44| Ahad

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?!

Once I opened the door to the house, I had no time to even blink before Yashma threw herself at me, causing me to freeze in place. After that, anything she said, anything else that happened and my surroundings failed to register in my head. I only snapped out of it once I heard the sound of a door shutting close somewhere in the house. I hastily separated Yashma from myself and without another word, ran upstairs to my room where Nawal, my wife, was standing looking absolutely distraught, because of me. Why did that girl even come back? I had already understood and accepted her truth of being nothing more than a selfish person who could step over anyone for her own desires, but she had, unfortunately, been my first love and she managed to ruin my life all over again.

Just looking at Nawal and how the situation and I would be in her mind right now made me cry out in agony. Anything I said now wouldn't matter to her. Another woman I loved would be taken away from me and this time I was the only to be blamed. The moment she walked out of the door, it was like she walked over my heart instead and I fell on my knees on the floor, head in hands.

Oh, what had I done?

When I finally managed to think straight, I ran out after her. I needed to explain myself and make an effort, for the right person this time. Nawal was my right person.

As I ran down the stairs, almost tripping over my own feet twice, my eyes fell on the female sitting on my couch, a leg over another.

"Why are you still here?" My voice was calm but she knew me enough that I was the angriest when I wasn't yelling.

"Baby, I-" I held a hand for her to stop before she said such a thing again.

"Yashma, look, I'm a married man, happy in my life and I love my wife, okay? You were a part of my past so let it stay there and please leave my house and do not return here ever again. I've got nothing to give you and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, understood? And the next time you come and try to pull such a stunt, remember that I can and I will issue a restraining order in your name. Now please leave." I gestured towards the open door and pulled back my arm when she tried to grab it. I was speaking in a language she well understood so there was no need for me to repeat myself. When she left, I followed after her and locked the door securely before getting into my car and driving off to my sasural.

*sasural: house of in-laws

The door opened as soon as I rang the bell like they were expecting me. Rauf, who had opened the door, led me inside and sat across me in the living room. The treatment I was getting was definitely not how I should be treated, if they knew about what I had done. My sister sat beside her husband, not looking at me once.

"Can I please talk to Nawal?" I looked around to see if she was here but she wasn't, must be in her room.

"No. She most likely doesn't want to see you after what you did. Tell me, if Rumaisa came crying to you and told you that a woman, who isn't my mother or sister but my past lover, hugged me and I did nothing to separate her even when my wife was sitting right behind me, how would you react Ahad? You have no idea how much restrain it's taking right now for me to not get up and just punch you in the face." I winced at his words because that was exactly what I had done and I knew that I wouldn't forgive Rauf if it had happened with my sister.

"Bhai, please, let me just talk to her and clarify everything. I deserve that at least."

"You don't even deserve to see her after hurting her like that, let alone talk to her." This was much difficult than I thought.

"She's my wife, I've got a right to talk to her." If I had to impose my rights to talk to her then so be it.

"Rights, Ahad? I think it was your duty to not hurt her either."

"Bhai, leave it, it's okay. I'll talk to him." A third voice that I very well recognized, came from the stairs, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. Even with the distance, I could see her shaking form and I quickly ran up to her and held her by her upper arms to prevent her from falling.

"Ja- Nawal, please just listen to me. I know it was my mistake just forgive me once right? I didn't have time to react to her presence and everything that happened and I'm so sorry for that." Even to my ears, my excuses sounded lame and pity but I had nothing else to say. It was genuinely my mistake and I could do nothing but apologize for the pain I had caused her. I know I'd feel the same betrayal if I saw another man hugging my wife in my presence and her doing nothing to separate him from her.

As I spoke, Nawal's breath got heavier and heavier until she was completely panting to take in even the smallest of breaths.

"Nawal, are you okay?" It didn't even look like she was here with her pupils flickering and I had to shake her to get her attention.

"Ahad..." She called out my name and leaned into me weakly before completely falling limp in my arms, unconscious.

"Nawal!" I sat down with her in my arms and the first thought that occurred to me was to take her to the hospital so I carried her out to my car as my sister and brother-in-law followed out after us in their own car.

Throughout the ride, I kept rubbing her hand as she lay lifeless in the seat next to me, muttering words of reassurance to myself more than anyone else.

Two nurses pulled out a stretcher on which I lay my wife and followed them inside as they took her in for a checkup. I wasn't much experienced in the matter but that was definitely a panic attack that she had.

"Ahad, mark my words. If anything happens to my sister, I will not spare you." Rauf threatened with his finger in my face before he proceeded to sit down on one of the chairs. Rumaisa stayed back with me and looked at me in disappointed causing me to shrink within.

"Bhai, what have you done?" She whispered in a small voice and shook her head at me then sat down next to Rauf, consoling him. I didn't blame her, I was in the wrong this time and she should be on her husband's side instead of mine.

I paced the hallway of the hospital, waiting for someone to inform me about Nawal's condition. In the meantime, her parents reached the hospital and Rauf explained the situation to them, leaving out the details of what I had done. Aunty glared at me but wordlessly sat down next to her son.

A doctor came out of her room and I rushed to her, along with the rest of the family as they saw the doctor leaving the room as well.

"I would like to speak with the husband of the patient please, alone." She sternly said and I nodded at her before she led us to a corner away from everyone else.

"Look, sir, your wife had a panic attack. It might not seem much but in her condition, it can be fatal for her baby so please ensure she isn't given any sort of stress, at least not in the first few months. She's six weeks along right now and I understand that it might be hard to keep her away from all sorts of problems but you can at least try to be more considerate, for her and your baby's sake. Other than that, you can meet her." She informed me and I stay rooted to the spot. Baby? I was going to be a father, Alhamdulillah.

The happiness was short lived as I soon realized I could have caused serious harm and killed my baby because of a stupid mistake of mine. I clasped my hands behind my head and rocked back and forth on my heels as I pushed away the negative thoughts. I was swarmed by her family and they had a right to know how their daughter was. I took aunty's hands in mine and she instantly panicked like I was going to deliver bad news.

"Aunty, she's completely fine, Alhamdulillah, and she's expecting our first child." I told her with a smile before escaping to my wife's room.

Cautiously opening the door, I peeped in to see her laying on the bed with a drip attached to her hand. I entered and closed the door behind me. A chair was placed in one corner of the room so I dragged it to the bed and sat down, gently taking her hand in mine.

"Ahad, please, I can't talk to you right now." Just her words had poked at my heart and I let my head rest on our intertwined hands.

"I'm sorry, just forgive me this once, okay? Trust me, I never meant for any such thing to happen. I'll always stay loyal to you, you only. I'm yours, forever." I looked up to admire her face and wipe away a tear that was falling down her eye. Tucking her hair behind her ear, for a minute, I just looked at her soft features. Dark eyes and hair, a small nose and the lips that I had kissed numerous times but could never get enough of.

"Did the doctor tell you?" I asked in a soft voice and she shook her head like she couldn't produce words.

"You're going to be a mother, Insha Allah. Of my child. The reason you were worrying and blaming yourself for a few days ago, it happened. I'm pretty sure the test you took was incorrect." In seconds, the words that I had said managed to light up her entire face, eyes twinkling with happiness.

"Really? You're not joking to cheer me up, right?" It looked like she could cry again and I shook my head. "No, I'm not. We're really going to be parents, jaan."

She grinned before growing serious again. "Ahad, this doesn't mean that I'm going home with you. I understand what you said and to some extent, I forgive you too, but I still need time to myself, to think this through. Your actions, rather lack there of, hurt me deeply. You know how hard it was for me to just watch as she hugged you and you did nothing to separate her from you?"

"I understand, but please don't take too long. I really can't live without you and I don't want to miss even a second of this new journey with you." I kissed the back of her hand and got up. "I'll let your family see you now."

"You should go home. I'll go with my family." She suggested and I frowned.

"I will, but not before you're taken home." I had to pay the bills too but I didn't say that to her. She gave me a smile and I left the room, seeing her for the last time before she was ready to return back to me, after an indefinite period of time.

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(A.N): I'm going to go hide, bye.
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