*Dear Lovelies*

This is the writer of this book speaking.

I am back... I am deeply sorry for not writing as much, and it has been a looooong time I know!

(pleeease! put down those pitchforks)

(and the rock)

Just hear me out!

I so sorry! I got lost, some I blame on writers block and the other... It's just a big hole.. But You are all the reason why I came back strong, and let me keep writing, and I feel so honored to spill my soul to you ladies and gents because man we all have the same passion and I don't want to let you down.. I can tell you my journey and hey! here are some things about me! will that make up for it? here goes.. So I take care of loving humans with Alzheimers/Dementia, I have been at my job for three years now, part of the reason why I haven't been writing. I am exhausted, I didn't know being a memory care nurse can suck the life out of you! I recently got married in august to literally my best friend *wedding was amazing, and I was not a bridezilla only to like one person, but they probably deserved it. And it was probably a co-worker... My husband has always been supporting me, we're both twenty-six, I have known him since I was 17 years old, I always brought him everywhere with me, and my girlfriends all teased me and said we were going to get married, and GUESS WHAT! :D but in all seriousness

My mother passed this year September 4th, 2018 and it has been very hard for me ;(

specially on Fridays. I called my mother almost every single day, but saw and called her a lot on Fridays ;( I understand that everyone grieves differently but for some reason my grief has been coming in waves. And i feel as though i should talk about her more, so it can help me live and so i wont be so dark as I am now and I shouldn't be I am a newly-wed. People around me, it seems like they are tired of seeing me grieve if that makes sense? except my husband, he lets me wipe my snot boogers on him. One thing I learned is that people (Job/friends) don't want to be around or doesn't know how to help someone who has recently lost a parent. I hear things like: well I lost my mother to this and that, or (and it was a long time ago) but I am fine now so you will be too, your mom wouldn't want you being this or that..... ( I am sorry if i am offending, I am still angry )

well I am not fine It hasn't hit me as much in September, but it's hitting me hard now, and I don't want to hear all that, just let me grieve, let me be dark, let me eat my fat snacks and most importantly let me remember moments I had with my mother without you cutting me off or changing the subject. (rant over) Halloween is coming up and I am very scared because like Christmas and Thanksgiving it is going to be my first holiday without my mother. (She taught me everything in life except how to live without her, and I know everyone that has lost their parent has said this. But I am so sad and I know I still have my mother from my husband so I am trying! I have been reading the bible lately and praying and talking to god. but most importantly I am trying to do things that will make my mother proud. It feels like she wants me to write today so I will. When me and my siblings were getting things from her house, I seen a side note in her room in a small calendar that read (READ NICOLE'S BOOK: GIVE ME LIFE ON WATTPAD) It knocked the wind out of me.. My heart hurt.. I thought she forgot. I brought it up I think last Christmas ...

(I'm crying again... )

My mother was a writer as well, in Wisconsin she was a journalist, my niece found one of her books, which she printed from a type writer, and it's a huge book. I can't wait till she's done reading it so I can. My mother's favorite writer of all time is Stephen King. She had all of his books in her home, she had like six big bookcases filled with his work.. The day before she died she asked me to read to her and it was a Stephen King book ;D

I am very blessed she got to see me get married, and that she's in my wedding photo's and most importantly I got to play monopoly one last time with her and hear her goofy laugh, thank you lord...My mother is my inspiration to this day and I love her so much for letting me be myself and be creative. I miss her every single day since she left. I feel like a huge part of me died, and I pray it does not interfere with my passions in life, And I know she is the reason, and you are the reason I am writing to you, and I hope I get back on it again...So I hope you continue to read my works, and God Bless You all. Sorry this is long.

With Love and Hugs ,
Nicole

Present.

Devlin went into work with confidence, but was unsure on how the day was going to be. He thought about Katrina most of his time at home, and his dad. He didn't know what he was doing, but he decided it would be best to keep his distance fom everyone. On his floor, he was almost to his office when he spotted a stack of paperwork on Oliver's desk.

He remembered hiring Oliver, and his promise of hard work and dedication and yet; Devlin scanned the room, then found the guy chatting away in the Cafe, he went over to his cubicle, and loudly tapped on Oliver's desk. He immediately ran back to his desk and picked up a sheet from the stack. "Sorry sir." He mumbled.

Devlin rolled his eyes.

"Dude, don't say sorry.. Just get it done." He mumbled.

Devlin glimpsed at Katrina's office.

The one thing he wanted to do was take her out to eat, he was proud of her. He felt confused at times when it came down to her, because he really liked her.

He promised Ivan he would visit Franco's mother later on today, the truth was, Devlin didn't want to go. He was avoiding just by simply going to work. It was hard enough having to deal with his business.

He straightened his pants.

He came in early; He didn't have to work today, but his father taught him to check up on his new hire, just in case they needed help. He was getting agitated helping out another new hire. She started working with him the same time Katrina had. He couldn't understand how Katrina instantly picked up the pace than the girl. But he figured; With Kale & Ford, that was enough experience. When he stepped inside his floor, people as usual gave him looks.

He swiftly moved through the cubicles trying to get into his office before someone asked for help. He wanted to sit down and take a breather. Once in his office; he shut the door and let out a deep breath, he wasn't sure if he was ready for the day. A tiny thought in his mind told him to turn around and go home, but he knew that was his anxiety talking, and there was no way in hell that was possible.

Then he heard a small knock that started out quietly, but then began to get louder before he even had gotten the chance to control his blood pressure. He sighed with annoyance, and turned on the button on his desk that let in the sound outside of the room. "Yes." He yelled, wondering who could possibly need help around this time.

"Yo! Boss open the door it's Jude."

Devlin set his belongings on his desk and opened the door, Jude's outfit was embarrassing to him. It was like the others knew what time it was, just by the suit itself. Although everyone was in business attire; Jude being Jude most definitely brought back memories of being apart of the crew, he had his cigars lined neatly on his coat pocket, he had his handkerchief hung loosely on the back of his pants suit, the hair cut gave it away. And that plastered stupid grin that he shown the others when he looked around didn't help either.

"Close d' door." Devlin mumbled. When he went back to his desk, he sat down and cracked his back. "Woah, big man of the year!" Jude yelled, moving around the spacious office, he touched the large couch, then picked up the remote to the flat screen. "Was this your father's room mate?" He asked him, shutting on and off the flat screen like a little kid.

"No.. They just remolded this room, my father doesn't like huge offices, he prefers the smaller ones. This was one of his executive's; But they expanded it, then combined it with another room that is next to this one."

"Dude.. You came a long way." Jude announced, tapping his suit jacket. "I'm real proud my friend." He then sat down in one of the chairs facing his desk.

"Did you see the news today?" Jude asked him, uneasily.

"Wat?" Devlin replied, folding the paperwork from yesterday.

"So that kid.. The one that you and Franco seen at the park that day.. He uh." Jude cut off, then looked down at the floor, swallowing hard. "What kid?" Devlin slowly asked, wishing Jude would just spit it out already. "That kid.. You know? The one that found Jon.. Jonathon." He paused again and pulled out his cigar and held it up; Motioning if he could smoke, Devlin wavered his hand 'Yes', and leaned back in his chair staring intently at Jude.

"So that guy.. They found his wife yesterday... She's dead..." All of a sudden Devlin felt like he couldn't breathe, he adjusted his tie and swallowed hard. He thought about his time spent in prison, and how Franco and him got their tattoos together, he even thought about the time Jasmine warned him that he might end up in prison one day, if he kept doing what he was doing. He wished he never came back to this town, he was telling his parole officer how he wanted to go anywhere but Minerva, things haunted him here; They stuck with him.

"So wat." Devlin calmly said, he didn't want to hear anymore about it. "So what? Devlin... You just got out bro, they're going to be looking at you as a suspect.." Jude began to feel nervous, which made Devlin nervous. "My alibi's checked out, I haven't been anywhere near those people besides work." Jude looked down at the floor. "Hey... Do you think it was him?" Devlin furrowed his brow. "Wat are you talking abot'?"

"That guy.. Do you think maybe we fucked up, I mean; He ran right towards you guys right? He had a knife.. Maybe... Maybe he did come back and shoot Jonathon." Jude said in a whisper.

"I don't care anymore Jude." Devlin warned, his attention was focused on the door, all he wanted to do today was be left alone.

Devlin and Jude heard Katrina's voice from outside of his door.

Jude's eyes widened.

"Our girls working for you now"

Devlin rolled his eyes with a light smile, acknowledging the fact that Jude finally changed the subject. "Our girl?" He asked him, giving him a look. "Yes! Hey I met her first, remember? If it wasn't for me, she'd just be a regular hot girl in this shitty town." Devlin rolled his eyes, Jude was right. When he got out of prison, he was getting mixed signals about African American women, which still made him at ease, and without Jude he probably wouldn't even think twice about Katrina.

"So anyways, I'm real proud man, I'm gonna go stop by and say hi to her and then I am heading home, it's pizza night. Want me to save you a slice or two?" Devlin shook his head no. "I was going to take Katrina out to eat after work." He softly spoke.

"There you go!" Jude yelled, then turned around and left the office, closing the door behind him. Then immediately came back.

"Where's Katrina at again?"

Katrina signed off on her paperwork. She intended on leaving early because Rahliana invited her and Jared over for dinner, but... She just didn't want to go.. And Jared didn't either.

Katrina just recently found out that her son's are Devlin's ex friends. What did she look like going over there? She decided leaving early was a best escape route, then she thought about Devlin. She had to tell him why she wanted to leave early.

A soft knock made her jump in her seat and silently curse.

"If it's Rahliana...." Katrina thought, thinking of a way she could fake like she wasn't feeling any good.

"Yes? Who is it?" She said hoarsely, clearing her throat as loud as she could. "Hey it's Jude, could I come in?"
"Jude?" Katrina was confused. The whole time she thought it was Rahliana.

"Come in." She bubbly said, placing the work aside. Jude casually strolled in, and nervously rubbed his tie and looked around. Of course there was nothing but a desk and a laptop in the room. Katrina had thought that Devlin's assistant was very plain, who has a whole office to themselves and don't even at least make it homey? Katrina made a mental note to remind Mr. Roderick that she had to get all of her office supplies for her new desk.

"Is this your official office?" Jude asked, sitting down in a chair against the wall to the side from her. "No, I'm just here for a bit." Katrina shyly said. Jude made his lips form in a thin line.

"Devlin's cool for this." He said shortly, nodding his head. Katrina nodded her head as well, and then gave him a breezy smile. "I'm very thankful, although it's hard being alone most of the time."

Jude shrugged. "Art likes privacy so I am assuming he would have wanted the same for his PA, although Devlin I think is just like Art. I've been looking around this place and seeing how Devlin is running things; Man.. He is he just like his father...They both love privacy I guess."

"Like father, like son huh?"

Katrina nervously said. "Yeah, something like that." "So? Did Devlin tell you what restaurant you guys are going to yet?" Jude softly mumbled.

"Restaurant?" Katrina said dumbfounded, she wasn't informed of anything.

"Oh... Shoot I'm sorry, I thought you two had it planned out.. Fuuuucks, Devlin would blow up..."

He paused and gave her a sly smile.

"Pretend like you don't know kay?"

He whispered, giving her a fake-mean look. Katrina giggled at Jude's silliness.

"I'll pretend... Big mouth."

Katrina felt comfortable when it came to Jude, he was a big brother.

Growing up with women, she didn't know much about having a brother, although, enough movies would tell you how a brother is supposed to be. "Woah!" Jude exclaimed, his eyes bulged and he let out a short laugh and smiled wide.

"You? Sassy?" He chuckled. "I can't believe this." Katrina giggled. "Not to mention, you ask a lot of questions." Jude's eyes bulged even more.

"Observant one." He said, shaking his head. "Just like Ivan.." Katrina furrowed her brow. "Ivan doesn't seem like it, he's always quiet." Jude was taken aback at how oblivious she was. "Are you kidding me right now? I'm glad you brought this up, because I finally get to say this.. You are the female version of Ivan." She was shocked, but Jude was right, she just didn't think of it that way. "You're right." Katrina said slowly with a smile. "I didn't even think of that." Jude let out a hearty laugh. "What's your zodiac sign? I'm not being creepy or anything, I just think you and Ivan are the exact same, and I don't know anything about those things and how they work."

"I honestly don't know either, but when I find out, I'll tell you right away." She said smiling. "Cool." Jude smoothly said blowing out a sigh. "So I actually came in here because you're a woman and.. Well, I need advice..."

"Oh my gosh." Katrina said in exasperation. "What's going on?" Jude smiled, wiggled in his seat and clapped his hands together.

"Well, hypothetically.. What if this beautiful person that you were talking to happened to be an uh... Acquaintance to one of your fellow peers?" Katrina sat quietly for a second. She had no idea what Jude was getting at. "And what kind of acquaintance would she.. The person be?" Katrina uttered.

"Well let's just say this person was.. Is.. Really close to my friend.. Peer." He nervously corrected himself;  staring down at her desk.

"I see." Katrina whispered, smiling at him. He continued on. "Well my point being is that.. Fuck it I'll just say it. I really like this girl, and she's digging me.. I think.. And I want to pursue something with her but I can't cause.. It's physically impossible."

"Ahhh." Was all Katrina could say. She wanted to know who exactly was this person.

"Yeah so; I'm asking if I should go with what my heart tells me, or should I leave this girl alone; For my friend's sake?" He confidently stated.

"Well it depends on the situation Jude, is she someone that hurt or helped your friend?" It took him a long time to reply to her question, and he ashamedly stared at her with a powerful look.

"Hurt." He replied, shaking his head and sighed.

Katrina in the inside let out a big sigh of relief, because for a minute there she thought it was her, but then kicked herself because she wasn't all that, and shouldn't think like that either. Then she felt like she really needed to help Jude, because what if it was one of Ivan's ex-girlfriends or something? He does have a playboy history like Devlin. She didn't want to end a friendship so, she needed to choose her words wisely when it came down to him.

"You could always be truthful to the situation. Sometimes keeping things a secret will blow up eventually. Or.. You could try to get the girl you like and your friend in good speaking terms. I think, you should go about this situation through dinner or any other possible way that makes everything neutral." Jude smiled. "Yeah that could probably work."

"Yeah." Jude said again nodding his head and rubbing his chin. "To be honest, I have been talking to this girl for a while now, and things are heading in the right direction and she's so down for me; I got to hang out with her for the first time in a while, let's see.. Yesterday.. And she's doing pretty good for herself."

"I just.. I don't want to hurt my friend."

He paused and cleared his throat. "I'm not doing anything intentional either.. I'm a guy, and all my friends have chicks right now and I'm the only lonely bird, well not really since this girl came back in my life.. But you get my drift, I just want to still have something with my boy, and my girl.. You know?" He said shyly. "Peace." He then said awkwardly with a little laugh.

"Well that's good.." Katrina said smiling.

"Although I have noticed that she asks about the other person here and there, but I think it's because she wants to be on good terms, like you mentioned, she probably just wants no drama."

Katrina nodded her head.

"Okay."

Jude exclaimed smiling. "And if anything goes wrong; I'm not gonna hold it against you, because I really like your advice and I could have always chosen something else. So I'm gonna go with what you said, thank you Katrina." They both stood up and hugged each other. "Make sure to dress really nice for Devlin's date with you, he's proud to have you." He purred, Katrina shyly smiled wide. "I will."

Before Jude left, he grabbed a cup of water and nervously paced back and forth downstairs in the lobby. It's been two straight hours and he was messing around; talking to a few of the people on the first floor, while making paper airplanes. Then, he went to the bathroom to go over what he would say to his friend. After chatting with the security guard, he was about to leave, when he forgot something. He then took the elevators back up and pressed Devlin's floor. Once in, he lightly tapped on Devlin's door again.

"Who is it?" Devlin yelled from the other side.

"It's me again." Jude yelled back laughing.

Devlin opened the door and smiled at Jude. "Forgot something didn't you?" He murmured, Jude shook his head, embarrassed that Devlin seemed