Chris' POV

But of course, it wasn't real. I dreamt Laura came back. I dreamt she chose me after everything that happened. I dreamt she wanted to marry me.

It was just a fucking dream.

My mind was playing tricks on me. That was how badly I wanted her.

But Laura probably wasn't even back from her work trip. She hadn't contacted me and I was too ashamed to harass her mother and friends about when she was coming home.

The idea of her running away instead of working out our problem scared me. Could we get past this? I know I lied and I held the truth from her for so long but what good would have come from it? I knew it would upset her. I knew it would hurt her knowing I tried getting back together with my ex.

I was done hurting her. That was why I chose not to tell her. At the time it felt like the right thing to do.

I was focused on changing her perspective of me. She already thought I was an asshole for not calling so to add to it that I was with someone else would have crushed any chance I had with her.

I just needed the opportunity to explain myself. 

Laura's POV

It was our last day laying in the Caribbean sun. Honestly, I wasn't ready to face reality. I wanted a few more days to relax and think to myself. It was so peaceful.

Clare had helped me realize I have been rushing into situations too often lately. I was indecisive about a lot of things.

I was easily influenced when it came to Chris. From the very beginning. I let him take advantage of me when I knew it was wrong, when I knew I deserved better than being used for cheap thrills. I should have used "no" more forcefully.

He had no respect for me then and I regretted not rejecting him more assuredly. I was consumed in this ridiculous fantasy that my long time crush actually wanted me in some kind of twisted way.

Why wasn't I repulsed by it then? I guess it didn't matter anymore. It seemed as though Chris had completely transformed into a different person. I wondered if the old him would pop back up.

He had no reason to treat me like that now.

I let guilt and insecurity rule over my life.

I didn't want to blame the whole world for the crap I was in because in the end it was my decision.

But I was easily influenced.

I felt the constant pressure of others to give him a chance; from my friends, Chris' family, even my own mother.

They questioned the decisions I made in my love life. Even when I was dating Will.

How often did I hear how being around me Chris was turning into a better person? He needed me. Chris had mentioned it on plenty of occasions.

Clare had wanted to shop with the local vendors on our last day. I thought it was a good idea bringing souvenirs back for my family.

It was just me and her and typically I hated shopping but Clare was so easy to talk to. She made it fun. I had a full bag of trinkets by midday.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as we sat under an umbrella at a small village cafe.

I order a coffee. It tasted so much better than the coffee back home. It was richer and held a slight flavor of hazelnut. "Good."

I watched the crowd of people bustle about trying to get to where they were supposed to be. Children were carefree and playing in the streets, kicking a ball around. I noticed a group of older women in light patterned dresses laughing and keeping busy in an open kitchen.

"Are you ready to see Chris?"

I tore my eyes away from the culture shock.

I nodded slowly. "I forgive him. Obviously I forgive him. I could have called him myself those months ago. I'm just stupid stubborn. It just felt like a dream. An awful dream at first but him calling would have assured me it was real. That he wanted me."

She drew her attention to my hands rubbing the rim of my coffee cup. What was she analyzing exactly?

"Reassurance is normal."

"I wondered if it would have even made a difference." Would he have picked up or was he too busy trying to make it work with Ariel?

"Do you believe he loves you?"

Well... yeah. I must have given her a look because she changed her question.

"Why do you love him?"

I stared at her for the longest time not even daring to sip my drink.

"Why do I love Chris?" I repeated the question in a panic.

Why was I getting anxiety over this question? Why did I love him?

My heart was pounding inside my ears.

"What made you fall in love with him?" She rephrased the question... again.

"I guess his pain." As weird as it sounded. "We connect through pain."

Her facial expressions weren't judging me.

"It's so cliché saying it now but after I got over hating him I felt sorry for him. I was looking at it as if his desire to hurt me came from a place of unimaginable pain."

"Do you still feel sorry for him?"

I didn't want to lie to her. "Yes."

She raised the floral cup of tea to her lips but continued to stare at me attentively. Whilst I was on pins and needles. What was she thinking?

"Do you like the feeling of being needed? I suspect you didn't feel it the same way with Will."

Will didn't need me. And I was sure Chris could indeed survive without me.

"Possibly." I couldn't even lie to myself. "I never felt like Will needed me."

"Just because he doesn't show it doesn't mean it's true. Will is a secure man but even he needs love."

I shook my head. "That's not what I meant." Did I?

"You've expressed to me your insecurity before. Is it still hard for you to believe a man as successful as Will would want or need a woman like you?"

Shit. It was a huge problem of mine. I never felt good enough. I was insecure and yes, I have wondered what the hell a gorgeous doctor would see appealing about me.

"Yes."

Clare was a soft-spoken woman with a gentleness about her that could tame a wild beast. She patted my hand. It was a small gesture of comfort but I knew it represented so much more.

"I think the reason you're so indecisive is because you're not happy with yourself. You've gone back and forth between men searching for something to compensate that insecurity."

I couldn't disagree. I knew I had major issues. I was dependent on their affection and complements. I was beginning to hate myself even more. "I cheated on Will. I kissed Chris and then I ran back to Will and to Chris again." I replayed it all in my head. Saying it out loud for some reason gave me more clarity. "I'm no better than Ben. I'm such a hypocrite. How could Will forgive me?"

I started shaking. Why was this hitting me now? I didn't want to be this person. I was a stupid cliché.

She squeezed my hand to pull my attention back. "Laura, honey, you won't find happiness with anyone if you can't find it within yourself. You need to learn to love yourself."

I felt a wave of tears trying to crash towards the surface. But I didn't want to cry.

"Why was it so hard to do? Maybe because I wasn't a good person. Maybe all the horrible things Chris said about me in the past was right. Look at me. Look at what I've become.

"I don't like the person I am." I said shamefully.

"The best part about life is that we can change. Be someone you're proud of. Be someone you can love. Although, I see plenty to love in front of me."

Her warmth and kindness will be my guidance.

We had dinner, all four of us that night and I couldn't be more thankful to be surrounded by Will and his mentors. They felt like family. It was a way better greeting than the one I received from his mother, that was for sure.

I was so glad Will took me on this trip and I couldn't put into words what Clare did for me.

It was time for me to grown within myself and not with someone else. I couldn't let my happiness depend on anyone but me. I did intend to eventually grow with someone but for now I needed to focus on myself. This way I couldn't hurt anyone else. Once I knew myself then maybe I'll know exactly who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I poured two glasses of wine and headed to the spacious back area where Will was stretched out. He was laying on some pillows looking up at the stars and moon.

I offered the glass and he took it, smiling back at me. I had missed his smile, the way it made my stomach flutter ridiculously for no real reason.

"How are you today?"

I laid beside him. And instead of gazing up at the breathtaking sky I lingered on his face. The moon was casting a nice glow and he looked more dreamy than normal. "I'm well. What did you and Mike do today?"

His eyes roamed my face as well and I prayed I had the same glow. I was also rocking a pretty impressive tan. "We went to the hospital and lend our services."

Of course, he would. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have gone too."

"Because I felt like you needed more time with Clare... to talk about things."

Oh. He was right to assume so. How could he possibly know so much about me? I doubted Clare told him anything we discussed. She was professional. Well he did know Chris was the reason I decided to join him at the conference.

"Thanks for being so patient with me."

He hadn't tried to kiss me again after the little beach incident. It wasn't awkward either. We remained the same; physically distant yet close. He was now drowning me in his contagious affection with the mere look in his eyes. I wanted to return the passionate invitation but I knew it was wrong. I wasn't technically broken up with Chris yet. I didn't want to make it more complicated. I knew my emotions couldn't handle it.

If Will were to hold me and tell how much he loved me I would most likely melt.

This was what was wrong with me. How could I feel this way with Will when I not long ago felt passionately about Chris?

Something was terribly wrong with me and I needed to get myself together.

"Laura I want you to know I love you. And I know I shouldn't say this while you're so conflicted but I can't help it. Being here with you feels right. I've hated the past few weeks. I hate not being with you."

This was what I was afraid of. I needed to be strong. I couldn't be with him like this. I couldn't be with Chris. I shouldn't be with anyone. Not yet.

"I love you too." It was instinctive and true. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. But Clare's helped me realize I can't rely on just your love. I have to love myself first."

His lips surprisingly curled into a deep, inspirational smile, like he was proud of me.

"I've been holding on to your compliments, your love, and security without having my own. That's how Chris broke me the first time. You picked up the pieces and I will forever be grateful but it's time I pick myself up."

He pulled me into a hug and he kissed my head. "I understand." I knew he would.

We got back home on a Thursday. Mom was in the kitchen cooking something delicious when I walked in with my carry on still attached to me.

I dropped it dramatically to walk over and hug her. I finally understood her nagging and pushing was coming from a good place but it was my time to push myself. I broke down to rid her of concern. I told her about how amazing Clare was and how important it was for me to just let both Will and Chris go.

I couldn't do this to them or myself.

I texted Chris afterwards and told him we needed to talk in person but not today. I wasn't mentally prepared yet.

Demi was over that Friday morning once she heard from Daniel, her boyfriend, that Will was back in town. I had to break it down for her too, which was actually great practice for when I talked to Chris.

Demi was a little hurt and mad at herself for not realizing I was dealing with some serious personal issues. She had no idea the extent of my self-destruction and how my lack of self-respect let Chris use me. I wasn't going to blame it all on Chris. It was my fault. I know that now.

She told me about the girls wanting to get together at Jamie's request to get Dania's mind off her ex. It was supposed to be a girl's night of fun and distraction. It couldn't be better timing. I could definitely use a distraction.

I felt bad for my best friend. Dania really, really cared for Angelo but his heart wasn't in it. The worst part about it was that Angelo was stringing her along and giving her false hope. He was such an asshole for playing with her emotions. Like he wanted her around just not the way she wanted to be around him.

Dania couldn't just cut him off. She was already head over heels in love with him but that might have been because she had a crush on him for the longest time. I understood exactly how she felt.

And I had to agree with my friends a lady's night might lessen the heartache... for the moment.

We gathered at Sarah's house mostly to convince Dania to get out because she didn't really want to go. But we weren't about to let her mope. We turned her into our barbie by dressing her up and caking on makeup. She really didn't need much. Dania was naturally beautiful.

She was pretty resistant for the first half but eventually she gave in. Especially when we told her we were taking her to a fancy restaurant/nightclub that recently opened up. We got booked easily because Leslie knew one of the hosts who happened to have a crush on her.

I kind of thought the girls would bombard me with questions about Chris. I mean they shouldn't even know we had any issues. From an audience's point of view it just looked like I was on a work trip which technically I was. I didn't tell anyone about the information I found out after the wedding on him and Ariel. I did tell Demi when I got back but that was because she was my closest friend. I didn't even tell my sisters although they did think it was suspicious how I never told anyone about my trip in advance.

It was suspicious. I couldn't blame them and mom didn't spill the beans either. So this was good.

It could remain between me and Chris. Well except when I break up with him.

I tried throwing all thoughts of Chris away so I could focus on my friends. The place we decided on was stunning. It had all the works. The front half was mostly a classy sit down restaurant; the back half I heard was where the party was at.

The smell of fresh flowers greeted our noses. Every table had a bright, colorful bouquet.

We ordered food with the intention of burning off the calories dancing afterwards. The food was pricey but definitely worth it. The point was we were enjoying ourselves.

There was no talk of boyfriends, husbands, or men of any kind. Tonight was about the ladies.

"Laura Brown?" A man spoke in a quizzical tone, as the waiter handed us our checks.

He was a middle-aged man wearing a shiny black suit, tailored on every inch; I knew so because it fit him so tightly. I could only think of one man who could actually afford such a thing.

"Mr. West, it's nice to see you again." I did my best to smile praying I had nothing stuck in my teeth.

I knew Mr. West was a business man. I gathered that from the collection of expensive suits he'd show up in at the hospital and he was always on his phone. He talked a lingo of stock I could never fully understand. I was his ten-year-old son's nurse when they came in for his broken wrist.

"And you as well." His brown eyes scanned our empty plates. "Did you enjoy your food?"

We all nodded.

Mr. West grabbed the check from the waiter as she passed by to place it on our table. "Tonight's dinner is on me ladies."

"No, we couldn't let you." I protested.

"Please, it's the least I can do. You were so good to Dennis when he was in the hospital. He still talks about you."

I had to entertain the little boy in order to distract him from his parents fighting in public. They would argue in the hallways but in hearing range. I hated that Dennis had to witness his parents yelling at each other.

"Besides I own the Lenex so therefore I can do what I want here." His smirk was oddly controversial but pleasant.

"Oh. I didn't know that." It was weirdly coincidental. So, the business man owned this very restaurant.

Mr. West wrote something on the check and handed it back to the waiter. "Are you all going over to the club section?"

He sifted through my friends' faces and Jamie confirmed. "Yes. It's ladies night. We're gonna dance all night until one of us crashes."

He smiled and straightened his already crisp suit. "Let me get you into the VIP area."

I was again about to refuse but this time Jamie and Leslie spoke up. "That would be lovely, thank you Mr. West."

Sarah nudged me. "How do you know this guy?"

"His son was my patient." I said it loudly so the rest of the girls could understand the association.

My friends were glowing and gleaming as Mr. West directed us towards the club area. It was a bit underground; I think. We had to take a secret staircase into a back entrance. The dancefloor was packed and bursting with movement and neon lights.

I could already feel the sweat of the crowd giving me anxiety. At least we had the hook up because the VIP section was freaking spacious. I wouldn't have to rub up against and creepy guys trying to hit on me. It looked way too expensive though.

Mr. West flagged down the nearest server which was a gorgeous half naked blonde. "Bring this table a round of shots and anything else they order is covered by me."

The blonde smirked at us, making a mental note of what we looked like for when we ordered more.

"No," I waved my hand to stop her. But the server strutted straight to the bar. "We can't let you. You're being too generous."

This was wrong, wasn't it? I couldn't let him pay for everything. Yet I wasn't getting any help from my friends. They seemed content with letting a stranger pay for our night.

"Please Mr. West. This is too much."

He shook his head. "No, it's not. And call me Rick."

"He's the club owner Laura. He is used to getting his way. Just thank him." Jamie whispered in my ear as she pushed past me to get into the booth.

Mr. West, or Rick now, was talking to another older man. They were possibly friends.

I still felt weird about the situation.

Rick shook the guy's hand and then turned to us with his full attention. We were handed our shots by Rick himself and he even toasted.

The liquid burned. Damn, it was tequila.

"Actually I have all the good liquor locked in my office. Would you all like a bottle?"

Another round of shots was given out. Oh gosh. It was more tequila.

The girls were cheering and chanting his name. Yup. We were already tipsy.

Rick leaned towards my ear so I could hear him over the music. "Wanna tour of the club?"

There was more to this place? I was shocked. How big was the Lenox? I shrugged. Why not?

"We'll be back with the bottle." He announced to my posse of friends as he stretched out his arm for me to take.

That was probably a brilliant idea since I was wearing heels and slightly intoxicated. I appreciated the support as we ascended up some stairs. To my surprise there was an elevator waiting for us at the end of the hall.

"What made