Chapter XVI The Bystander

“You must have already guessed that Rohan, Raghav and I were friends from before and that Raghav and Rohan are brothers.”

Well, guessed and the fact that Rohan told me that they were. However, it is considered really rude to interrupt when others are emptying their heart out to you, so I nodded. Back then I’d give anything to tell someone about my caged feelings, but over the years I’d learned to tame them all. Now I am used to not having anyone to talk to.

In fact, I am scared to tell others about my feelings more than keeping it all in.

“Raghav and Rohan, the Mehra brothers were our new neighbors when I turned five. The empty bungalow in front of ours would finally be lively and I’d probably have someone to play with, excited me. As a matter of fact, I had two kids to play with.” She smiled.

The refreshing memories were lightening her mood, “Raghav Mehra, one-year elder to me and Rohan his younger brother who was one-year younger to me. The first day was very awkward because I was unhappy that they had no sister and they weren’t too fond of a crying girl either. However, unlike us, our families besides being born and brought up in Mumbai cultures, bonded really well. Their businesses were complimentary to ours and nothing could be more awesome than that.

“For this, we kids were forced to be together at multiple occasions and at one such event when some other kids bullied me because I wore a lot of pink, the Mehra brothers stuck with me to my defense and we were inseparable since. After that, both Raghav and Rohan became my life line, like the two friends I always wanted. Although Raghav was one-year elder to me, age never seemed a difference between us. He would always go the extra way for Rohan and me, always was the most confident one in the trio. He loved the both of us and we adored him and his protective ways.

“Rohan hero-worshipped his brother and made me do so too. Where Raghav and I blended so well, Rohan and I always fought for one reason or the other. Since he was a year younger to me, many a times I had to reason with him. Well the other times I would just hit him."

She paused as she recollected those days, those memories and one could see how painful such a recollection could be.

“Even though with our differences, Rohan and I were more comfortable with each other than Raghav and I was. Rohan was my personal assistant; I could trouble him, hit him and even made him run errands for me just because I would blackmail him with his cheat comics and mischief at school. He hated me but never really minded because at the end of the day, I was his only friend. And I loved troubling him, making him do things for me and hated when anyone else did the same.

“Raghav was more mature and never interfered in our fights; he was always the sane one. The three of us never left the other’s side and school was fun because of these two. When Rohan would make me miserable, Raghav always cheered me up. he was my personal safety blanket.

“Middle school was a faster pace. It was the age of discovery and hormones. When I had my first periods at school, I had no clue what was happening to me and the first person whom I could confide in was Rohan but he had bunked lectures again. That asshole always did something notorious.” She chuckled, “so I called in Raghav who was confused too but he gave me a hug, calmed me down and hurried to call the lady peon who helped me. After I was properly informed and padded, Raghav stood outside the washroom, waiting anxiously for my arrival. It sure was awkward but I had to tell him what I was told and that night he researched it all thoroughly, as though it was the most important thing in the world.

“Rohan was distanced from it all since he was naïve and small and he often disliked his brother for getting me chocolates every month for five days straight. It was fun to tease him because he would often hold temper and throw a tantrum. However, my fights with Rohan decreased and a sudden feeling towards his brother increased. That first hug marked my first attachment to the attractive Mehra boy.

“In standard seventh when I was first asked about my crush, I didn’t quite understand the question and took Raghav’s name, since like he would always save me from embarrassment, this time too it would work. However, the meaning of the word was a disaster and I was paired with Raghav for the rest of my school time. Not that he minded, in fact when I apologized to him about taking his name, he just smiled and held my hand.

“His exact words were, ‘If you would have taken any other guy’s name, then that would be a problem.’ And my happiness knew no bounds. It was decided that we were meant to be. At least I knew we were. From that day onwards, we were unspoken lovers and held hands more often than we would earlier. Raghav would always eat lunch with me, skip lectures only to meet me outside mine and always be more than willing to drop me home in his car. The little things he did for me doubled in number as we grew in age and maturity.

“However, Rohan didn’t quite like it. We were so engrossed in the other that we didn’t see how uncomfortable Rohan was about the two of us. At his home, at school, in the car, we both were his sole companions and hence he had to bear us even though he didn’t want to. When Raghav completed school, for a few weeks it was just Rohan and me. Things were way uncomfortable than before because unlike our childhoods, we didn’t know anything about the other. Afterwards, Raghav himself came to receive and drop me from school and Rohan was thankful to be left alone.

“When I joined college, Raghav wanted us to be closer than ever and it was a suitable option. Raghav and I had to step forward in our relationship, although we hadn’t forgotten about our third musketeer. By that time distance had pulled Rohan from us both and he took admission in some other college without confronting us and Raghav decided that it was time to let go of Rohan. It didn’t matter to me because Rohan and I were hardly friends over the past few years.

“College boomed our romance and we were the most likable and adored couple. Not just we, our families were a fine match too by their businesses flourishing and both the families had shipped us since childhood. By this time, I was a daughter to the Mehra’s and Raghav-Rohan were sons to my family. I could not have asked for anything more."

She paused and took a sip of the coffee, things were about to get difficult from here and I could sense the fear. “I really like how nicely you brew the coffee.”

“Thanks. It is a gift.”

She didn’t speak for the next minute, “I never really wanted to be nutritionist.” Riya rubbed the cheek of the sleeping Tittu, who was snoring softly and peacefully, “Raghav wanted to be a doctor and his study was scheduled to another city and he wanted me with him during the entire course. Since another college for courses such as mine was few kms away from his, he suggested me to join. It was a good deal since us both would be out of town away from our families and we could spend more time together by renting an apartment. It didn’t seem much of a sacrifice to me because I never knew what I wanted to do in life and staying with Raghav under one roof was more exciting.

“Things escalated; we were more prominent than before and knew each other in and out. Moreover, we loved each other for whatever we were. And our families wanted us two together. What more could an Indian couple ask for?”

She had a point. Everything seemed normal and nicer for Riya till now. She was living with her childhood love, enjoying her life and simply being one blessed person.

“Then, once Raghav was a doctor and I finished my course, we headed back to the city with our families who had planned our wedding by now. They didn’t want to wait and neither did I; Raghav wasn’t too excited and hence postponed it for another two years or so. He reasoned his actions by telling us how difficult it was for a new doctor to handle everything and it would take him some time to settle. So, we got engaged for the sake of our families and let the matter settle with some satisfaction.

“It made sense to me that it was busy time for him and hence we continued our romance from sneaking to each other’s rooms to going out on dates, like we did in college. However, the frequency of us being together reduced drastically over the span of two years. He was always busy with his patients and courses and I’d do nothing but wait for him.

“By that time, Rohan had completed his business courses and MBA from London and agreed to take over the family business. It was funny how the guy whom I had grown up with was now a complete stranger to me.

“Rohan and I exchanged very few words and he kind of ignored me. Although I didn't want to befriend Rohan either but it pained to know that our years of friendship was down the drain now. So, instead of finding ways to talk to him, I let him go. However, the only reason I would be at the Mehra Mansion, my fiancé, was nowhere to be seen. He was accompanied by work and we hardly spoke over the weekends. I didn't notice it in the start but he seemed too off whenever we were out.

“At those times when I really wanted to talk to him and tell him about everything which was going in my life, he wasn’t there. He was too busy to pick my calls or reply to my messages, like I feared he would be. I tried learning further courses in nutrition and dieting but my interest in the same had fallen miserably. Raghav was the reason for me to take that career and now that he wasn’t there, it didn't feel right. It was then that I realized that I shouldn’t have really pursued a course which didn't fit my interests."

Riya was consumed by her story; her expressions were the most interesting to witness. She thoroughly felt it all, like it was just yesterday.

“Then amidst all Raghav’s busy schedule and my complete waste of my life in doing nothing, dad fell sick and had his first attack.” It pained her; it still hurt her to reminisce the day of her father’s sickness even though it was years ago. “The first time was so bad. I cried and cried waiting outside the OT the entire night. The very thought of my father not with me made me shiver, he was my hero, everything I ever desired and got. Though my mother and the others in my family loved me, my father adored me. I was his prized possession and this is coming from the biggest tycoon of India.

“That night was horrendous; both the families were in the hospital that night just like they were the other day. Hoping and praying that the pillar which held them all strong would remain strong. I couldn’t lose hope for the sake of the two families, I had to be strong and I swear I did all I could. However later that night, I burst into tears in the small chapel and couldn’t hold on to my tears. There was no one by my side, not even Raghav who was stuck at another hospital for an emergency. I felt sick and alone for the very first time and that feeling is deadly.”

Deadly huh? Out of everyone, I would know how bad the feeling of loneliness is. The first time is always bad though, the second time you feel threatened but by the third time, you get habituated by it.

“Rohan found me there, on my knees, heartbroken. It didn't take him a minute to hold me and console me. He was there at that night when I really wanted someone and not once did he make me feel unwanted. He whispered soft words in my ears and calmed my anger and tears down, he knew the mantra for a heartache.”

“A hug and a kiss.” I continued for her, Rohan’s voice vibrant in my memory.
Riya smiled with a nod, tears threatening to pour from her eyes.

“It was from that night, I knew Rohan was my friend again. He engulfed me in a hug and kissed my temple, like he did whenever I was crying back in school. That night passed with bittersweet memories and a hope of Rohan and I being back as friends. Things settled, dad was fine and Rohan was more open to me.

“It was all better, Rohan and Raghav were cool with each other and Raghav managed to remove some time for me every week. It was all good until the wedding week finally dawned. There was hustle and bustle in both mansions, everyone especially my father was very happy for me. However, the day before the actual wedding was a shock to me, because Rohan who was supposed to help me in the wedding was too anxious, silent and drunk.

“I shouldn't have asked him the reason but I did and after a lot of persuading he told me what was troubling him.” The tear which played on her lashes, slid down her cheek, “I don't want to exaggerate this part but he held Raghav’s mobile in his hand which had pictures and videos of him fucking a girl on several occasions. He was cheating on me. On me! The girl who loved him blindly and would do anything for him, me! The girl he was in love with since the eighth grade.

“Rohan was flabbergasted when I told him that I did not believe all this. We got into a heated argument over this and an outrageous Rohan took me by my hand over to their house to confront Raghav himself.”

She wiped her tears away, yet they didn't quite stop. “He didn't deny Purvi, that bastard did not even blinked when I asked him about the girl. He fucked her so many times in the same bed which we slept in. I was such an idiot, to fall in love with someone so degrading and low.” Her sobbing grew louder and I thanked God Tittu wasn’t awake to witness Riya in such a vulnerable state.

“I was so pissed on him and got really drunk that night. My family and his had no idea that the wedding was off because they were sleeping soundly.” She sniffed silently, her nose and eyes the color of blood while I grasped all of it. “I shouldn’t have been drinking but I did and things heated between Rohan and me. It was the alcohol and the dreaded feeling of being cheated on but it didn't stop him or me from making bad choices."

Oh. So Rohan and she slept with each other. That's twisted in every way.

“It was until the next morning did I realize what a blunder I had made. Rohan tried persuading me to not blame myself for it but it just didn't work that way. I was angry on him for not stopping and on Raghav for cheating on me but moreover angry on myself.”

I couldn’t help but give her a hug, that girl had gone through hell and back. But that was the point she was back and I was still stuck there. She reciprocated to my hug and I let her take few deep breaths; let her know that I was still here with her.

“What called off the wedding?”

She wiped off all her tears finally, determined to not let them out again. “My dad saw through my state and demanded the truth. He could always know me even though I did cover my face with the powders and layers. He read me like an open book.”

“You told him about Raghav?” I offered her the kerchief; she shook her head and wiped her face. “Why?”

“I couldn’t. Raghav was his favorite, he loved him dearly and it would have crushed him to know that his son could do such a horrible thing. You see Rohan and Raghav did not have a father and my dad was their only thing next to a father. So, I did my second mistake.”

“Fuck.” I groaned shaking my head in disapproval. “You. Did. Not.”

“I couldn’t help it. I told him that I slept with some guy last night and it was all a drunken mistake.”

We were quiet after that because the latter part was obvious. Riya’s family was disappointed in her and moreover her father was ashamed of her. Raghav was completely off the hook and was considered as the victim while Rohan who actually wanted to come forward with the truth was quieted by Riya. The senseless girl left her house, her family and everyone there for good and lived off the hook. Since she never had an interest in anything it explained her parties and her relationship with guys she hooked up with.

“I don't like getting heart broken, so I break them before they can. Why give a guy to get your feelings in a knot when you can do the same too?”

It all made sense now. However, Riya’s true interest was in playing and composing music which was a good thing that she actually found and achieved. It was nice that some part of her life was consistent and it gave her peace.

Riya said she made two major mistakes of her life; one was not listening to her heart for her career and second not telling her father the truth. Though I knew her total mistake count was three, that idiot didn't realize how much Rohan loved her.

He was the bystander in her life since childhood. The guy who never got the attention or the love which he deserved. He was a good friend who never really left Riya stranded in her childhood, a good brother who left the girl he liked for him and a true son to his foster dad who took care of his daughter and to all of this Riya was oblivious to.

For me, Rohan was a true hero in Riya’s story. The side character who was always the good guy but never really got the appreciation because the lead took a lot of space. Riya was yet to know that there was someone who loved her with her flaws and for what she was.

She just didn't know it yet.

_

It was half past three in the morning and another nightmare had woken Tittu up. This time Riya who had just heard about his sleepy state was sad to witness it and took complete care of the boy. Tittu couldn’t be happier to have both his girls to look after him.

After Riya had finally revealed her story, she looked much lighter to be honest. Though her face was weary and she didn't like revisiting the incidents that hurt her, I couldn’t help but admit how peaceful she must have felt after letting it all out to someone.

Maybe if I could let it out, the certain load I carry everyday would be released? I mean it would at least be lighter?

Oh! whom am I kidding? At the end of the day I had to make amends to the past myself without which I cannot amend my present.

“I really like how he can sense your touch.” Her voice held traces of her tears, “in these two weeks Tittu has gotten closer to you than he should.”

“It is just me or you can actually smell something burning here?”

She rolled her eyes playfully and covered Tittu with his quilt, “Anirudh does so much for him and this kid still roots for you. You may have been the rudest being on earth for him and he still adores you, respects you and loves you. That is what we do with family don’t we? We hate them, we dislike them and have major disagreements with them but everyone knows that at the end of the day, it is they who really care and they who matter.”

Riya was being a stubborn idiot who should have gone to her family long back. Why let someone else take control of your decision, even though that someone was once a part of you? It was evident that she terribly missed her family and despite Rohan’s futile attempts, she couldn’t let go.

“Does your father want you back?”

We switched off the light and kept the lamp light on. My books on the study table were