33: alondra

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TW: assault

While Jack was in Ohio, I made an appointment at the local court house to file a restraining order against Grady first thing Monday morning. The pictures of the abuse during our relationship and his threats that we aren't over were enough for a temporary one until a court date can be set.

The weight I feel lifted off my shoulders when I walked out of the building this morning was the best feeling.

Jack's mom was right.

This is something I think I needed to do for myself.

I deserve to feel safe in my dorm room without the fear that he could show up at anytime. That I'm free to be with my friends and not worry that he'll make a scene or act like we're still together.

If he comes within a hundred feet of me, he'll be arrested.

I'm slightly worried that this will send him into a spiral, but I'm hoping he gets the hint to stay away. That's all I want; the freedom to live my life the way I want to.

Pritchett and Margot are at lunch when I get back and I'm honestly really excited to tell them about the step I took. This is something they wanted me to do after I got out of the hospital, but I wasn't ready.

Seeing how Lily got herself together and made a life for her and Jack was reassuring that I could take this first step. As she so eloquently said, 'You'll stop letting those moments of fear and panic control your decisions.' I'm done letting Grady scare me into submission.

Now I guess the next thing is to tell my dad that he can't stop me from skating. Jack managed to talk me into going last Thursday, but I was so nervous we were going to get caught that I didn't enjoy it like I should have.

I text Pritchett and Margot, asking them if they want to get celebratory drinks tonight. Then to keep from blurting the surprise, I ignored all their messages asking what we're celebrating to toss my phone on the bed.

I'm supposed to hangout with Jack this afternoon once their flight gets in so I'll tell him then.

It's crazy how much a person can change in a few months. If you'd asked me in July if I'd be friends with benefits with a guy I'm crazy for and filing a restraining order against Grady, along with a new group of friends including hockey players, I'd have said you were crazy.

Maybe I am crazy. But I'm also changed for the better.

People are right. You do change a lot in college. I don't think I expected this many during the first four months, but I'm skating again, smiling more, my anxiety is lower. I feel kinda free.

I toss some of my dirty laundry into my collapsable basket, hoping to get it done before Jack gets back. I lift my foot up, trying to kick my door open on my own without losing my grip on the basket. To my relief, it clicks open and my heart stops when I see Grady on the other side.

There's a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand and I take a step back, knowing immediately that it's the restraining order. I don't think I realized how fast it would get to him.

"A fucking restraining order?" He growls, stepping into my room, shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

The walls feel like they're shrinking in on me, caging me into place. "I'm going to call the police. You're violating the restraining order." I say, willing my voice to be strong. What would Lily do? Fuck, where's my phone?

"They served me at fucking practice!" Grady bellows, his eyes glittering with rage. I flinch backwards, dropping my laundry basket on the floor. "Do you know how embarrassing it was to get served in front of my coaches and teammates? There are questions being raised, Alondra. You need to drop this shit right now. Tell them it was a mistake and you lied."

My hands are shaking as I grip Pritchett's dresser behind me. I spot my phone on my bed, but Grady is between me and it. This is bad. This is really bad.

"I loved you or at least I thought I did. I made so many mistakes throughout our relationship, but this wasn't a mistake. I'm not lying or hiding the fact that you used to treat me like I was your personal punching bag. Go and maybe I won't call the police." My voice starts out small, but I fight back. I don't have to take this anymore. I try to dart around him for the phone, taking advantage of his surprise, but his reflexes kick in.

Grady hits my stomach, throwing me to the side, except I don't hit the ground. I bounce off the side of my desk before landing on the floor. The pain in my side is sharp and tears immediately appear in my eyes. I try to blink them away, my breath stolen as I gasp to breathe in strangled breaths.

I slowly push myself up and Grady laughs. "What? You start fucking Jack and you think you're worth something now? Daddy still doesn't love you and you think being with his player is going to fix that? Sweetheart, you're never going to be enough."

"Fuck you," I spit out at him, feeling a tear drip down my cheek. He's not right.

Grady reaches out to grip my chin tightly. "Does Jack let you act like this? Why the fuck do you think that's okay with me? You used to know better."

"I do know better."

His grip tightens causing a whimper to escape from my lips. "This fucking piece of paper doesn't mean shit. If you think it protects you, then good for you. Jack on the other hand is fair game and I have a bone to pick with him anyway. Maybe a lucky shot at his wrist and he's done for the season. It'll ruin his shot for the draft too." I jerk my chin out of his grasp.

Fear encases my heart at the idea of Grady hurting Jack. Convincing Jack that this isn't worth a fight will be hard enough. His patience only goes so far and Grady has stretched it pretty fucking thin. "He's done nothing to you. Leave him alone."

He smiles cruelly at me as the pain in my side throbs. "Maybe if you ask nicely."

"Please leave Jack alone." The words are barely an audible whisper off my tongue.

"No. It's not very fun to hear, is it?" He taunts and I glare at him.

"At least I'm not going to push you down any stairs for saying it." I smart off before my head snaps to the side after a blow to the face. I gasp at the sudden flash of pain, covering my mouth to stop myself from saying anything more. I can already feel my eye start to swell and Grady takes a few steps back.

"You tell the police I did this and Jack's career is over before it starts," Grady warns as the tears spill quickly down my cheeks. I'm unable to stop them now. He then leaves, not bothering to give me a second look.

He's never hit me in the face before.

I scramble for my phone, breathing rapid shallow breaths as I grab it to call Peyton. She knows enough about Grady from what I've briefly said and I know Jack talks to her too. I curl myself up into a ball, feeling the agony mentally and physically. When she answers, the only sounds coming out of my mouth are quiet sobs. I can't form the words to tell her what happened. I need Jack, but I also don't want him to see me like this.

It's not fair for me to call Pritchett in this scenario after the last time. "Al, hey, I'm coming to get you okay? Are you in your dorm room?"

The words catch in my throat. I can barely see right now through the haze of tears. "I'll just go there first. I'm not quite sure where else to check after that so I really hope you're there."

Will Grady really hurt Jack? I wouldn't exactly put it past him.

I really thought the restraining order would help. That it'd be enough for him to get the hint that enough was enough.

I was wrong.

I should have left things alone.

Calling the police and having them come here will be like spilling my secret to everyone. Should I have called them?Probably.

Peyton's telling me random things as she's on her way, but I don't speak. I think I'm in shock. A part of me had forgotten what it felt like to be so powerless. Except I wasn't this time. I fought back. And it got me nowhere except reduced to a broken pile on the floor.

"I'm going to knock first and then come in," Peyton says calmly and I hate how I flinch when the door opens. I hate all of this. I hate myself for being weak enough to think that Grady ever loved me.

She scans the room, finding me immediately in my spot on the floor. The phone slips out of my hand, hitting the floor with a clatter. Her face falls at the sight of me, and I have a pretty good idea what I look like. "Oh sweetie. C'mon, you can't stay here."

Peyton grabs my backpack and starts grabbing a few things from my shelves and drawers. The fear and pain gripping my insides refuse to lessen as I stand up to go next to her where there's a mirror.

I'd thought I was struggling to see because of the constant flow of tears, but I guess Grady hit me harder than I thought. My eye is swelled almost completely shut now. My cheekbone is bright red and I don't need to lift my shirt to know what my ribs look like. I'm almost positive they're at the very least bruised again, if not fractured.

I grab the sunglasses off my desk, sliding them on despite the fact we're inside. They'll hide the black eye for now.

Peyton doesn't bother asking if I'm okay because it's clear I'm not. She grabs my backpack and leads the way to Dylan's car parked on the side of the street. "Jack is going to be back soon," She says and I look out the window, new tears blurring my vision once more.

"He can't go after him. That's exactly what Grady wants." I say hoarsely. "It'll make things worse."

Grady will hurt him.

He'll take away the thing Jack loves more than anything and I refuse to let him do that to someone I love.

She stares at me incredulously, "Please tell me how this can get worse? Your ex gave you a black eye."

I don't say anything about the threat Grady made towards Jack.

I don't say anything about my ribs.

I don't say anything at all.

Thankfully the guys aren't at the townhouse when we get back. I'm tempted to go lay down in Jack's bed, but I'd like to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

I can't believe I was so foolish I thought a restraining order would keep him away.

"Do you have something I can take?"

I want to feel numb right now. I don't want to feel the stabbing pain in my side or the throbbing of my face. Peyton hesitates as she drops my bag on the floor next to her dresser where I discard the sunglasses. "Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No, I need to go to the bathroom though." It never mattered what the threats were or how bad the damage was. I've always taken pictures after it started happening on a regular basis. The first time I didn't because I thought I had imagined it. The second time, I was bruised for days.

I didn't question Grady's love or the relationship until the end.

I thought the pain meant he loved me.

I look for my phone which is honestly kind of difficult because I can only see out of one eye. "Do you know where my phone is?" The pictures are especially important now that I've filed the restraining order. I don't know if I'll use them because I don't want anything to happen to Jack, but it's comforting to know I have proof. That I'm not crazy and imagining it.

Peyton looks around, "I didn't grab it at your room. Did you forget it?"

"Shit," I murmur under my breath. "I-I need your help with something." A few tears fall at the idea of her seeing the extent of what happened. I don't want this to change the way she sees me.

"Of course."

"I need you to take pictures with your phone and send them to me." I say hesitantly and she nods, silently pulling her phone out. She takes a couple different angles of where Grady hit my face and my hands falter at the bottom of my shirt.

I look the other way when I lift it up and Peyton gasps. "Fuck Al, why didn't you say anything about your side?"

"Just take the picture please." I whisper, trying to keep myself together.

I close my eyes because I don't want to see the pity on her face. "Done," She says quietly. I drop my shirt, closing my hands into fists to hide the shaking. Peyton's rummaging in a small box before pulling out a small white pill and offering it to me. "This should help."

I don't even ask what it is before swallowing it dry, laying on the bed carefully as to not twist too much. "Will you stay with me please?"

I really don't want to be alone right now.

"Whatever you need Al."

This isn't how today was supposed to go.

But I guess that's life.

You hit a high point and then the only way left to go is down.

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