I woke up to the beeping sound of a monitor. That sound was too familiar in my line of work. I was at the hospital.

Why? What was I doing here? Why couldn't I remember how I got here?

At least it was easier to open my eyes this time. True to his word Will was seated next to me holding my hand. He was seated extremely close as if he imagined me falling out of bed and he needed to be there just in case I did. He wasn't wearing his lab coat which made me wonder how long he was with me for. He couldn't do his job if he was here.

His hand was warm and his thumb traced reassuring circles into my palm. He knew I was awake.

Thankfully it was dark outside and the only light was from the moon and side lamp attached to the wall. The harsh lightly almost made me blind last time.

I looked around the room, a bit difficult considering my neck was throbbing.

It was empty. No one was around but us. Did I imagine my mother?

"Why am I here?" My words were slow and barely audible. I almost choked them out since my throat was so dry and achy.

Will's expression was instantly washed over with relief and happiness. Was I the cause of it? If so, why? His hazel eyes scanned my face for signs of pain. He did it all the time to patients.

I was his patient. It took a bit for it to actually sink in.

Something obviously happened to me and it had to be terrible if it had Will in a panic.

He tried remaining calm but I knew him better than that. Will leaned over to grab a cup off the table and raised the straw to my lips. I drank and the little replenishment meant the world to me. Water never tasted so good.

I waited, desperately, for him to answer me. He seemed resilient. Either he didn't know how to tell me or he didn't want to.

"What do you remember?" He spoke cautiously.

I tried reflecting back on the last thing I could remember. I recalled getting dressed with the girls, going to the restaurant, meeting Rick-

The moment I pictured his face in my mind I shuttered, the blood drained from me and I felt cold.

I remembered bumping into him, going to his office for wine, then a misinterpretation. I concentrated harder and thought of the cruel and hungry look in his eyes as he assaulted me.

He assaulted me.

Hot tears began to build up behind my lashes. My face was sore. I felt like I had been crying for days.

The entire nightmare of a night bulldozed through my mind.

"I'm so stupid." Why did I follow him? Why did I trust him enough to go?

"No," Will firmly said so I could listen but the sound of his voice was fading through my panic. "You had no idea what he was going to do. This is not your fault."

But I knew better.

Will's gentle hands cupped my face before I could fall into an abyss of self-loathing.

His eyes were the perfect mixture of love, sympathy, and strength. "Don't. Don't you dare blame yourself."

I wanted to be strong for him. I wanted his strength but he couldn't possibly understand.

"What happened?" I was there so I knew the answer but I needed Will to confirm. "What did he do to me?"

Will clinched his jaw, a gesture I knew he did to contain his anger. He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. I didn't think much of it. When we were dating he would always comfort me with that kind of affection.

I understood. He was trying to protect me. Talking about it was just as hard for him.

"He cracked your ribs, nearly choked you to death, and..." His pause only made my stomach knot. I already knew. "He raped you."

My eyes were glued to his lips. I couldn't focus on anything else because actually trying to register what he just said was like sawing in half a boulder.

"Laura," he spoke my name softly.

I couldn't answer. I couldn't breathe.

He cradled my face in his hands when I didn't respond. "Look at me."

I closed my eyes and opened them again, taking the deepest inhales.

"Exhale," he ordered and I obeyed so I wouldn't pass out.

I felt nauseous.

I was... I couldn't even think it.

He pressed his forehead to mine and we took dramatically big deep breathes together. It was soothing. It was familiar. He was familiar. And it was exactly when I needed to calm my nerves.

A few minutes went by peacefully. "Do you want me to continue?"

I pulled back slightly and nodded.

He frowned. "Your friends got worried when you never returned. Sarah called her cousin who's a cop. It took him awhile to get access to that scumbag's office. He found you passed out on the floor, bruised and naked."

I tried picturing it all in my head; watching the scene unravel. But I couldn't put my face on the poor innocent body laying helpless and raped. I didn't want to.

Remembering it also brought back the sensation of having his disgusting hands around my neck. He choked me, kicked me, punched me. I felt every blow now. I felt the cuts on my skin.

I was raped.

I... I... Me... I was raped.

Oh the f-ing irony. I impulsively laughed while crying at the same time. "The fucking irony. I save myself for marriage and-"

"It doesn't change anything. Your virginity is still yours." Will wouldn't allow me to think otherwise.

I had denied sex for the sole purpose to share it with my husband and it got ripped from me.

I sobbed because it was the only thing I could do. Will sat on my bed and pulled me into his chest. I let him.

I had no fight left. I had fought and I lost.

Being wrapped in his protective arms I felt nothing. I wasn't sad or mad. I didn't feel anything. Maybe I couldn't allow myself to feel something.

I just needed to cry. Like I needed to get something out of my system.

I didn't want to feel anything.

Eventually my tears stopped and we stayed in comfortable silence.

I was tired; mentally and physically.

When the sun rose he finally spoke. "Are you in any pain? How's your stomach?"

"It hurts." It was like being on my period with ten times the cramps.

He frowned again in disappointment. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I didn't reply. Maybe I wanted to feel hurt.

He injected my IV with more medicine but before I could pass out I had a request.

"I don't want to see anyone for another day or two. Tell my parents I'm okay." I wanted time to myself.

It might be a bit selfish considering how worried my family and friends were but I didn't want to see them. Not like this.

"Okay." He nodded and sat back in the chair beside my bed.

"You don't have to watch me sleep." I closed my eyes, letting the drugs take over.

"I can't leave you alone."

I pretended to sleep the entire next day. I knew Will knew I wasn't but he didn't try to disturb me. He gave me space by checking on other patients. I couldn't eat because even drinking apple juice pained my stomach.

Beatrice and Leslie came to visit me. I could tell they had no idea how to approach me. We had come across a few cases like mine where girls were "attacked" but this was me. They knew me. I was their friend, their co worker.

Beatrice didn't say a word and I was grateful. She kissed my forehead after taking more blood samples and walked out. She walked out quickly but that was because I could tell she wanted to cry. Leslie brought me a book probably thinking a book would help me disappear for a bit. But I didn't think anything could take my mind off of it.

It. I hated saying it. I hated being a victim.

I dreamt about it that next night. I replayed the club scene then following Rick down to his office. His face was clear in my dream like I had memorized it for days. I tried picking up on the signs; something that could have triggered my awareness to get out of there sooner.

When he slammed me into the door and I turned to look at him, to plead, he wasn't him anymore. I was facing Chris.

Chris banged my head against the door... like he used to do. His hand coiled around my neck and he started to squeeze. I fought to free myself but I couldn't. I was too weak; pathetic.

His green eyes were the most memorable part. They were similar to Rick's. They stared at me with no empathy, no ounce of remorse. They were evil and driven by lust and disgust.

It frightened me.

This image of Chris wasn't made up. It was a memory. Chris, in the beginning, had given me that exact look.

I woke up from the nightmare heaving and sweat dripping down every inch of my body.

Chris had in fact forced himself on me... before. But in a way I let him.

I was confused, exhausted, and more terrified. I knew deep down Chris wouldn't have raped me. He couldn't. Why would I replace Rick with him? I couldn't compare the two. Chris wasn't Rick. Why? Why would I dream something like that?

I was afraid to close my eyes. I was afraid to dream.

I tried sleeping on my side. It hurt like hell but I wanted the pain. I deserved the pain. Pain was a strange comfort.

"Laura?"

I didn't feel like answering him. I continued to stare out the window as I heard his footsteps draw closer. The moon was a pretty crescent.

"Policemen came by today to see you. I told them to come back tomorrow."

I could feel Will staring at me, studying me.

"Thanks," my voice was low.

"You shouldn't be on your side." His voice was etched with worry and overbearing concern.

Will didn't have to treat me. There were plenty of other qualified doctors who could have treated me. Why would he put himself in this situation?

"How did it feel having your heart broken for the second time by the same girl?"

I knew I was a bitch for bringing this up but I had a lot of time to think about it. I had hurt him on many occasions; sometimes without meaning to. Was this karma?

Will was still in his scrubs; his arms were crossed and he was also staring out the window now.

"We're not talking about this now." He spoke affirmatively.

"Why?" Maybe I was picking a fight.

Will sat on the side of my bed so I could look up at him better. He looked incredibly sad. "Because the second time didn't feel like a heartache. You never really loved yourself. You were scared and used religion to push me away. The second time is for you and I get it. I respect it."

'You never really loved yourself.' I held my stupid tears in. Could I love myself now?

"You should hate me."

"I don't." He leaned closer and I didn't have the power to push away.

How he managed to smell like Aqua cologne after hours in a hospital was beyond my comprehension. But the scent was warm and inviting.

"So you have issues loving yourself." One of his hands gently held my face. "Let me tell you want I love about you."

I shook my head not wanting to hear because I probably wouldn't believe him.

"You have such a strong and caring heart."

"I don't." My voice cracked.

He cupped my face in such a way I couldn't avoid his penetrating gaze. "Do you remember that little boy who lost his parents in a car accident then was diagnosed with a severe cancer?"

How could I forget? "Jayden." Just the memory of him made me want to weep.

"You cared for him when he had no one else and not because it was your job. Laura you came to me for help but I couldn't do anything. I never told you but I came back to check up on him. You were so strong. You held him, loved him until his last breath. Not a lot of people can deal with that kind of heartache."

Was that strength?

"That was when I really started to notice you." His loving eyes cast a possessive desire within me. I wanted to feel that love.

"I was just part of the background before." I joked.

He shook his head. "I was absorbed in my work. But you made me stop to look at you. Laura you have a glow you can't even see. You have this way of making the entire world seem insignificant. Like we're the only ones in existence. And I think that that's why your patients love you so much. You make that pain and fear disappear."

I had no idea. I closed my eyes, not to shut him out but because I couldn't keep them open any longer.

The next day I decided to let my family see me. My mom and dad were trying to be brave but I could tell they both wanted to break down and cry. I hated this feeling. I hated how sorry they felt for me. I hated how hopeless I made them feel.

Honestly, I didn't even want to be in the same room with them. What were we supposed to do? Talk about it? Act like it didn't happen?

It was lingering in the air, practically suffocating me.

It turned into a somber silence. Mom and dad didn't know what to do or say. My sisters tried talking about my friends as if to take my mind off of my situation.

I didn't give a shit.

I wanted to be left alone.

Obviously, I was grateful for my friends. They came back for me. They "rescued" me. They should know I was alright.

Clare came to see me that day. As a friend but also a therapist. In my case I needed a mental evaluation to eventually leave the hospital. At least she was someone I trusted.

I was betting Will called her.

Moments after her arrival the cops walked into my room. I forgot they had to ask me questions. My heart raced but I tried to control my anxiety.

My mom squeezed my hand. "We're right here. It's ok. We're not going anywhere."

I know she meant well but I seriously didn't feel like describing in detail what happened to me in front of my parents. I didn't want to put them through that horror.

Will appeared from behind the men in uniforms and I took the deepest breath. "No mom. I don't want you here. Just the doctors."

The hurt in her eyes should have punctured my gut but I didn't care. Her lips quivered but in the end she rose to her feet as well as the rest of my family.

The door had barely shut behind them before the office on the right began the interrogation.

I started from the beginning and the further into the story I got the harder it was to look at Will.

"He repeatedly punched me in the stomach to the point it hurt to struggle anymore. I kept crying, asking him to stop. He then choked me so hard I blacked out. When I woke up I felt him on top of me." I paused to gather my nerves.

Shit. Shit. My hands were a little shaky.

Clare came to my bedside and encouraged me to continue.

Maybe I should have asked Will to leave too.

"I... he..." How do I say it? "I felt the agonizing pressure inside me. He violently raped me." I closed my eyes as the chilling sensation took over me. "When I thought he was done I tried crawling away. Mr. West pulled my hair from behind and bashed my head against the floor... several times."

I could practically feel the blood dripping down my face again. At the time if felt like he might have cracked my skull.

"Then he continued to rape me again." The pain from my stomach, my throat, and my head numbed me now more than ever.

"I think the wine and the pain finally took its toll on me because I can't remember anything else after that."

One officer was writing notes down while the other devoted his full attention towards my face. My head was fully wrapped, covering my stitches. The bastard almost busted by head wide open. Although I hadn't looked in a mirror yet I was certain my entire face was black and blue.

I wanted the cops to leave already.

"Thank you, ma'am."

I answered a few more questions and then they were gone. I was afraid to look at Will so I didn't.

"I don't want any more visitors. I want to be left alone."

Clare patted my shoulder. "We'll talk later."

Will didn't leave though and I wanted to hate him for it. "Go Will."

"I can't leave you." His voice sounded unbelievably defeated like he was just in the fight of his life.

"I don't want you here!" I shouted in anger. Why was I being so mean to him?

Clare had disappeared. Will took cautious steps towards me. The space between us couldn't be anymore oblivious.

"Why?" He questioned me.

Why?

Because I wanted to kick and scream and cry. But instead of replying I stared into his eyes and for the longest second of my life I got lost.

"I won't let you feel alone." He promised.

I broke from his trance and tilted my head towards the ceiling. "I don't feel alone. I feel..."

...

He reached my bed and took my hand. The desire to pull away was there but I didn't.

"What, Laura?"

"Empty. I feel empty." I confessed with resilience.

I was too tired to argue so I closed my eyes praying he'd get the hint. I fell asleep and woke up to the sound of heavy footsteps walking in the dark.

I wasn't scared. There were few people who had access to my room.

Will had turned on the small lamp at the table in the corner of the room. He set some papers and his laptop down then started to look busy.

"What are you doing?" The question came out harsher than intended.

"Finishing my paper work." He didn't bother to look up at me. He knew I'd try kicking him out.

But for now, I didn't mind his company.

"Can I have some water...please?"

He immediately catered to my request. He placed the straw on my lips and I drank to get rid of the awful lump in my throat.

He was in a navy button up and slacks. Even with the dark rings around his eyes he looked like a damn model.

Why did he care about me so much? He should be caring for himself so he could in turn care for more patients. I should be the last thing on his mind.

He didn't go back to his work right away. I felt like he wanted to touch me. Like he wanted to physically be sure I was okay.

He was scared though.

"I'm fine."

He nodded but I took his hand placing it over my cheek. His half smile had finally convinced me that Rick must have put a number on me. It wasn't like I had a mirror to check.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened to you."

"Don't you have work to do?"

I knew that was probably the last thing he was thinking about right now but I couldn't stand him looking at me anymore. Watching him fiddle on his laptop was a small distraction and the highlight of my night.

Clare came to me in the afternoon. She looked beautiful and tan from our fun trip. I wish I could just go back. If I was still there this shit wouldn't have happened.

She didn't annoy me with a bunch of obvious questions. Instead she sat across from me reading a book. I couldn't see the title from how I was laying.

I wasn't really allowed to sit up yet. I had fractured my tailbone and it needed to heal. Not to mention it hurt like hell. Everything hurt like hell now.

Fuck it. I was tired of lying there like the freaking dead.

I wiggled about but I was so pathetically weak. It was like my arms would give out any second.

Clare got up frantically. "Honey don't. You can't-"

I refused to listen to her. Why was I so weak? Damn. It had to be the drugs. I also felt loopy.

"Laura stop-"

"No! Why can't I move? Why am I weak?" Stupid, tears of frustration began trickling down my