Chapter thirty-seven: Shattered (Zach's POV)

"Really?" she laughed while we lay on her bed, talking. 

"I swear," I chuckled. 

It was around noon and we were at her place because her dad wanted her home so I just came with her. We're a packaged deal now. 

"Do you remember that one time we went on that field trip in middle school and you had a little accident?" she snorted. 

I rolled my eyes, "You know you poured water on me. Don't even start with me," I chuckled. 

"You know I didn't," she shrugged. 

I shook my head while eyeing the photographs that she had stuck onto her walls. "I can't believe I looked like that two years ago," I said while looking at a picture of the two of us. We were at the beach and she was on my back, grinning at the camera while I looked up at her with annoyance written all over my face. 

"Why? You were so cute," she laughed. "Your hair like that," she said while sweeping my hair across, plastering it to my forehead, "And your 'I'm cool because I don't care about anything' attitude," she taunted. 

"What about you? 'I carry a camera everywhere because it looks aesthetic' days?" I retorted. 

She pinched me and I winced before laughing. "I took such good pictures. That's why we have those to look at now," she huffed. I looked down at her while she stared at some of the pictures. 

She's so perfect. So beautiful. So stunning. 

She turned to face me and caught me looking. When I looked into her eyes that shone under the sun. Her blue eyes that carried the ocean with hints of grey. I knew that I was in love with her. 

"What?" she chuckled. 

"Nothing," I whispered, shaking my head. She raised her eyebrows at me doubtfully. "Nothing," I chuckled before kissing her. I was in love with her. It felt funny, losing to my own bet. But it's a bet I'd lose happily, every single time. 

We heard the front door open and went downstairs in confusion. Her mom was out with some friends and her dad was supposed to be at work. 

"Dad, hey," she said while he walked in and settled some of his stuff down. "How come you're home?" she asked. 

"I need to talk to you. Is your mother home?" he asked. 

"No, she went out with some friends. What's going on?" she questioned. 

He sighed and looked at both of us. It seemed like he was contemplating whether he should tell her with me here or not. "Oh, what is it? Zach is like family, and with you two together now, he should know," he huffed. 

I felt her grip tighten on my hand while we waited for him to explain further. 

"While I was at work today, one of my patients, a friend of mine, gave me a suggestion, an offer if you will," he began, "There's a job available for me. The hospital is huge, I would be the most senior surgeon there, it's good money," he explained. 

"Mr. Hart, that's great," I grinned. 

"Which hospital, dad?" she asked. 

"It's a little far," he said. 

"Where is it?" she questioned. 

"It's in New York," he answered hesitantly. 

A heavy silence built around us, tension overwhelming the room. "New York City?" she stammered. He nodded. 

I had no idea how to react. Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to congratulate him again? Was I supposed to be happy? Was she? 

"You're not going to take it, are you?" she asked, laughing nervously. 

"I don't know, honey. It's a really good opportunity," he replied. 

"What about mom? Her job? My school? My friends?" she asked, the anxiety that she felt upon the thought of leaving this behind her overflowing her senses. 

"That's why I wanted to speak to you with your mother here. There are great universities for her to teach in, there are fabulous schools in New York for you and-" he stopped talking when his eyes landed on me. "You can make new friends." 

"I cannot believe you just said that," she scoffed. 

"Just think about it, Ellie. Our life would be a lot easier in New York," he tried again. 

"I don't care, dad," she replied, "I don't understand how you thought I could be okay with this. I am not leaving." 

"But Ellie-" 

She was running up the stairs before he could even finish. He held his head in his hands before looking up at me. "You're a wise boy, Zach. Talk to her," he said. 

"You want me to tell her to leave?" I asked, astonished that he would even ask me to do that. "I could never do that to her. Or myself," I said before going upstairs. 

She was pacing around her room, her phone tapping against her palm while she itched to toss it against the wall. I took the phone from her and put it on the bed before sitting down and watching her. She bit her bottom lip before turning to me. 

"Do you think I should go?" she asked. 

"No," I answered almost immediately. 

"I think I might have to. What if my mom agrees? I mean, what if they tell me I don't have a choice? What if I just have to go? What if-" 

I stood up and grabbed her hands, and she stopped talking and looked up at me. "You are not going anywhere," I said sternly. I could see her biting the inside of her cheek to keep her lip from trembling, to keep herself from crying. 

"What if I have to?" she sniffled. 

"You won't," I shrugged. 

"And if I do?" she whispered. 

"You won't, Ellie. Your mom knows you. She knows you can't. She knows you won't. Promise me you won't. Promise me, Ellie." 

If she can't promise me that... 

She stayed silent for a really long time, and it felt like my world had shattered. 

She'll leave. 

"I promise," she whispered meekly. I looked at her, uncertain if she had really meant that. "Zach, I promise." 

I wish I could have sighed of relief, and let the muscles in my body and my shoulders slump in relief. But even I knew, this wasn't up to her. If her parents wanted it, she'd have to listen. The same way I did. 

"Why are you crying? You just promised me you're not leaving," I cleared my throat, "Why are you crying then?" I asked while wiping her cheeks dry. "Hey," I chuckled, trying to keep the environment as light as possible, but that was hard considering how heavy the atmosphere felt. "You're not going anywhere. You can't." 

How is this fair? Right when I've fallen in love with her... I might lose her. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

 "I don't wanna leave," she mumbled. The whole day, we had been up in her room. We were lying in her bed and she had been repeating the same words, chanting them like a prayer. 

"You won't." And I told her the same thing every single time. Just to get both of us to believe it. 

Her mom wasn't home yet and all we wanted to know was what her mom would say. Because that determines whether she has to leave or not. 

"I don't wanna leave," she repeated. 

"You're not leaving, Ellie." I tightened my hold around her while she lay on top of me, her head resting on my chest. The sound of the front door opening and then closing echoed throughout. Neither of us moved. We were hoping we could go downstairs later and we'd hear the conclusion. 

The final word. 

I wondered if I should tell her that I loved her. 

Was it too soon? Was it too late? Was I even sure? Did she feel the same way? What if she has to leave? What happens to us? 

So many questions... such little time. 

Fifteen minutes went by, then twenty, then thirty. Overall, an hour of waiting, and arguing bouncing off the walls. The entire hour, my brain was running a thousand miles an hour. I wanted to tell her, just because I didn't want to regret it if she had to leave. 

But what if I told her and then she doesn't leave and then she tells me she doesn't feel the same? Why would she feel the same? It's way too soon. A month. I fell in love with her and all it took was one month. 

"Ellie, I wanted to tell you something," I whispered. 

"What?" she shot up. 

"I-" I couldn't tell her. Not because I was too scared, but because the door opened. 

She climbed off of me and saw her mother standing there. Her mom walked in and stood at the foot of her bed. "It's not a bad offer, Ellie," she began. 

I stared at our held hands, waiting for the news that would break my heart and hers. 

"But I'll ask you one question. Just answer me, okay?" 

"Okay," Ellie nodded in response. 

"Do you want to go?" I looked up at her and she hesitated. 

"If it's such a good deal for dad, then-" 

I wouldn't blame her for agreeing just because it's well suited for her dad. Because that's the type of person she was. The kind that would give everything up for someone she cared about.

"No. That's what I'm asking. Do you want to go, Ellie?" she repeated.

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Chapter thirty-seven

Q: What is your definition of love?

I don't have an answer to that one... I don't know what it is.

Next Chapter: Supernova