"as i lay on the
hard floor,
hearing my mother
snore;
i envy her deeply.

i envy how
she can sleep in peace,
after all the
nightmares she's
given me.

i get up and
walk in the hallway,
seeing the man
deep asleep
on the floor
the one who is
her husband,
but they never
said they love
each other,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how
he is void of
emotion,
how he chooses
everything
but us,
how he manages
to break our
hearts every
single time.

i see the
man sleeping
on the bed,
the one who
claims to
care for his son,
but he is the
reason
his granddaughter
claims to have
no family,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how he
wakes up
everyday
without the guilt,
without
acknowledging the
pain he'd caused
us.

i sit on the
balcony
and look at
the house
of the boy
next door and
imagine him
laughing with his
friends late at night,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how
he smiles at me
everyday,
a smile that is
never returned by me.

i turn my head
to the apartment of
the old couple
in front of me
and think of them
singing old songs,
i envy them deeply.

i envy how
they look into
each others eyes,
as if there's
no one else in
this world but them.

i rub my eyes
and see the sun,
shining ever
so brightly,
i envy it deeply.

i envy how
it doesn't need
anyone else to
do his job
and i envy how
it does it daily.

i walk towards
the bus stop
with the bag full
of books
and i see the
girl who was once
my best friend,
i envy her deeply.

i envy how
she has no shame
looking at him the
way he looks at me.

i shake my head
and walk into the bus
and i see her,
i envy her deeply.

i envy how
she ignores the
wolf whistles and
the everlasting stares,
i envy how every strand
of her hair seems
to be exactly right.

i sit next to the window,
as the bus stops
for a second and
my best friend
sits next to me,
i envy her deeply.

i envy how
perfect her life is,
how she has a note
in her lunchbox that
says 'we love you'
everyday.

i walk in the
classroom into my
assigned seat,
next to the boy
i hate with a passion,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how
he says he loves me
everyday
when i can't even
love myself.

i pretend to
ignore him and
my eyes wander to
the boy i once used
to know,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how
he still looks at me
the same way
he used to when
he said he
loved me too.

i smile at
the new girl,
who looks so
out of place,
i envy her deeply.

i envy how
she wasn't here
earlier,
how everyone
doesn't know her.

i go upstairs
to eat lunch with
my 'friends'
as my eyes take
in the senior
in front of me,
i envy him deeply.

i envy how
he doesn't care
about the stares
or the fact
that he
writes poetry too,
just the one
which isn't exactly true.

the day passes
and i see everyone
walk by,
i envy them deeply.

i envy how
they aren't me,
that they get to
have happy days
and go meet
people i haven't
known yet."

-
[ all works in this book are original unless specified and the original poems are copyrighted by me. i do not accept translations or plagiarism, kindly let me know if you see my work plagiarized somewhere.

- angel.]