Xander's and  photo above

Ella's pov

I never thought that moving away will cause me such severe longing. I knew from the very start that Xander will never be mine. He hated me because I am fat, because I am not his type and because I was forced upon him. And to say the truth, I wasn't his biggest fan; I hated him the moment I saw him behave; he was arrogant, full of himself, a manwhore, a player and the list can go on forever.

I tried to reason with my heart. I tried to convince it that Xander was just a part of my past, a part that will never reappear. Yet my heart sunk at such words. It twisted in pain as if its lover eloped away from him. But the problem is I don't love Xander. I will never fall for him...because I will just be rejected like I am now. I grew used to his presence in my daily life, I like being around him and messing around with him that I can confess. I miss our fights, comebacks, jokes and teasing but I guess he didn't care.

It is been weeks, Xander-free weeks. Ironically such image should have caused me joy but it only evoked pain and sorrow. He didn't call. He didn't ask about me and even Maya and Caden apologized for his selfish behavior and promised to make him pay. But I convinced them not to mention me in front of him. You cannot push a person to care for you ...you cannot ask for acknowledgement and force a person to miss you.

Since I moved to my new apartment, silence haunted me. All I could hear were Xander's insult playing and echoing in my mind. I tried my best to erase them. I tried to ignore them but they became ghostly memories. They circled me whenever I am alone and tortured me. "Fat", "spiteful", "ugly" and "hot headed" that's who you are Ella just accept it.

Whenever I stood in front of the mirror these past few days, I hated my reflection. I saw all the flaws that Xander highlighted; my extra weight, my plainness, my big thighs and huge arms. I saw it all. I was a monster.

I cried as I recalled how such words troubled me when I was in high school. I was bullied through it because my body image didn't fit the society's depiction of a rich girl. I was a target for fake greedy friends and the perfect one for cold hearted bullies. I suffered a lot when I was young but as soon as I walked from the hell halls of my old school I promised myself to become a fighter, to heal from anorexia and stand up for myself. I promised to grow and teach kids how to appreciate their own lives, bodies and souls...But now I can admit that I failed. I failed at life, at teaching and at healing.

My past insecurities tightened their grip on my neck suffocating me and I surrendered to them again. I dreaded my body and losing weight become my most important goal. I did it even though I knew that my diet was not healthy at all. I was starving my body but I didn't care. If my body was thinner would Xander had accepted me?

Caden and Maya were worried sick about me because after the second week I looked like a walking zombie; lifeless. I was struggling inside and out, my body was in a battle with my past disorder and my soul was fighting my insecurities. I always responded to their worried looks with smiles and lies but I knew that I didn't fool them...Caden even threatened to kill Xander for this and I just pleaded him to stop mentioning his name.

I was sitting on my couch being sucked in that dark dungeon that called my mind. I nearly drifted to sleep but Xander's voice yet again haunted me. "Fat" , "spiteful", "ugly"...tears formed in my eyes making them burn. I hated Xander even more now because he became my bully.

As I was drying my tears, as my phone started to ring. I lost the latter and I didn't know where it was. I tiredly followed its faint voice to find it laying on my pillow. The screen showed Xander's name and I was totally shocked...why is he calling? Is there something wrong with him? Did Caden or Maya confront him? My now trembling finger Tapped and dragged the accept call icon as my heart prayed for Xander to be okay.

"Ella..." was the only word he pronounced and to say that my heart leaped as it heard his voice would be an understatement.

"Hey" I uttered shortly not wanting to reveal the pain in my voice

"How are you?" he continued after a short moment of silence

"Good you?" I had conflicting ideas when I said this.   First I wanted to yell at him, curse him for all the pain he caused me and second to talk to him as much as possible and know how he is. But the former idea wan and anger started to fill me

"Good" he replied

"Why did you call Xander" my last straw broke and now all my anger, pain and frustration  fused making my tone alarming

"Our dads are throwing the regular annual company party in two days and my dad called and said that it is a must for us to come. He also invited us to dinner tonight." Xander informed with a new none understandable feeling covering his tone.

"My dad already told me about the party. Caden agreed to accompany me . But i guess   we will meet up there. And I will drive alone to your parents 'house tonight." I announced and I can swear to god that Xander just exhaled an angry breath out...is it because I am being hot headed again? Well this time I have every right.

"They will question and doubt." He tried to convince me.

"I don't care frankly. After all it is just an arranged marriage." I fired back at him hoping to hurt his ego in some way but I knew that it won't work.

"Ella..." Xander wanted to reason more but I just stopped him saying that I needed to get ready.

I was seeing him after nearly three long weeks. But I didn't know how I should feel. Should I tell him that I missed him deeply or rip his head off for causing me anorexia again? Should I hug him or ignore him. I was thinking while facing Xander's parents' front door and I didn't notice that it was open. I was just fisting my hand and raising it to knock again but a warm big hand soon stopped me.

I was taking aback, surprised and even startled. I looked at the catcher of my hand and saw xander's deep green eyes studying me. They were full of storming emotions and I couldn't read them. Xander looked as usual dangerously handsome but his facial features looked troubled. He continued to look at me and I felt his intense gaze burning wholes through my body. He made me feel yet again uncomfortable.

Trying to pull my hand away from his grip didn't work and I couldn't register what happened next. It happened all in a swift move; Xander pulled me in and circled his hands protectively around me. I felt his head rest on top of mine as he took sharp breaths and inhaled my scent. I was lost and didn't know what to do. My head nested under his chin and his scent engulfed me. Should I fight my way out of his grip or relax and enjoy his warmth? Should I let my bully hold me like this? I tried to release myself from his grip but because of his tightening hands all I could do was shift a bit then freeze. I didn't want to be this close to him. I didn't want to have glimpses of him. I wanted to walk away and build new walls around me to protect my heart.

"Ella are you okay?" Xander hushed as my hair muffled his words.

"Yes, I am. Now let go of me." I fought back yelling slightly at him

"You face is pale, you lost weight...there is must be something wrong" Xander replied as if pleading me to tell the truth and I felt concern, pain and fear overcome his voice.

"For the last time Xander, I am fine now let me be." I repeated more angrily.

"I can call Caden and ask" he threatened as he loosened his grip a bit so I can look him in the eyes

"It is nice of you to remember that you have a best friend called Caden" I blamed him for ignoring not only me but Caden also.

"Ella, I have my reasons" Xander said as his voice started to get angered

"Too busy with Linda?" I dared

"Why are you jealous?" he fired back and his green eyes didn't hold mischief. Instead,  they were of pure seriousness.

"Never" I spat and saw him stiffen

"You guys are way too cute" Xander's mom said as she came into view

"They cannot get enough of each other, so they are embracing at the door" my own mom continued

"Kiss, Kiss, kiss" Xander's dad chanted playfully and all our parents joined.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss ..." they yelled and that is when I saw darkness.

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