Chapter 77

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On the third day I visited the hospital, something freaky happened between Zac and me. Up until this point, I'd limited my interactions with him to light, friendly banter, intentionally maintaining a safe, socially appropriate distance between us since his mother was always around.

Around 10:00 pm, I decided it was time to head home for the day. I bid Ms. Pietersen and Zac goodbye. "Good night, Ms. Pietersen. Good night, Zac. I guess... I'll see you guys tomorrow?"

"Thank you so much, Cate," his mother said with an appreciative sigh. "You're such an angel for helping us out these last few days. Zac and I would be lost without you!"

My body and mind were drenched with exhaustion, but I smiled pleasantly. "It's nothing, Ms. Pietersen. I appreciate you signing off on all those hours for my community service project."

"Oh, it was the least I could do after everything you've done for us," Mrs. Pieteresen murmured. Then, she glanced over to Zac. "Go on, Zac, don't be rude! Say something to her!"

Just then, something in the air shifted. Zac's complexion paled. A strange, faraway gleam entered his eyes. His hand reached over to grip my wrist, not hard enough to leave a mark, but the firmness in his hold shocked both his mother and me.

His eyes squeezed shut as though he was in pain. "Don't go, Cate. Please don't go. I want you to stay."

Suddenly, I felt a hard, unrelenting tug on my arm. I gasped when Zac crushed me to his chest in a tight, feverish embrace. He clutched onto my entire being as though his car accident had never happened, as though he had every right to cling to me in such a desperate way. He began to rock me in his arms, back and forth and back forth, as his composure fell apart. "Don't go, don't go, don't go..."

Frantically, I tried to calm him down. His mother ran outside and called for a nurse before dashing back to help detangle me from Zac. He had descended into a bout of full blown hysterics by now, crying, pulling at his IV cords, mumbling and screaming nonsense.

Two large male nurses rushed into his room to help restrain and sedate Zac. His hands and fingers continued to strain and claw in my direction until the drugs kicked in and his entire body fell limp. Tears clouded my vision. A choked whimper emerged from my mouth. Every instinct inside me screamed to go to him, go to him, go to him...

I stepped towards Zac, but his mom placed a gentle hand on my arm and held me back.

Dr. Zhang had already finished her shift for the day. One of Zac's other physicians, a neuropsychologist named Dr. Seresin, came to check on Zac. Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Seresin pulled Ms. Pietersen aside to talk to her in private while Zac slept beside them in an anesthesia-induced state of unconsciousness.

Ms. Pietersen wore a strained expression on her face. She glanced up and called to me, "Cate?"

"Yes?"

"Can I speak to you for a minute? Out in the hallway?"

"Of course, Ms. Pietersen."

I followed her outside. The heavy door to Zac's hospital room closed with a 'click' behind us.

"Cate," she started quietly, "I know Zac is still on the mend from his accident, but, as a woman and as his mother, I'm not blind. Clearly, he doesn't remember you fully, but I feel like there's something about you that calls to him. I don't know what events might have transpired between you two in the past few months, but I've seen the way you two look at each other. I'm pretty sure that a smart, beautiful girl like you wouldn't hang around a hospital for a boy just to earn a few extra service hours. Is there something you'd like to tell me about your relationship with my son?"

My nerves flitted about as Ms. Pieteresen stared me down. The woman had been nothing but kind and welcoming to me since day one when, really, she had every right to turn me away while her son was undergoing such an intensive recovery. I felt guilty for keeping such a big secret from Zac's mother. I decided it was time to come clean, but I needed to do it in a way that wouldn't upset her.

In an uncertion voice, I whispered, "Your instincts were right, Ms. Pietersen. Zac and I started dating shortly after he came back to Ashton Wellesley. I love your son with all my heart. Don't worry, though. As much as I want Zac to remember me, I'm not going to push anything on him that he's not ready to handle. I'm willing to wait for Zac to heal at his own pace. All I ask is that you allow me to continue to take part in his recovery process."

Ms. Pietersen's expression fell as though my request pained her. "Oh, dear. This is what I was afraid of."

My skin prickled with alarm. "What do you mean?"

She hesitated. "Just now, Dr. Seresin and I had a very serious talk about Zac. In regards to his medical history. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Cate, but my son has suffered from depression for quite some time now. He even tried to commit suicide shortly after his father was incarcerated."

Holy shit.

Suicide?

I felt the blood drain away from my cheeks as a numbing coldness settled over me. I knew about Zac's depression. I knew about how he tried to cut himself to make the hurt go away. But I couldn't believe that he actually tried to kill himself.

How come he never mentioned it to me before?

And how could I not have picked up on it sooner?

With a grim sigh, Ms. Pietersen went to say, "Anyway, Dr. Seresin suspects that Zac's memory loss may be tied to his past trauma as much as his head injuries from the accident. Sometimes patients in Zac's position may try to consciously or subconsciously repress these traumatic events as a coping mechanism. After the violent outburst we all just witnessed with Zac, Dr. Seresin has reason to believe that you may be an emotional trigger for him. He recommended that, in patients who possess a history of serious mental illness, it may be best to avoid provoking them with these triggers until they're in a more stable state of mental well-being."

I clenched my jaw. My fists balled. I knew exactly where this conversation was headed. "Are you asking me to go away? To leave Zac alone?"

"Not forever, of course," Ms. Pietersen explained in a hurry, "Just for the next few months. Until my son finds his footing again. Once we get back to New York, I plan to enroll him in a specialized treatment and rehabilitation center to help him find healthier ways to cope with his depression and suicidal thoughts."

In a frightened voice, I asked, "I suppose I can step away for a few months, but what if... Zac's memories never come back? I don't want to lose him forever."

Ms. Pietersen's face hardened in a way that I'd never seen before. Almost coldly, she said, "Then, his memories never come back. Honestly, Cate, if you care for my son as much as you claim to love him, then you wouldn't be so selfish. I only want what's best for Zac. He only started to get better this past year or so. As his mother, I'll do anything to prevent him from spiraling into depression again. Wouldn't you want to do the same for him as his girlfriend?"

Wildly, I began to protest, "Of course, I love Zac, and I also want what's best for him, but I-I don't—"

Zac's mother didn't let me finish, "To be perfectly frank, Cate, I still haven't forgiven Zac for his massive deception over these past few months, and I'm determined to keep a much tighter rein on him from now on. I don't know what compelled my son to lie to me about Spain and enroll himself at Ashton Wellesley, of all places, but I suspect it probably has something to do with his good-for-nothing inmate of father."

She stopped to mutter under her breath, "May that bastard get fucked in the ass like he fucked me over!"

"Ms. Pietersen, with all due respect—"

The woman bulldozed right through me, "Please don't make this any harder than necessary. I know you're still young, and you think that you're in love, but try to see things from my perspective, Cate. I'd actually prefer it if Zac's memories never come back, especially if they'll only bring him unnecessary pain and suffering. As I mentioned before, my son was doing much better mentally and emotionally before he came back to Wellesley this semester, and I'd love for him to continue down that same path after Dr. Zhang discharges him. I'm asking you—no, begging you, Cate—as a woman, as a mother, to do right by Zac. And let him go."

I narrowed my eyes shrewdly. I refused to be bullied into submission by this woman. "Ms. Pietersen, you might be able to hide the truth from Zac for a few months, but you can't keep your son trapped in an alt reality forever. Eventually, he'll start asking questions. Our relationship is already documented in all of our private texts and messages. Zac isn't stupid. He'll know that we dated at some point once he reads through them, and, even if you take away his phone and delete all of his social media accounts, all he would have to do is reach out to one of our classmates at Ashton Wellesley. I'm sure someone will be able to fill him in on his missing memories."

She gasped in outrage. "How dare you speak to me this way?"

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, Ms. Pietersen," I grumbled with the patience of a motherfucking saint, "I'm just saying that, once Zac's condition has improved in a few months, we should give him the choice to decide what he wants to do with his life. He deserves to know the truth."

Ms. Pietersen arched one of her perfectly plucked eyebrows. "And what if Zac decides that he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore?"

"Then, I promise to bow out gracefully and move on with my life."

She eyed me with unmasked hostility. "I may have underestimated you, Cate. I can see why my son likes you so much now. You two are actually quite similar in the way you know how to push my buttons and piss me off."

I lowered my lashes. "Does does that mean we've reached an understanding?"

Her cheeks flushed with anger. "What are you talking about, Cate?"

"If I promise to lay low, keep my distance from Zac, for a few months, then you need to promise me that, once he's better, you won't do anything to stop us from getting back together."

"My son's well-being isn't up for negotiation, Cate. I have every right to do what I think is best for Zac."

"And I have every right to do what I think is best for my boyfriend," I clapped back.

She thrust an impeccably manicured finger towards the exit. "Get out! I'm removing your name from the visitor's list. I don't ever want to see you around here again."

Instantly, I grimaced with regret. I had overstepped the line with Ms. Pietersen. Not because I was wrong, and she was right, mind you, but simply because she was Zac's mother, and it wasn't doing me any favors to fall from her good graces.

Why was I acting like such a dumbass?

When it came to Zac, I simply couldn't think clearly anymore. My temper kept getting the better of me.

Over the next ten minutes, I changed my tune, apologized profusely, and tried my best to win back Ms. Pietersen's trust, but, now that we had butted heads, the woman seemed more determined than ever to cast me from her son's life, and all I could do was gather my things and go.

For now, Ms. Pietersen had the upper hand.

For now, I had no choice but to accept defeat.

For now.


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