Chapter 60 (Robbie)

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Chapter 60 (Robbie)

I watched Lia walk away, and when she got on the bus, I felt the knot in my throat spread into my chest.

There was nothing I wanted to do more than call her and take back everything I said. The fact I couldn't was physically painful.

I clutched my stomach and bent over suddenly out of breath. One of the dogs ran towards me, thinking I was going to play with them. I petted his head and pressed my fingers into my eyes in a useless attempt to stop them from stinging.

I thought after we had broken up the first time, this separation would be easier. I had already dealt with it once. I could deal with it again.

It wasn't.

The day after I ended things, I slept for 16 hours and only got out of bed because Darla forced me to.

Since that day, I have dreamt of her every day. Somedays, I had dreams where they took her. Others just dream where she lay on my chest and spoke to me in that soft tone she would use when it was really early in the morning, and she didn't want to wake anyone up.

Regardless I woke up so depressed that it was hard to get out of bed.

I walked back home, my emptiness churning and transforming into a deep-seated hatred for everything that wasn't her.

My grandmother called me over to the sitting room when I came back inside. I pretended not to hear her and walked up to my room. Slamming the door like some angsty preteen. I pressed my forehead against the wood of the door and closed my eyes.

"Lia is short for Cecilia," a voice said, breaking the silence in my room.

I opened my eyes, caught by surprise I was not alone.

I turned around to see Viviana sitting on my bed by the window. The window with a clear view of the orchard. My eyes drifted down to her body; she wore what I was pretty sure was lingerie.

I closed my eyes, "for god's sake, have some dignity," I snapped. She was exhausting at times.

"The dress I wore for lunch was uncomfortable. I didn't have time to change.

"Sure."

"You lied to me. I thought. I thought you liked me. Is that why you've been so public about our relationship? To piss her off?"

I ignored half of what she said, "What would make you think that I liked you? When did I say the plan changed?"

"Is she the reason you won't even try in our relationship?"

I was too tired to deal with this, "There is nothing to try. There is no 'our relationship.'"

Her lip trembled, "You could fall for me. I know you could. Just try. Many times physical relationships cause feelings to grow."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. My migraine was not going to let up. "I don't want to sleep with you."

"Every man wants to sleep with me."

"Well, nothing is ever zero or one hundred percent. I guess I'm the exception. Plus, you don't want to be with me. Trust me."

"Yes, I do," she said defiantly. It was almost child like. 

"No. You don't. Not really. You have an idea in your head of what I'm like. I'm not your prince Viviana."

"You think too little of yourself."

I let out a laugh, "Viviana, you do not know me. Do you know how many girls I've fucked? I don't even remember some of their names."

"But you know me. You know my name," she said, walking toward me.

"Which is why I am saying no." I put my hands on her shoulder to keep her at arm's length, "Viviana, if we were to fuck, at best, I don't feel anything; at worst, I'll think of her the entire time. Is that what you want?"

"You won't do that," she said, giving me a small smile, "that's not you, Robbie."

I gave her a stern look, "Except it is."

I saw her face crumble like a piece of paper as tears rolled down her cheek. It was hard to tell when she was crying for real or faking.

"So I mean nothing to you? When you kissed me, that meant nothing?"

I rubbed my face tiredly.

She smacked my cheek.

Two for two today.

"You're a liar. This whole thing was a lie; you were using me!"

"What?" I asked, confused.

What were these mood swings? Was she fucking insane?

"Of course, the whole thing was a lie," I said, looking at her as if she had grown a second head, "that was the whole plan. I never lied to you; you assumed everything you wanted to assume."

"Not telling me the truth is the same thing as lying."

"I mean, the dictionary would beg to differ."

"You're a piece of shit. You were never my friend. You said this was to piss off your grandfather. All of this for that girl? Really?"

"The reasons I had were never your business, and they still aren't. Viviana, I'm not using you. You have as much to gain from this as I do. More even, You never had to agree to this. There are plenty of other business partners with pretty daughters out there. I could have found anyone else."

"You don't get it. This will ruin me socially. I can't tell my friends we weren't actually together. Now they think we're engaged. You've made a fool of me. Like what am I going to do when this is over, and our engagement ends, and then they see you with her? What will I do, Robbie? I'll be such a fool."

"This was always going to end. I don't understand how my loving another woman changes anything?

"You. Were. Gay."

"No. I've never been gay."

"You said you were!"

"No, I did not. You just assumed."

She groaned loudly in frustration and then threw a book I had on the bed against the wall.

"Very mature," I muttered.

She turned back to look at me and pushed me.

It didn't really do anything.

She weighed maybe 120 pounds.

"I hate you," she said almost seething.

I didn't get why she was so upset, "What difference does it make whether I am gay or not?"

"If you're gay, it's like you can't help it that you don't like me. That just who you love. It's who you are."

"Well, I can't help loving Lia. It's just who I am."

"That's different," she said, her brown eyes narrowing.

"Why?"

"Because she's a woman!" she yelled, smacking me with the back of her hand.

"I am well aware of that."

She let out a frustrated shriek, her hands balled into fists at her side.

Nostrils flaring, she jabbed at my chest with her finger.

"You think you're so funny and clever. Let's see how funny and clever you are. I'm going to tell them everything. Im going to tell your grandmother your little plan," she said and stomped toward my door.

I grabbed her wrist and spun her, her back slamming against the door.

"No, you won't. You will keep your mouth shut."

She looked at me and then opened her mouth as if to scream; I covered her mouth with my hand.

"Look, if you still want the money, we continue the ruse; if not, we can break up, but you will say nothing."

She said something, but it was muffled by my hand.

"I'll take my hand off if you promise to be reasonable."

She rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Are you threatening me?" She asked when my hand was off.

"You know I am Viviana. You are not that stupid."

"You won't do anything, I know men. I know your type. You would never hurt me. You probably have never hit a woman in your life."

"I don't have to lay a hand on you to ruin you. I have all of your paperwork; I have your father's bankruptcy. I know you barely have anything; the donations are bullshit. Your mother is making up to save face until we get married. I know you've bet the little you have on my company."

She struggled against me, "Viviana, I can take it legally and leave you with absolutely nothing."

Her face was so red. She pushed against my chest and tried stomping on my foot.

"I'm serious. It's already signed over to my name. You lose this, and you will find yourself living in the favela your father found your mother in."

"You wouldn't do that. You aren't that cruel," she said, shaking her head.

I nodded, "I find out there is one hair on Cecilia's head that is out of place, and I trace it back to you; I will absolutely do it. It takes one call, Viviana. Do not play games with me. I would do some very ugly things for her."

She looked up at me. There was mascara running down her cheeks, and her face looked almost purple from how upset she was.

"You're so obsessed with her, and for what? She's fucking someone else, isn't she? The redhead. He was holding her hand, and I saw him kiss her. That's why you're so pathetic suddenly."

I swallowed hard. The accusations of Justin I flung at Lia earlier was just that. Accusations. I had my suspicions based on how he looked at her during maths. Based on rumors I heard in the locker room. Nothing concrete. Until now.

Her words shook me, and I loosened my grip.

She laughed, "Are you going to cry? I've heard you crying over her at night. How can you tell me get any dignity? Where's yours?"

I've never felt the urge to hit a woman, and while I wouldn't ever go that far, she was really fucking pushing me.

I let go of her wrists, "We're done here. Think about what I said. You have two choices."

"I want to renegotiate," she said, her lip jutting out in defiance, "I want more money."

I scoffed and let out a dry laugh, "no."

"That's not fair. I deserve more. You're using me like a puppet."

"Viviana, don't you get it? I have nothing I can lose. They've taken everything from me. You, on the other hand, have everything to lose. This has never been a fair game. You play on my terms, or you don't at all."

Her mouth opened and closed a few times.

"Maybe that's why she's fucking someone else. Because you're such a selfish fucking monster."

I winced.

"Why are you acting like this? Nothing between us is different regardless of whether you know the reason or not," I said, shaking my head. "I have not treated you badly. Is this because I won't sleep with you? You're really throwing a fucking tantrum? Grow up."

"Hundreds of men would kill to sleep with me," she said, bringing her face inches from mine.

I let out a laugh because that was the funniest thing I had heard in a long time, "Then go fuck them, don't hold back on my account. Close the door on your way out."

She practically stomped out of the room. I really needed to change the lock on my door.

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