FORTY-EIGHT

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I stare out of the window mindlessly while I watch the grey clouds that match my mood.

Soft music plays in the background and I feel Martin glance at me every couple of seconds. After Alex stormed off, he asked Martin to take me home since he was my ride. At least he had some kind of consideration.

I hear a sigh escape Martin's lips before he speaks. "I know that I don't know what he said to you when you guys had that argument," Martin says with sincerity, making me look at him. "but I promise you he didn't mean it." He insists, looking at me briefly.

I want to ask how he knows that but I just look blankly at him.

Maybe Alex didn't mean them but that doesn't take away the fact that they hurt. Quite a fucking lot actually. It's funny how things happen. Just a few hours ago, everything was fine between Alex and I. Everything was good and right now I don't even know what we are. Whether we're together or not.

Probably not because he probably hates me. He hates me.

The thought makes fresh tears spring to my eyes and I look away from Martin before he can see me cry. I don't want to cry in his arms, I want to cry in Alex's. I want Alex to wrap his arms around me and for me to bury my face in his chest and smell Vanilla and Axe while he whispers sweet words into my ears.

But he's gone. And probably won't return.

"Alex says a lot of stupid stuff when he's angry." Martin adds and I just nod. What am I supposed to do? Have hope that Alex still wants to be with me and then have my heart crushed when he says no? I'd rather expect no and receive a yes then the other way around. The thing is that Martin doesn't know what he said so how can he tell me that Alex didn't mean it?

We pull up outside of my house and I grab my backpack, ready to watch Netflix while sobbing in my room. I give Martin a strained yet grateful smile and he does too.
"I'll speak to him but don't take his words to heart." He mumbles.

Easier said than done.

I nod and climb out the car, shutting the door and making my way inside just as Martin drives off.

I notice how quiet the house is and realise that my mother isn't home. I don't know whether to be relived that I can cry on my own without being interrogated or be upset that there's nobody here to comfort me. I walk upstairs into my room and throw my bag on my desk in anger.

I tug at my hair and let out a scream of frustration before breaking into sobs.

I just got him and I already lost him. I turned him into my home and now I'm homeless. Lost.

I notice the pink ring on my table that he gave to me when he asked me out and I walk towards it, picking it up and giving a wistful smile. To think that only a week ago we officially owned up to our feelings and yet here I am; heartbroken and useless.

I don't know what I'm feeling. It's like sadness, anger, guilt, pain and desperation all wrapped in one.
I remember our first date when we were staring at the stars and I told him not to break my heart.

"I wont." He had said, yet here I am. That sends a pulse of anger through me before it's just replaced with hurt. He's probably feeling the same thing though. At least he didn't 'betray' me because that's what he thinks I've done. He thinks I told the Elite about his story.

But I wouldn't.

Not when it involves the boy who has my heart.

I think of every moment we've had together and smile sadly at the memories. I've never experienced this kind of heartache; where it feels like my heart is physically breaking with every thought of him, with every replay of the words he shot at me.

But you're nothing but a liar, fake and user.

I let out another sob. Maybe this is karma for everything I've ever done. Maybe I deserve this. Alex doesn't deserve a girl like me. He deserves someone who doesn't have luggage with her that brings him down too, he deserves a girl who will never break his heart.

Because even though I didn't rat the story out, I still broke his.

I walk into my closet and pull a thin sweater with gym shorts out before slipping them on and tying my hair up. I then make myself comfortable on my bed while the Maze Runner plays on my TV, distracting me from my thoughts.

Thirty minutes into the movie, my phone pings beside me and I look to see a message from Rachel.

Rachel: Cole told me what happened. I'll be there in 10.

I guess having Rachel's company could do me some good.

Me: Okay. Use the key under the pot plant.

After that I throw my phone onto the side of my bed and snuggle further into my pillow, wanting to forget about this day.

True to her word, Rachel comes pounding up the stairs ten minutes later and stops by the doorframe to see my puffy eyes and heartbroken expression.

Her eyes morph from worry into sympathy and she drops her bag on the floor before throwing herself at me in a hug. The minute her arms wrap around me, I break into sobs, clutching her arms tightly.

"He hates me." I mumble. "He's never going to want to speak to me again." She holds me tightly, rubbing my head in a comforting manner before asking me what happened. So I explain everything to her and I struggle to contain my sobs when I repeat what Alex said. Not only that but I feel even more emotionally and mentally drained by having to recite the days events. At the end, Rachel and I are sitting shoulder to shoulder, me tucked into her side.

"I can't believe he said that." She says and I simply nod my head, not having the energy to talk.

"I don't think he means it though. Anger makes people do silly things, Soph. He probably just needed to let his anger out on something and chose you."

I purse my lips. Everyone keeps telling me he didn't mean it; that it was all because of anger. But what if he did and he finally let out what he really feels about me in that moment? All this thinking and reading into things is exhausting so I shrug.

"I don't know. But it still hurts like hell." I respond and she sits up.

"You are not going to sit here and sulk over some guy who said stuff that aren't true, alright?" She asks me and I nod stiffly. "How about a movie night?" She suggests and I smile tiredly.

"I'd really like that."

****

Friday passed by in the blur of movies and ice cream while Saturday was spent with the
Withersons and playing the family game night. Sunday was then spent with Rachel and I heading to the zoo. It was a good way or rather, attempt, at distracting me from Alex. It helped to some extent but I couldn't stop checking my phone to see if maybe he had texted me, which he didn't, or having random flashbacks of memories.

I was tired. I had nearly texted him once but decided against it when I realized how he probably wouldn't want to talk to me at all. My mother kept asking me what was wrong and I would give her the simple reply of "I had an argument with Alex" since I couldn't really tell her the whole story. She would then proceed to try and get the story out of me but I didn't budge. I couldn't.

Now it's Monday, last period of the day and Alex didn't show up. I keep watching the door, hoping it'll open and he'll stroll in with that smirk on his face and that twinkle in his eye. It doesn't happen though. I asked Martin if he heard anything from Alex but he shook his head sadly.

Alex really does hate me.

It was a difficult feeling to explain. I've never really felt anything quite like it. I feel empty. Like I'm just here but not actually here, rather in a world of memories. It's just an overwhelming sense of sadness that I can't quite put into words.

I never realized how strong my emotions for Alex really were. This feels so much more than a 'like'. Maybe... it's the four letter word that I'm feeling. I shake my head at myself.

How can I be thinking about the L-word when Alex hates me?

As the bell rings, I rush out of the class and head to the library in desperate need of a book. When I get there, I say a brief hello to Mrs Henderson before finding a book. Hopefully I can find one decent enough to distract my thoughts from Alex and to numb the ache in my chest.

I pull out 'Of Mice and Men', a great classic, and take a seat at one of the round tables since I have a good forty-five minutes to spare. A part of me wants to rush to Sunny Smiles and see if Alex is there but the more rational and realistic part tells me that that means confrontation. And I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. The wounds of what he said are still fresh and I don't want to add salt.

Fifteen minutes in, I hear a chair scrape back and I look up to see Thalia. I raise an eyebrow at her but she looks at me blankly. Why is she even here? She doesn't talk to me. Nevermind that, they didn't seem the least bit phased with this whole Alex thing.

It's like they don't even care.

If there's one thing I've noticed about Dylan and Thalia it's that even though they're part of the Rebels, it's like they're invisible. Watching, observing but never being apart of us. It was quite confusing but also suspicious sometimes.

Quiet people notice the most.

"I'm sorry about the whole Alex thing." She says suddenly and I look back up at her. The usual scowl is wiped from her face, her lips now pressed into a firm line. I close my book and sit up, surprised at her words. This is so unlike Thalia. I ignore the ache in my chest, or at least try to, and give her a grim smile.

"It's fine. Thanks, Thalia." I respond, assuming that was the end of the conversation and grabbing my book again before I am interrupted.

"I think you guys are good together though," She adds and I straighten my posture, narrowing my eyes at her.

"What do you want Thalia?" I ask.

She looks at me in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I snort, "You've never said a nice word to me so why now?" I ask, leaning on the table. Her lips quirk slightly.

"Maybe I've had a change in heart."

"You can't just hate someone one day and like them the next."

"Who said I hated you?"

I frown at her. She didn't hate me? Oh, maybe it's only Alex.

"I'll give you credit Sophie; you make Alex happy. That's what matters to me."

I scoff, "Doesn't seem like it anymore." I mumble dejectedly. Thalia licks her chapped lips.

"Did he make you happy?" She asks and I snap my eyes to her, my eyes getting a glossy sheen.
"So much," I say, my voice thick with emotion.

"Couples have their ups and downs, Sophie. I've never seen Alex so hung up on a girl so I doubt he'll be mad at you for too long." She says. I nod, chewing on my lip nervously.

"Are you and Dylan happy?" I ask hesitantly. She purses her lips.

"Things are a little more
complicated with us," She chuckles weakly.

"It doesn't seem complicated."

"There's a lot more than what you see,"

I stare at her for a second. Something was different about her. "Why are you being so nice?" I ask.

She shrugs, "I have my reasons."

"Why were you so mean too?"

"Like I said, I have my reasons."

"I think you're pretty cool when you're nice to me," I chuckle and she laughs with me.

"Don't take what I say to heart, Sophie."

I'm about to ask her why that is when a gruff voice calls her out.
"Thalia?"

To say she shat her pants would be an understatement. Thalia springs up from her chair, almost knocking it over and grabs her bag.

"Dylan," she responds as he steps forward. He eyes the both of us suspiciously.

"What are you doing here?" He asks. Thalia looks at him fiercely.

"We were just talking."

"About what?" He demands. It's as if he flips a switch and Thalia is back to her usual self. She looks at me with a scowl. "I was just telling Sophie how much of a traitor she is." She spits venomously, as if the sweet exchange we just had didn't happen. I frown at her and Dylan eyes me.

"Alright, c'mon." He says, grabbing her hand and leading her away but not before she sends me one last look.

I can't help but drown in confusion. What the hell was that? One moment Thalia is talking to me like I'm a long lost friend and the next she's scornful towards me. I shake my head with a sigh. I have enough problems to worry about excluding Thalia's odd behaviour.

I check the time and decide that I should get going to Sunny Smiles.
I check the book out and head there, hoping that I won't have to face Alex.

I miss him so much.

When I pull up outside, I head inside, saying a quick 'hello' to Kathy before heading to my class. The minute the kids see me, they squeal and tackle me. I squat, giving them each a hug before saying hello to Rachel.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asks. I nod, giving her a weak smile.

"Yeah." I respond and she gives me a sympathetic look.

"Is he here?" I ask, looking around slightly. Rachel shakes her head and disappointment floods my system.

He sure is working hard at avoiding me. "Kathy said he had to sign some documents." Rachel explains and my eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

"Documents?"

"Yeah."

It then occurs to me that it's the ones for having shares in Rosewood Hotels. He told me that he spoke it through with his mom and that she was really happy that he'd agreed but I didn't know that he would be signing them so soon.

I feel someone tug at my shirt and I turn around to spot Layla, a cute blonde little girl. I bend down to her level and give her a wide smile. "What's wrong, Layla?"
She puts her hands behind her back and rocks on her heels.

"Where's Alex?" She asks innocently, looking up at me with her innocent blue eyes.

My smile falters, "He's, uh..." I stutter before Rachel pipes in.

"He's sick." She says and Layla nods before casually walking away and telling the others.

I stand back up and sigh.

Being heartbroken is fucking exhausting.

****

I pull the door open and step into the house, my mother being home today. I lean against the doorframe of the living room and give her a small smile.

"Hey mom," I greet and she turns her head towards me with a wide smile of her own.

"Hello, how was school?" She asks and I shrug, playing with my striped t-shirt. She purses her lips. "Did you get to speak to Alex?" She asks softly and I freeze.

"No. He wasn't at school or Sunny Smiles today." I answer and disappointment runs through her eyes.

You're not the only one who is disappointed.

Before I can dwell on that anymore, my mom changes the subject by asking what I want for dinner. "I'm not that hungry. Maybe just a little peckish."

"Would grilled cheese sandwiches be fine then?"

"Definitely."

"Alright." She says, getting up from the couch and heading to the kitchen. However, she stops along the way and pecks my cheek before giving me a hopeful smile.
"It's going to be okay, sweetie."
I don't get the chance to answer her as she walks away but I do make a point in sighing to myself.

I push myself off the doorframe and go to my room, in desperate need of sweatpants right now. Once I'm comfortable in that, I take a seat on my bed and sigh, staring up at the ceiling. I check my phone for any messages, only to see one waiting there.

A sudden surge of excitement pulses through me at the thought that it may be Alex but that idea is quickly crushed when I see Martin's name pop onto the screen.

Martin: Alex is signing papers for something, that's why he wasn't at school today.

Me: Okay. Thank you Martin :)

Martin: No problem, séniorita.

I smile at the message before setting my phone aside and pulling out the book 'Of Mice and Men'. However, this only makes me remember my strange encounter with Thalia this morning.

Why was she suddenly so cold to me when Dylan was around? Did he tell her to be like that to me? This whole time, it seemed like she generally didn't like me but after today, I'm not quite sure.

I sigh and close my book, deciding that a nap would do me some good.

I welcome sleep, totally forgetting about the grilled cheese my mom is making me downstairs.

Dreams were the only place where Alex and I were okay.

Another update? I'm on a roll.

What did you think of Sophie's encounter with Thalia? Any theories as to why she's acting this way?

And this whole thing with Alex? What are your opinions on it?

Let me know what you think!

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