28| Regrets

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I shudder against him as he kisses my neck. He pulls back his hand, protectively wrapping his arms around my waist, and it's like I can't think straight. Every thought is clouded by the heat of the water and the bliss of being trapped in his arms.

His kisses deepen. A flurry of butterflies spring through my stomach, and I pause in sudden panic. An image of Alex springs through my head, of the horror she'd feel if she knew I was kissing her brother.

"Wait." I put my hands out. There's nothing I want more right now than to take this thing further, but my feelings are tainted with guilt.

"Don't," he whispers.

That's all it takes. I'm about to kiss him back when a flicker of light in the distance makes me freeze. The kitchen light is on, which means someone inside is awake.

"Shit," Tyler mutters. He pulls me off the ledge of the hot tub and into the water, where we scoot as low as possible.

I hear the patio door slide open, followed by footsteps. My heart is pounding, threatening to break through the walls of my chest, because the last thing I need is to be caught half-naked in a hot tub with Tyler.

As if on cue, he meets my gaze. His arms lock around me, pressing me to the wall of the tub, keeping me still. My eyes trail his face, skimming his straight, narrow nose and finding his lips, which are slightly red from my kisses. The bubbles are still going, splashing and thrashing between our wet bodies – it's only a matter of time before we're found.

"Hey," says a voice. It's Niko's. "Who's there? Roxy, is that you?" His footsteps get closer, and I shoot a panicked look at Tyler. It's one thing to lose all sense of control, but it's another to have everyone know about it.

"It's me," Tyler says, rising to his feet. He rests a hand on top of my head, a sign I need to stay down. "Just came out for a midnight dip."

I hear Niko step closer. "Perfectly normal thing to do in someone else's house," he agrees. "Have you seen Roxy? She's not in my room."

"Didn't even know she was here." He looks down briefly, catches my eye, and suppresses a smile. My eyes roam his torso, which is level with my gaze, taking in the sheen across his wet, tanned abs.

Niko sighs. "She can't be far, I guess I'll keep looking. Enjoy your...hot tub time."

Tyler grins. "I plan to."

Niko's footsteps get further away as Tyler slides back down into the water, resting his arms on either side of the ledge until I'm firmly trapped between them. "Close call," he says, leaning in to kiss me, but I turn my head.

"I should go," I say.

His eyes darken. "Don't."

I shake my head. "I have to. He's not going to stop looking for me, and–" I take a deep breath, still feeling shaky, "–I don't want him to find out about...this. It's–I–look, I need to go."

I start to get up, but he doesn't move his arms. Instead, he studies me, looking as though he wants to say something else, but he's stopping himself. Finally, without a word, he pushes himself away from the ledge and frees me from his embrace.

For a split second, we share this look that makes me want to kiss him again. But instead, I turn, grab my things, and sneak back into the house. Niko is busy searching downstairs, so I slip up to his bedroom, grabbing my bag before tiptoeing into his out-of-bounds bathroom.

I close the door behind me and lock it, my heart still racing as I switch on the light. Niko was right, this bathroom is not girl-friendly. Boxers and socks are overflowing in his hamper, spilling out onto the slightly damp floor. The sink is covered in toothpaste, the mirror so splattered I can barely see into it, which I guess, is a good thing. I imagine my lips would look red and swollen, proof of what I've been up to tonight.

I turn off the light at the sound of Niko's footsteps. There's no way he wouldn't have seen the light through the door when he first woke up, which means I need to be careful. I hear him come in, so I clank around for a second or two to make it obvious I'm in here. A few seconds later, the door handle shakes.

"Roxy?" His voice sounds soft, concerned. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Have you been in there this whole time?"

"Uh, yeah," I say. "I know you said to use the main bathroom, but I was having lady troubles."

I hear him physically cringe. "Why are you in there with the light off? Has the bulb gone?"

"No, I just didn't want to wake anyone." Tyler is right, I do lie a lot.

"You can't...see in there, can you?"

I suppress a smile. "No, you're good. I'll be out in a minute. Mind if I have a shower?"

"That's fine. There are some clean towels in the cupboard. I'm going back to sleep, okay?"

"Thanks."

I grab a towel and step into the shower, resting a hand on the tiles. I try to relax, but all I can think of as the steam hits my face is how much I wish I were back in that hot tub. How much I want to kiss him again, even though I can't. Kissing Tyler would be a mistake, a distraction, and distractions in a race get you killed. If I'm going to win this thing, I need to put a stop to this before it gets worse.

I need to be smart.

***

I spend the morning in a funny mood. Vanessa and Niko are arguing about last night's film during breakfast, and I'm nodding along but not really listening when Tyler and Sam walk in.

It's suddenly like there's no more air. The room feels small, it always does when Tyler walks in, like he takes up too much space. His eyes meet mine, and the corner of his lip lifts in subtle recognition, forcing me to think of last night.

Don't think of last night.

He opens the cupboard and reaches for a bowl. His t-shirt rides up, revealing a sliver of taut, tanned skin, the same skin I dragged my nails along. He pulls it back down and pours himself some Lucky Charms before grabbing the milk.

"So," Sam says, giving Niko's head a pat, "two girls in one night? Didn't think you had it in you, little brother."

Tyler's eyes harden as he turns around to face us. Niko ducks away from his brother, clearly used to his unpleasantries. "It's called friendship," he says, "a concept probably foreign to you, considering you don't have any friends."

Sam folds his arms as he leans against the counter. "Friends are a liability. I keep telling you that, but you just won't listen."

"That's because Niko isn't a pessimist like you," I say.

"I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist," Sam says. "Plus, guys and girls can't just be friends. It doesn't work." He pats Tyler's back and adds, "Just ask Tyler."

My eyes flit to Tyler as he stills beneath Sam's arm. "Meaning?" I ask.

"Meaning, he's got a lot of friends, if you know what I mean. You know, I'm surprised he hasn't tried it with you yet. Guess you're too smart to fall for his crap."

"Yeah," I say, feeling sick, "guess I am." I don't risk looking at Tyler as I turn to face Niko. "I need to get going," I say. "Thanks for having me."

Niko grins. "Any time."

I gather my things as Tyler stands up and puts down his bowl. "I'll walk you out."

"It's fine," I say, "I'll just see you at training," and then I quickly head out.

Despite being tired, I don't ride home. Instead, I take a detour down the old country lanes, needing to clear my head. What happened last night now feels like a dream, Sam's words still fresh in my head. Guess you're too smart to fall for his crap.

As much as I'd enjoyed our kiss last night, I'm more determined than ever not to let it happen again. Tyler is a distraction, one I don't need if I want to win the tournament.

I just hope that he realizes it, too.

A/N

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