29: alondra

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I'm incapable of saying no to Jack. That's all there really is to it. Hence why I told my parents three days ago that I was getting on a flight with him to go to Dallas. Dad didn't say anything to me then and hasn't said anything to me since. Not that I really expected him to but it'll be fine. He's made his stance clear meanwhile I'm falling deeper and deeper into the hole I'm digging for myself with Jack.

I'm in some deep trouble. It's not just a little crush. I really like him. Like head over fucking heels like him.

Jack's seemed distant since everything Grady, but not at the same time. Everything is the same between us except he hasn't once brought up the topic of sex. I worry that by confirming yet another way Grady tried to break me, I've almost scared him off completely. We'll be making out pretty heavily, but the second I try to take it further, he stops us completely.

Which is fine. I don't need to have sex with him but I think I really want to. I know I come with a lot of baggage between everything with my dad and Grady.

But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to erase all the bad memories by creating new ones with Jack. I've noticed that since I really truly started to let him in, my anxiety has been lower and I'm having less panic attacks.

I know I can't rely on him one hundred percent to help me control my anxiety. Jack's just unintentionally done a lot to make me feel like who I used to be before Grady, but better.

I also know we're not dating, but for now it's nice letting our game play out with a slight internal change that he's my boyfriend instead of only being my friend I happen have benefits with.

So basically I'm set on a collision course with no way of stopping myself.

Jack's stretched out on a blanket next to me as we bathe in the warm rays, watching his dog roll around in the grass. He said she's part lab or something, but he rescued her in middle school walking home from the bus stop one day.

The weather here is just incredible compared to Minneapolis. Low seventies feels like ninety degrees after the early winter we've been facing up north. Pritchett said it's colder than shit there.

He's more relaxed here. Last night we hung out with some of his and Dylan's high school friends and I heard an abundance of stories that had Jack trying to shut his friends up. I also got a glimpse of what real swing dancing looks like.

And his mom? I'm convinced she's the best human I've ever met. It makes sense why he loves her so much.

"Dollar for your thoughts darling?" Jack asks, blinking his beautiful blue eyes up lazily at me.

I smile and lean back into a similar position to Jack, watching the fluffy clouds float in the sky. "You said it wrong. It's only a penny."

"I know, I just happen to think your thoughts are worth more than one cent."

I debate telling Jack that I want to talk about Grady with him. I want to talk about sex and that he doesn't need to treat me like this fragile breakable thing. I never wanted him to look at me differently. That's why I've withheld certain things that happened with Grady; shit I'm not ready to face but certainly ready to get past.

The roughness during sex and the physical reminders were traumatic, but his words always packed a hard punch than his fists.

But how do I talk to Jack about that when I saw his reaction to whatever Grady said to him at the skating rink? Coop called and texted me when I was in class, saying it was an emergency and I needed to get to the house for Jack.

I left without a second thought because that's what Jack would do for me.

But Coop wouldn't tell me what was said other than something about Jack being like him.

After Jack's question, I hoped that maybe the whole sex thing was all, but I'm starting to think that it's more than that. He's sober by choice, yet it looked to me like he was pretty damn close to drinking. What would Grady have said to him to cause Jack to react like that?

"Just the clouds," I answer softly, deciding that it's not worth ruining today with that conversation.

He chuckles lightly, "What about the clouds?"

"I don't know. How cool it was flying over them. The first time I flew anywhere, I thought it had snowed because that's what the clouds looked like once we got really high up."

Jack leans on his side to look at me with amusement clear across his face, "I guarantee that you're probably not the only person to have thought that." There's more of a golden hue to his skin from all the time we've spent in the sun the past couple days. "Thanks for coming."

"It's much better than Thanksgiving at home." I say honestly, turning my head to look at him. I'd much rather be here.

"Have you talked to your dad?" Jack asks.

"No." It's a simple answer. That's all there is to say. "Have you talked to him?"

"A little. He asked if we made it okay."

I narrow my eyes suspiciously, "He asked if we made it okay or if you made it okay?"

"We." I stare into his eyes seeing only the truth in them. Jack reaches to brush a few strands of hair out of my face, "I'm sorry that things are bad between you guys."

"It's not your fault. We've been like this for a long time. When I was younger, I did everything possible to be a part of his world. I'd go to practices after I was done with my lessons, spending almost the entire day there; usually he'd just ignore me. I realized one day, that the way he smiled and spoke to his players was something I'd never get from my dad." I admit, glancing up at the sky.

"I wish he could see how great you are. I think if he really knew you, he'd be proud of who you are." Jack says softly and I let out a long exhale. He says shit like that and it makes me feel special. But I also think I'm just reading too much into what Jack's saying. He's a nice guy.

"Thanks Jack," I whisper. "And thank you for inviting me. It's been really cool seeing where you grew up."

I can see a cloudiness appear on his previously relaxed state. "This isn't where I grew up, but this was the first home I had. I didn't know it, but Momma had been stashing away money for years from my dad, waiting for the day we'd finally leave. There was enough for her to rent this until we eventually bought it from the landlord."

Peyton's words ring in my head, reminding me that Jack's dad used to abuse his mom. I want to know what he's thinking. He very rarely talks about his dad and I understand why. I can't imagine being a kid and growing up through that.

"I'm glad you guys were able to leave." I say honestly and Jack smiles, but it doesn't really meet his eyes.

"It was all my Momma. You're strong like she is."

I push myself up onto my elbows, leaning over to kiss him gently. It's unhurried and easy. Jack's lips move slow against mine as he pulls me partially onto him. I wish he could see himself how I see him. How everyone sees him.

I brush my tongue over his bottom lip, trying to deepen the kiss. He opens his mouth to me and I continue exploring every bit of him. My hand runs over his strong chest, feeling his body constrict under my touch.

Pulling away, I breathe in a shallow breath, smiling confidently at him. Emotion is swirling through his eyes and Jack kisses me again, harder than before. He pulls me flush against him and the urgency causes me to gasp shortly.

I twist my fingers into his thin shirt, wishing that we were inside his bedroom instead of in his backyard where we could easily be seen by anyone. At the thought of being seen, I move back to rest my chin on his chest, feeling every breath he takes.

It'd be so easy to say how I feel. But I don't want to lose him. I can't and if I tell him how I feel then I will lose Jack.

So the game continues.


*********


"Come on Al, just try it please."

"Pretty sure Peyton's warned me not to ever eat anything you try to make. Something about food poisoning?" I tease, eyeing his bowl of cookie dough skeptically.

He rolls his eyes, "That was one time! I followed Momma's recipe exactly. Plus, you just watched me make it." Jack insists and I guess I did. I was also texting with Peyton though so it's not like I was directly supervising him. He offers the slip of paper towards me that shows he copied and made little check marks next to all of the ingredients. I bite my lip thinking hard; I could try it and I mean it looks okay?

"Fine, just a little bit and if it's bad, never again." I say, hoping that I won't regret this as he eagerly hands me a spoon with a decent sized drop of dough on it. I tentatively bite off a section and immediately cringe, trying my best to swallow it as Jack sheepishly hands me a glass of water. I have to refill it again before the saltiness is diminished to an aftertaste.

"How bad was it? I followed the recipe and I mean it looks fine, I just don't get what I did wrong?" He says, staring at the recipe.

I cough lightly, trying to clear my throat. "Let me see the recipe." Jack gives it to me and then turns to refill my water again. I scan down the list of ingredients, looking specifically for what amount of salt he was supposed to add.

1 tsp.

"How much salt did you put in it?" I ask and he goes to where the dirty measurement tools are and grabs the one he used.

1 Tbsp.

I chuckle, he must have grabbed the first one that looked remotely close to what he was looking for. "I think you should leave the incredible cookies for your mom to make. You added a tablespoon of salt instead of a teaspoon, did you even try the batter before you offered it to me?"

"Well no, I guess I probably should have. I just thought this would be something fun for us to do." Jack admits, causing my heart to swell. I lean over and kiss him softly, but before Jack has a chance to react, I pull away.

"It's the thought that counts." He smiles his brilliant smile at me and I chuckle, noticing the mess behind him. "But I don't think your mom will be so understanding when she sees the mess you've turned her kitchen into."

"I'll clean it in a little bit." Jack says, stepping closer to me.

"And what do you plan on doing before that?" I ask, pulling myself up to sit on the countertop. Jack nudges my legs apart before stepping in-between them, gingerly brushing a piece of my dark hair out of my face. "Why do you always do that?" I ask quietly because he does it frequently.

"Because it hides your face and it shouldn't be hidden."

I pull my hair all over one shoulder, my body practically buzzing with energy at the close proximity with Jack.

You'd think it'd been days since I kissed him instead of mere hours.

"I planned on doing this," he whispers, his voice low as he kisses me lightly. I cup my hands at his jaw and increase the depth of the kiss as his hands hold onto my hips. I'm sure he can taste the remnants of salt from his cookies on my tongue. He gently bite my lip and I groan, pulling him closer to me as if it were even possible.

God I want him.

I really do.

Jack's lips leave mine, but they're quickly peppering kisses down my jaw before settling on a sweet spot on my neck. My fingers are now dragging through the short hair at the nape of his neck. A soft moan comes from my lips as Jack scrapes his teeth over my skin.

"What are you? A vampire?" I tease breathlessly.

An actual bite is what I get in response.

"I'm going to suck your blood," He mumbles against me, causing both of us to erupt into laughter. Jack's smiling brightly and it makes me happy to see him like this. He moves away for a quick moment and then before I can react, he wipes his hand on my cheek.

I gasp in surprise, feeling the cookie dough stick to my face. Jack is standing there cheekily, waiting for my reaction, "You did not just do that."

"What if I did do that?" He asks, crossing his arms. I slide off the counter quickly, dipping my own hand in the cookie dough. Jack catches my hand in midair before I can get him back and I frown.

"Let me get you back."

His lips quirk upwards in amusement, "I should just let you wipe cookie dough on my face? Darling, I thought you hated it when I let you win?"

"No, I hate it when you cheat like in rock paper scissors."

"And am I cheating now?" He asks, keeping his grip light enough that if I really wanted to, I could pull out of it. I purse my lips, refusing to answer that question as he smirks down at me. "Alondra."

Fuck, I hate how much I love it when he says my name. His southern accent is a weakness of mine in every way. And the way he's looking at me?

"Don't say my name like that." I say, trying to ignore the ache between my legs.

He chuckles deeply, "And how am I saying your name?"

I give him a flat look because there's no way he doesn't have any idea what he's doing. My other hand snakes behind my back to find the mixing bowl and I dip my fingers into it, grabbing a glob of dough.

Now it's my turn to get the jump on Jack as I wipe it quickly down the front of his face. Jack blinks at me in shock and releases my other hand which I then do the same with, catching his cheek this time.

I go up on my tiptoes to peck him on the lips, giggling because he is stunned. "Don't pretend you don't know how you're saying my name."

"You are something else." Jack whispers, looking at me with an intense gaze. It should scare me, but it doesn't.

"Good or bad?"

He sucks in a sharp breath, "Good. Too good." I know exactly what he's getting at. Jack thinks I'm too good for him. But the truth is I don't think I can find anyone better suited for me than Jack. 

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