As I tried to shrug out of my clothes, I felt a strange wetness on my cheeks. It stunned me. I couldn't be crying. I never cried.

Zac's hands shot up and caught my wrists. He looked startled. Troubled. Almost frightened. "What do you think you're doing? Stop it, Cate! Keep your fucking shirt on!"

I was shaking now. My entire body was visibly trembling. The tears kept falling, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. "I... don't know what's happening to me, Zac. I'm so scared. And tired. And... sad. I feel so disgusted with myself!"

Zac pulled me in tight. His arms wrapped around my back. Solid, strong, steady. Suddenly, the soul-crushing weight that I had been dragging around by myself for years and years no longer felt so heavy. It gave me the strength to let all hell break loose. My composure gave way to anarchy. Pure chaos exploded from the pain I had buried deep inside. I clung to Zac as though he was the only thing that could keep me from crumpling into a ball of self-loathing.

"Let it out, baby. I'm here. I got you."

In Zac's arms, I wept and wept. For minutes. Hours. I didn't know anymore. Everything came pouring out of me. Tears, snot, drool. I was heaving and wheezing. A monstrous, blubbering mess of a girl. Ugly thoughts spiraled around my head: I had used my best friends. I was exploiting a dead kid for revenge. And I hadn't been able to save Mamma when she needed me most. I was a vile, dreadful human being.

But Zac didn't let go.

He didn't push me away.

To my shock, he held on tighter.

Eventually, my sobs subsided into whimpers. Whimpers became hiccups. The worst of the raging storm inside me passed by. The aftermath still lingered, but at least I felt somewhat in control again. Drained. But sane.

Zac stared deeply into my eyes. The corner of his mouth twitched. Then, he grinned and handed me a box of tissues. "Here. Take this. You look pretty fucked up right now."

I sniffled and laughed. "Oh, fuck you!"

"Yes, baby, please," Zac said lightly. "But only after you tell me what the hell is going on with you. Cut the bullshit this time. No more pretending. No more excuses."

A whirlwind of anxiety blew through my brain: Nat. Amari. Lily. The uncertainty awaiting me on my eighteenth birthday. My heart pounded nervously. "I dunno where to begin, but everything just feels like it's falling apart."

A solemn expression settled over Zac's features. "Why's that?"

"It's, ike, I'm trying so hard to be strong. To handle it. But no matter what I do, shit keeps blowing up in my face."

Zac bit his lip. He frowned. "What do you mean by 'everything?' Are you referring to Nat and Amari? Or Lily? Or your dad? Or... something else?"

"All of the above, I guess," I paused. Mamma's face flashed before my eyes. "I've also been thinking about my mom. More than usual."

Zac leaned closer to me. He cupped my cheeks between his hands. His thumbpads brushed against them to wipe away the tears. With an unwaverig gaze, he asked, "What does your mom have to do with any of that stuff?

I swallowed hard. "I'm not sure if I ever fully recovered from it. Her death, I mean. And I'm not ready to lose anyone else—or anything else—that I care about."

A spark of understanding flashed across Zac's face. He studied me intently. Tenderness flooded his expression. "I'm starting to see where this is all coming from."

I glanced away. The emotion brimming from his eyes was too much for me to take in. I didn't want to start crying again. With a hollow-sounding voice, I muttered, "I'm about to lose everything. What's the point of grinding my ass off at school if Lily gets her way in the end? Nat and Amari don't wanna be my friends anymore. I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose you, too."

Zac chuckled softly. "I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm definitely not planning to go anywhere. Why are you so worried?"

"Because there's something I haven't told you."

Zac furrowed his brow. "Do you not like me anymore?"

"No! I mean, of course, I still like you!"

He crossed his arms over his chest and bugged out his eyes at me. "Then, what's the fucking problem?"

"The fucking problem is," I explained uncomfortably, "that rumor Lily has been spreading about me is actually be true."

Zac blinked a few times. "Wait, so—"

I didn't let him finish. "My dad's planning to cut me off financially once I turn eighteen. It's in his divorce agreement with Trick and Bea's mom. Even now, their mom is keeping a tight leash on my finances. If you don't see a future for us together, then it's fine. I understand. We can go back to being friends. Or whatever."

Zac looked shocked. "I mean, I..."

Again, I couldn't bear to let him finish.

What if he was chickening out?

What if he was trying to think of an excuse to dump me?

I don't know what compelled me to say it, but I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth, "We can even be fuck buddies if you want."

Zac's mouth twisted into an ugly scowl. "What the hell!"

My heart constricted painfully. "What do you want from me, Zac?"

Zac's eyes narrowed as he nudged me towards the mattress. "You're asking me what I want from you? Well, you said it first. Let's fuck."