Chapter 59

The day the club was being presented at the Bennet Mansion, I made sure to tie my tie properly, watching six different videos as I got ready.

Nicole once told me that you had to dress nicely to things you didn't want to do. She always dressed extra nice the day's we had exams. I could hear her voice saying, 'if you look good, you feel good, you do good.'

The statement was grammatically incorrect, but she swore it was the reason she always scored high on her exams.

When the charter bus pulled up in front of the house, I felt my stomach sink.

"This is a house?" One of the girls asked, her mouth hanging open in awe.

"This is a museum; who even lives here?" asked another.

The Bennet mansion loomed over us as the bus rolled to a stop. I remember when I thought this place looked like something out of a fairy tale. Now it just looked gray and ominous.

The doors opened and will all line up outside of the Bennett Manor.

I left the warmth of the bus hesitantly.

"This way," a maid said, turning to look at us. I didn't recognize her. She must be new.

She led us up the stone steps into the foyer.

"You can take pictures as we make our way to the study but no touching any of the artwork," the maid said as she led us down a hall with a tall arching ceiling.

When we got to the thick mahogany door that separated us from the study, the maid stopped.

"Ms. Bennett has some rules."

"Maria?" I asked.

She looked at me strangely as if wondering how the hell I knew who Ms. Bennett was.

"Uhh, no, not misses Bennett, the older Mrs. Bennett."

"Of course," I muttered.

"First everyone must make sure they are presentable. Your shirts must be tucked in," she said, side-eyeing a freshman who looked as if he did know ironing boards existed. "If you are wearing shoes with shoelaces, they must be tied correctly. No double knots."

"Seriously?" I asked, m lips turned down in distaste. I felt Frances nudge my ribs.

"Second, when you step in, make sure you are standing straight, no slouching. Everyone must try to remain equal distance and walk at the same pace so that it looks organized. Once you come to a stop, you may stand with your hands behind your back as you wait for your turn."

"Does she want us to kneel and chant that we aren't worthy?" I asked. I heard Justin snort next to me and Frances huff nervously.

The maid glanced at me with a cold expression, "She also asked that you do not speak until you are spoken to. When you are called upon, you must acknowledge everyone and speak clearly. She asks that you please smile while you are addressing the donators."

She then gave us each a packet, "please read over the rules for tea time so you can participate properly."

"Jesus Christ, did they hire Proust to write this?" Justin asked, flipping through the thick stack of papers.

"I need the spark notes version," I muttered and heard him chuckle next to me.

"Can we get cliff notes on this?" He asked loudly, and several students let out a laugh. The maid bristled towards him.

"Please keep the humor to yourself. Humor is really subjective, and not everyone will find it funny. It will ruin your good impression."

Did he just take my joke?

We walked orderly into the study. I saw Maria sitting on one of the armchairs looking at me with wide eyes.

We hadn't been able to talk about the engagement. She had wanted to meet with me several times this week, I'm sure to warn me, but I had turned her down every time. I didn't really want to talk to anyone.

I already knew anyway.

Justin and I led the presentation. I tried my hardest not to look at Robbie and Viviana sitting on the couch. Not to notice the way she leaned against his chest. The possessive hand she had on his leg.

I wondered if my voice was shaking as I spoke.

I saw Maria at one point turn to look at him and mouth, 'make her stop.'

I felt as if everyone noticed I was slowly breaking down. As if my heart was an open window that everyone could leer into.

When it was over, Justin and I stood to the side to let the other students introduce themselves.

I felt him grab my hand and lace his fingers with mine.

"That was relatively painless," he whispered into my ear.

"Did my voice shake?" I asked quietly.

"No?" He said, completely unaware of the turmoil I was feeling. Maybe I wasn't as transparent as I thought.

I felt Robbie looking at us. His gaze was intense, his face frowning as if we were a puzzle piece he had failed to notice.

Justin kept whispering his plans for the next meeting into my ear. Soon, the students were done, and we were allowed to go back into the kitchen and wait for the bus to pick us up.

"I'm starving! They gave us like two cookies, and a sandwich the size of my thumb," one of the boys said once we were away from the study and safe in the kitchen.

"God, that woman was horrible; no wonder her grandchild is such a wet napkin. It must be an inherited gene," Justin said.

I was about to protest.

"Maria isn't like that, right Lia?" A girl named Juliet asked. "She was always so lively."

"No. Maria isn't like that," I answered. 

 I wanted to add that Robbie wasn't either. Not usually, at least. I don't know why I still felt the urge to defend him. It was almost pathetic of me.

I suddenly felt a migraine steep in. I tried to shake it off.

Justin gave me a funny look. I could tell he had been observing me at some points. To see how I acted around the Bennetts maybe, or around Robbie.

I don't know why he would care.

I smiled at him, pretending I wasn't falling apart.

"Young man, your shirt is not tucked in!" I said, teasing him and pulling at his white button-down so that it stuck awkwardly out of his pants.

Justin looked at me with an amused look on his face.

"Young man, your shoes are not tied!" A girl named Emma said, bending over and pulling on his laces.

"You must do three cartwheels and two summersaults as you enter the room!" I said, holding up my fingers in a peace sign.

"And a headstand for four minutes, and make sure you don't spill the tea!" Justin said, throwing a sugar cube towards the empty teapot and missing.

"And double-take three times, don't you forget it!" I said, wagging my finger.

"Uhh and that old fart," Frances tried imitating Robbie's grandfather's tone, "women are preparing themselves for this modern world where you are no longer coveted but seen as competitors." she shook her head, "who the hell says that to someone?! I understand why Maria Looked like she wanted to slit his throat the entire evening."

I pulled up a chair and dragged it to the middle of the kitchen.

"No, no, no. You're not grabbing his true essence," I said, standing on the chair while mimicking his accent.

They all laughed, and I felt a rush of energy.

"Do the grandmother next!"

"No! Maria!"

I giggled and shook my head, "I can't do that, Maria, she's my best friend."

"Do Robbie," Emma asked.

"That's right, Lia dated him for a while she would know," said a girl named Denise; while taking a bite of a cupcake, she snuck out of the kitchen.

"I don't know. He doesn't really have a particular way of being?" I said.

"Oh, come on, he's always so neat and perfect."

"He is pretty neurotic," I said. I sort of regretted it when I said it, but a part of me couldn't stop.

I was hurt. I was angry. I was jealous and I was riding the wave of attention. For once, they were accepting me without Justin's green light.

"I heard his like a human machine," Denise said, leaning against the counter.

"He had everything added to the calendar down to the hour it was going to happen."

"Everything?"

"Everything," I said slowly and suggestively. The girls burst out laughing.

"No way!" Denise said, her mouth hanging open a slow laugh creeping out.

We burst out laughing, and I almost fell off my chair when a hand grabbed my elbow to help keep my balance.

"Thank you," I said and then did a double-take. Robbie stood next to me. His full lips set in a hard line. The muscle on his jaw jutting out.

"You guys can go now," he said in a clipped manner, "this is the last time you will have to do this; enjoy your weekend," He said. His tone was cold and hard. Dismissive. I heard Emma draw in a small gasp, and Denise hid the cupcake she had pilfered behind her back.

Robbie turned and left after that.

I jumped off the chair.

"Does this mean he's ending the program?" Emma asked, wringing her hands with worry.

"I'm so sorry, guys; I didn't know he was there," I said, feeling guilty. My cheeks were burning, the last few seconds were starting to sink in, and I suddenly wished I had the power to make myself disappear.

"None of us heard him come in," Justin said in my defense.

"How long had he been there?" Denise asked.

We walked sullenly out of the manor and waited for the charter bus to pick us up from the main driveway.

In the distance, by the pear trees and white carnations, I saw him walk by. One of his dogs walked next to him as he strolled through the orchard.

"I'll be right back, guys," I said and made my way to him. During summer, the trees were lush with leaves. The branches hugged each other overhead and created a canopy that would shade hot summer walks. Now all the leaves were gone. Branches knocked awkwardly against each other, and the wind made an eerie sound as it blew through the trees.

"Robbie," I said as I got closer. He paused, and I saw he took a deep breath before turning around.

When he did, he almost looked like some tragic hero from a turn of the century romance. His hair was curling, finally dry after his shower. He had a coat over the white button-up he was wearing, his tie loose on his neck.

"Yes?" He asked; his cheeks were pink from the cold.

"If you're ending the scholarship, don't end it for them. They didn't say anything. That was all me. Just take me out of it."

He stared down at me, a frown on his face.

His eyes were so green, I felt my ability to think slowly slipping from my grasp. It should be illegal to stare at someone so intently if you had eyes like that.

"You don't have to punish them," I said when he said nothing.

He blinked, almost looking confused, "I'm not punishing anyone," he said; he actually managed to look sincere.

I frowned and shook my head.

"You don't like that answer?"

"Whatever, Robbie," I said softly.

"Would you prefer that I did punish them? Because they were being very rude. I mean, you definitely took the cake in there, but it wasn't a single-handed affair."

I looked up at him and shook my head, "No, of course not. That scholarship is really important to a lot of them," I said.

"Then what would you like me to do, Cecilia?" He asked.

I hated how calm and arrogant he was being. He was looking at me expectantly, and it irked me.

"Not be such a dick," I blurted out.

There was a flash of something in his eyes, and then in an instant, it was gone, "So I'm a neurotic snob and a dick. It's a busy day for me."

"Well, I'm sure you had no trouble fitting into your schedule."

His eyes narrowed, and he nodded slowly.

"Is that everything?" He asked.

I nodded. My heart was pounding.

"Well, your bus just got here," he said and nodded towards the driveway. I turned to where he motioned, and I could see the faint white outline of the bus that was picking us up.

I looked back at him, not knowing what else to do but nod meekly and turn around to head towards the bus. I walked a few steps before I stopped.

That wasn't everything.

I turned on my heel and noticed he had also started walking back towards the house. My nose almost hit his chest.

He was close enough now I could see his eyes clearly.

"Yes?" He asked, looking down at me.

My eyes met him. How did we get to this point?

"That wasn't everything," I said, shaking my head. "Today you...well, I would never hurt you like that. You didn't have to flaunt your relationship so much...." I said. I felt stupid after I said it. Childish and petulant, and I wished I could take it back.

"I hurt you? I...hurt...you?" he said slowly.

I nodded, suddenly unsure of what I was doing. The air between us, usually heavy with tension, suddenly crackled as if it were a loose live wire flailing about.

Something flashed in his eyes, "When did I hurt you? Was that before or after you let Noah Ryans put his dick in you? Or maybe it was after you let Noah put his dick in you but before you let Justin."

My jaw dropped.

He stared down at me, his mouth in a grim line.

I felt my fists clench. A fire burst in my chest.

"You're a pig. How..dare...you—" I started.

"It was three fucking weeks Cecilia. Do you know how that felt? You destroyed me."

I opened my mouth to speak but the words caught in my throat.

He shook his head, "I didn't take any scholarship away, Cecilia, go to your friends...your boyfriend... they're waiting."

"No. You do not get a green pass to disrespect me like this," I said, shaking my head.

He scoffed.

"I wanted to be with you. This isn't fair," I felt myself start crying, and I couldn't help it.

He looked at me, his expression almost broken before turning cold again.

"Do you really know what you want?"

"Yes. You're just assuming things! I mean, why do you even care anymore?"

"You're asking me why I care?" He said, grabbing my arm.

"Yes. You have a girlfriend." I said.

He let out a scoff.

"I'm sorry for my mistake, a fiancé."

We stood staring at each other. I wanted him to tell me if it was fake. This was all part of the plan.

His eyes bore into mine in a way that made my breath catch in the back of my throat.

"Did you sleep with Noah?" He asked, his eyes closed. As if closing his eyes would protect him from hearing something he didn't want to hear.

"No."

"Did you kiss him?"

"Yes...but it wasn't like that.

He raised an eyebrow.

"It requires a long explanation."

He clenched his jaw, "and Ronny Reagan Jr.?" he asked, nodding towards the bus.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Robbie, you don't get to interrogate me and be upset with me over this. You broke up with me."

"Did you kiss him?"

"Stop."

"Did you sleep with him?"

I shook my head. "Stop. That's is not your business."

He exhaled a laugh then bit his lip in the manner he did when he decided to be stubborn,

"You told me to move on. You wanted this breakup," I said, my hand covering the one he had on my waist and pushing him off.

Instead, he brought me closer, his forehead pressed against mine. One of his hands came up, his thumb swept across my cheek, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I hated that despite how upset I was; if he kissed me, I would let him. Despite everything I wanted him to tell me, he made a mistake. I wanted him to want us again.

"You were right," he finally said before letting go.

"I was right?" I asked. I felt so dizzy.

"Yes, about us. What you said when you broke up with me. That we weren't a good fit. That we would just resent each other."

"Oh."

"We are too different. This infatuation wasn't worth—"

My eyes snapped up, and I took a step back, a horrible acid feeling settling in my stomach, "Infatuation?"

"Yes."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, wiping my cheek.

"What would you call it?"

"You know what I would call it. I love —I loved you," I said, frowning at the sudden turn this conversation was taking.

"Come on, Lia. It was just a fling. We had fun, and then we didn't. And then everything got messed up. I mean, we come from such different worlds I don't know what I was thinking. I should have known better; someone like you—"

"Someone like me?"

"I mean I give you credit to make an effort and better things for your family."

"Are fucking kidding me?" I said taking a step back. 

"Well, our backgrounds are certainly—"

I heard the smack of my hand before I even realized what was happening. His jaw clenched as he let the sting settle. A red mark slowly spread across his cheek.

My hands came over my mouth in shock. What was wrong with me?

"I'm so, so sorry. I have to go," I breathed out.