It's been a couple of days since Grady came by my dorm room. It also happens to be my birthday. I haven't told anyone that it is with everything going on. I've been crashing with Jack because I didn't feel safe going back. Pritchett is staying with Eli for the time being since they're back together. What an exhausting cycle to be in, but I guess the same could be said about me.

I hadn't heard from Grady since, but I also know that Jack is upset with me because I didn't call the police. He doesn't know the reason though.

It's the arguing that wakes me up. Whatever pill Peyton gave me worked like a charm. I'd fallen into a heavy dreamless sleep which is exactly what I needed. I look over and Peyton's not there anymore, but the ache in my side returns full force at the sudden movement.

I reach up to touch my eye, feeling an immediate throbbing. Sitting up, I pull my hair back to at least try and straighten up. I feel groggy but well-rested.

The door creaks open and Peyton pokes her head in, "Oh good. You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Like I just slept for days." I say hoarsely.

Her face softens, "Is it cool if I let Jack in? He's about five seconds away from breaking it down if you say no just a heads up."

"It's okay."

That's all Jack needs to hear before he pushes the door open and steps past Peyton. I watch him carefully as his eyes linger on my swollen one. She shuts the door, giving us privacy and I twist my hands in my lap.

"How were the games?" I ask, even though I already know because I talked to him after both of them.

"I'm going to kill him," Jack says quietly, taking a few steps towards me.

"Don't Jack. You're better than that. Don't sink to his level because of me."

He's trembling. I can see him visibly shaking. "Darlin', he hurt you."

I try to push a smile on my face to try and reassure him that I'm okay when the truth is I feel like breaking down in his arms. But if I fall apart now, Jack is going to go after Grady. I have no doubt about it.

That can't happen. Grady can't win.

"But he didn't break me."

I slide off of Peyton's bed, carefully maneuvering so I don't reveal that it's worse than just my face. I wrap my arms around his torso, but Jack's arms are slow to close around me.

"I'm okay." I say, holding on tightly for both of us. "He was mad I filed a restraining order."

"I know. Seth had sent me a bunch of texts that I saw after I got off the plane. I looked all over campus to try and find you because you weren't answering your phone. Turns out you were here the entire time."

I bury my face in his chest, breathing his comforting scent in shallow breaths. "I'm sorry."

"I was really worried about you. Did you call the police?" He asks and I fall silent. Jack gingerly takes ahold of my shoulders to look me in the eyes. "Al, you called the police, right?"

Grady's threat rings clear through my groggy mind. 'You tell the police I did this and Jack's career is over before it starts.'

"No and I'm not going to."

He hasn't directly said anything about it, but I know he's been trying to understand. I came clean with Coop, Ruby, and Dylan about what actually transpired during my relationship with Grady. There were already suspicions, but no one wanted to directly ask me anything until I was ready to talk about it.

The black eye I have is pretty hard to ignore.

I made it two days without Jack finding out about my ribs until I rolled the wrong way and Jack heard me yelp in pain. I had to come clean after that because he saw straight through me when I refused to take my shirt off in front of him.

He was livid, but by some miracle I convinced him to stay with me instead of going and getting himself in trouble. I get why he wants to confront Grady, but I am keeping Grady's threat in the back of my mind at all times. I have to.

I've had to readjust how I sleep to keep the pain to a minimum, but every morning I wake up, cocooned in Jack's embrace and I can pretend. This is exactly how it was in Texas. I wish it were under different circumstances, but I'm still happy to be here.

Like right now, I don't think I could get up if I wanted to. My internal alarm is how I get up every morning and it's still set to way before the ass crack of dawn thanks to all the skating sessions we were doing. Even though it's been weeks since I stepped foot on the ice. Who's counting though?

I've learned from all the nights I've stayed with Jack that he is definitely asleep until the alarm goes off, but once he's awake, that's it. He's up for good.

I enjoy these quiet moments in the morning because it's even easier to pretend that he's mine and I'm his. There's none of the additional shit involved. If only it could be this way in real life.

My phone starts to vibrate and I know exactly who it is. I slip out of Jack's grip, careful not to wake him as I answer Pritchett's phone call.

"Happy birthday bitch!" She shrieks into the phone.

In all truthfulness, I hate my birthday. I don't like celebrating it. Dad was never there for it because it was in the middle of season and the one day that was supposed to be my day, wasn't. It along with everything else still belonged to hockey.

Pritchett however is fucking obsessed with birthdays. It doesn't matter whose it is, she is thrilled. She always tries to wake up before me on my birthday so I can know how it feels to always be the one getting woken up.

"Thanks Pritchett," I whisper, kind of surprised that Eli is chill with her being so loud so early in the morning.

"Nineteen. Just two more years till we can drink."

I try to muffle my laughter with my hand, "We still drink, just not legally."

"Semantics. What are you and Jack going to do today? I am going to pull the trump card and steal you away for lunch, but I figured you'd want to spend it with him."

"He doesn't know it's my birthday."

She gasps, "I'm going to pretend that you didn't just break one of the birthday rules."

Where the fuck do people keep coming up with these laws? The orgasm rules, birthday rules, what's next? Monkey rules?

"It's your birthday?" Jack mumbles, stretching and his blanket falls in the process giving me quite the show.

"I gotta go, but I'll meet you for lunch wherever you want." I say quickly as she starts to protest that it's my birthday and I should be the one picking. I hang up and put the phone back on the bed, "It's early, you should go back to sleep." I lay back down next to him again and Jack pulls me closer.

"Why didn't you say your birthday is today?"

I shrug, wrapping my arm over his chest. "I don't like to make a fuss about it. It's just another day of the year. Pritchett just has this obsession with birthdays." I didn't want to bring it up either with all the chaos surrounding my situation with Grady. The swelling has started to go down on my eye, but the discoloration stands out.

He yawns, resting his cheek against the top of my head, "Well maybe I would like to make a fuss about it."

"You don't have to do that." I say, closing my eyes wishing I could have pretended for another moment or two that we're together. I know that Jack can't because of whatever demons he's internally facing, but is it selfish to want him to at least talk to me about it?

"Of course I do Al. You mean the world to me. You deserve a great day. Happy birthday Alondra."

I might mean the world to him, but I still don't mean enough.

*********

"I'm really okay with staying in." I say as we walk in with our chinese takeout. Jack wanted to go out to dinner after his practice finished but it felt like too much, especially with my black eye that's attracting all kinds of unwanted attention. That's exactly what happened at lunch with Pritchett.

Sometimes I catch Jack looking at it and then he gets this look in his eyes before turning away and saying nothing.

Jack rolls his eyes, "You shouldn't just be okay with staying in, darling. It's against the birthday rules."

"Oh my god what is it with you people and these stupid unspoken rules?" I ask while laughing. My laughter doesn't last long though because it causes a painful tightening in my side.

Jack shoots me a weird look. "What are you talking about?"

"Orgasm and birthday rules, none of these are actual things! I swear you and Pritchett have been making these up."

He ruffles my hair, "We're all just on a more superior level than you. Deal with it."

We get inside and I'm not surprised that no one else is home. I don't think I realized how frequently they visit Twin City but to each their own. I finish eating long before Jack does because he eats twice the amount I do. But I use my time wisely to commit all his features to memory. His chestnut hair is cut close on the sides and long on top. It highlights his high cheekbones and strong jaw. I'm severely jealous of how long and dark Jack's eyelashes are that make his blue eyes pop even more. And then there his full lips that I absolutely fucking love to kiss.

They turn upwards into a smirk and I know I've been caught, but I just don't care. "If you're done ogling me, we can go watch a movie upstairs. You're picking though."

"Why can't we watch it down here? No one's home," I retort, grabbing my trash to throw it away.

Jack smiles, his dimples becoming apparent. "Because I have something to show you."

"If it's your dick, I'm not going to be impressed."

He laughs heartily, "Good one. We both know you're impressed with my dick, but that's not what I want to show you." Jack offers me his hand before leading me upstairs.

He's acting weird isn't he?

We get up to his room and he makes me stand outside for a moment while he does whatever in there. He opens the door, angling his body so I can't see past him and now I know he's definitely up to something.

"Jack, what are you doing?" I ask and he smiles at me. It causes a warm feeling in my chest to spread.

"Close your eyes please." He requests and I sigh but listen.

I close my eyes and then Jack covers them with his hands. Normally, this would set off my anxiety, but I feel safe with Jack. I allow him to walk me into the bedroom and I can feel his breath tickle my ear. "Are you ready?"

I smile widely, "Yes, I'm ready."

He drops his hands, wrapping them around my stomach, careful of my ribs. "Happy birthday."

I blink slowly, noting that Jack has placed flickering candles throughout the room and his tv is queued up to watch one of my favorite movies, Marley and Me. How he even knew that was one of them shocks me. My favorite brand of beer is sitting on his nightstand.

"I told you it wasn't my dick but I'm sure that can be arranged for later," Jack teases, pressing a short kiss to my cheek.

My jaw drops and I turn to look up at him, "You did this?"

"Do you like it?" He asks, the candlelight reflecting in his eyes. "I know that you haven't had the easiest couple of days, so I thought a low-key night would be perfect."

I'm speechless.

I can't believe he did this for my birthday.

The hope in my chest that's turned into a slow burning flame expands to encase my whole body.

And that's when I know.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes and Jack's smile starts to fade. "Alondra?" I rest my hand on his chest before pushing him away. His arms fall back to his sides and I feel the loss of warmth immediately. The loss of him immediately.

"I can't do this." I whisper quietly.

"What?" He asks, confusion warping his handsome face.

I suck in a shaky breath, "I love you and it's okay that you can't say it back. I'm not expecting you to. I can't do this anymore. It's too confusing for me."

His face pales, "Al just give me-"

"I want to. God I want to so badly, but I can't." I say, wrapping my arms around myself. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're an incredible person Jack. I know your dad did some fucked up things that you don't talk about, but you have to face it at some point just like I have to deal with what happened during my relationship with Grady."

"Please I-"

I cut him off, "Don't. This is hard enough." I take a hesitant step closer to Jack, leaning up to kiss his cheek gingerly. "I'm going to go. Thank you for all this, you don't know what it means to me."

"Alondra." For once the way Jack says my name doesn't cause my heart to swell. It causes it to break.

"Bye Jack." I walk past him, covering my mouth with my hand to prevent the sob from escaping. I go quickly down the stairs, quicker than I should because it causes my ribs to burn.

The pain in my ribs is nothing compared to the splintering of my heart as I leave.

The game of pretend is over.