song: buzzcut season - lorde

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KADE HAD blocked me on every single social media app.

I figured it out when I sat on the couch with the biggest bowl of mac n cheese known to humankind, and I couldn’t help but scroll through our texts.

When his profile picture, one I’d taken of him at Central Park, was suddenly missing, I knew something was wrong. When I checked Twitter, I found my answer.

You are blocked from following @KadeRutherford and viewing @KadeRutherford’s Tweets.

Something jittery and annoying poked at my insides. It lodged itself somewhere between my lungs and my heart and refused to budge.

It was like I didn’t even exist for him anymore.

The worst part of it all? I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. He was just prioritising his work over me, and even though it stung, it didn’t make him a bad person.

Did it?

But he’d come back to me. This had happened before. Twice, to be precise. Two years ago, and two years before that. And both times, he’d come back. This time wouldn’t be the exception. I stuffed my face with macaroni. Maybe eating would soothe the lump at my throat.

Unable to help myself, I scrolled through my gallery. There was one at the zoo from a year ago. I got an overly friendly German tourist lady to take the picture. Just thinking about it made me smile.

I was looking at him and he was looking at the camera. My curly brown hair lifted with the breeze, and despite the distance, the camera picked up my freckles.

The knot at my throat only grew tighter.

I opened my laptop and started an episode of Prison Break. When the air in the apartment began to grow cold, I wrapped myself in a blanket and titled my laptop on its side. Four episodes in, my eyes were closing on their own.

Just as I felt myself drifting to sleep, the door was swung open. It collided with the wall. I flinched awake, scrambling to the floor with my blanket tripping me in the process.

Looking up, I found Scarlett casting me an unimpressed glare as a tall skinny guy tailed behind her. I just stood there for a disorientated second too long, staring at my roommate like a fish out of water.

Scarlett sharpened her glare. When her guy friend finally appeared at the doorway and grabbed her ass with a grin, it finally hit me.

I needed to make myself very, very invisible, and yet, here I was.

Visible.

Scrambling for my laptop and recovered the pool of blanket now at my feet, I practically flew to my room, stubbing my toe in the process.

“Ow, ow, ow,” I hissed through my teeth, feeling around the pitch-black room for my bed. Finally, I found it, and sat down, burying my face in my hands.

After a short while, the pain subsided, and I curled into a foetal position in my bed and smarmed myself with my duvet. Then, when I started heating up, I kicked it off.

I groaned. I wanted to scream into my pillow. I could have fallen asleep smoothly if Scarlett hadn’t barged in unannounced. Then again, she did have a right to half this apartment. 

I just wish she didn’t try to eat half my snacks, too. I had to start labelling everything like a neurotic maniac.

And by everything, I mean everything. Crisps, candy, Nutella, cereal. The girl was a human vacuum. And you know, that would be fine, if I wasn’t a vacuum too.

And I became an incredibly angry vacuum when I was running out of snacks every two days because Scarlett was too lazy to buy her own. She didn’t even have the courtesy of asking me before she ripped the packets open.

Tiredness settled on my brow like a dark cloud. Right, sleep time, not rant about roommate time. I closed my eyes and finally relaxed my body, when a noise jolted me awake. I sat up, glancing around my room.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

When it finally dawned on me, my cheeks warmed.

Holy. Shit. That was not something I wanted to hear. The thuds grew louder and faster and were mixed with moans (mostly male). It was…mortifying.

I laid back down and tried to ignore it. It’s alright, I told myself. It’s okay. Totally fine to hear something like this after the shittiest break up ever. Just go to sleep. But when I reached up to brush my eyes out of my hair, my cheeks were wet.

*

Tuesday mornings were an early shift at the flower shop. I woke up late and disgruntled, with a throbbing pain at my forehead. One glance at my phone set me into a frenzy. I was already ten minutes late. There were three missed calls and two texts from Mae.

Hurry your ass up!

Renley’s Florist’s have closed down and their customers are pouring in here.

I rubbed violently at my eyes, which got extra crusty when I cried. Then I tore away from my bed and grabbed my towel and a change of clothes, dashing to the bathroom.

When I opened the door, I screamed.

Stood in front of me, half naked, was Scarlett’s tall skinny conquest from last night. He looked at me with wide eyes, his brown hair freshly wet. The towel around his waist was the only thing saving my sanity.

You know, until I figured that he was brushing his teeth with My. Fucking. Toothbrush.

I ripped the toothbrush from his hands like a monster reborn.

He flinched away from me. “Woah, lady, what’s going on?”

“What’s going on?” I shrieked. “This is my toothbrush.” I shoved said toothbrush into his face violently.

His jaw opened slightly. “Yours? Scar told me the purple one was a spare.”

I was all but frothing at the mouth at this point. “She—what?!”

But Tall Skinny Dude wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at the underwear I’d nestled atop the change of clothes and towels in my hands. I grit my teeth.

“Get out!” I yelled.

His eyes flickered to mine. “But I need to change—”

“Get. Out!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” he squeaked.

I caught sight of his clothes on my laundry basket. Infuriated, I grabbed them between my forefinger and pinkie and chucked them out the window.

I couldn’t be bothered if I’d scared a guy into walking out the apartment with only a towel to save his dignity. I stared in disgust at my poor purple toothbrush.

I leaned back to steal a glance at the clock mounted to the wall in the hallway. 8:20. Shit. Mae was going to smoke me. I couldn’t brush my teeth, and stupid Skinny Tall Dude had wasted ten precious minutes of my time. I was going to have to ditch the shower.

I tugged on a new shirt and shorts, tying my curls into a pony. Grabbing my phone and walking out, I locked the door behind me. I set into a sprint to the shop, unbothered by the strange looks I was garnering from some walkers. Even some of the joggers passed me a few.

When I entered the shop, the cheerful chime of the doorbell mocked my dishevelled state. I was breathing like I’d just ran a marathon, which, technically, I kind of did.

Mae stared at me flatly from the counter. “You look like hell.”

When I didn’t reply she simply asked, “Scarlett?”

I sighed. “As much as I’d like to blame it all on her, Scarlett’s only exhibit B.”

“…What’s exhibit A?”

I sighed, not ready to re-open the wound that had only just begun to heal. “Kade broke up with me.”

“What? Why?”

I shrugged. “He wants to focus on work and stuff.”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

Anger lined Mae’s dark eyes and streaked her jaw. “That’s not an excuse, Indigo. That’s not how relationships work.”

“Yes, it is. They aren’t perfect alright? I know that. But Kade’s had my back for years and I’m sure he’ll come around. I just need to…give him space. You know how annoying I can be.”

Mae gave me a look that told me she wasn’t all that convinced. In fact, the look on her face could be summarised in one word: repulsed. I sighed. “I know what I’m doing alright?”

She sighed back. “Okay. I was going to suggest we egg his windows…”

I made a face. “Mae, no.”

“Oh c’mon, can’t we at least get that lousy mother—holy guacamole.”  Her voice had lowered to a whisper. “Who is that?”

I whipped my head in the direction of her wide eyes.

I had to be blind not to notice him.

He needed to duck his head because the doorframe was too short for him. Built like a soldier, his hair was the lightest shade of brown, shaved to a buzzcut.

And the tattoos. My God.

The dark ink scaled his arms, covering every inch of the tanned skin.

He was wearing a camo-coloured t-shirt that did little to hide the form beneath it.

When his silver gaze slid my way, quicker than ever, I ducked down.

“Indigo? Indigo!” Mae exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing? Did you drop something?”

“Um…yeah, I’m just looking for my, uh…earring…”

“You aren’t even wearing earrings, you freak! Look, if you want to hide from the pretty guy because you look like a dumpster raccoon, you can tell me, you know.”

“Mae, would you shut the hell up?” I hissed. “I’m not hiding from that…guy. I would simply prefer it if no one sees me like this. Or…smells me.”

Mae’s delicate nose wrinkled as she sighed, glancing down at me. “Go back and shower. I’ll handle things out here. There less than half an hour left, anyway. But you’re coming to campus today. No ditching.”

“Really?” I sighed in relief, wrapping my arms around her calf. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

She wriggled her leg. “Get off me, weirdo.”

“Okay, okay.” I laughed putting both my hands in the air. “I’m going! See ya.”

I peeked above the counter to check if the coast was clear. When I found it was, I tucked my phone in my pocket and sped out, not looking back.

*

a/n: what is up peeps?

thoughts?

who is this sec(c) man that has made his entrance?

when is indigo going to get a new toothbrush?

all this and more for the next chapter.

stay gold,
yuenwrites