Amanda's POV

I get out the bath and change into a pink and white polka dot pajama top and plain white pajama shorts.

I go downstairs because I want to go and sit alone on the beach, its really nice just listening to the waves.

I skip down the stairs and walk out the door and onto the beach. I can hear the waves and the wind but there is something else, something that sounds like giggling.

My eyes scan the beach and that's when I see it. Gina and Austin are standing in the dark, on the sand and... Kissing.

Falling.

That's what it feels like. Like there is no ground under my feet and my body is just diving down into an empty darkness.

It actually feels like a hand came out of the darkness and grabbed my heart and now its being crushed, excruciatingly slowly.

I should have seen it coming, this was the whole point of what we were doing and yet still, somewhere deep down I was hoping that he was lying and he actually liked me. I feel sick, I don't want to see this.

This is why I try not to fall in love. Sooner or later you'll end up hurt.

Like right now, it hurts so freaking much. I don't know why I helped Austin by fake dating him. I'm such an idiot. But at least Austin is happy, I guess. He got the girl he wanted.

Gina's hands are around Austin's neck and their lips are pressed together. Austin's hands are at his sides, not touching her, but it's dark, maybe it's my imagination, but I know it's them.

I can't stop them from kissing because it's what Austin wants. It's what he has always wanted.

This is the second time Gina has stolen the guy I fell in love with.

I can't watch this.

I turn around and go back in, closing the door behind me. I go upstairs and into the T.V room where everybody else is sitting and talking. I slip in between Hunter and James on the couch and James puts an arm around me and winks at me, "You okay? You look upset?" James whispers into my ear.

"I'm fine." I lie and fake a smile. Fine is never fine. Fine is something you say when you don't want to talk, when you know nobody actually cares how you really are, when you don't want people to care because it's too late. It's never fine.

Austin and Gina walk in and sit down on a separate sofa. Austin looks irritated but Gina is smiling and blushing, both of their lips are red.

Hunter gets up and goes downstairs and a few moment later he comes back up with a tray full of shots, "Let's play never have I ever." he says and puts the tray down on the coffee table in the middle of the room

"Okay I'm going first!" Emma shouts and she doesn't give us an option when she says, "Never have I ever... Gone skinny dipping."

Why the hell is Emma even here again?

Stupid whore.

Oops, that's slut shaming, right? Well fuck that shit I'm gonna slut shame the shit out of her, she's the reason there is overpopulation, she needs to control that ugly ass.

Austin, James, Hunter, Jordan and Gina all take shots, I shake my head and laugh at them.

"Okay my turn! Never have I ever had sex." Raven says. Evan, Jordan, Hunter, James, Emma, Austin and Gina take shots.

"Never have I ever accidentally fallen of a building and on top of a hot guy that randomly started kissing me." Jen says and looks at me with a smirk. I glare at Jen and pick up a shot glass, quickly downing the drink.

Everyone looks at me with confused expressions and I shrug, "What, It was raining. I didn't think he would kiss me." I state. True story.

"Okay so.. My turn." Hunter says. "Never have I ever kissed a guy." All the girls take a shot and I turn to Austin but he is looking at Gina. Stupid.

"So, I guess its my turn now... Never have I ever made out with a guy that already has a girlfriend." I say, Gina and Emma take a shot.

I stand up, "I'm... Not feeling well, I'm going to go to my room." I say and leave. I can't believe how stupid I am. I fall for the worst people. I just want to cry, it hurts so badly, I just want to rip my heart out.

I lie down on the bed and try to fall asleep but all I can picture is Gina kissing Austin and Evan on top of Emma and Gina on top of Brandon. The pictures flash in my mind ever and over, pictures of things I wish I never saw.

Yes, Gina didn't just kiss him. I started dating Brandon and I caught him kissing Gina in the girls bathroom but I forgave him for that but then, not even a week later, I went to Brandon's house and Gina was on top of him.

I could see Brandon's bare legs and his hands holding on to Gina's waist moving her up and down as he repeated her name over and over again.

Gina.

Gina.

Gina.

It was the most horrible feeling ever. Having to watch the first guy you've ever loved having sex with another girl. It was like I couldn't breath. Maybe I didn't want to breath anymore?

The odd thing is, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. It was like my whole body went numb. You know that feeling you get after you get pins and needles where you can't move your foot and if you try to pinch your foot you can't feel a thing? That's how I felt, except it was my entire body. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I couldn't feel. So I just stood there, watching as Brandon repeated someone else's name.

Gina.

Gina.

Gina.

He didn't even realize I was there. He was too busy staring up at Gina to notice his girlfriend in the room.

I had to stand there, frozen. It felt like my heart was being hit with a hammer over and over and suddenly, all at once, my heart shattered into a million peices.

Once Brandon was done with his business he finally realized I was in the room. I was standing like a cold, hard statue. When he finally looked at me, my whole body broke.

I wanted to lie there and not move for a year. I hated both of them so much. It really was absolutely horrible watching the person you love sleeping with another girl.

Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt.

That wasn't the last time someone cheated on me, they had to hurt me again. They had to break me. I knew I was broken, I couldn't let anyone into my heart but I was stupid and I let Austin in.

Why? Why am I such an idiot?

Austin walks in and sits on the bed so I pretend I am asleep so I don't have to talk to him. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anyone.

It hurt watching Austin kiss Gina more than it hurt watching Brandon and Gina in bed and I have no idea why. I don't even know why I love him, love is stupid.

Maybe I don't love him...

"Goodnight, Miss jelly tots." Austin says, lightly kissing my cheek.

Maybe I do...

Not long after, I actually manage to fall asleep.

I stand there, watching silently, but not by choice. I can't move. I want to. I want to scream and cry and kick Brandon where it hurts, but I don't. I stand there as a numb feeling takes over my entire body. "Oh God! Gina! Yes!" Brandon shouts. I want to cry but my whole body feels numb and I can't. My jaw hurts and a feeling of pure hate for Brandon and Gina takes over my whole body.

He swore he wouldn't cheat on me again.

"Mmm, yeah." Gina moans. "I'm so glad we're doing this. Lets forget about your girlfriend for the night and just have fun." Gina says in a loud whisper.

My heart slows down and feels like it is literally being ripped to tiny little pieces. "Yeah, I don't love Amanda, she's in love with me and so I'll wait until she lets me fuck her and then I will leave her." Brandon says and Gina laughs.

I stand there, unable to look away.

"You're a monster!" I scream when my body finally comes back to reality. Finally, the tears fall. "Monster." I whisper and run out the door before they can say or do anything.

He never came. He never ran after me. He never apologized. He never looked at me in the eyes again. He left.

I never saw him again.

-

A/N: I just want to point out that if you have ever cheated on or cheated with someone on someone else you are a disgusting human being. No I am not going to feels sorry for you. No excuses. If you're reading this and you know that you have cheated on someone, you are disgusting! Maybe if you knew how much it hurts you wouldn't do it. Why? Why do you do it? Is it more exciting? Fun? DISGUSTING! So on that great note, have a nice day ;)

Song: Colours - Halsey

Question of the day: Who likes Maths?

Lots of love and jelly tots- TPG