fun fact: i never actually planned to continue writing this book when it was around like ten chapters but then i said fuck it and kept writing anyway AND HERE WE ARE AT 40 CHAPTERS

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Thalia Lively

The car came to a smooth stop as Nathan pulled up to the side of the road and exited the car without saying a word. I followed his actions and looked around me, being in complete awe of the nature around me. The road was in between a forest-like setting, trees outlined the whole road so perfectly. The trees were mixtures of greens, some of them resembling Nathan's eyes.

I looked ahead of me and saw a sign that gave me chills. Mills Road.

"Was this where it happened? Where's the gas station?" I asked Nathan, breaking the unwanted silence that settled between us as we drove here.

He looked down the road with an unknown emotion looming around his eyes. "No, the crash happened further down." He answered and I was confused at why we stopped here but I didn't have to ask since he continued. He looked down at the spot he was standing in, being in the middle of the road. "This is where the driver lost control of the car, the driver that crashed into—" he stopped himself, like he was uncomfortable saying the words.

"You were there?" I asked him, not understanding how he would know that. He didn't answer but he looked like he was recalling the exact scene as his eyes traced the side of the road that we came from, to the end of the road where the crash must've happened.

"Come," He said disregarding my question as he started walking further down the road and I followed absentmindedly. My eyes were glued to the scenery around me, my breath being taken away at the stunning effect nature held. Wind blew softly around us, not a harsh cold wind but a gentle one that seemed to just be passing through. We walked until a gas station entered my view and I didn't take my eyes off of it as I tried to regain any recollection of it.

The gas station was empty at the moment, as I assumed it would be since Nonna said barely anyone goes through here.

"Close your eyes." He demanded suddenly and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why?" I asked obliviously, not knowing where he was going with this.

"Just do it, you want to remember don't you?" He said to me softly and I sighed, closing my eyes slowly.

I heard him take a deep breath before he spoke. "Try to picture everything I'm going to describe to you okay?" He started off by saying and I nodded hesitantly. "It was dark that night, the road was completely silent and empty." It wasn't hard to picture that scene since that's what it was like now just it wasn't dark yet, but if we stayed here for a little longer the darkness would eventually show up. "Imagine hearing cars roaring in the background, first they're distant but then you hear them as they came closer." He continued and my mind did exactly what he told me to and the zooming car sound echoed in my head.

My eyes flickered open on their own and I walked to the middle of the road, staring at the road ahead of me. The car sounds still played in the background of my head, and just like Nathan described, they got louder as the cars got closer. I turned around to look at the gas station and I pictured my family car in the gas station lot.

The cars were getting louder.

My breath got stuck in my throat as I remembered sitting in the back seat with Aidan right next to me. We were laughing and playing loud music as our parents went to go pay for the gas and grab some snacks.

Louder.

I remember my dad picking up my mom as she tried racing him to the car, wanting to beat him but he wouldn't let her. Aidan and I laughed with them once they re-entered the car. My dad's laugh echoed bounced off of the car walls and a tear slipped my eye as I remembered his laugh. My mom turned around in her seat to look at Aidan and I as she offered us food, which I declined but Aidan dug in immediately.

Louder. Closer.

My dad reminded us to put in our seatbelts as he started pulling out of the lot. I remember Aidan spilling his drink on my leg which resulted in me smacking him since it was ice cold. My dad chuckled at us but calmed me down as he gave me his sweater to use to wipe off the drink on my leg. I turned to look outside the window just as my dad exited the gas station.

They were here.

Three cars raged towards us and my heart skipped a beat as I watched the first car try to stop but it was too late. I blinked and an image popped into my head. The guy in the passenger seat was James.

James was in the first car.

One of the other cars crashed into James' car from behind then spiralled off into the trees, landing upside down. The last car managed to stop before hitting anyone however, that car lost control but hit the left side of the trees instead.

Nathan was in the last car.

After seeing the last two cars crash, and just as James was about to hit my side of the car, I felt someone unbuckled my seat belt and push me away. Aidan switched spots with me and hovered over me in the car as my dad tried moving out of the way but again, it was too late.

I felt someone shake my shoulders and I blinked repeatedly then looked up at Nathan who stared down at me, concern crossing his eyes.

"What did you see?" He asked me and his normal husky voice softened down. The raspiness from his voice lingered around as I tried to collect my thoughts.

"I saw James, h-he was in the car that hit us." I came to the conclusion. "The driver he was with though, I didn't recognize." I told him my observation and Nathan looked down as he answered.

"That was Victor. James' older brother." He explained.

"I'm guessing he's the guy that's getting out from prison soon?" I questioned, just wanting to desperately connect the dots. He nodded silently then started walking back to his car, and I followed as I tried to understand what really happened that night. He hiked himself up on the hood of his car and motioned with his head for me to follow his lead. I didn't have to be told twice and I climbed on top of his car and sat next to him.

"You were there too." I added, remembering I never told him about the part where I remembered his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked in a tired voice, not wanting to overreact anymore today.

I'm tired. Tired of having a blank memory. Tired of living with a heavy pit in my stomach. Tired of constantly feeling unwanted since I also thought no one would want someone so broken. Tired of being alone. Tired of crying. Tired of pretending to be strong and okay. I'm tired.

"I wasn't sure if it was the same crash until I connected the dots and the dates lined up." He answered me then looked into my eyes with a sincere apologetic expression. "It's my fault, what happened that night. And I'm so sorry that it had to be you who got affected." He said with his voice deepening as he angered himself.

"Don't blame yourself—" I started off by saying but his strong booming voice cut me off easily.

"But I'm the one to blame! I blame myself everyday, and you've seen James blame me too. The boys and I were stupid at that time, we fell into wrong crowds and before any of us knew it, we were in too deep and there was no way out. Victor and his friends were in a gang, I guess you could say. They made money by hosting car races at a track just down this very road." He said while nodding his head down the vacant road. "A friend of ours was friends with James and he ended up there since he was under James' bad influence. He introduced us to it and we went to check it out and thought a couple harmless races wouldn't affect anything."

"Your friend," I interrupted. "Was his name Ryan? Sam told me about him briefly earlier." I said and he looked down at his ring and nodded.

"Yeah, his life was taken that night and it was because of me." His voice broke and my heart yearned to comfort him but he jumped off the car too quickly. He started pacing and I started getting worried. "Out of everyone, I was the one who mostly got involved. At that time my dad was never around, he drank every night and never showed back up for days after he left the house. My mom was struggling to provide for us so I raced for money. I didn't know the race tracker they held there, after getting yourself put into the bets, you either had to win or pay the losing fee. Again, I didn't have much money. The boys knew it was a bad idea to get involved with Victor, but I never listened to them. I was blinded by wanting to help my mom and sisters, that was all I cared about." He hid his face into the palm of his hands.

I watched as he ran his hand through his hair that started to loom over his eyes.

"Ryan warned me about Victor and James but I didn't listen to him either, and he refused to leave my side while I was there so he got involved too. That night James found out about my alcoholic father and kept provoking me. He's always wanted to race me but he never raced fairly, with having his brother on his side, no one ever went against the two of them. I knew better, well up until that night when I fell into his trap. Ryan followed me even though I tried forcing him to go home, he wouldn't listen to me. The boys were trying to stop us but the deal was already done and Victor's mind was already set." He continued and I was so trapped into his story that I found myself wanting to hear more.

"Why did Victor and James hate you so much? What did you do?" I asked him curiously and he gave me a bitter laugh.

"I didn't do anything. They're dad died and they've forever blamed my dad for it, since they both knew each other and apparently my dad was the one who let him drunk drive. I don't know that whole story because I've never bothered to ask my dad about it. They only way they could get to my dad was by getting to me, and once they found out I was racing on their track, they made some fucked up plan to give my dad a piece of his own medicine. There were two conditions to the race that night, one being I had to ride alone and the second one being I had to drive whichever car they chose for me. I figured it wasn't worth it but then they threatened Ryan's life so I had to take the deal. Victor was one sick bastard." He scoffed and leaned on the car as he walked back towards me.

"So you took the deal but why was Ryan also driving alongside you guys?" I asked but I felt like I shouldn't have since I could see tears brimming his eyelids.

"Victor figured including him in the deal would've made things more interesting. He put 500,000 dollars down for whoever won. They rigged my car and halfway through it started breaking down. Carter was in the passenger seat with Ryan since Ryan was a year younger than us and he didn't trust him to be alone. Ryan switched cars with me and I managed to catch up  in the race. When he offered to switch cars I was happy because that meant he wouldn't ride with us. He didn't give up and just as Ryan's car broke down, that's when the crash happened. I was meant to take the damage, I was meant to be affected not Ryan and not you and your family. I was the one who took the fucking deal and I shouldn't have but—" I finally stopped him.

I jumped off of the car and made my way towards him. "It wasn't your fault. How could you be the one to blame when James and Victor were the ones who made the deal and forced you all to be apart of it? You were just trying to do what was right and even if it wasn't, you didn't have bad intentions like they did. It wasn't your fault." I repeated the ending trying to convince him but I clearly did a poor job since he didn't believe me.

"It doesn't matter what you say Thalia, I shouldn't have kept going there in the first place." He said and moved away from me.

"You were young and didn't know any better. How could you have known that was going to be the outcome?" I said incredulously, trying to make him believe me. "Is that why Victor is coming after you?" I asked him once he didn't respond at my first question.

"James hates me even more because I was the one who called 911 that night and got Victor caught. James' friends were supposedly following us during the race so when the crash happened James ran away with his friends. Victor was stuck in the car though so he got caught. Ryan died on impact and Carter was unconscious. I was the only one fully aware so I called 911 immediately. I stuck around until the police and ambulance got here and I explained everything. I had charges for illegal racing and other stuff I did in the past, but my dad took care of those, even though I didn't ask him to. I'd rather rot in prison since it was what I deserved, but no I was the only one who walked away that accident freely. Me, of all people." He said angrily and punched his car out of anger. I jumped then raced to his side, trying to stop him from hurting himself.

"Hey, stop! Look at me. Look at me!" I repeated and he shoved me away.

"You asked me why I stuck around but why do you stick around? Why are you still here? Now that you know mostly everything, can't you tell that I'm not fit to be with you? I'm damaged, I'm trouble, I'm dangerous, I've heard all of those things my whole life. After the accident I drank every day and every night. I wouldn't come home, I'd find myself waking up at unknown houses or hotels. I ruined my life and I don't plan on ruining yours even more too." He said and started walking to the drivers side of the car. "I'm taking you home and this ends here."

"No." I said, not moving from my spot.

"No?" He repeated as he turned around to look at me with dangerous eyes but I stood my ground.

"No." I shook my head. "You can't push me away, I won't let you. What happened wasn't your fault and I refuse to let you beat yourself up over it. I'm not going anywhere. There were so many times when I wished someone was there for me to tell me things like that and whether you think so or not, we aren't that different. I can see you pushing me away and I don't want you to." I said solidly.

"That's not a decision you get to make. What part of I'm not good for you don't you understand? I just gave you so many reasons to run away from me. I mess around with girls, I don't love anymore and I don't want you to get treated that way. You deserve better." He replied to my rant, trying desperately to change my mind but I didn't want to let go of him.

"Are you kidding me? How are you going to come into my life, turn everything upside down then just leave me when you choose to. How can you flirt with me or act like you care like you did earlier? You weren't lying when you said I meant something to you because I saw it in your eyes so don't try denying it. Just stop trying to push me away." I took a step closer to him and he shook his head negatively. "Just let me in." I said softly and he looked like he was having a battle in his head.

"I'm not good for you." He repeated, almost trying to convince both of us. "Everywhere I go, I bring trouble. Everything I touch, ends up breaking. It's a never ending cycle of losing someone one way or another and I refuse to hurt you in anyway." He went straight back to pushing me away instantly.

"But you won't hurt me! I know you won't because that's not who you are!" I yelled, getting fed up with this act. Slight rain started but it didn't bother either of us. "That crash wasn't your fault and the way you lashed out afterwards wasn't who you are, you needed a way to deal with it and that's okay. I dealt with it by locking myself away and you dealt with it by trying to forget while I was forced to forget. You aren't your father and you aren't a murderer. Nathan, that wasn't you and you know it." I wasn't going to give up on him.

"You don't know anything about me. Sure, I just told you a chunk of my past but there's so much more that would make you go running for the hills. I shouldn't have gotten this close with you anyway, I don't know what I was thinking." He said, putting up his walls and locking me out.

"I know that your friends mean the world to you and you'd do anything for them. I know that you would risk your life in order to provide for your family. I know that you actually have the capability to feel something since you still hurt yourself mentally and physically over Ryan because you loved him like family. I know that you are one the smartest people in the school, maybe even the smartest and you try to make your mom proud everyday. I may not know everything but I know enough to want to risk everything in order to see the rest of you that you hid away." I ranted and took a deep breath afterwards, not noticing it was now starting to pour.

"You are going to be the death of me, angel." He grumbled, his shoulders slumping down as if he was starting to back away from the fight.

"Maybe I am," I shrugged and his eyes finally stayed glued into mine. We stayed silent as we got soaked head to toe but neither of us cared. "I want to risk it because I want you Nathan. And I'm not leaving whether you like that or not." I said quietly but he heard it loud and clear.

"God," was the last thing he said before marching over to me and grabbing my face with his hands, smashing his lips into mine. I stood there shocked for a couple seconds but I fell deep into the kiss quickly after, returning the eagerness that he held. Both of us brought our own intensity into the kiss, and god, was it amazing. My stomach was erupting in butterflies that were going crazy within me, I couldn't think straight and my heart must've at least skipped like five beats at once. The warmth from his lips lingered on mine as he slowed it down. His strong hands held my cheeks, keeping me in place but I wouldn't want to move anyway. Our lips melted into each other and I started to smile into the kiss which made him break away softly. "I've been waiting to do that for so long." He said as his thumb traced my bottom lip.

I couldn't seem to catch my breath and I suddenly got a rush of shivers as the rain continued pouring on us. "We're so cliche, kissing in the rain after an argument." I pointed out and he rolled his eyes but I could see him smiling as he pulled us towards the car. We got in and his seats were quickly being soaked by our dripping wet clothes.

"Let's get away from here now." He said, his eyes lingering on the road in front of us then turned the car around and going the opposite way from the gas station.

I leaned my head on the window as I watched us drive away from the place that ruined everything for us, in the rearview mirror. Nathan put on the radio and a quiet song started playing the background as my eyes slowly shut.

Just as I was about to slip away into the sleepiness, I could've sworn I heard Nathan mumble the word beautiful.

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{sorta edited}

Okay it's shortish again but that seemed like a good place the close off the chapter with everything that happened in it so don't hate me too much (;

Anyways, well there ya go. Nathan's past (there's more y'all don't know just sayin) and Thalia's past also. She remembers the crash now and she also is admitting her feelings for Nathan.

And the long awaited, KISS SCENE. Y'all comment for them to kiss in every chapter I swear so FINE HERE,