We continued kissing for few more minutes before i tought <this is wrong...i shouldnt be doing this..im litearly getting married sonner than ever..> I pulled away from the kiss only to see confusion on Mustafas face "whats wrong ?" He whispered before leaning in for another kiss but i stopped him "this is wrong Mustafa...I-" He held my face with his hands softly " its not Hieren..we love each other and thats all that matters" I shook my head " but Mustafa you know that our father or mothers would never approve us" " i dont care Hieren...just trust me please.." I sighed " no Mustafa i cant..i ment what i said ok..we should stop seeing each other, its for our own good and you know it" He sighed angry " thats not fair!  What would ur mother do? you admire her so much so why dont u follow her steps!? the only thing i learned from Hurrem is love is worth anything, you should fight for it! and youre not doing it!" "My father was not her brother Mustafa!" i yelled ! we can never be like them cuz we are siblings! we can never have family or get married like they did! how can u not see it!?" I started tearing up "that might be true but-" "it is true Mustafa and we both know it very well" I sniffed " you think i dont want to be together? that i dont want us to get married and have family one day? I do..more than anything..but its impossible" He looked down and i saw little tears running down his cheeks, i then placed my hand on his cheek and softly whiped his tears with my thumb " dont cry.." i whispered to him and leaned in to give him a kiss when all of sudden we hear footsteps coming closer, we quicky moved away from each other and looked behind Mustafa to see who it is and it was our father "Hieren? Mustafa? you didnt come back so i got worried, is everything ok?" he asked sounding concerned " yeah..everything is fine father we were just talking.." I looked at Mustafa to see if he is still crying and he wasnt, we all then went back to lunch.

After lunch Mustafa and Mahidevran went back to Manisa, I watched trought my chamber window how their carrige slowly went away with tears in my eyes. A week has passed from the funeral and we were getting ready for my marrige, i was nervous..first of all im getting married to a man i dont love...now i know how Mihirmah felt..and shes mad at me becuse she is in love with my soon to be husband..everything is so messed up. Mihirmah invited me to get palace so we can talk for a bit so i went there and was greeted with her and Rustem fighting, when they saw me they stoped and Rustem bowed at me "Sultana" "Rustem...Mihirmah" we then all sat down "are you nervous to get married?" Mihirmah suddenly asked and i nodded "yeah kind of.." she chuncked "i know i was..but it was with very good reason, i was getting married to an old grandpa..i even had to give him my innocenc" Rustem did not looked happy after Mihirmah said that and i sighed stopping them from another argue " but he did give you a beautifull daughter and he takes care of you, you cant always get what u want, life is not fair and we have to live with that! You think i love Balibeg? you think im happy to marry him? no im not so stop complaining cuz youre not the only one" She just looked down at her hands and i sighed and looked at Rustem "thank you for inviting me here but ill take my leave now " I smiled and stood up, we all said goodbye and i left.

Its few days before the wedding now and everyone is getting ready,  I already picked my wedding dress and ceremony dress. I was standing in frost of my closet admiring how beautifull the dresses were then i tought of my mother who is still lost " Mother..please come back..i miss you..i cant do this withouth u being here " I whispered and sighed "what if shes really.." I sniffed " no Hieren dont think about that, she will come back stronger than ever" I wiped my tears and put soft smile on my face while looking at the mirror. 

Im so sorry for not updating for so long! I was really busy with school but now i can finally update more often!