I went to where Nassoumi had suggested, not the library, but the old Spa that was so ruined that much of the ceiling had collapsed and filled the place with debris. But the main area was spacious enough with different nooks, and I saw a group of people gathered around a small water hole.

Perhaps they were just a group of people relaxing, but the destroyed place, with the absent ceiling exposing the green sky, made me see this place with a mystical air. I guess I could understand why they came here.

There were six of them in the circle, two on the left with their arms and legs full of dark marks, probably caused by whatever they use to inject themselves. On the right, there was one sleeping, the other smoking using a piece of glass from the lanterns used by the guards, and lastly, someone sleeping with their mouth open.

All with their feet wet in the little water that was in the hole, but among those six people, in the middle, there was a guy with a coat and no shirt, with long and worn-out pants, but like the rest, he soaked his feet. However, unlike the others who had a lost look, he stared at me intently. He didn't say anything, but it was as if he knew I came for him.

I approached him, and his affected smile became clearer, as cheerful as it was mocking.

"Are you Bes?" I asked.

He made a noise with his tongue and lips.

"I already know who I am."

I was about to introduce myself, but he didn't seem to care.

"I'll be direct. One of the blue guards asked me if I was high. What does it mean to be high?"

"Oh, being high is when you feel liiiight."

"Ah, so when I'm sleepy, I'm high?"

"Rather, you would be sleepy 'and' high, it's not the same, it depends on what you choose."

"Then... I don't understand."

"To get high is using 'something,' with... 'substances that generate psychophysical effects and addiction'." He said, leaning forward and moving his fingers as he spoke. "That's how the Merciful described it."

"Now I understand better." I nodded my head while keeping an eye on my surroundings. "And tell me, what do they use as drugs?"

I see how his faces changes to a genuine smile.

"Do you want to join?" Ask Bes.

"I want to know what it is, not consume it."

The smile fades slightly, but not enough to dampen the mood. Maybe he should tell him yes to gain his trust, but it's already done.

"Well, some time ago, the Merciful prohibited the consumption of 'Hardness,' which is the name we gave it, but the person who sells us the material calls it Erythroxylum, Khat, and Opium. They're books, there's no denying it, when you hear them a lot, you end up memorizing them."

"It grows in a few places and is used in groups of farmers, except that unlike what I do, they simply bite the plant. At first, I thought it was just a habit or something to relieve nerves, but when they gave me a taste, I felt how it hardened me from the inside. Since then, I've been here with my... friends."

When he mentioned the farmer who bit something, an image came to mind, like a memory without context. The thing is, he had seen that before.

"Was or is it?"

"Is, I mean 'is.' We still call it Hardness."

"Now that you've talked to me about drugs, I don't see it as so different from fermented fruits."

"Fermented?"

"Alcohol."

"Ohhh, but that's just for celebrations. This is used every day, well, now you could say it's used almost at night, since the Merciful banned it."

"Alcohol?"

"No, no, the drugs I told you about. Alcohol is still allowed as long as you're not lazy or troublesome, although in practice, the guards are capable of it anyway, but the risk is lower."

"Prohibit them? Why would he do something like that?"

"I still remember the words he used in his speech. He said they were something that kills and stupidifies you in the long run, that it should not be abused, and that he will allow them when he sees that we can 'do without them.'"

"But if you tell me that many farmers consume it, then it must be something important on a personal level."

"Exactly! The problem is that to prove his point, he took two people who were devastated, but it takes a lot, a lot, but a lot of Hardness to kill you."

"Only two?"

"Actually three, but the third wasn't crazy or anything, he was just high, it's temporary. Now, about the other two... Well..."

"I still think his prohibition is unfair."

"Then we think alike. The thing is, what can we do other than keep a low profile?"

"I'll come up with something. You know what? If I ruled this place, the first thing I would do is allow all kinds of substances as long as their use is not abused."

"Are you saying you want to compete against the Merciful?"

(I would rather replace it.) I thought. "Let's say that you're not the only one who sees that things are wrong. Maybe together... All together, we could make a change, which I still don't know what it will be."

I couldn't reveal my cards to strangers. I can earn their trust, but they will have to earn mine.

"Look, if you promise me that there will be change, count me in for whatever it takes."

"What it takes?" No, I can't ask that, he would suspect something. I need to respond with something else.

"If I think of something, I'll come back. Is that okay?"

"Also, to confirm, you're the one who makes the blends, right? All this time, I assumed you did everything except for getting the raw materials."

"And... Yes, let's say I'm good at combining things and seeing what comes out. It's like playing with fire, and I love it."

"Good to know, I guess."

"Alright, oh, and if you change your mind... I can share some with you, maybe that will lift your spirits. I see that you're very tired, but it's not a permanent gift. Afterwards, I'll expect something in return." He clarifies while raising his eyebrows and pointing to himself with his index and middle fingers.

"That won't be necessary, I'm good. Thank you for the information."

"No problem."

Before leaving, I see the other five drug addicts, who seemed to not have heard anything of what Bes and I talked about.

I tried to get along with him. I hate to admit it, but I can understand why he prohibited them. I had never seen anything like this in my whole life.

I remember... I remember that he would sometimes smoke, but I don't remember the details. They were a kind of ritual that the higher-ups in the place where I used to live would do, but this seemed to be done for pleasure. There was something about it that disgusted me, but at the same time, I think everyone can choose how to live.

That's something that the Merciful should understand. You can't stop people from doing what they want, and this is proof of that.

I also remember, from a distance, people biting what they called coca.

Memories... memories...

Why do I have loose memories? And why can't I put those images together into a whole?