Chapter 46

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46| Nawal

One week. The days seemed to pass as slow as ever when it came to being away from Ahad and passed as quick as they could when I had to accept his apology and finally move on and go back to him. Eating was tough, not only because of my constant worry but because of my morning sickness too, that didn't seem to be limited to mornings only as I often threw up later in the day as well. Mama told me it was because I was worrying too much and that if my heart and mind weren't at peace here then I should go to where I would be at ease. In other words, I should go back to my husband, where my heart belonged.

"Mama, I'm not eating this." I pushed away the tray of food she had brought up to my room. I didn't mean to be ungrateful but just the sight of food made me sick.

"Nawal, you must eat. Think about the other life your carrying too. Don't be selfish and eat for your baby, unless you don't care about your baby either." She narrowed her eyes at me though her voice remained soft. I opened my mouth as she brought a spoon to my mouth and ate it. If not for myself, then I must eat it for my baby, he/she didn't deserve this. It was amusing how I instantly softened just at the thought of my baby.

"I know for a fact that the father of the baby would be dying to be with you again." She smiled as she continued to feed me. Her feeding me seemed to be the only way I would consume any food at all.

"Tarapne de unko thori aur dair. Kisne kahan tha yeh sab karne ko?" I shrugged and drank some water from the glass she had brought along with the food.

*Let him suffer a little longer. Who asked him to do all this?

"Beta Ji, aapko lagta hai ke mujhe nahi pata ke aapko kitni yaad aati hai Ahad ki? If you take my advice, you should go back home. It has been long enough so why must two people suffer when you can easily solve everything?" Mothers.

*Dear, do you think I don't know how you miss Ahad? If you take my advice, you should go back home. It has been long enough so why must two people suffer when you can easily solve everything?

Once I was done eating, I put the tray aside and put my head in my mother's lap. Her lap is my first safe place and it will always be.

"You think I should go? I don't know how I should react when I see him." I nibbled at my lip as I looked up at my mother.

"You should react however you want to. Don't pretend anything and remember to communicate with him. I'm not saying what he did was right but listen to him too, okay? That's how problems are solved: by conversation. Silence doesn't solve anything. I hummed thoughtfully but every time I thought of him, I could only imagine him as the father of my child, causing my imaginations to run wild. Instinctively, my hand went to my stomach as I gently rubbed it, a smile taking over my face.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Mama asked but I looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Being a mother. Though, you aren't a mother yet, but just the idea of it feels surreal right? It's weird for me too. It's like it was yesterday when I brought you home from the hospital, how are you going to be a mother yourself?" She leaned down and placed a small kiss on my head.

"It feels very surreal, but I'm thankful for the blessing, Alhamdulillah." She muttered the same word after me, thanking Allah for this new life we would be blessed with in a few months.

"Mama, I'll go home tomorrow. It's too late right now but let me stay here one more night, okay?"

"Of course, meri jaan, aapka hi ghar hai."

*Of course, my life, it's your house.

I freed my mother and asked her to go and sleep as she must be tired after looking after me all day. With newfound determination, I left the room and since I was going downstairs anyway, I took my empty tray of food with me to the kitchen.

I was being super cautious, even with everyday tasks, to not harm my baby in any way so I carefully walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen where bhabhi seemed to be filling bottles up. I dropped the tray in the sink and was about to leave when bhabhi stopped me.

"Bhabhi, wait, I wanted to talk to you about something." I hummed in response, to encourage her to continue.

"I mean no offense and I totally understand what my brother did was wrong and I'm sorry for that too but don't you think it's unfair for me to serve the punishment for that?" She stopped to take a deep breath, I didn't understand what she was saying. "I'm a newly married bride, it's been barely been a month to my wedding, yet everyone in the house is constantly worried about you and your marriage! Like no one even cares about me, I get it, you're the only daughter of the house and it's natural for everyone to be worried for you but isn't it unfair to me? My own husband is always worried about you, paying no mind to me and whenever we sit down alone, it's always about you. He just tells me how he's concerned for you and what my brother did was wrong but I had no involvement in it. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend years ago! Why am I the one suffering along with him? I think you should go home, for the sake of everyone's happiness and peace." Her eyes filled up and tears fell down her face and I couldn't help crying along with her. She was right but what was I supposed to do? I was hurt too, it didn't matter by who. Deciding it was best for me to not say anything else, for the sake of bhai and his marriage, I nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave tomorrow." I wiped off my tears and strode out the kitchen and into my room. The blanket was undone so I put it over myself and cried to sleep. I didn't deserve this but she didn't either. What had we gotten ourselves into?

***

The next morning, I had breakfast with my family before getting ready for the day. I dressed up in a white shalwar kameez suit that had blue threading on it for decoration with an all-blue printed dupatta. In Nawal style, I pinned my hair back from my face, letting the rest cascade down my back.

"I'll leave now. Allah hafiz." My family was still seated around the table, drinking tea and bhai instantly got up. "I'll drop you."

"You don't have to, bhai. I'll take a cab." I shook my head and left before he could protest any further. I meant to tell him that he should give his wife the importance she deserves so she doesn't grow to hate mama and I for stealing her spotlight in bhai's life but I knew he was sensible enough to do so himself without anyone telling him. He was just concerned about me, as an older brother should be.

I was nervous but excited. It felt weird to see him after a week, kind of like the feelings I had when I was first sent off with him at my rukhsati. My palms were sweaty so I rubbed them down my thighs and I kept tapping my leg in place.

To surprise him, I didn't ring the bell but opened the front door with my set of keys. I could only hope that he was home and not at work or doing something else, at least his car was home.

As quiet as ever, I closed the door behind me and tiptoed to our room. It was early in the morning and if he was at home, the bedroom would be where I would find him.

The lights were off but the sunlight from the window illuminated the room good enough. Ahad was standing in front of the window, back turned to me and a mug in hand that could be seen in his reflection in the window.

"Ahad?" I whispered but my voice was still too loud for the silent room. He turned around in a flash and once he had registered that I was actually standing here, he put down his mug and walked over to me. Perhaps out of respect for my boundaries, he didn't make a move to hug me or even touch me in any other sort but I couldn't hold myself back and put my arms around his waist and hugged him. My head rested on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to him. I didn't plan to let go, anyway.

"We missed you. So much." I mumbled in his chest and he tightened his arms around me in response. I wasn't one person now so I had to mention our baby.

"I missed you both too." I moved my head to look up at him as he smiled down at me. Unlocking my arms from his waist, I intertwined my hands behind his neck and pressed my mouth to his in a soft and slow kiss. I sighed in relief as soon as our lips met like I had finally been reunited with my source of living.

He pulled back but his hands didn't leave my waist. "Alright, sit down now." I sat down on the bed behind us and pulled his hand to make him sit down next to me.

"Jaan, I said this before but I promise such a thing won't happen again. The eight days that I had to go without you were harsh enough to teach me my lesson."

"It doesn't matter, I've already forgiven you." I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of being back with him again. I'm finally home.

(A.N): Eight chapters + epilogue away from the end :/
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