"That's crazy,"

Selene murmured to herself after recalling the events of the past two days.

She was open now and ready for whatever Gunnar had to offer. And what she could give to him.

She was allergic to hazelnuts. Something she didn't expect, but she owed Gunnar her life for taking her to the hospital.

And now, she was ready to learn more about God. But, she needed a Bible.

"Where do they even sell those?" She hummed.

Amazon.

She opened her nightstand and grabbed her journal.

Writing down her feelings helped so much.

She never imagined having peace of mind, a calm heart, and an insanely kind man after her.

Just write.

'Uh, so two days ago I was out with Gunnar.

I was mean to him, which made me feel bad, which made me feel sick, but turns out I was having an allergic reaction....

He was praying when I woke up.

He sounded devastated but strong. He was telling God that he would let me go and he was sorry.

Why did he sound like that?

I was rude. I was awful to him and he still apologized for what other people had done to me.

To me. Why?

I know now that he's nice, but he does so much. What was wrong?

I just don't understand him. He just wants me to exist. No perfection. No wild expectations. None of that.

I know that my father is a liar now. I knew it then, and even with you, God.

You're unique.

What am I supposed to do though?

Gunnar still has no idea who I am and when or if he finds out, what's gonna happen?

Is it safe for me to be with him? Not be with him, but getting to know him.

He said that he was once a hoodlum, when? He seems upright and good all around.

He fired Moses and three other men over me.

I would ask why, but I know why.

He likes me or something. This is all very new.

The last time a guy liked me, without wanting something, I was eight.

I'm thirty now.

Speaking of age, how old is Gunnar?

Definitely middle-aged, but he looks wonderful for whatever his age may be.

I feel silly and stupid for this, a habit, but Gunnar is nice.

I like him a little, maybe not a little. I don't know. But I do know that he's nice. Very nice.

I don't know.

Moving on, I don't know what I like doing.

What do I like?'

Selene sighed and closed her journal.

It was a good mini-session, but it left her a little frustrated.

She didn't notice before, but she had no life outside of acting.

"Maybe I could watch a movie and try painting or something," She got out of her bed and went to find some supplies.

Her house was bare.

She rarely went out, excluding work, and she avoided going to the grocery store unless she was out of everything.

Amazon was her best friend.

She looked in the hall closet and found a box of color pencils.

"Hmm, I've got a printer," She hurried back into her room and grabbed her phone.

She was going to do a coloring page for the first time in twenty years.

Her foot tapped as she waited for the page to print. She was nervous.

There were memories attached to coloring, but she didn't want to avoid everything that held a dark past.

She wanted to do it and make a good memory.

With the page in hand, Selene went to the living room and sat on the rug.

She decided to play a movie as well, for background noise, and to distract herself if things got hard.

"I can do this. Right, God?" She looked up and crossed her fingers.

-

"What's going on here, Selene?"

Selene looked up from her coloring page and smiled at her daddy and agent.

"I'm finishing my page! Look, isn't it pretty?" She held up the page and beamed.

Selene loved having time to herself off-screen. Her career jump-started six months ago and she stopped being a normal child.

Coloring gave her something to look at with joy.

The picture was jerked from her hand and torn to pieces.

"Daddy! No! Please stop! I just wanted you to look at it!" She cried feeling completely distressed.

She worked hard on the picture. She was going to hang it up on the fridge at home.

Her father shook his head and sprinkled the pieces beside her. "You will learn to listen, Selene. No excuses allowed. Just be ready for this scene, no more distractions."

Sobs wracked her body as she hoped this was only a dream.

"Stop that. Wipe your face and look perfect. Now."

-

Selene jumped in fear as she snapped out of the horrible memory.

The coloring page slipped from her hands and she began to cry.

Her childhood was filled with terror and her heart was broken as a child.

What could she do to feel better? How could she overcome this terror?

She was having a good day and this had to happen.

How could she feel better?

-

"Selene. What did I tell you about these dresses? They make you look simple. Easy. Nasty. You look like a cheap streetwalker. Change now."

Selene gasped and looked at her reflection.

She thought the look was pretty.

But did she look like easy?

Her father knew best, but it felt so wrong to hear him say that.

"I don't ever want to see you wearing one of those again. I will not have my daughter inviting men to sleep with her by wearing those. It will be your fault if something happens, think Selene."

He turned his nose up at her and left the room.

Leaving her heart shattered even more.

She was only sixteen.

-

It was devastating.

She stopped wearing sundresses or any dress that came even an inch above her knee.

And the day she wore one to work.

Gunnar stood up for her. He fired the men who had been harassing her since day one.

He didn't try to feel her up.

He was respectful.

It wasn't her fault.

-

"Oh, don't you look hot. Let me see you,"

Selene blushed at his compliment and walked closer to him.

Thomas stopped her and eyed her body.

"Just right. Maybe we should stay here, I'll get a better look." He almost barked.

This was normal.

He only wanted her body. She wanted to make him happy.

He was approved by her father and agent.

"Maybe, but my father won't like it if I don't show,"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Your father will have to deal with it. I'll tell him it was my fault,"

Selene nodded. She trusted Thomas.

"Perfect, perfection."

-

Her father was angrier than angry.

Thomas didn't tell him it was his fault. He blamed Selene, adding fuel to her father's fire.

She realized that day, no one was for her. But she didn't let it show.

She had never been loved before.

She was neglected entirely. Even as a child before fame, her parents didn't treat her lovingly. They tolerated her.

She's never had love.

Her life was miserable.

-

"I-i don't know how it happened. I, just please tell me."

Dr. Coleman pressed her lips together and handed Selene the paper.

It held her fate.

"I am so sorry, Ms. Brassard. The tests came back positive. We're going to have to do the surgery immediately."

The remaining pieces of Selene's heart crumbled to dust.

This was the worst news. Her life and body were falling apart simultaneously.

"I-i understand, Dr. Coleman. We can do it now if you have the time, the sooner the better. Right?" She forced a smile while holding back her tears.

"Yes, we can do that, Ms. Brassard. Just fill out this form and we can get a room ready for you."

Selene took the form and signed it quickly.

Emergency Contacts:

Family and loved ones:

None.

She handed the form back to Dr. Coleman and slid to the floor in tears once she left the room.

So much for a future family.

Every dream she had was dying.

-

She was out for two weeks under her Doctor's strict order.

Her own father and agent couldn't reach her.

That was the most peace she had in twenty years.

And now she felt better, but she lost more than she's ever gained.

Instead of hating God, she only wondered.

"What can I do about this pain in my heart? And the things I can never get back?"

"Cry. Be open. Talk to someone. Write it down. Allow Him to heal the pain."

"And forgive them. And Selene."

Why did she need to forgive those people?

"They all made my life miserable. They hated me, abused me, scarred me, they never cared!" She yelled angrily.

"Define forgiveness."

Selene opened google on her phone and searched for the definition.

She wanted to feel better, but it was hard. Those people would just get away with what they did if she forgave them.

"Freedom from the depth of your soul, understanding how Jesus saw our evil and chose us still, living without bitterness, not forgetting but choosing to trust God's justice and that He always avenges His people."

It sounded nice.

"Having a choice to live and love. And finally being able to look at yourself without their actions being attached to your reflection. It will be a long journey, but with Christ guiding you and a repented and receptive heart, it will bring lasting freedom and peace, that surpasses all understanding through Christ Jesus,"

It was more than nice.

It was lovely.

She wanted to have that and more.

She ran to her bedroom and opened her journal to a blank page.

"I can do this, with you God." She cheered herself on and started writing.

'Zachary-dad, Hilary-mom, Thomas, Maggie, Jordan, Ivy, Michael, Torrie, Bob, Swenson, Delilah, Johnson, Paris, Deeno, Fitz, Henry, Jackal, Uvi, Peeko, Rupert, and all the others I won't list but will acknowledge.

I'm not sure if I can ever look you in the eyes again after you lied, hit, cursed, yelled, manipulated, harassed, touched, used, abused, and sexually assaulted me

But, I don't want this weight anymore.

I can't take this anymore.

I can't stand looking at myself and remembering what you did.

What you said. How you looked at me. No.

I want freedom. I want to love myself. I want to take in the truth that God thinks I'm the most beautiful woman and He chooses me every day.

I want to appreciate life, every single day. I want to accept compliments and wear dresses.

And with that being said, I forgive you.

I'm not sure what it entails, but it's a start at being free.

This doesn't mean that you can hurt me again and whatever else you've done.

No.

It only means that I won't have to remember your evil. And if I do, I won't be furious or despise myself for allowing it to happen. For not being strong enough to stop you. For not knowing that I deserved better.

I may cry. I may get upset. But I can't live this way any longer.

I won't.

I am not your property. I am not your sex toy. I am not your slave. I am not a yoyo.

No more stringing me along.

I am Selene Galia.

God says that He loves me. And I don't know everything about this yes, but that means more than anything you've done to me.

So, I claim the freedom God has offered me.

He was with me and only wanted me to look up, to see Him, and know that He loves me and wants the best for me.

You are not the best, or even slightly mediocre.

You are never allowed to ruin my freedom.

This is my next step.

A step towards God and a lifetime with Him.

Goodbye forever,

Selene G.'

She closed the journal with shaky hands.

This time they weren't shaking due to anxiety or anger.

No.

Oh, she felt lovely again.

She felt wonderfully made or something.

And she was crying. And she knew it.

It felt so good to say everything. To let go. To finally be done.

She wanted to live a new life.

She knew God had one for her, but she had to relearn how to live in every aspect.

Who knew about doing that?

Her phone lit up and she smiled.

And she didn't try to stop it.

Gunnar: God put you on my heart, dove. Just checking on you and letting you know that I'm here and I care mighty for you

The jitters came. Butterflies and everything else.

But the usual fight-or-flight feelings didn't.

Only calm butterflies. She wasn't uncomfortable or annoyed.

She was learning how to accept Gunnar and his sweetness.

"I want more," She said to God.

Maybe Jesus could help.

He was rarely brought up. Every award show speech, if the person was 'religious' they spoke of God. Never pinpointing what god, though now Selene knew only one God mattered and existed.

"How can I learn about Jesus?"

"Luke 8:40-56"

Selene opened the Bible app on her phone, she downloaded it last night to aid her studies.

"When Jesus returned, the crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. Just then, a man named Jairus came. He was a leader of the synagogue. He fell down at Jesus's feet and pleaded with him to come to his house, because he had an only daughter about twelve years old, and she was dying.

While he was going, the crowds were nearly crushing him. A woman suffering from bleeding for twelve years, who had spent all she had on doctors and yet could not be healed by any, approached from behind and touched the end of his robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped.

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the crowds are hemming you in and pressing against you." "Someone did touch me," said Jesus. "I know that power has gone out from me." When the woman saw that she was discovered, she came trembling and fell down before him. In the presence of all the people, she declared the reason she had touched him and how she was instantly healed. "Daughter," he said to her, "your faith has saved you. Go in peace."

It was peculiar.

Jesus was in a crowd and knew that the woman touched him.

How?

How did he find her touch important? Did other people get healed as well in that moment?

"And he called her daughter, she was called a suffering woman, but then he gave her a new name. Is that what you're gonna do for me?" She asked, her head was spinning, but for once in a good way.

"While he was still speaking, someone came from the synagogue leader's house and said, "Your daughter is dead. Don't bother the teacher anymore."

When Jesus heard it, he answered him, "Don't be afraid. Only believe, and she will be saved." After he came to the house, he let no one enter with him except Peter, John, James, and the child's father and mother. Everyone was crying and mourning for her. But he said, "Stop crying, because she is not dead but asleep." They laughed at him, because they knew she was dead. So he took her by the hand and called out, "Child, get up!" Her spirit returned, and she got up at once. Then he gave orders that she be given something to eat. Her parents were astounded, but he instructed them to tell no one what had happened."

"Your daughter is dead. Don't bother the teacher anymore."

Selene echoed the verse.

People put the child off as a useless cause. A hopeless situation.

She was far gone in the eyes of the people, but Jesus knew that one touch from Him, of His everything, and they'd be made new.

"Child, get up!"

He said the words. The girl got a new life. A second chance.

"Go in peace." Selene repeated the words Jesus told the newly healed woman.

"What kind of power is this? It's unmatched," She said in awe.

Jesus gave the sick woman and the dead girl new life.

Selene was both.

She wanted to go from the sick woman to a daughter in the eyes of God.

One touch.

One touch and everything that happened leading up to that moment was erased. It didn't matter because Jesus renewed everything.

"God, I don't want to see myself as dead anymore. I want what You have for me. I've forgiven those people, myself, and now I want to be new like the woman and little girl. Take my heart and restore it. Whatever You need to do, I don't care how long it takes or how hard it is. I'm ready. I don't know what I need to ask for, so hear the unspoken words. And help me appreciate everyone You've placed in my life. And Gunnar too,"

Her heart fluttered.

Gunnar.

He was a surprise. At first, he seemed bad, but he was nothing but wonderful.

"I didn't think someone could want me for real. With no string attached, he's a good man. But I have to be honest and say that I'm afraid that I'll mess things up. And he'll run for the hills when he gets to know me better. I can't say that I trust You completely, but I'm trying. I want to trust you both. Be patient with me and pass the message along to him as well."

Every day was a step closer to trusting God. And she was serious now.

"What can I do to be better? I've seen church before, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be around a crowd. Not now, I hope you understand." She said to God.

He would understand.

Selene looked at her phone and remembered that Gunnar texted her.

She changed the name of his contact and responded to him.

Selene: That's very sweet. Thank you.

Nervous jitters entered her stomach, but a calm feeling followed.

It was like a sign that what she was going was okay, but she'd never done things this way.

Just do it.

Selene: I want to try again with you. I ruined our first outing with my attitude and closed mind. I know we talked about this already, but I'm sorry

It took a lot out of her to do that.

She admitted her fault and asked him out.

God was really working overtime on her.

"Omg," She whispered frantically as the phone rang.

Gunnar😇☺️

"I can do this," She encouraged herself and answered the call.

"Hi, dove. I hope you ain't mind this call, but I like hearin your voice. I got spoiled," Gunnar chuckled, that hearty sound was nice.

She could finally admit the truth.

She liked his voice too. It was gruff, but never ever made her scared. He was gentle.

"I don't mind," She blushed and accepted his compliment without rolling her eyes.

Growth.

"Good. Now, you're surely forgiven by me. I told ya already. I got somethin to give you, I'd sure like to see you before the workday,"

He had something for her?

He was thoughtful.

She wasn't going to question it now.

"Thank you. If you're not busy today, I would like to see you." She felt like taffy in the hands of God.

He was stretching her. Making her say what she