Chapter 30

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Breathe in. Breathe out.

"H-he murdered your brother? Where is he now?" I asked Ryder, about James, even though I knew exactly where he was. Rotting in the asylum, in my previous city.

"He was at the asylum here for a few days, until he got discharged. I don't know where he is now, but if I ever find him near me, he would be dead." Ryder said, slowly and calmly.

James was at the asylum even before he met me. And here, I used to think that James became a psychopath all because of me.

Ryder was so playful a second ago. I think his brother's topic is a sore subject for him.

"I know how you feel Ryder," I said quietly.

"No, you don't. No one understands. People think it's easy to let go of your twin brother but no, trust me, when I say it's hard." Ryder said, his grip on the ice-cream tub tightening.

Wait a minute.

I inwardly gasped when I saw thin cuts on Ryder's wrist.

H-he cuts himself.

Every coin has two sides. Ryder has two sides as well. He might act like a playful fuckboy who wants nothing but to have fun, but on the other side, even he is hurt. He just doesn't show it. But that doesn't mean he should cut himself.

"Trust me when I say I do understand. Even I've lost my best friend, who was practically my sister. But I, unlike you, know how to cop up with my feelings." I said, as I walked back and sat on the corner of his bed.

"Cop up? What do you mean?" He asked me, as he took a seat on the corner of his bed, beside me.

I slowly took his hand on mine, as I stared at his thin scars. Some looked fresh as if he cut them yesterday.

Ryder raised his eyebrows when my fingers lightly traced his scars.

"Why do you cut yourself, Ryder?" I asked him, my fingers still tracing his scars.

Ryder remained quiet.

I sighed, after five minutes, when he didn't answer.

"Everyone has demons, I just decided to feed mine." He said, quietly.

He gently removed his hand from mine.

"These demons will destroy you, Ryder," I said, staring at him.

"Then I want them to destroy me," Ryder said, staring right into my eyes.

I looked away.

"Complete your homework, Ryder," I said as I opened my ice-cream tub.

It was my favorite flavor, choco mint. Poor thing, it's all melted.

Melted or not, I will still eat it. Or drink it.

"Do you mind explaining me question number eighth?" Ryder asked me, as I took a spoon full of the melted ice-cream in my mouth.

I nodded at him, causing him to chuckle.

"You're a kid, Xandra." He said, ruffling my hair.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"You're a kid as well," I said.

After explaining him all the difficult questions, I decided to leave.

"Hey, Xandra?" Ryder said when I was about to open the front door.

"Yeah?" I said, turning back to face him.

"About Cole..." He started.

"Let's not talk about someone who isn't my friend," I said, shutting Ryder up.

"Okay. One more thing." He said when I turned to leave.

"Go ahead." I sighed.

"Well...you know...how do you...cop up with your feelings, even after, Uh, losing ...your best friend?" He asked me, scratching the back of his neck.

I smiled at him.

"Well, I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't saying goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. I know, that my friend isn't with me anymore, but deep down, she is there somewhere in heaven, watching me. And she surely wouldn't want me to ruin my life. I've learned to live with her memories. She always used to say, 'life is all about letting go and moving forward.' And that's exactly what I did." I said, remembering Tyler's words at Jasmine's funeral.

Looking at Ryder, I realized that he was already staring at me, with an unreadable expression on his face.

Maybe, he didn't understand a thing I just said.

I sighed.

"If Christian would have been alive, he wouldn't want you to cut yourself. You need to learn to let go. Because after every storm, comes rain." I said, smiling at him.

"I should get going," I said, as I turned back and opened the front door.

"Uh, Xandra, one more thing." I heard Ryder's voice, from my backside.

I closed the door again and turned to face him.

"Can you promise me something?" He asked me.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Don't tell anyone about me cutting myself." He said, looking at the ground.

"Only if you promise me not to cut yourself again," I said, holding out my pinky finger for him.

He sighed before tangling his pinky finger with mine.

"Pinky promise." He said, smiling a little.

$$$$

"You're so stupid, Xandra! What was the need to call him unmanly in front of the whole school." Tyler said, from the other side of the phone line.

I was telling him about Antony, and how I first met him and insulted him, and the fact that he was James' stepbrother.

"I didn't call him unmanly or anything. I just told him that he was a little less manly for me." I said, smirking a little.

"Whatever, you know how dan---" I cut him off.

"He isn't dangerous. He isn't James. He can't do anything." I said, stubbornly.

"You're wrong there," Tyler said, quietly.

"What are you saying? James cannot do anything other than just rot in the asylum there. And since James can't, and nor can Antony." I said, staring at the ceiling of my bedroom.

"You're highly mistaken there." He said, quietly.

"What are y--" He cut me off this time.

"James was released from the asylum a week ago, people are saying that he changed or something. I highly doubt about that." He said, much to my shock.

James was released. God damn it.

"Does he come to school now?" I asked Tyler.

"He doesn't study here anymore. I heard he got transferred." Tyler said.

"Oh god. Do you think he will come after me?" I asked him.

"The answer to this question depends on Antony." He answered truthfully.

A/N,

What's up angels?

Comment your ships--

Xandra and Cole

Xandra and Antony

Xandra and Ryder

Jessica and Brody

Cole and Bethany

Xandra and Blake

That's it, I guess.



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