37- trapped.

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Onika's pov...

I don't know since how long I am curled up in this corner and staring at the ceiling.

After his ultimatum, Agustin went out of the mansion in a haste and hadn't returned back yet. The way he looked when he left the room, I am afraid he will do something reckless.

Everything is repeating in my head again and again.

I feel hot raging anger built within me after his confession..... but there is also a little part of me that can't help but feel pity for him. I can't possibly feel pity for him after what he did.....but I do. Agustin's broken face just keep on flashing infront of my eyes, make me overcome with remorse.

Why don't you understand Agustin the Onika you loved is long gone with the Agustin I loved. We can't live with each other without getting hurt. We can't live happily together ever again. What you are imagining in your head for our life to be are just some useless fantasies, just the remnant of our past which can never be the truth of our life.

Just living together again won't bring back our old sweet days back. We both are gone too far for that. It will never be same again. I feel it's failure on my part as well for not being able to make you understand that.

I know you are hurting too but you don't just understand the consequences of your action. You don't understand everything won't just fall in its place like some magic. Everything between us is broken beyond repair.

What do I do to make you understand that?

I always have to fight to live, since I can remember. Perhaps I don't have the energy anymore, the strength of will to do that anymore. The worst part is the fight haven't even started yet and I already feel defeated.

I am trapped. Completely trapped. Living this life has become so tough that I just want to give it up. I have gone through many adverse situations in my life but had I ever wanted to cease to exist but right at this moment I don't want anything more that that.

I don't know what is right what is not. I don't know anything anymore. On one hand sometimes it appears that Agustin really regrets what he has done but then again he breaks my heart without a second thought as if it's nothing.

He claims that he loves me. Does love even enter into this equation? If I would have been asked this few years back, love was all that mattered to me. But now it seems love is nothing more than a fool's paradise.

What is the use of such love when you can see the one you love dying infront of you everyday but you still can't let her go just because you have turned a blind eyes towards it because you are too submerged in thinking about your own imaginary happiness.

Let's suppose even if I forgive him, I can't live with someone with abuse potentials. I can ever ever feel safe with him and not being safe with someone you are supposed to spend your entire life is a big deal. He had to let me go, there is no other way round if he won't let me go willing then I have to find a way out of it. But how? I have no idea.

I just want to throw everything around me and scream, scream until darkness consumes me.

What is happening to me? Agustin is going to take away ever bit of sanity I am left with.

I was pulled out of my trance a s my mobile started ringing.

It was Jacob's call. I picked up.

"Onika..." My name rolled off his tongue ever so slowly.

"Hmm" was all I could say because of my constricted throat.

"You..you alright" he asked carefully.

Am I alright?

No, I am not..I am not alright. It's hurting, it's hurting, everything is hurting, what Agustin said, how he behaved, how he looked, every bloody single thing is causing my heart to bleed in agony.

Why do you care. Nothing is going to end well between any of us...why do you love me when it has caused you nothing more than just agony? Why don't you understand I am not worth it? Why does our life has to be like this, why does love have to be so painful for all of us? Why can't those sweet fairy tales be reality of our lives? Why?

I wanted to scream everything at the top of my lungs....but he doesn't needs to know how broken I am...how weak I am.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Was all I said, instead.

"I just..I just.. nothing leave it....I just wanted to check on you."

"I am fine Jacob... don't worry so much about me."

There was a pregnant silence of a few seconds, then he cleared his throat and said.

"You have talked to Agustin? Right? So only you are so upset. Did he hurt you." He asked in a controlled Voice.

Upset? No, Jacob upset is not the world, I am going insane. And hurt no, not physically but in all the ways other then that.

"No he hadn't and...you where right. Right about everything I am sorry I still thought to give Agustin a chance and talk to him face to face." I said.

"I am sorry jackob I am so sorry for everything." I whispered faintly over the mobile.

"Did you say something?" He asked.

"No, nothing." I said in a hoarse voice.

"I was wondering can we met now?" He asked unsure.

"Yes, I guess we need to talk. Can you come at the same place we meet last time, right now?"

"Will be there."he said and cut the call.

.........................

"What the hell happened to your face?" I asked incredulously seeing his face in a bad shape and bandaid rapped over his nose. It must be broken.

"What can I say.." he sighed heavily and continued.

"Your husband is out to destroy my life. I am not even married yet and he disfigured me. Which girl is even gonna look at me now?" He said jokingly with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Oh God! Agustin did that? Fuck.

And about not getting a girl, that also Jacob, I scoffed at that. He was still pouting at me like a small child. I can't help but give him a small guarded smile.

"Don't fuss over it, it will heal within a week or two and don't worry about girls. You can have anyone you want?"

"Anyone? Are you sure?"he asked, suddenly serous all the hint of mischief gone.

I just gulped the saliva down my throat.

"Yeah...I..I..think so."I said, not meeting his eyes and feeling nervous under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Nah, I don't think that is true.."he said firmly giving me a knowing look.

"Yes, that is absolutely true! Even I had a crush on you before I fell for Agustin...." That piece of information slipped away from my lips before I can comprehend what I was saying.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck!

I just didn't say that!I am doomed.

I am feeling hell embarrassed why didn't the ground open up and engulf me in.

Jacob's eyes looked like it will come out of its sockets any time now, eyes wide as saucers

Then a lazy smirk spread on his lips, ever so slowly as he let it sink what I just said.

Arrggg!

"What, don't act like it's a big deal. Half of the girls in the office had crush on Agustin and the other half on you. So surely it's no news to you." I snapped at him. He is enjoying it way to much.

" Maybe that is no news...but you were in the other half sure is! You had a crush on me, ha! Like really?" He asked with a victory smirk.

Asshole!

Why can't I keep my big mouth shut.

"What, didn't I say all the girls. I am also a girl after all am I not?" I said irritation evident in my voice. Why is he fussing over it. Can't he simply forget what I just said?

He just coughed and said "yes, yes you are, I am not doubting it." He said with amusement on his face and freaking winked at me. Idiot!

"So you are saying you were not in Agustin fan club." Arrgggh, he is not letting it go easily.

"Of course I wasn't. I hated him from the very first day.

I will tell you my first day experience while working as Agustin's PA.
I was bringing coffee for him and as I was about to knock the door he came out, I got startled and spilled all the coffee on his shirt.

For that he went crazy as if I just did some unforgivable sin! I mean that was just an accident! I will quote his words"..... if it would have been someone else I would have already sacked her. I know girls can't resist me but that doesn't mean you have to burn my chest. If you want to see me without shirt on, you could have just asked me."

Ha! Delusional, arrogant, prick! His ego is bigger than the universe itself. Of course it was you.

I don't understand why any girl in her right mind will fall for him."

He raised his eyebrows at me"Look who is talking! Let me take a guess, umm I think Agustins 's wife" Jacob taunted.

I sighed heavily and said" Well things changed when he tricked me into believing that he is not like what I think... Though it was my own fault that I fell for his acts, I am not denying that."

Then out of no where he asked with curiosity "Why didn't you tell me."

And I just wanted to ask 'and why didn't you tell me that you loved me?' but this time I controlled my big mouth.

"Now, now why would I do that...what good would that have done...I mean what would have I said...'excuse me boss I have a crush on you like all the other clingy girls in the office'. Hell No! My crush on you was one among the many reasons I told no to Agustin when he asked me out....but then you never ever showed slightest of interest in me..it was as if you were always avoiding me so what was I supposed to do."

He looked at me as if I have grown two heads.

He just opened and closed his mouth like a fish but nothing came out of his mouth.

He broke the silence to change the topic finally." I completely forgot why I was here. Tell me how does your conversation went with Agustin, so that we can beside what to do further....."after a small pause he asked "Did he tell you something about me?" He asked me nervously, his Adam's apple moving up and down.

Yes, he did tell me that you love me, but I couldn't bring myself to say that out loud. We just started at each other, I don't know for how long. The truth was just hanging in the background, no one being ready to confess it.

I finally sighed and narrated him rest of the part of my conversation with Agustin and told him how he gave me the only option to except him back or thins will get tough.

All the while Jacob was just starting at me, listening carefully. When I finished he was deep in thought.

Then he said carefully." I want you to chose the first option."

Now was my turn to look at him as if he has grown two heads.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?!" I shouted incredulously.
............................

Hello everyone!

Please ignore the mistakes.

Thanku so much for the 60k+ reads and 3.5k+ votes. It's more than I can ever ask for...:)))

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Until next,
Ricky ❤❤

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