This may be a bit of surprise.😳

In the past I thought about writing bonus Chapters on Onika and Agustin's past, like how happy they were together before everything went downhill, but knowing the fact that they were not going to end up together, I thought it won't be appropriate to show their happy past and make it harder than it already was, and decided against it.

But this bonus chapter is a small conversation of Agustin with his dead daughter's grave, after Onika leaves Agustin, on demand of one of my reader.

There you go sweetie, hope you like it!❤

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Few Days Later....

Agustin slowly got down on his knees and rubbed the top of his daughter's grave with his palm, ever so slowly as if touching something very fragile, as if brushing off some imaginary dust which might have found its way to his precious daughter's grave, almost in the same fashion as he would pat the head of his child if she were alive.

He did it again, and again... and again, the motion becoming vigorous with every passing second, with every stroke, in a state of trance, he kept doing it till his hands were completely tired and he can't move it anymore. He stopped and looked at his palms it was a deep shade of red, he furrowed his brows as he realised he can't feel anything.

Taking a shaky breath, he took out the orchids and placed it over the top of the cemetery, with the same frailness and tenderness as someone would show while dealing with their most loved possession, most precious possession, his hands trembling badly, with exhaustion, with the emotions he was feeling, he didn't know.

It was his daily routine, to come here and just go back home, without uttering a single word, just keeping the orchids there and staring at it for an indefinite time, as if it was something he needed to do to keep breathing, almost like a robot programmed to do so without fail.

But, today there was something that kept him rooted to his place, as his counsellor's words rang in his head, 'you need to let your emotions out, if you want to move forward, you can't keep it bottled up inside you.'

He stared at the orchids almost absentmindedly, as if some memory occupying his head, a painful smile tugging on his dry lips, as he recalled, they were Onika's favourite.

He wondered how their daughter would have looked like, like little baby Onika, he thought, his smile widening a bit, before it wavered completely. He remembered how Onika would say, if they ever had a daughter she wanted her to have his eyes, he couldn't disagree more, he always wanted it to be like Onika's, the same shade of oceanic blue, you can loose yourself in the dept of. A tear leaked through his eyes, burning his cheeks as it descended down, as if it were acid, as he realised he would never get to know what it was.

'He would never get to know his daughter', he repeated the same thing in his head again and again, he would repeat this very sentence everyday, as if the truth was not ready to entre his skull, he so desperatly wanted to accept, but he can't. He just can't. He can't kill his own daughter. This is just a nightmare.

But he knew it was the truth, it has to be, for the sin was engraved in his soul, that will haunt him till the end of this life, he killed his own daughter, as he killed the relationship he had with Onika. Shattered into pieces, till there was no way to put it back together, the proof of it laying infront of his haunted eyes, as real as the day, as real as his pathetic existence.

An excruciating pain hit his heart with full force, knocking all the airs out of his lungs, until he physically had to rub his chest to keep breathing and keep his emotions in control.

He took a deep breath over his rugged once. He didn't know how to start, from where to start. He could feel his throat constricting in agony, finding it hard to push the air out of his lungs. He gulped the lump that clogged his throat, and mumbled gently,

"Iris," in a small, trembling voice, as if even taking the name was a crime, forbidden, as if he wasn't worthy of it. His voice sounded so hoarse that he couldn't recognise it himself. This was the first time he spoke after days of visiting this place.

"I miss you, love, I miss you and your mom so much" he whispered brokenly.

How can you miss someone you have never know? It sounded strange even to his own ears, and yet so true. So damn true.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asked in a scared, agonized voice, as if someone had just plunged a sharp, serrated knife, deep into his gut and twisting it painfully.

"Can you ever forgive me for what I did to you.....for what I did to your mother?"

He felt all the weight of his body get concentrated to his heart as he read the words written over her grave.

~~~
Iris Deluca, the unborn child of Onika and Agustin Deluca, I will love you always, you will always be a part of me, I will find you again in another life and be your mother, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many life times it takes, I will always be waiting for you, always. If possible please forgive your mother for not being able to protect you.
~~~

His heart completely shattered as he read the last line for the nth time.

If possible please forgive your mother for not being able to protect you.

His heart clenched in profound shame. 'Not being able to protect you from me, your father," he said, helplessness tainting his voice, as he read between the lines, Onika's unsaid words.

"It was not her fault, you know that, don't you? It was never her fault, the only thing she ever did wrong in all this, was loving me unconditionally. She thought I deserved to be loved unconditionally.." he said with a small humourless laugh, "until I proved her wrong" he said, clenching his fist with all his might, his nails painfully digging into his palm.

"She would have been the best mother to you, she would have loved you so much.... She had so much of strength within her..." He trailed off as if sharing a piece of his heart with her daughter.

He went on," Do you know what I did to her." He questioned, rhetorically.

"I still remember when I met her the first time, she was a spitfire, till I completely extinguished it. Her eyes used to speak volumes, sparkle with every emotion she felt, till she couldn't feel anything anymore, till it was dead."

He took a deep shaky breath before he finally said the words that were killing him, bit by bit.

"I killed her, the same way I killed you, the same day I killed you." He felt crippling pain creep up his body as he said those words.

Saying that he bowed down his head till it was resting on his daughter's grave, and completely broke down, his heart piercing sobs echoing throughout the graveyard. "I am so sorry..I am so damn sorry.." he kept repeating the words.

He cried till his tears ran dry, he cried out his heart, he cried till there was nothing left of him, for the first time since Onika left him.

He promised something to his daughter that day.

'I swear on your mother's name, I will be a better person, for you....and for her.'

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Nothing is more painful for a parent than loosing his/her child except, knowing that he is the reason behind it.

Peace out.

Lots of love,
Ricky ❤❤