Margot shivers in her coat, "It's so fucking cold here." She moans and I have to agree with her.

"It's seventy eight in Texas today." I looked this morning to torture myself when I saw the temperature for Minnesota today.

"I say we pack our shit up and go there."

"Right now?"

Margot grins, "Of course. I've got a car, let's run away."

"What about Hudson?" I ask and guilt flashes across her face.

"I promise I won't ditch you again for him. Hoes before bros."

I smile reassuringly at her. Sure, I was pissed when it initially happened. But now it feels like forever ago. "It's okay. I get it. I mean lord knows how many times I ditched you and Pritchett when Grady and I were together."

"Al, that was different and you know it. What I did was shitty. Full permission to hit me if I try to do that again." Margot says and I force a short laugh out. It was different and it also wasn't.

"Got it."

"So how's the tindering going with Jack?" She asks and I stuff my hands in my pockets. I'm not even going to ask how she knows about it. Pritchett and her big mouth. Hopefully it doesn't get back to Jack.

"Ruby and I narrowed it down to few potential dates yesterday. I haven't quite gotten around to telling him about it, but the girls seem nice enough. At the best he gets a girlfriend out of it, at the worst, it's just a date."

Margot giggles, "It's kinda weird that you're doing this. Are you sure he even wants a girlfriend?"

"Meh, I guess I'll find out when I tell him."

"Hows the tutoring going?"

"We're waiting to hear back on how he did on his test. Jack's nervous but I'm sure he did good; he just has high expectations for himself." I really hope he did good. I don't want to see the defeat on his face again if he scores poorly.

The wind picks up and I try to shrink further into my winter coat I've already had to break out. It's October and forty-six degrees. Freezing.

Margot shivers and groans, "I'm glad you decided to help him. He seems like a nice guy."

I smile as I remember how he let me crash in his bed the other night. Being the gentleman he is, he slept on the couch so no one would get any ideas that we're something we're not.

"Jack's pretty great."

"Do you think you could see him as more than a friend?" She asks and I shake my head.

"I know he's not Grady, it's just...being friends with him is one thing. That's a boundary I don't think I could ever cross with Jack." I admit, sighing softly. Maybe if everything hadn't gone down the way it did, I'd consider it.

Margot falls silent and we continue walking towards the library. There's a loud whoop behind us and I turn in surprise to see Jack running at a full sprint towards us. Speak of the devil. What the hell is he doing?

Jack has a huge smile on his face and stops right before me, his arms going around me tightly as he spins me, backpack and all.

I'm laughing when he sets me down and he is panting slightly. "I got my grade back."

"And?" I question, assuming that it's good news based on his mood.

"I got a fucking eighty-one!"

The smile on his face is brilliant and contagious. "Jack that's great. I knew you could do it."

And then I'm being spun again. I hold on tightly to him so I don't fall straight down. "It's not great, it's a miracle."

Margot is laughing at us once I'm back on the ground. I adjust the straps of my backpack on my shoulders. "That's Al. A miracle maker."

"We're celebrating tonight," He says, not leaving any room for argument. I wouldn't have protested anyways.

"Got it. What kind of celebration are you thinking?" I ask since I now know that he doesn't drink. Not like we can go out for celebratory drinks.

Jack's eyes are almost sparkling. It makes my heart beat a little faster. "It's a surprise. Dress warm. I have to go to practice but I'll pick you up at eight."

"What do you have planned?"

"You're not the only one allowed to have secrets," He winks before walking away. I shake my head at him before turning back to Margot.

I'm a little skeptical of what he's up to, but I'm sure it can't be too bad.

"Yeah, you don't stand a fucking chance of staying just friends with Jack," Margot muses.

She's wrong. That's not how it is between us. I roll my eyes and brush off her comment, but the smile on my face lingers.

*********

"What's the plan?" I ask, climbing into Coop's truck that Jack is borrowing tonight. If I'd known we were driving I would have said we could take my car but I hate driving. I'd prefer walking over driving any day. It's not worth the twenty minutes it takes to clean my car off with all the snow, ice, and frost.

"You'll see."

I jut my bottom lip out into a pout, batting my eyes at him. "Please will you tell me?"

"How does it feel not being in the know for once?" He teases and I roll my eyes.

"Meanie."

"If you tell me what you and Ruby were up to then I'll tell you."

He pulls out of the dorm parking lot and I shake my head stubbornly. "I'm going to tell you, just not yet. Besides, I told you in one of our conversations what we were doing."

"What?" He questions, shooting me a confused look before focusing on the road again.

"I already told you what Ruby and I were doing." Which I technically did in the coffee shop. I told him that I was going to find him a girlfriend. It's not my fault he didn't think I was serious.

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

He falls silent and I'm sure he's running through some of our previous conversations.

A few minutes later we pull into the parking lot of the arena. I look at him confused. "Jack, what are we doing here?"

He doesn't answer me, turns off the engine and gets out of the truck instead. I unbuckle quickly to follow him.

"Seriously, why are we here?"

Jack has the audacity to roll his eyes, "Darling, just go with the flow. You'll have fun I promise."

I suck in a sharp breath and follow him in. He disappears into the locker room and returns with his skates and mine.

A bundle of nerves start to twist in my stomach as my anxiety starts to rise. He wants me to skate. My fingers are itching to take the skates from him but the other part of me is afraid.

I've skated once more since the first time where Jack found me, but I've been too busy to have time to come here before the ass crack of dawn. Skating by myself when no one else knows I'm here is one thing, but skating with someone else watching is a completely different ballpark.

"We're going to not skate." He teases, motioning towards the still lit up rink. Jack sits on a bench to take his shoes off to replace them with the skates.

My feet are rooted in place.

"No." The words are hoarse as they come out my mouth. "I told you I don't skate."

"Al, I looked you up. You were on track to join the national team." He says casually and I close my eyes as all the memories I've suppressed start to course through me. "Is this because of your dad?"

I bite my lip so hard I'm sure it's bleeding. It is about him, but it's also so much more than that. It's about me craving acceptance and love from my father so much it left me vulnerable to Grady.

"I can't."

Jack's in front of me, taking ahold of my hands. I keep my eyes shut because if I look at him then I'll cave. "Al, you can't let him stop you from doing things you love."

His hands are rough and callused, but they're also gentle. The close proximity brings the scent of cinnamon to my nose again.

"Do what makes you happy." He says gently and I count backwards from ten in my head. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. My anxiety is still there beating a silent drum in my stomach when I'm done, but I don't feel like I can't breathe.

"We don't have to skate long," Jack promises, his southern drawl soothing enough to get me to open my eyes. "Please. If you're not going to do it for yourself, then do it for me."

I let out a choked laugh, "Do it for you?"

His dimples are showing as he looks down at me. "Oh of course. Think of it as my reward for getting a B on my test."

I let muscle memory take over for me as I easily lace up my skates as Jack goes on ahead to the polished ice. The sweater I'm wearing is warm enough that the chill from the ice doesn't make it's way to my bones.

My hands grip the wall as I try to decide if I'm actually going to make the final step and willingly skate in front of someone else.

Inhale.

Exhale.

And I go.

Jack is watching me carefully with a smile on his face. He skates over to me easily and there's an ease in him that I haven't seen before.

I do a quick lap to loosen up and the nerves in my stomach start to dissolve. My anxiety starts to wash away and I offer Jack a hesitant smile.

"Wanna race?" He asks, a devilish smirk splaying across his face.

I snort, "Yeah and get my ass kicked? No thanks."

"C'mon, darling."

"You already got me out here, can't you just be happy with that accomplishment?" I ask as Jack turns to skate backwards in front of me.

"Are you having fun?"

I don't hold back my smile as I nod. I am having fun.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Jack, I'm having fun. Congratulations on your test score."

I'm a fucking pushover. We race and I get my ass kicked. I'm still fast on the skates, but he consistently works out and is one of the fastest players in the conference, if not the fastest.

At some point he hooks his phone up to the speakers and I'm stunned when Taylor Swift starts playing through the speakers. I give Jack a questioning look and his only reply is that Pritchett told him I liked her music.

I've lost track of time, just trying to enjoy being in this moment. At some point I work on a few jumps that halt Jack in his skates. At least I didn't bust my ass today.

Jack comes to a stop beside me, causing me to stop as well. "I mean it when I say I wouldn't have gotten it without your help. You didn't have to help me, but you are and I really appreciate it. I could see on your face while you were skating that you love it out here like I do. I don't know what happened to make you quit, but I thought that maybe tonight would help you...I don't know." Jack sucks in a sharp breath, "I wanted to help."

My heart jumps to my throat at the sincerity in his voice. If I didn't know better about Jack's stance on relationships, I'd almost go far enough to say that this is a date. Except I know it's not. I don't want it to be. I'm just happy to spend some time with him.

"I appreciate that, but it's not just as simple as me coming and skating again." I say quietly, even though me skating again is a huge deal. "You're right, I do love it out here. I just can't go back to who I was before..." I trail off, my thoughts becoming a muddled mess.

"Before what?" He probes gently, reaching for my hand for the second time tonight.

I let his fingers curl around mine before I pull my hand out of his grip. "Nothing. Before nothing."

Before Grady.

Before everything.

I turn away from him, but Jack catches a hold of my arm to pull me back. My heart stops. My anxiety spikes through the fucking roof. How I'm feeling must reflect on my face or something because Jack's eyes widen in confusion and he drops my arm. It's too late though, my mind is struggling to sanely differentiate between the two men.

My breathing becomes rapid and shallow as I struggle to take a breath.

"You think he's going to magically decide to love you one day?" He sneers at me, grabbing hold of my arm and I'm taken aback by the harshness of his tone and touch.

"He's my dad. How do you know he doesn't love me?"

"Because if he did love you, he'd have been here like I am. I can't believe how pathetic you are sometimes." The disgust in his voice rips through me and I can't stop the words from escaping my mouth.

"You're wron-" The words stop as the sharp blow hits my side and I lose my balance, falling into the wall. I gasp for air, trying to catch my breath as tears blur my vision.

"Al? Fuck, how can I help? What's wrong?" He asks suddenly bringing me out of my memory. I shake my head, trying to reason with myself.

He didn't mean to. Jack isn't Grady. Jack isn't Grady. Jack isn't Grady. I repeat it to myself over and over trying to pull myself together.

"I'm calling Pritchett," Jack says, redirecting my attention to him. He's pulling his phone out of his pocket and I shake my head once more.

Jack isn't Grady.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Fuck.

He looks at me unsure and I breathe in a staggered breath.

I force the words out, "Don't. I'm fine."

I am fine. I'm safe. It's okay.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

My anxiety is still swirling through me, but my lungs are slowly allowing more air into them. I take in a few more shaky breaths as I run my hands over my face. The repetition of counting down numbers helps. It's something my brain can make sense of when nothing else makes sense.

"I didn't—I'm sorry Alondra. I shouldn't have tried to grab your arm." Jack apologizes, his blue eyes roaming over my face to see if I really am fine.

"It's not your fault." I insist as best I can. It wasn't his fault. I've got plenty of my own issues and unfortunately him grabbing my arm, triggered some of them.

He runs a hand through his hair, breathing out a distressed sigh. "It...was that because of your dad?" Jack struggles to get the words out.

"My dad never touched me." I twist my hands together as I take a deep breath. "I sometimes have these panic attacks. I've got some shit that I've kind of dealt with, but it's just...hard sometimes."

"But Coach?" His face is pained.

I shake my head, "No. I promise." Jack nods as if he's trying to convince himself of something. I don't know what's going through his head. He just saw me have a panic attack and I don't want it to change the way he sees me.

There's an awkward silence where the music is the only sound in the arena and I just want to go back to fifteen minutes ago where it was solely fun. There wasn't this heaviness weighing down on the two of us.

I move closer and lace my fingers through Jack's despite the fact that I would rather retreat into myself. His eyes flicker to look at me and there's a lot of emotion swirling in the crystal coloring. "I'm okay. I trust you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"I'm sorry if I pushed you to be out here. I just wanted you to have fun...with me."

"You didn't push me." I squeeze his hand reassuringly, shoving aside my issues into the corner of my mind. "Wanna race?"

"Even if I kick your ass?"

Jack holds on tightly to me. "I'd like to see you try."

It occurs to me in this moment that maybe I need Jack in my life and the reason I fought it was because it's terrifying relying on other people. But maybe, just maybe, Jack might need me too.