Looking up at the sky, I found myself laying in the long green grass of the field while Ivory was laying down close by.  Instead of riding us all the way out and then coming back I decided I needed a moment to think over everything in my head.  It was a scrambled mess and there was nothing I could do other then try to sort it all out.  I was always running around a mess, but it was an organized mess none the less.  I needed to know what exactly, was going on.

You could just go and ask him ya know,  Where the words my mother used earlier that day when I wondered about the case with Jimmy.  Why he was now behind bars.  That man just made no sense to me.  Even after all these years of knowing him I truly didn't know him at all.

He had been my high school sweetheart, and a despicable man.  No one had known what truly lye deep in his heart until I had our son.  Everything had changed when I was pregnant with him.  He was never home.  I had gone to all my appointments by myself...he wasn't even there when I had Lucas, even though he promised he would be there by my side..  It was my mother who had cut his cord, instead of his father.  

Yes, he had been there for the first couple months of his life, but other then that, nothing.

I had wondered where he would always go, but never put it in my mind to truly find out.  He was my husband then, and a marriage relied on trust. Oh how wrong I had been.  I wanted to believe that he was a good man. That there was only love in his heart for me.  I was so blinded by myself..

He had been cheating on me for years.

And not all with the same woman either.   

To think I had let that man touch me...

A tear ran down my face at the memory of finding out that Jimmy was an unfaithful sham.  I was humiliated and having been so blind when everyone else seemed to already know what had been going on.  And no one told me.  No one told me until after that they knew, and that burned so many bridges with me. The trust I had with men was then gone.  I think it would have been better if there was only one, or if I thought it was just one, but no...

I had cut so many ties...and with friends I thought I had, but instead, found that some of them were indeed another mistress, or one night stand of Jimmy's. 

Watching the clouds slowly move over the sun I thought of how much he had put me through. How much pain and tears I had put into one man.

It wasn't worth it.

And it would never be worth it again.

I stood and made my way over to Ivory, who was enjoying the light and just sniffing at the breeze.  She was the only thing that seemed to spell out freedom. For I found peace when ever it was just me and her.

Which brought me to my next thought.

Caleb T. Mondragon.  The dragon, as we called him now around the house, was messing with my head.  

He knew exactly what he was doing and I just walked straight into it after having a few with Maggie.  I knew it was my fault. He would never have approached me, but I had approached him and that set the ball rolling.  It was difficult to breath just thinking about him.  The way  his face was just so serious, carved into stone.  Breakable and breathtaking no doubt, but stone none the less.  

He was a man that knew exactly what he wanted, and I had a feeling he always got it.  I slapped myself mentally then for having reacted to him in such a way.  He knew now that I found him attractive...and yet...I knew now just as well.

Lifting my head from where it had been resting on Ivory's neck I looked out over the fields and down to the house.  I could see my family, even if they were blurred spots in the distance and it melted my heart.

I needed to stop acting like a injured dog and get back onto my feet.  Ever sense I got Peyton I had been softer. Not just for her no, and I will still be the same with her, but because I had a feeling. Caleb wanted to play a game.  He may not see it as one at the moment, but he stepped the line with having placed his lips on my skin.

He has control over what happens in Jimmy's case, and if I get to sign the finale papers of Peyton's adoption...but I had something he didn't have.  I was a country girl that knew this place like the back of her hand while he was just a city boy.

I wasn't going to beat it around the bush anymore with Mr. Mondragon.  I was going to just be myself and see how the boot fit then.

I couldn't help the smile that spread over my lips while I mounted Ivory.  It felt like I had a ton lifted off my shoulders just from thinking it out.  Urging her forward I started to draw us back toward the house, wondering what there was to expect next.

After all. Tomorrow was the towns county fair. No way would he miss that.