She doesn't say anything after I reveal to her what I've been doing throughout the last four years of my life. She just purses her lips as she averts her gaze. I've finally come clean to my mom; staining her ever so clean idea of me. It's quiet though as we sit on opposite sides of our dining table although, somehow, it feels like we're miles apart. I watch as she tucks a stray strand of her behind her ear. The silence makes my nerves spike and I feel the need to spew the remains of dinner from my stomach.

"Please don't be mad," I mumble softly, feeling completely ashamed that my mother is only finding this out now. She shakes her head as she looks up to meet my gaze.

"I'm not mad or upset with you, Sophie." She says and I feel relief flood through me. "Disappointed? Maybe just a little, but not mad. Definitely not mad."

I give her a relieved smile. "I'm sorry, mom. You have no idea how guilty I've felt about this." I say sincerely. My mom nods in acknowledgment.

"What made you think you couldn't tell me?" She says, hurt at the fact that I kept it from her for so long. I sigh, my shoulders slumping in defeat.

"I was okay with it at first but when I realized I wanted out, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so ashamed and scared of how you'd think of me when you found out."

My mom shakes her head, grabbing my hand across the table and giving it a light squeeze. "Oh, sweetie. I would never view you any different. We all make mistakes." She gives me a gentle smile and I sniffle. "This is how we grow, Sophie. We make mistakes and then learn from them. If we don't make mistakes then how are we supposed to grow as a person? I also made mistakes, no better than anyone else." She assures me. I rub at my eyes.

"What did you do?" I ask my mom curiously.

She chuckles, scratching her nose awkwardly. "I had a pregnancy scare once."

My eyes widen in surprise and my mom smiles. "Turns out I wasn't carrying a little human, but I never slept with another human being before your dad came along."

My eyebrows raise in surprise. "I didn't know that."

My mom nods. "It was something that I grew from as a person and nobody needed to acknowledge that except for myself."

I nod in understanding. My mom is such a wise woman who I will always look up to and admire.

"I'm not upset, okay? However, I'll be pressing charges against that bastard who tried to touch my baby." My mother scorns and I give her a grateful smile. She then chews on her lip in thought. "I know your father's departure has affected you, Sophie. But don't let that run your life okay? Don't ever give a man the power to break you down as much as you let your father. You're beautiful and strong without him." She smiles softly at me and I blink the tears away. She squeezes my hand before standing up and checking her watch.

"I'm going to bed, honey. I'll forgive you a million times over. I love you," She mumbles, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I relish in the feeling of been able to talk freely with my mom. "Don't ever think you can't speak to me."

"I love you too," I respond and she smiles before padding up the stairs and to her room.

I don't know what made me feel like I couldn't tell my mom when all she was was understanding. I should have known she would support me. I didn't know what I was thinking to be honest. I run a hand over my face and let out a sigh of relief. I feel so much better now that I have told my mom. It also helps that she isn't upset with me. I'm so grateful that I was given a mother who loves and cares for me to such an extent that she'll look beyond my flaws. I know that what I did was wrong but I'm really happy she forgives me. It just takes a whole new weight off of my chest which makes me feel like I can breathe better. I stand up and pour myself a glass of water before switching off the lights and heading up to my room.

If there's another thing I'm grateful for is the fact that since I told her now, we can press charges against Geoff Lawson for sexual assault. I had wanted to do that a while ago actually but I couldn't do it without my mom finding out which would have inevitably lead to too many questions.

I climb in between my sheets and get comfortable on my pillows before reaching over for my phone.

Me: I finally told my mom :)

I send it to Alex and within two minutes, yes, I counted, he responds back.

Alex: What did she say?

Me: She isn't mad.

Alex: I'm happy for you, Princess ;) At least that's all out♡

I grin at the screen, feeling warm and giddy at how Alex makes me feel without even trying.

Alex: I love you. You know that right?

I chew on my bottom lip as I think about how far we've both come in our relationship. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs and yet I'm actually grateful for that. It's made us stronger and I think that was what we needed. I'm never letting Alex go because he's the one who made me smile over the last few months when all I felt was down and upset. He is the one who encouraged me to leave, he gave me that push, and he helped me realize that it wasn't all my fault. Alex has done so much for me that I can never ever repay him for. My dad killed the idea of love for me, but since meeting Alex, I've realized how blinded I was by my father's mistakes. Because I love Alex so much it hurts and if anything, that's the best kind of love.

Me: I love you more, Alex. Thank you for everything ♡ ♡

I switch my phone off and put it on my bedside table before rolling onto my side and falling asleep with a smile on my face.

****

It took a lot of courage for me to get up this morning and do what I set out to do. I had officially told my mom and I was extremely relieved about that but I also needed to speak to Kelcy. I feel like that's the only way I'll move on from what really happened at the party. That's why, as I stand in front of her front door with a box of Swiss chocolate in my hands, I can't help but want to run back to my car and drive off. As much as it isn't my fault, Kelcy could still blame me for it and I really don't want to hear that. I'm on the road to moving on and letting go but hearing those words would just set me back. I sigh and, with trembling hands, press the doorbell. The soft chime resonates through the house and I hear footsteps. The door soon flings open and Nathan is standing in front of me. When he sees me, his face breaks into a surprised smile.

"Hey, Sophie. What are you doing here?" He asks.

I clear my throat. "I, erm, came to visit Kelc." I mumble. He nods in understanding before moving out the way so I can step inside. After closing the door, I turn to him with an awkward smile.

"She's in the lounge," he informs me and I mutter a quick "thank you" before walking to the place where we had numerous sleepovers in the past. It's funny how time flies. When I round the corner and step foot in the lounge, the sight of Kelcy in a wheelchair sitting with a crossword puzzle is in her hands greets me. I don't say anything at first, still a little shaken by seeing her in a wheelchair.

However, I can't deny that she looks good; her black bob is longer and now pulled into a low pony while her skin is almost glowing. I was expecting her to look like a corpse and yet here she is, sitting in a wheelchair but looking as good as ever. I realize that staring is probably not the best way to start a conversation off, so I clear my throat. She looks up and her eyes widen in surprise as she sees me standing awkwardly by the doorway.

"Sophie," she greets me. I move towards her, looking at the box I have in my hands before handing it to her.

"I brought you your favorite; Swiss chocolate." I say with a small smile. She chuckles lightly before taking it from my hands and putting it on the table.

"Thanks."

I nod but don't say anything else before I gingerly move to the couch in front of her and take a seat. "How are you?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I'm actually doing okay. It's taking a lot of getting used to but I'm managing." She smiles.

I smile back. "You look well." I say and she nods.

"Just because I can't move my legs, doesn't mean it's the end of the world." She reminds me. I nod with a soft smile.

"Why do you look so guilty?" She asks suddenly with a frown etched onto her face. I sigh.

"I know what happened at the party,"

Kelcy purses her lips and nods.
"And you think that I'm paralyzed because of you?" She asks but I don't respond. She shakes her head as she laughs and I am taken aback by how natural she's being.

"It was going to happen sooner or later. I don't eat a lot, I'm irresponsible with my insulin then I go to parties and drink like a fish. It just so happened to be the night I was supposed to get you back." She shrugs like it's no big deal.

"I'm still sorry, Kelcy. I kept thinking it was my fault." I fidget with my hands.

She laughs, "It wasn't, Sophie. I'm not upset with you nor do I blame you. Don't get me wrong, you could have avoided a lot of shit Courtney plotted against you but this is not on you. I swear." She reassures me. My lips quirk into a tiny smile.

"I'm still sorry that my decisions forced you into that position." I say and she gives me a soft smile.

"I'm not mad at you Sophie. You'll always be my best friend." She utters and I feel my eyes grow glossy. "I should be apologising to you." She says and my eyebrows scrunch together.

"For what?"

"For believing Courtney over my best friend when I found out that James was just screwing around with my emotions. I know you would never have done that. I guess I just wanted somebody, other than the guy I loved, to be mad at." She apologises, sincerity lacing her voice.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think you can do better than James." I joke, trying to the lighten the mood. Kelcy snorts.

"Oh trust me, I know."

We both chuckle at that before it falls silent again.

"You heard about Courtney and Dylan?" I ask eventually and Kelcy nods.

"Surprising, huh?" She chuckles and I laugh as I nod.

"No kidding." I utter.

It's quiet for a second.

"I wish that things didn't have to end this way. I wish it could be different, you know?" Kelcy asks me, her brown eyes boring into my own. I nod with a disappointed sigh.

"Yeah. I wish so too." I answer.

Nathan then appears in the room with an apologetic smile casted my way. "You have to go to therapy, Kelc." He says and Kelcy nods.

"I'll be right out." Nathan smiles at her response before leaving the room once again. I avert my attention back to Kelcy.

"I'm really happy you and Alex found each other," she smiles and I grin. She starts wheeling herself towards the door as I walk beside her. When I reach the front door and pull it open, I turn to give her one last smile.

"You should visit more often. I'd love to get to know you." She offers and I chuckle.

"I'd love that."

"But I'm moving to Vancouver in December," she tells me and I frown.

"Why?" I blurt.

Kelcy shrugs, "I think I need a change of scenery."

I nod in understanding. "I'll see you around, Kelc." I grin. She chuckles.

"Bye, Soph."

As I walk back to my car, I smile at the thought of getting to know her better after all this time. Sure, she might be moving in December but I'd love to spend time with her before she goes. I start my engine and drive home feeling completely relieved that she doesn't blame me. When I walk into my house, my mom is busy making chocolate chip cookies in the oven. The beautiful aroma wafts up my nose and I find myself sighing contently.

"Hey mom." I greet. My mom looks over her shoulder at me and casts a smile.

"How was the visit to Kelcy?" She asks, aware that I felt the need to talk to her.

"It went pretty well actually."

"I'm glad, sweetheart. Is Alex coming over for lunch?" She asks and I find myself scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

I've slowly worked up the courage to do the things I've wanted to do for a long time. Like stop blaming myself, telling my mom the truth, visiting Kelcy. But there is one thing that I've avoided, too scared to do, for a very long time. However, I feel like I need to do it now. It's the only way to have the closure I truly need. My mom notices my hesitation and looks at me in concern.

"What's wrong?"

I chew on my lip nervously before blurting my thoughts out.

"I want to go see dad."

My mom freezes, her eyes as wide as saucers before she licks her lips nervously.
"Why would you want to do that?"

"I want to see him one last time before I move on. I think it will be the closure I need." I say all in one breath. My mom purses her lips but nods nonetheless. She grabs her phone, opening it up onto a message before taking a sticky note off of the fridge along with a pen and scribbling something down.

She hands it to me and I look down at the small yellow piece of paper.

Port Saint Lucie
Rusland Street
#23

I look up at my mom who is smiling down at me warmly. I wrap my arms around her.
"Thank you mom," I whisper and she pulls back to give me a kiss on the forehead.

"You and Alex drive safe, alright?"

I don't point out that I haven't asked Alex yet and nod anyway.

"Okay."

****

Port Saint Laurie is about a two hour drive away so after my mom gave me the thumbs up, I called Alex and asked him to come along with me. He didn't hesitate to agree and picked me up twenty minutes later. We picked up a few snacks for the drive and then we hit the road. We pump the music through the car and I'm grateful for the volume; it distracts me from my thoughts that are filling me with doubt.

Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe it would be better if I just left things the way they are.

However, I realize how far we've already driven. We're basically fifteen minutes away from his house. I can't turn back now.

I feel warmth radiate onto my leg and I look down to see Alex resting his hand on my knee. I smile at it before looking up at him with a grin. He smirks at me and I feel my breath hitch. That smirk is something else. Soon enough we pull up outside a normal suburban home with two stories and a Mini Cooper outside. Alex parks on the side of the road and I let out a shaky breath, flipping my sunglasses up. I turn to Alex and he gives me an encouraging smile as I pull the door open. The humid air makes my hair stick to my neck. I pull it up into a ponytail as I walk to the door on jelly legs. I knock and I fidget with my sundress. I internally pray that he isn't home and I'm forced to go home without confronting him. However, my hopes are slowly crushed as the door creaks open.

My eyes widen as I take in the man in front of me. The man who I loved so much. The man who used to give me piggy back rides around our garden, used to sing me to sleep and make me brownies when I was sad. The man who betrayed my mother and left us before coming back and crushing us all over again. The man who I called my dad.

His hazel eyes connect with mine and flash with recognition instantly. It's strange to see his black hair slowly turning pepper as his face gets older. The last time I saw him, his hair was still so jet black. His rigid posture relaxes ever so slightly as he watches me.

"Sophie?" He asks in curiosity, his deep and warm voice sending millions of memories and emotions through me. I inhale deeply, working up the courage to actually speak to him.

"Hello," I manage to utter. His lips quirk into the beginning of a smile as I see his eyes becoming glossy. He steps forward as if wanting to embrace me and I take a step back. I didn't come here to pretend like everything is okay and that he didn't do what he did. I came here to get through what I haven't managed to get through over the last few years. Hurt flickers over his face but I don't feel guilty. I wish I did, though, because maybe it would prove that I still see him as the man I loved so endearingly.

He clears his throat. "How are you?" He asks me and I shrug.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"What are you doing here? Is there something wrong with your payments?" He asks me with a raised eyebrow.

I play with the hem of my shirt and shake my head.

"No, there's no issues with the payments." I respond, disappointed and hurt that that is what he thought my main reason for coming here was. How sad is that? My father thinks I came here because of money. He frowns at me, no longer understanding why I'm on his front porch.

"Then what are you doing here? Would you like to come inside?" He asks, moving away from the doorframe. I shake my head and take a deep breath before spilling the words that need to be heard.

"You know," I begin, needing to get this off my chest before I chicken out. "you leaving has caused me so much pain, never mind mom too. But I thought that if you didn't care about me and love me like you should've, how could I do that for myself? So I lost myself in the most pathetic of ways, letting myself go and not being true to who I am. All because you couldn't stick around and I needed something to fill the empty void you left in your absence." I explain, my voice thick with emotions. I needed this; I need him to know him I feel whether he cares or not.

"Of course I care and love for you, Sophie." He says hoarsely. I shake my head.

"Maybe, but it didn't feel like it." I point out. He shakes his head in shame.

"You broke me dad," I say, water on the edge of my eyes. "You made me think love didn't exist. I know better now. But it hurt, a lot. I lost myself all because you couldn't be the father I needed." I utter, casting my gaze downwards so that he can't see how much this is tearing me apart. "But I've come to realise that I need you and your absence should never have affected as much as I let it. Thank you for teaching me what love shouldn't be." I explain while blink rapidly, trying to clear my eyes although the heavy silence makes them water more. I wish it didn't have to be like this.

"I'm so sorry for what I did, you have to believe me." He breaks the silence. I look up at him and he looks at me pleadingly. It's then that I see a broken man who knows what he did was wrong and can't seem to move on. I suck in a breath thinking that maybe this hurt my dad as much as it hurt us. Maybe I'm not the only one who needs this wound to heal.

"I didn't come to listen to you apologise because I already forgave you, even if you weren't sorry. I came here because I wanted to say a proper goodbye." I shrug, staring at his hazel eyes

He purses his lips and his eyes slide over my face. "Thank you for forgiving me. You're so grown up now and I can see you've become a wonderful young lady, courtesy of your mother." He mumbles and I nod, a smile making its way onto my face. I slip my hands into my back pockets.

"Are you happy?" I ask him. "With your life, I mean?"

He looks at me in thought for a moment. "I love my new life, Sophie, but I'm ashamed of what I did to your mom and you. Neither of you deserved it. I should have being a better man to the both of you."

I give him a small smile, not denying his awfully truthful words. His eyes slide over to Alex's car slowly and I see them light up in curiosity.

"Who's that?" He asks. "A