Laura's POV

I hadn't burst into pitiful sobs yet. But as soon as I got home I sprinted to my room. I needed solitude. I sat on my bed and put my head between my legs. I was hyperventilating. I couldn't think about Chris or what he did to me. I wasn't mentally ready for it. I needed a distraction. I needed to think about something, anything less painful.

Oh God. I couldn't be here. What if he followed me? What if he won't leave me alone?

I need to leave. Where would I go? Mmmmm...anywhere. The conference! Will wanted me to go with him. Was that invitation still available? I fidgeted through contact numbers. Will answered on the second ring.

"Can I still go with you to the conference? Do you still need me?" I spoke so fast I wasn't sure he understood me.

"Yes of course. Is everything alright?" He always could tell when I was upset.

"I can't be home right now."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at 9am."

Tomorrow? "Perfect."

I packed a duffle bag with mostly essentials, a pair of heels, dress pants, and random shirts. I didn't sleep. I cried, a lot. Even when I forced myself not to calculate or dig into the reasoning I still cried. It was the feeling of loss and betrayal that triggered my tears. I erased my mind; forbid myself from remembering any good or bad memories.  

Regardless my eyes were swollen in the morning. Shit. Big and puffy, just nasty looking. I covered what I could with makeup. It did the trick, plus my aviator sunglasses helped.

My mom was cooking breakfast when I walked down. I was hoping to slip out without anyone noticing. I didn't have an appropriate explanation for her. And I wasn't ready to break it down.

"Were you crying baby?" She dropped what she was doing and faced me.

I nodded. "Chris and I aren't doing so well."

She registered my bag. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Business trip with Will."

I knew that look; that motherly, overprotective look.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Don't you want to try and work it out with Chris?"

"No, mom. I can't right now. I need different air to breath. I feel like I'm suffocating here." Everything was being ripped from under me especially my logic.

She opened her mouth again but I spoke first. "You know Will. He's respectable. I'll be fine."

She knew Will wouldn't try anything on me. He was truly a good man and never once hurt me. Thankfully that seemed to calm her doubt.

"What should I tell -"

I kissed her cheek. "Nothing. Bye momma. I love you."

I didn't owe Chris anything and I had no intention of fooling around with Will. I knew it probably looked that way but I didn't care. We rode in an uber; Will took my bag and threw it in the trunk after he opened the side door for me. I kept my sunglasses on even after we boarded the plane. I was positive he knew exactly what I was trying to hide under them.

Will predominately stared at me and I couldn't be an asshole and ignore him. He did after all fire the other poor nurse from coming so he could take me instead without question. I owed him.

Will had let his hair grow out including a faint beard. His thick brown curls were tossed and tamed with gel. Those big hazel eyes mirrored sympathy and compassion. If I was being honest the look he was giving me almost broke me.

"Is it Chris?"

I nodded, drawing out a breath.

He flagged down a stewardess and ordered a couple of small bottles of red wine. I accepted his offer although it wasn't the norm for me. I drank two before passing out on his shoulder.

He gently woke me, not minding that I drooled on his shirt. And I didn't mind that we weren't staying at a hotel. Apparently he had a friend that owned a few apartments in the city. That very good friend was gracious enough to let us crash in his two bedroom luxury penthouse. It was big and open, ceiling to floor windows surrounding the entire back wall. There was a deck leading to a cute small Jacuzzi tub.

We had no real time to enjoy it or the city view. We quickly got dressed so we wouldn't  be late for the conference. Will was an expert. He spoke with such solid confidence. There were so many researchers, doctors, and scientists falling in love with his ideas and methods. I was there to help answer any of their questions. They admired his brilliance just as much as I did.

For the most part it kept me so occupied I couldn't focus on my own personal problems. I was unbelievably exhausted by the end and crashed on bed not bothering to change out of my clothes. Again Will gently woke me up the next morning.

His soft voice was what I imagined angels sound like. "I'm making you a bath."

I rubbed my eyes. He was what? I heard the water draining into the porcelain tub.

"I'm also getting you something to eat."

Why was he going through the trouble? I threw the covers aside. I couldn't remember how I even got under them. "You don't have to."

"I want to." He confirmed walking out of my room.

I searched for my phone forgetting that I purposely left it back home. I used Will's yesterday to tell my mom we had landed safely. I checked the clock and wasn't surprised I had slept through the entire morning. It was well past noon.

Ooh God. I untucked my shirt from my wrinkled black slacks. It was a bad idea not changing into pajamas. I squeezed a bottle of body soap in with the falling water and watched the tiny white bubbles surface to the top. Then I took my clothes off knowing for a fact Will was in the kitchen preparing something.

It felt heavenly submerging myself into piping hot water. It was like a steamy blanket swallowing me whole. I knew it was wrong to be like this in front of my ex. I felt like I was on autopilot; refusing to feel any raw emotion.

I got out quickly; knowing he was probably waiting on me. I dressed in pajamas, well technically they were black sweat pants and a long sleeve tee. He had ordered Chinese because he knew lo mein was my comfort food. I couldn't be more thankful for his jedi mindreading. I was craving lo mein like not other.

We ate in silence. That was what I loved about him. He wasn't a pusher. He wasn't going to bug the hell out of me about something I obviously didn't want to talk about yet.

"We need to leave in an hour. If you don't feel like going I can go by myself."

I shook my head. "I know I look scary. Sorry-"

Will took my hands from across the table. "You look beautiful."

"You're such a freaking liar."

The depth of gold in his eyes were telling me otherwise. "You don't ever have to be sorry around me. I am your friend. I want the best for you. I want you to be happy."

Corny but it made me feel better. "I don't feel like myself right now."

He understood. "What do you need?"

"Something to do. I don't want to think." Maybe that was why I slept so long because I couldn't remember my dreams. That time was blank.

I accompanied him to the last conference meeting. It was earlier than the one before so it also ended quicker.

Will introduced me to an older cute couple. The man was in his fifties dressed like a fancy politician and his wife was meek but extremely elegant. They hugged, right off the bat, giving me an indication they were long time friends.

"Laura this is Dr. Edwards. He taught me everything I know."

I felt like a deer caught in headlights; caught in greatness. I was literally awestruck. I shook his hand eagerly. "I've heard so much about you."

His charming smile wasn't the only thing he was armed with. "Is this Laura the fiance you told me about?"

Will nervously licked his lips. Awww he told his mentor about me.

"Laura Brown. It's so wonderful to meet you. And you must be Clare." I took the lead because I was actually the asshole who put Will in this awkward mess. If I had to pretend a bit I would... for Will.

Dr. Edwards wife smiled at my acknowledgement and familiarity. She was a brilliant doctor and I had read some articles on her after Will praised her.

"So you're the beauty who's finally caught our William's eye?"

"He's the beauty that caught my eye." I giggled and Clare laughed with me. "He's my trophy wife."

Will grinned and something possessed me to hug him; to hold him like we were an actual couple again. I was embraced in sweet familiar sensations. I felt safe in his arms. I trusted him with my entire being. I trusted him, period; especially with my heart.

Will's arms circled around me, warm and secure. "Gladly."

"Oh you make such an adorable pair. Won't you two join us tonight? Please don't tell me you have plans." Clare seemed determined.

Will dropped his gaze to me for validation. He wanted me to make the decision.

"As long as you promise to tell me all the embarrassing stories you have on him." I never got to share those kind of things with his mom. She hated me.

Their home was quaint but lovely; small and cozy. They had no children of their own. I wasn't sure if it was because of their busy professional lives or maybe she couldn't have children. I wouldn't dare ask. They took a closer interest in Will and treated him like their own son.

They loved to brag about him and I loved hearing about his past. Will watched me attentively as I soaked in ever bit of information I could get on him. He was as perfect as I predicted. Apparently the ultimate student; overachiever and such. That didn't surprise me.

Clare pulled me to the side as her husband and Will started talking in depth about their newer studies. Her and I drank wine on the front porch swing, glazing up at the stars. It was relaxing and oddly exactly what I needed.

"You're in love with him." Clare shifted the topic onto me.

"How can I not be?"

"I don't see an engagement ring."

Honestly after their wonderful hospitality I felt guilty lying to her. "It's a long story."

"Please, I have time."

She was putting on her professional doctor face. The fact that she was a psychologist intimidated me. But she could offer me some great advice. And God knows I need it. I was lost.

So I broke every detail down for her and I mean everything. I told her about Chris's bipolar behavior and the way he physically and mentally tortured me. I admitted to choosing him over wonderful Will and then how he broke my heart. I was in tears by the end of it. Why did I let myself go through that much crap?

Clare had composed her facial expressions the entire time. There wasn't once where I felt her judging me or felt her disgusted by my actions.

She took my hand between both of hers and then wiped my face. I probably looked like a nightmare. Thank God Will hadn't come out to find us.

"Was Chris's cousin your first boyfriend?"

I nodded.

"What did you think of yourself before you dated him? Did you love yourself?" I hesitated. "You can be honest with me. I want to help you."

"No. I hated my body. I was always a big girl and I know now it wasn't a bad thing. But back then it was constantly rubbed in my face. My older sister was smaller than me and having her remind me of it everyday ruined my perspective on things. I started to believe guys could only like me if I was skinny. That's why I was surprised when Ben asked me out. He was... gorgeous."

In truth Ben was good to me well except for the end when he cheated. I was so self conscious of my body. I didn't think any guy could be attracted to me. Why would they when they could have someone prettier or thinner?

"Why not stop Chris the first time or the second, or third time?"

I had to be honest with myself. "I liked it. I liked the thrill and fire he sparked in me. Every time he said he hated me was a reflection of how I felt about myself. I hated myself for liking it. I hated myself for not knowing my worth; for not believing I deserved better."

Chris was just as dark and twisted as I was. He hated himself as well.

"You're not mad about his real intentions? That instead of hurting you on behave of his cousin, he was hurting you because you caused a girl he loved to leave him."

"I don't believe he came with the intentions of breaking my heart. Because attacking me wouldn't have been the way to do it." Or so I thought because my dumbass still fell in love with him. "I think he wanted to hurt me but started falling for me in the process."

"So then you're not mad he didn't tell you that his ex came back. You're mad because he was willing to give her another try when he was supposed to call you and try to work it out with you?"

During those months my demons haunted me. I thought it was my fault. I was too easy. I was too fat. Why would he like me? Why would he want to be with me? Chris only wanted one thing. He used me and I felt worthless. I was taunted everyday with a pledge of darkness.

"Our entire relationship is made up of terrible occurrences. It was doomed from the very beginning." I was too stupid to realise it.

"You didn't always think like that otherwise you wouldn't have given it a chance. You hoped. You put your faith in him." She patted my hand when warm tears surfaced behind my eyelids. "Men deal with pain and emotions entirely different than us."

Something I already knew but often forgot about. How differently could it be?

"Laura you forgave him; after everything he did you forgave him. And were willing to start new. He felt guilty. I could even bet monstrous. He probably didn't feel worthy of you. You were supposed to be a cheater but instead became this ideal woman. You accepted him and he didn't know what to do. He went back to his ex because he didn't believe you would want to be with him."

He told me that the first time. He felt ashamed and said I deserved better.

"Its so easy to feel unworthy. You felt it with Ben."

"I felt it with Will too."

"Do you have regrets leaving Will for Chris?"

That was a million dollar question. Was I strong enough to admit it?

"I was on the edge waiting for Chris to mess up. Did I overreact? Should I have listened to his explanation?"

"Do you want an explanation?"

Or was I looking for an easy out?

The screen door swung open and I jumped a little, surprised. Will was beaming down at me. You could tell how much he loved being around his old mentor.

"I promised Laura I'd take her to the beach but things came up." He was still talking to Dr. Edwards as he walked towards me. 

"You should join us." Dr. Edwards graciously invite.

Will seemed to consider but there was no way we could agree.

"I have work." I burst his bubble.

"I can call on your behalf. I'm sure there are others who can cover for you." Dr. Edwards insisted.

Could he do that? "I don't have any clothes for the beach."

Clare was next to betray me. "Our flight isn't til late tomorrow. We can go shopping in the morning."

She seemed so excited. I'd hate to say no again. They were good people, so kind.

"We rented out a secluded cabin over the water in Bora Bora."

I bit my lip. Was this right? Could I go off with Will to a private beach? We did technically plan on going before we broke up.

"I'll even add in a few free sessions." Clare whispered in my ear and winked at me.

It was nice talking to her and getting everything off my chest. So the trip included good company, gorgeous views, and free talk sessions with a therapist. I'd be stupid not to take it. Besides I wasn't ready to face reality yet.

"Ok."

Will looked shocked I took the offer but thrilled that I did.

Back at the apartment Will made sure I knew it was entirely my decision to go. "Laura I'm not going to pressure you into taking a vacation with me. If you don't feel comfortable and want to go home tell me."

"I'm don't want to go home yet."

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