Dixie burst from the darkened bedroom and immediately turned towards the kitchen, but upon hearing the raucous laughter of the party still in full swing, made a U turn and headed towards the back door of the house.

She needed air, and not an interrogation.

Now.

She wrenched open the back door as quietly as she could and slid out into the night, gulping in huge gasps of air as she bolted away from the light of the house and into the dark, heading for the barn, hoping no one would see her hasty retreat. She swiped at her cheeks, feeling tears sliding down them despite her best efforts to be stoic. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one could see her, even as she continued to wipe her cheeks.

Fuck Nicky Gamble, she thought darkly... he wasn't worth her tears.

But she knew, deep down, that he probably was.

So how had they gone from snuggling on the bed and having a little breakthrough of the "I like you, do you like me, check yes or no" variety to fighting about whether or not they were even compatible emotionally.

Ugh!

Dixie quickened her pace, still wiping her cheeks, and then yanking open the barn door and scuttling inside, closing it behind her.

She found a stack of hay bales nearby and sat down gratefully, the warmth and smell of the hay and animals inside immediately soothing to her frazzled nerves.

Seriously, she thought again, composing herself mentally. How did they go from his rescuing her from the teasing of the party to lying together in the dark to suddenly fighting and then blowing each other off before giving the other a chance?

And why couldn't she admit he'd been right about a few things about her?

She was too stubborn to let just anyone into her life, too full of pride to let anyone see her vulnerable, and no matter what Nicky might have thought, of their relationship, she knew Javier wasn't the second coming.

He was fun, sure, charming and handsome, and loved to spoil her but he was just that... fun. They certainly weren't locked in some sort of emotional tug of war, they weren't in it for the long haul, and Dixie knew that they both knew that.

True, she wasn't ready for the abrupt end to their relationship, instead expecting it would run its course eventually, down the road...

But with Nicky...

Dixie had to admit to herself that over the past few weeks with Javier, she had really, really enjoyed the racing life on the road, cheering for the riders, the fun of the 'circus', but she had come to crave the quiet of the Wyoming west, and of the family – related and not - that the Gambles had assembled in this corner of the world. She had even fleetingly thought how much she would like it to be Nicky – not Javier – she was spending time with, was getting to know, was cheering for and kissing in Victory Lane then coming home to share time with.

She would never admit that to anyone, but it was the truth, and she finally thought she should admit it to herself.

She liked Nicky – of course she did – so why couldn't they seem to get on the same page?

She realized with the wisdom of hindsight that their fight just now was a fight of fear – Dixie really did fear rejection, and Nicky really did fear being abandoned.

God, they were both damaged goods, she thought idly.

Figures. The guy she ends up liking the most is damaged, just like her.

She was scared. There it was: she was scared.

She couldn't help but think back to her breakup – well, her dumping – by Chris a few years ago. They had been together for so long, for years, but after the... incident that changed the course of her life, and of their future, he had dumped her.

She told herself it was more than her looks, more than her appearance to him as a cash cow that broke them up, but she always wondered if she was fooling herself.

She and Chris were going to get married, for God's sake. She had the ring, he had popped the question, and they were set to go. So to go from that level of seriousness to "sorry, this isn't going to work out for me" from him was too big a leap to take.

And since then, Dixie knew she had problems with trust, with sharing herself fully with a man.

It shouldn't matter, it shouldn't affect her, but it does.

So, Dixie Colson is too stubborn, and yes, too scared, to trust another man, even one like Nicky Gamble, she thought to herself.

And even if she gave him a chance, it was probably too late now. After the things they had said to each other, she was pretty sure they were over before they even got started.

Too late now.

Dixie stood up, resolved. In the morning, she'd buy a plane ticket home to California, and brush this evening from her memory and move on. What else could she do?

Happy birthday to her, she thought wryly, squaring her shoulders and heading for the house again.

**

Nicky lay in the dimness of the room, trying to bring his breath back to normal after Dixie's dramatic exit.

After several seconds of lying in total stillness, his brain completely disconnected and quiet, it all came roaring back to him and he stood up angrily, pacing around the room and then stalking to the window, staring out. He saw Dixie cross the barnyard, and then she...

Oh, shit, he thought, his emotions thawing. She was crying.

He couldn't stand it when a girl cried – he'd do just about anything to stop it.

His chest hurt seeing her swipe at her tears, and it was all he could do not to chase right after her.

He saw her go into the barn, and though she closed the door, his eyes remained fixed on the weathered wood planks.

How the hell had the two of them simultaneously been fighting so bitterly and yet hitting the nail so perfectly on the head about each other?

He knew she was scared to get into a relationship, he just didn't know the why.

He knew he was scared to get into a relationship, but he knew exactly why.

Not only did it have to do with De Costa and Heather hooking up, leaving him high and dry and distrustful, but he knew deep down his inability to trust and form a lasting relationship with a girl had to do with the abandonment of his mother when he was so young.

His one female role model, and she had batted him aside without a second glance, and left him to spend years wondered what he'd done to make her leave.

Years of therapy and common sense told him a ten year old boy wasn't the sole reason for her departure, but it sure had felt like a condemnation at the time.

Not to mention that after a few years on the circuit, he knew a few basic truths about some of the women out there: a lot of them just wanted him for his fame, or his money, or his reputation as a athlete on an elite circuit. When he was younger and much more stupid, he'd hooked up with a fair few of these girls, thinking it was true love, or at least a lasting relationship, only to find himself dumped for a better finishing racer or dumped because the fame and the money wasn't worth the long hours and infrequent visits from women who were a lot more demanding than he ever expected when they met.

He knew it was hard to be a racer's girl, but damn. It sure had to start out about something more than money and fame to even have a chance of lasting, and he sure as shit didn't need therapy to know that.

Dixie, though... Dixie knew the life. Hell, her brothers lived it, and she had adapted well to it, he thought. She seemed to embrace everything that being on the road meant and entailed. She knew, and yet...

And yet, he'd told her how he felt, and still felt like she hadn't given him a chance, had broken his heart before he had a chance to even give it to her.

Talk about a couple of damaged souls, Nicky thought, still staring out the window at the night sky. If anyone needed the comfort of the other, he thought, it was the two of them.

Too bad they were both to stubborn and scared to admit it, or to go after it.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, he thought.

He smiled slightly, thinking of an old joke he'd heard once.

How do porcupines mate?

Very carefully.

Nicky somehow had a hunch that applied to him and the stubborn, scared Miss Colson as well.

God, he hoped they had a chance to fix this before they ended up never speaking again.

Because the thought of not having Dixie as his girl hurt like hell, but the thought of never even talking to her again, making her smile, hurt even more.

They had to fix this, right?