FORTY-NINE

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He didn't come Tuesday.

Or Wednesday.

Or Thursday.

Or Friday.

Or today.

I'm angry that he'd do this; ignore me for a whole week. Not even me alone but he's being distant with the Rebels, too. Every time they try to call him, he simply lets it go to voicemail and he hardly answers texts. He's even ditched work at Sunny Smiles.

I get it. He's mad at me. But he shouldn't be pushing away people who had nothing to do with it.

Besides the anger that he's caused, the hurt has only increased. One emotion I can't deal with is guilt; especially if it isn't my fault but I feel it anyway. Guilt is a fucking horrible thing to feel. This week has being filled with sleepless nights, 2AM crying sessions and lots of girl time with Rachel who has tried to distract me the best she can.

My life is fucked up to say the least.

I miss Alex more than anything but I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want us anymore.

The sky is already darkening, the blue now mixed with orange, yellow, pink and purple which only makes more memories flood back. It's only being a week without him and it feels like fucking eternity. Rachel and I clearly spent more time at the mall than anticipated. This morning she had asked me to go shopping with her. I had originally declined, exhausted from everything and wanting to just be at home in my own four walls where I can be vulnerable and emotional on my own. But that also means thinking about Alex and I think I've done enough of that so I gave in and went with her.

We shopped until our feet hurt but it was all for Rachel. I didn't buy a single item. I wasn't in the mood to try on different clothing items, nor did I have the energy. So I instead sat and watched her model her outfits for me which definitely made me feel better.
I appreciate everything Rachel has done for me over the last week. She's supported and encouraged me and I can't begin to explain how grateful I am to have her in my life.

As I pull up outside my house, a familiar silver Audi TT is blocking me from going to my normal parking spot. My heart starts pounding loudly and my hands become clammy. I park behind the car and climb out of the car quickly, walking around the car in a fast walk, slow jog.

What is he doing here?

I don't look back to see if he's climbing out of the car, intent in getting into my house, but I hear his door shut and him call my name.

"Sophie!" His voice says and I realize how much I've missed hearing it. I ignore it though, walking faster, but am abruptly stopped when he grabs my arm, swinging me around.

"What?" I snap harshly, not wanting to do this. I don't want to hear about how he wants us to break-up. I'd rather us just leave everything and pretend this never happened. His eyes widen slightly before he eyes me up and down.

"You look exhausted," He mutters to himself.

Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me!?

"Thank you for stating the obvious," I snip, turning back around before he steps in front of me. He looks exhausted himself, blue rings under his eyes and his hair is disheveled. His eyes flicker between both of my own and I feel a giant lodge form in my throat.

"I'm sorry," he says and I freeze.
"I'm so sorry, Sophie. For what I said, for accusing you, for ignoring you this week, for hurting you." He states pleadingly. I shake my head, my eyes stinging.

"You had no right to say what you did," I scowl. He nods at me.

"I didn't mean them, I promise you."

"Then why did you say them?" I say, my voice breaking.

"Because I was mad!"

I shake my head. "I already forgave you, Alex."

"Sop-"

"But you're right. Maybe we aren't right for each other."

"What do you mean?" He asks, his eyes narrowing.

I gulp, the words I wish I didn't have to say coming out.
"I think we should break-up." I say, turning around and walking away but he once again pulls me back. However, I shrug his hands off me.

This hurts too much.

Having him touch me just makes me realize how much I don't want to do this.

His face scrunches up in pain and confusion. "If this is because of what I said, Sophie, I told you I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." He says, desperately wanting me to understand him. "You have to believe me."

"It's not that," I whisper, casting my gaze downwards. My vision soon begins to blur and he clips my chin, making me look up at him.

"Then why?" He asks.

I laugh, not because it's funny but because I don't know what else to do. "I hurt you, Alex." I say, "That's not okay."

"It wasn't your fault."

"No!" I exclaim, shaking my head and feeling the tears stream down my face. "I didn't tell the whole school but I was the cause! That's enough to be my fault Alex." My hands fly in the air in frustration.
"If we break-up then nothing like this will happen again. It's safer and I don't want to hurt you." I say, wiping my eyes with my wrists.

"Let's just pretend this never happened." I mumble, the emotion of sadness overbearing.

Alex looks at me, his face scrunched up in hurt and he tugs at his hair frustratedly.
"I don't want to lose you, I can't, Sophie. I can't." He responds.

I press my quivering lips together.
"It's for the best, Alex." I say softly and he shakes his head.

"What they did hurt, Sophie. It really sucked. But this," he says gesturing to the space between us.
"hurts even more. I shouldn't have treated you like that but please, Sophie, don't cut me out. I just got you." He begs.

I look up at the sky and let the tears stream down my face. I look back at him. "I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve this." I say hoarsely, the tears flowing even worse now.

He steps towards me, cupping my cheek and this time I don't shrug him off. He looks me directly in the eyes and I struggle to breathe due to the intensity of his gaze.

"I want you, Sophie. I need you. And if going through shit like that is what I'm going to have to do, then I will. Because I can't lose you. You're my everything." He says so sincere that my heart squeezes.

How can he care about me so much after what I've caused?

I let out a sob and he pulls me into a hug. I grip his shirt in my fists as I cry into his chest. He holds me so tightly, as if if he'd let go I would float away. He kisses my head.

"I'm sorry," he says, resting his cheek on my head.

"I'm sorry too." I mumble and we just stay like that.

"You know you mean the world to me right?" He whispers. "I think about you the minute I wake up, the minute before I fall asleep."
My heart beats faster and I try to snuggle further into his chest.
A few moments later, I pull back and he looks down at me with such adoration.

"I'm never letting you go." He says before pressing his lips to mine and I melt. Like chocolate on a hot summers day. I melt in his arms but press harder as we kiss, desperate to feel them again.

Shit, how I've missed this.

He smiles against my lips before we both break for air. He gives me a small smile. "Am I still welcome in your house or..."

I chuckle weakly. "Always." He grins before grabbing my hand as we head inside and that's when I realize that this: what we have, is way more than a 'like'.

Way more.

****

It's never felt so good sitting in Alex's car, our hands intertwined and resting on my thigh while music plays in the background.
This feels normal; like a daily routine.

"Does your mom, uh, know that we had an argument?" I ask awkwardly. He nods, turning a corner.

"Yeah. She threatened to castrate me if I didn't speak to you,"
I laugh at that and shake my head at the thought of Natalie threatening him.

"Don't laugh," he scolds me playfully. "Those are my family jewels." He says. I roll my eyes in response.

"Remind me where your parents are going again?" I ask.

After Alex and I made-up yesterday, he asked me to babysit Lily with him so I agreed and here I am, on my way with Alex to his house.

"A business formal." He states.

"Oh, right." I say.

"You have a memory of a goldfish, you know that?" He asks and I scowl which he laughs at.

"I heard you were signing documents? Was it the ones for shares in the company?" I ask.

Alex smiles. "Yep. I'm officially a shareholder in the business."

I grin. "That's great, Alex!"

He gives me a grateful smile.
"Not as great as this," He comments as he lifts our intertwined hands up. I grin at him before turning the radio up and singing along.

A few minutes later and we pull up outside his house. When I walk inside, Lily runs to me with a squeal and I chuckle as I give her a hug. Just then, Mr and Mrs Rosewood make their way towards us and the minute they see me, Natalie's eyes light up. She looks stunning wearing a black tight-fitting dress, black heels with a pearl necklace hung around her neck and her hair pulled up into a fancy updo. Mr Rosewood on the other hand looks handsome in a black suit and tie.

"Sophie!" She gushes, walking towards me and embracing me in a hug. "I've missed you so much! I was about ready to kill this boy." She comments and I hear Alex cough behind me. I laugh as she pulls back. Mr Rosewood gives me a wide smile and nods his head in greeting.

"Hello Sophie, how are you?" He asks as Natalie talks to Lily.

"I'm well and yourself?" I ask.

"I'm alright, thank you."

"Alright," Natalie says, standing up and dusting herself off. "We won't be home late. Lily," she says looking at her sternly. "behave."

She then turns to us and smiles. "You too. No funny shenanigans."

I blush.

"I'll try," Alex comments and my eyes widen. I elbow him in the ribs and he winces. Mr and Mrs Rosewood laugh before leaving the house and driving away in a sleek Mercedes Benz.

"Can we play hide and stheek?" Lily asks hopefully.

"Okay, but you have to take it easy on Alex," I whisper to her, "He's a slow runner." Lily giggles but Alex pokes my waist, making me jump.

"We'll see about that," He murmurs as we make our way out into the garden.

"You're it!" Lily squeals at Alex and he pouts.

"How is that fair?" He asks and I giggle.

"Cause you're my bwig bwother."

"That's hardly an excuse."

I glare at him and he holds his hands up in surrender.
"Fine! I'm it!"

Lily squeals and I laugh as Alex heads to one wall of their yard and begins counting to twenty-five.
I pull Lily with me to hide behind the statue. Since it's getting darker you can't see us as easily and the statue is big enough to cover both of us.

"Ready or not, here I come!" He yells so we can hear him and Lily giggles. I cover her mouth with my hand and pull her closer to me. I hear Alex shuffle around in the garden, looking in numerous places before I hear him chuckle to himself.

"I wonder where on Earth they could be," He hums to himself, walking slowly to us. Lily looks up at me, her eyes wide in fear but twinkling in excitement. My heart starts beating wildly.

"Maybe they're behind..." He starts and I look at Lily with wide eyes. "Run!" I whisper and we get up and start running just as Alex checks behind the statue and yells "Here!"

Lily squeals and giggles as we run and I laugh as we sprint around the garden. I hear Alex gain on us before I feel Lily's hand being yanked out of my grasp.

I hear her squeal again and turn around to see her in Alex's arms as he holds in the air and she giggles. The pure and genuine smile he has on his face with the adoration in his eyes makes me grin at the sight while I pant heavily. He swings her in the air before placing her on the floor. It's then that he notices me and his eyes twinkle mischievously just as mine widen and I start running again.

"Alex!" I squeal as we run around the pool. I can hear Lily laughing from the other side of the garden.
Of course, with Alex's speed and long strides he catches up with me and grabs my waist in no time.

The only issue is that I was way too close to his pool so we end up falling in, my scream being the last noise I hear and Alex muttering "Shit" before I hit the water and it wraps around me.
When I come back up for air, Alex is already up, running a hand through his hair.

"Was that necessary?" I ask incredulously. He smirks.

"What? It's not my fault I made you wet."

I choke at his words and he laughs before he swims towards me and picks me up by the waist so that he has to look up at me.

"What was that you were saying about me being slow?" He asks. I roll my eyes but laugh anyway.

"Whatever, prettyboy."

He smirks, "Aw, you called me pretty." He teases and I playfully push him before he laughs and pulls me closer.

Just as we're about to press our lips together an innocent voice speaks up. "Alex? Sophie? What are you doing?" Lily asks as she watches us from the edge of the pool. I immediately yank myself away from Alex and blush.

"Uh, climbing out." I mutter, paddling to the edge and pulling myself out. Do you know how hard it is to do that with soaking wet denims? Bloody hard.

I grunt before standing up, water flowing down my body. I ring my hair and squeeze all the water out.
Alex pulls himself out effortlessly and we all usher inside, the air nipping at mine and Alex's wet skin.

"Wait here. We're just going to go get changed, okay?" Alex asks Lily and she nods as Alex and I make our way upstairs.

"I can't believe you pushed me in the pool," I grumble and he laughs.

"It was a mistake!"

"Sure." I respond sarcastically.

I then notice their family tree for the hundredth time and remember the question I've being meaning to ask Alex. When we reach his room, he heads to his cupboard and pulls out a green shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.
"Here," he says handing them to me and I take them, touching his cold fingers briefly.

"Thanks," I say before walking out his room and to his bathroom.

"Sophie?" He calls before I leave. I pop my head back in and raise an eyebrow.

"You sure you don't want to change here?" He smirks. I roll my eyes and walk out, hearing him laugh.

Once I'm in his clothes, which are way too big but comfy nonetheless, I head back to his room and he, too, has changed into a black shirt and a pair of shorts. "Where must I put these?" I ask as I hold up my clothes. Alex turns around, only noticing me now, and his gaze travels up the length of my body.

"Just leave it on my desk, I'll add it to the laundry basket later." He says. I do as he says and put the folded clothing neatly on his desk as he digs through his closet for something else.

"Alex?"

"Mmh?"

"Does the Elite and Rebels know that you and Logan are cousins?"

He immediately freezes and his back tenses before he continues what he's doing.

"The Rebels do but I'm not sure about the Elite. I'm pretty sure Courtney does though." He comments and I nod my head from where I'm leaning against his doorframe although he can't see me. He then turns around and we start making our way downstairs to Lily. I can sense he doesn't want to talk about it but I needed him to know that I was aware of this.

While we're padding down the stairs, he looks over his shoulder at me. "How'd you figure it out?"
I chuckle, gesturing with my head to the family tree. He snorts.

"Ah. Right. I have no idea why that thing is even up there still." He rolls his eyes.

Lily is right where we left her when we get back; sitting on the kitchen stool with a barbie doll in her hand. I take a seat next to her and she looks up at me with a toothy smile as Alex goes behind the island and leans against it.

"So, Lily, what do you want for dinner?" He asks and Lily's face lights up before she exclaims "Chicken fingers!" Alex immediately lets out a groan.

"Again? Seriously? We had those earlier. Don't you get tired of them?"

"Nope." Lily grins, popping the 'p'.

I laugh at Alex and he sends me a pleading look, asking for help.
"Why don't we make Macaroni and Cheese for a change? We can make it really nice." I suggest. Lily thinks about it for a moment before cracking a smile.

"Alwight."

Alex lets out a relieved sigh and I give him a small smile as he gets started on the food. While Alex cooks and I talk with Lily, we play 'I Spy With My Little Eye' and it was quite hilarious actually. When food was ready, Lily declared how her new favorite food was macaroni and cheese and I had to agree with her. Alex made a killer mac and cheese. He responded with a smug smile when I said that.

Now, we are more than half way through the movie 'Cinderella' and Lily has fallen asleep between Alex and I.

"Should we take her to bed?" I ask him softly and he nods, gently moving away from her and picking her up bridal style. I grab the blanket that was thrown over her and we head to her room quietly. Alex tucks her into bed, kissing her forehead and wishing her goodnight before switching on her bedside lamp and closing her door. He then turns to me and gives me his signature smile that I've come to love.

"I should probably get going," I say and his faces falls in disappointment.

"No, don't go yet." He pouts.

"You heard my mother earlier. She doesn't want me home late."
He wraps his arms around my waist.

"I'll drop you off in the next hour," he asks hopefully and I sigh.

"Alright."

He grins and kisses the tip of my nose before lifting me up bridal style as well and I giggle.

We head into the room and he puts me on his bed.

This seems wrong.

He then jumps on his bed, taking the space next to me. He lays on his back and I snuggle into his side, his arms wrapped around me. I sigh contently, my eyes fluttering shut so I can soak everything about this moment to memory.

"I never should have said what I did," he says softly, making me open my eyes. I can hear the regret in his voice.

"Agreed." I respond. "But Im not mad at you. I forgive you, I told you."

He sighs, rubbing his hand in a circular motion on my waist.
"I know but I just feel so guilty."

"Don't be." I respond sincerely

"You know you're special right?" He whispers.

"I know."

"Good."

"I really like you." I mumble.

"I really like you too."

Finally! They sorted all their crap out? Are you happy?

Let me know what you think!

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