if to conjure all of its energy and supposed luck. Closing my eyes, I tried to accept the gift, but in my heart, I didn't like what it symbolized. I could never imagine my life without my sister. I could never see myself carrying on happily without my twin there by my side.ย 


Fuck this fucking rabbit's foot.

"You okay in here?" Lee interrupted. The moment she opened the door and laid eyes on me, she rushed in and shut the door behind her. Her eyes were locked on my rabbit's foot. It was then she knew I was struggling. The way that girl knew me so well, I could never hide one thing from her. "Angel?"

I cracked, trying to laugh off my emotions.

"Angel, man. We can leave. If us being here is too much I'll book a new flight. We'll leave right now, dude." Lee sat on the bed next to me.

More cracks.

"Please, tell me you're okay. The look in your eyesโ€”It's like."

I broke.

"I can't fucking do this shit, Lee! I'm trying so hard! I am! I'm so fucking tired!" I cried out, squeezing the life from the emblem I held onto.

"Angel? I..."

"I don't want to do this anymore, Lee. I don't. I just..."

"No! Don't you fucking chicken out on me. Don't you try to leave me too. We have each other. We have life and years to look forward to. Love, dude. Think about Angelina."

"Why? Huh? Why should I? She didn't fucking think about me? She left. She sat in that fucking car and planned out her sick plan. I hate that fucking car! She asked me to pull over, knowing what her intensions were." I winced loudly, trying to fight the tears. I needed them to stop. "She stood on that bridge, Lee. She stood there. She looked back at me with joy in her eyes. Pure fucking ecstatic ass joy. She didn't think about me! She didn't care about me! She left me! She left me all alone in this shitty ass world, and i'm tired."

I was yelling to the top of my lungs. I heard my door swing open, and in pops V's head. I stood quickly, slamming the door in her face, screaming "Get out!" to the top of my lungs. I heard shuffling, then Jeremy speaking in a hushed tone. I dropped to my knees behind the door, banging my head on it over and over.

For the first time in months, I broke down. The bricks of my well-managed wall broke one by one, falling to the ground beneath it, revealing the pain that I thought I had tucked away securely. Like the great flood, the downpour was intense, filling up the world around me until I thought I was drowning. My body began aching as the sway I used to soothe myself turned into a rocky shipwreck on the verge of sinking. Lee held me and I cried.ย 




***Author's Words****

Just when things were looking better for our bad boy,ย 

It all comes crashing down.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. There's more to this disaster.

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