Wedding Stuff:

Venue: still not decided-three choices

Gown: Mom and I will check some out before Christmas

Wedding Party: Gunnar-Best Man, Hunter-Groomsman/Ring Bearer, Bridesmaids-TBD, Jace-Bubble Blower

Guest List: Almost finalized, mom has to add a few more, I've got to take some off

Honeymoon Plans: Uh, what?

"Omg!" Honeydew gasped in realization.

How could she forget?

"I'm getting married. I know that," She murmured while scratching her head. "Lord, how did I forget about the honeymoon? About sex," She stared at her laptop with her mouth dropped.

Woah.

She never thought about that.

She knew, but it never registered.

She was scared out of her mind.

But who could she talk to about this?

"Uh, so I didn't even think about this," Honeydew said to God feeling awkward and shy.

"It's not that I'm not attracted to him, You know I am, but I just don't know how it'll happen. When like it's just something so new. Of course, I want to do this, but I don't know. Help me, please."

Her silly plea made her facepalm while laughing at herself.

This was pathetic, but she knew that God was listening and He'd always help her.

"Songs of Solomon. Look, listen, and understand without reservations,"

Honeydew grabbed her Bible and opened it up to the chapter.

God always knew how to help her.

And Songs of Solomon was a book she skimmed over, now she understands why.

She's just a little scared of sex.

But today she would face that fear.

She opened her laptop and searched for a summary of the book.

"Aha," She cheered as a site loaded.

It seemed pretty informative.

'Songs of Solomon focuses on marriage, healthy love, healthy sex, and God's intentions for marriage to Him and your spouse.

The same way Solomon was excited to be with his bride, to become One with her, so God is the same with us.

His bride was overjoyed, but constantly had reminders not to allow the love and passion to turn into something self-seeking, lust.

Don't awaken love before its time.

It is a reminder to us to find love-centered and revolving around Christ.

Don't jump in to fill in the blank before it's time before you've fallen in love with Christ and are willing to follow Him everywhere.

And in time, He will lead you to the right place. A place where love can be awakened.

To go further, God will sometimes keep us hidden in Him as we learn. As we grow, as we understand that He is Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, He is our everything, the Sustainer.

And then when He feels we're strong enough in His strength, He opens the door for us to go out into the world.

He awakens it in His time.

And if you are One with your Maker, He will awaken those feelings in His timing. (Psalm 37:3-5)

He will allow those feelings to blossom, and the one He's chosen for you will follow the guidance of God, which is when the time is right.

Moving on, to the Bridegroom, Solomon is ready for his bride. He finds her to be the loveliest of lovely. The things she once found insecurity in, he finds them beautiful. (SOS 1:5-11)

He appreciates all that she is.

The Bride, who spent time with God having His loving gaze upon her 24/7 understands that her Groom delights in her. (SOS 2:13)

He wants to take her away and make her his. To become One.

I pray that as you read this book God opens your eyes to His matchless love for you. His love is tireless, which means He will always love you. He sees you and loves you.

I pray that you take the place of the eager Bride and receive the love God has for you. That this love takes you to new heights with God. You can be fearless with Him because He loves you.

He is your Avenger. The one and only righteous Avenger.

He longs for you to come away with Him and let His love rain down on you forever and ever.

And as He loves you, your heart will soften, you won't want to stay the same, you'll want to be the best Bride for your Groom.

And for those of you who are married or engaged, know that if you have followed God and He has given you His best, you are in good hands. I pray for guidance for you both and your hearts to never leave His hand.

He loves you, I love you, and I pray that we are all ready for our Bridegroom, Christ Jesus.'

Woah.

Honeydew never saw Songs of Solomon in that light.

It wasn't about a from who just wants to have sex with his bride. It's God's intention for sex within marriage. About God awakening love in its time.

Now all she wanted to do was jump into God's arms and hug Him tightly. She felt much better and reading Songs of Solom would encourage her every time she forgot about that special love.

God had the keys to their hearts and He knew when to unlock things, but if we don't surrender desires, everything to Him, we can unlock things at the wrong time.

"Now talk to him. Share your reservations,"

Honeydew's cheeks grew warm at the request. She didn't plan on talking to Beau about this, but God knew best.

"Okay, but if I can't form sentences, You know why," She laughed lightly and opened her text thread with Beau.

Honeydew: Hey! I'd like to talk to you about something. It's not bad, so don't worry. I just know that God would rather me speak about this than just keep it in

After sending the message, he responded instantly. Something she loved about him.

Beau: I can come over in thirty minutes, sugar. You got me a little worried, but I'll try not to think too much.

Honeydew laughed and shook her head. She didn't want him to worry, but it was his uber-caring nature.

Honeydew: Oh, well, I won't spoil the surprise. See you soon!

Time went on and soon enough, Beau was at the door, bringing back every anxious feeling Honeydew had.

She knew it was the right thing to do, but she didn't want him to look at her while speaking.

However, she knew that when doing hard things you just have to do it.

And God was with her.

Baby ran to the front door and sniffed it until Honeydew opened it.

"Hi, beautiful," Beau kissed her cheek and ruffled Baby's small head.

"Hi, handsome," Honeydew mocked him cheesily and her eyes caught the bag he was holding.

He could never just show up without bringing something.

Beau walked to the living room and sat beside Honeydew's laptop.

"I got you somethin," He sang lowly and pulled out a wreath.

He was at the hobby store getting a few things for Jace's 'special' room design, and he saw the wreath and instantly thought of Honeydew.

"Aww, thank you! It's pretty and fits the Autumn, yet Christmas time vibe," Honeydew took the wreath and sat it on her mantel. "Perfect,"

She had already forgotten why Beau was here.

But he didn't.

"Now come here, sugar. You know I gotta have my hands on you somehow," Beau opened his arms and held Honeydew by the waist.

Honeydew's body tensed as she suddenly remembered why he was here.

"Why're you tense, sugar? Talk to me," He didn't want any trouble or secrets with her.

Honeydew playfully fell into his arms, and he caught her. "I see why Jace loves you so, y'all are silly nuts," He kissed her cheek and waited for her answer.

He knew she evaded conversations at times, but he liked pushing her to speak. Nothing would ever get solved if she ran away from serious topics.

"The floor is yours," He said and sat her on the cushion beside him.

There was no way he could listen efficiently if he was holding her. She took him to Cloud Nine with one touch.

Honeydew's stomach dropped and she closed her eyes to think.

God wanted her to do this. He would awaken the love in its time. He only wants her to talk to Beau.

She could do that.

"I was thinking while doing some planning and I realized that we'll go on a Honeymoon," She opened her eyes to see Beau smiling, but it was a comforting smile.

She could do this.

Beau nodded to encourage her to continue. Though he knew where the conversation was going, he didn't want to coddle her too much. She needed to practice saying things firmly and getting her point across.

Honeydew was a blushing mess. She wanted him to end her misery, but from the looks of it, he wanted to torture her.

"You suck for not helping," She nervously laughed. "I didn't realize that we'd have sex. I knew, but it just didn't settle. I've never done that before, and I didn't know what to do, so I talked to God," She eyed Beau, he was listening. Okay. Good.

"He led me to Songs of Solomon and I learned that since I've given my desires to God, He is the One who will awaken them when it's time. And it's not that I'm not attracted to you, I just didn't know how I'd feel when it happened," She felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders.

Beau nodded in agreement. This was a good thing to worry about and to talk about.

"It's good to know you trust God with this, sugar. And I'm glad you trust me to say this. Just like you said, God will help you in time. Please talk to me if you got more worries, but know that when the time does come, I won't push you to do anything, but you have to talk to me." He told her seriously, though he was so proud of her.

He wanted to kiss her, but her face was covered by a pillow.

Honeydew rested her head on his shoulder and removed the pillow. She didn't want him to see how embarrassed she was.

"That was nerve-wracking, but thank you."

Beau chuckled and kissed her temple. That was good enough for now.

"You did good, Honeydew. Anything else?"

She shook her head. Thank God it was over. "Not like that, but I'd like you to look at some venues with me. I narrowed the ones I liked down to three,"

Beau grabbed the laptop and clicked the wedding wire tab.

The Camellia, The White Magnolia, The Venue at Southern Oaks

He didn't mind much where they got married, just as long as their marriage was legal and the wedding made Honeydew happy, he was good.

But, he wouldn't be that passive groom that didn't offer any suggestions, so he looked at each venue.

"I like this one," He decided after looking through each set of pictures.

It looked like something Honeydew would love.

"OMG! The White Magnolia? I love that one!" Honeydew squealed happily and pecked his lips.

Beau was the best.

"And just as easy as that was, we'll be easier. Know that," He said noting back to their conversation.

Honeydew pushed him playfully as her cheeks grew warm. "Whatever! You cheese head, let's book an appointment to go see it! The White Magnolia is gorgeous!"

Beau only smiled at her.

Such a beautiful woman. He was glad that she spoke her mind and now they've got a venue.

One step closer to being married.

But now it was time for some quality time.

"Now that we've figured this out, why don't we do somethin, it doesn't matter what or where, I just wanna be with you, sweetcheeks,"

"Aww, I like that idea and that name, sweetcheeks," She thought Beau was the cutest and sweetest man ever.

Beau wiggled his brows and kissed both of her sweet cheeks. "I love everything about you. I'm not dreaming, am I? Love like this don't come around this easily," He loved her.

Honeydew rested her head on his chest and giggled. He always made her feel loved in every way.

"I love you too, my amazing Beau."

Beau held her tightly and never wanted to let go. This woman here. "Let's go to the park, we'll take Baby for a walk and maybe get you some sweets, sugar,"

Love. Love. Love.

-

'He was better than nice.

What's a word for that?

Superb or stupendous

I never thought that I'd enjoy myself with Gunnar.

He's just so different than me and any other person I've met, so I thought he'd judge me or something.

I'm surprised that he hasn't picked up on my identity, or the horrible secrets I have.

For once I can say I'm grateful

That choice to talk to God and forgive everyone, it changed everything for me.

I may even say I feel blessed.

God has given me a new chance to love again.

Wait, I meant to write live...oops.

I don't know.

I do know that Gunnar looks at me and I like it.

He brought me to a flower observatory. I loved it.

I remember as a young teen, I was sent flowers for my first starring role in a movie.

Dad took them and burnt them.

He didn't want me to be distracted by their beauty. He also said they'd die anyway, so he was putting them out of their coming misery.

I cried so hard.

And after that, every bouquet I received was thrown out moments after taking a picture with them.

And then, Gunnar gave me flowers.

I didn't need to be afraid that someone was going to make me throw them away.

I still have them. They're dead now, more like dehydrated, but I appreciate them.

And he gave me Pearls!

I constantly question the validity of this. Not him anymore, but just the existence I have now.

After all those years of heartache and pain, I have freedom.

My heart is back. Someone actually cares for me.

I know a family who loves each other.

And most importantly, finally, I understand that God loves me and has loved me all these years.

What took so long? Could I have had freedom when the people hurt me?

What if someone hurts me now? How will I react?

Can I trust that God will protect me?

Will Gunnar hurt me? Will he tell me that I'm not a dove or a pearl?

I don't want to think this way.

And I won't. I'm choosing to think positively!

Maybe I can find something in the Bible that talks about it,'

Selene closed her journal and opened her laptop, something she'd been doing a lot lately.

She searched for verses about positivity and found a few.

Philippians 4; Practical Counsel

Psalm 32; The Joy of Forgiveness.

She read Philippians 4 first.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Rejoice. Don't worry. Tell God everything and then His peace will come to protect her heart and mind through Christ.

Interesting.

"How come people don't talk about this? It's simple," She questioned.

Everyone was always in search of help, she more than others, and the Bible gave simple answers.

She moved on to Psalm 32.

"How joyful is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered! How joyful is a person whom the Lord does not charge with iniquity and in whose spirit is no deceit! When I kept silent, my bones became brittle from my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was drained as in the summer's heat. Selah. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord," and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah."

It sounded like her story.

"How can this be so current? This was written forever ago, but that's how I felt," She didn't understand.

But she wasn't upset about it.

It just made her curious about God's Word.

It was true that since forgiving those people, Selene had joy.

But the quickness of the change was mindblowing.

Again, she opened her journal.

'I don't want to be cliche, but I want to write the things that give me joy.

I mean, my outlook on butterflies changed within two weeks, so I know that if I write things down, I'll see how much else has changed.

Joy is a lot different than happiness. I've learned that already.

I used to be happy over my father not yelling at me.

I used to be happy because Thomas didn't leave such a dark mark.

I guess my view of what could make me happy has changed as well.

Wow.

I guess I will admit that talking to or just being around Gunnar makes me happy.

Seeing flowers makes me happy.

But getting to wake up without malicious thoughts gives me joy.

Something that's rooted in freedom

I never imagined that I'd be talking or writing this way.

That I'd be loving this reality.

This is weird, but the best kind of weird.

I love this, I never thought I could say that.

I haven't thought of this, which is surprising, but what if they want me back?

I don't want to leave this place.

I love whatever this is.

Oh, he brought me to the beach, which was much different from California beaches, and he told me to scream

It's not as strange as it sounds, it was amazing. And I got to reflect on the growth I've had.

Again, I never thought this could happen to me.

Selene two months ago would be sobbing over this life I have now. She was so stuck and abused.

And now it's December, Christmas is coming, maybe I should order some decorations.

Maybe I can buy a tree! This is the country, so they should have Christmas trees for sale.

I just realized that every Christmas before was about doing the most to keep those around me happy.

Don't set them off.

I would go all out and do everything. I never got a thank you.

I'm not sure what I can do this year, but I hope it's different. I hope I like it. Maybe I'll even

No, I'm not too sure.

God, help me.

I don't want to plan my future and think of Gunnar in it.

I can't.

I may have to go back and all he'll know is a lie. I'm not Galia. I'm Selene.

I don't know, but I do know that if I could stay away from the spotlight forever and live here, I would be happy.

I could see where things would go with Gunnar and me.

And I want to see that now. He blew me away and was himself the entire time we were together. He never stepped out of line.

And I can say in the safety of my journal and to God, that I want to be with Gunnar.

Or a man like him, if he finds that he doesn't want me anymore.

At least I have an idea of what a good and