9. Your thoughtless words

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Misha's week had not been the best one in his life, though the hangover had passed fast, the moral hangover was far more complicated to pass. Surprisingly Ivo, whom he would have suspected to torture him with the brat talk, kept quiet. He had not mentioned Joni even with one word and it was weird.

Monday, at the uni, he talked with Mikael again and they decided to go to the club that night. Unnervingly enough, when dancing and kissing with Mikael, he just didn't feel the same. It was almost as if... his body was dead, not interested. And Misha didn't understand it, Mikael still had the same great ass, the same talented mouth, but... something was off.

They parted quite early, and Misha didn't even mention anything about another meeting, although he could see that Mikael had been expecting it and it made him feel guilty. But it would be the most stupid thing, trying to date when... not feeling the heat that he had felt previously.

When he returned home and lay in his bed, the darkness of the room surrounding him, trying to fall asleep and not replay the Saturday night over and over in his head, the answer to what was wrong came to him.

He had tried to date Mikael to forget about Joni. As if he mattered! It didn't matter, it was just sex, just one night of sex and... Misha remembered why he hated one-night stands with such passion, they sucked, they left a bitter taste and messed up his well-ordered life! And what was he doing? Trying to get over the brat? There was NOTHING to get over, nothing. With that conclusion he turned around, slowly drifting to sleep, to dreams where he again met with a certain brunet.

A week passed and there were no signs of the brat, and no one seemed to talk of him, not even Dima. Misha felt glad and yet... why couldn't he get over the fact that no one was mentioning him?

It was Wednesday afternoon, in a peacefully quiet house Misha began to prepare dinner. He couldn't enjoy the silence for long since in the middle of his cooking Dima came home bringing friends, his girlfriend, and... who else but the freaking brat! With, surprise, surprise; a friend of his own.

Dima walked into the kitchen first, his girlfriend following soon after. Joni stood at the doorway, with his 'friend', giving him only a glance before excusing himself in the living room. The other kid with him immediately followed like a loyal puppy.

"I wanted you to meet Eva," Dima smiled, his arm going around the short, pretty, brown-haired girl next to him.

"Nice to meet you, Eva," Misha forced himself to smile. He felt... nervous. Perhaps it was because he knew that most probably Dima had slept with her on the same night that he had... Well, he was not going there again! He was not going to think about him!

"Nice to meet you too, Dima's been telling me so much about you," Eva smiled, almost blushing. Perhaps she was more nervous than him.

"Are you going to go out?" He asked, not trying to hide that he was hopeful that they were.

"No, we're going to watch one film, would you like to join?" Dima asked.

"I've got plenty of work," Misha replied hurriedly, there was no way he'd join their company, not with the brat and his current boyfriend! Even if he would be rotting with boredom in his room, he was not going to join them. Joni would only think that he wanted to be with him or some other nonsense like that! "I'll just finish making the dinner and off I go to work!"

Ivo got home from work, he walked towards the kitchen and in the living room. He saw Joni with some other kid that sat right next to him. The boy's hand was on Joni's thigh, looking at him like some lovesick puppy while Joni looked nothing but bored.

"Hi Joni," Ivo greeted him and as soon as Joni was aware of his presence, his expression changed, and he smiled.

"Hi."

"And who's your friend here?"

"I'm Kasper, Joni's boyfriend," the other replied with a certain amount of pride in his voice.

"I see, well, nice to meet you as well." Ivo gave the couple a smile before continuing his way into the kitchen where he was introduced to Dima's girlfriend.

After the introduction, they left the room to join the other teens and he was left alone with Misha.

"So, Joni has a boyfriend now." Ivo started looking at Misha closely as if searching for signs that it bothered him.

Misha shrugged and gritted his teeth, hoping Ivo wouldn't notice the latter. "I saw him too," he replied as flatly as he could. "What's the big deal?"

"Well, kind of surprising I think... Didn't seem like his type at all."

"It's his decision whom he wants to date," Misha turned around, searching for the spices, a good choice of spices was what made a good dinner.

It was better than Joni hooked up with someone his age, he thought to himself. He was stupid enough to go after someone older and the chances of him getting into trouble would be much higher... Then he almost snarled at himself, why the hell would he care whom Joni would hook up with?

"Indeed, it is his decision, but mark my words, this won't last," Ivo smiled, making Misha roll his eyes. As if he should care if would it last or not because he didn't. "Is dinner ready soon? I'm getting really hungry."

"Dinner's ready in twenty minutes, go and ... keep an eye on the kids," Misha told him, for a moment feeling ridiculously like a mother hen and he almost burst with laughter.

"All right, twenty minutes, keeping an eye on the kids," Ivo said as he left the room.

****

When the call to come and join for supper came, Joni felt relieved, Kasper was just too... eager. He didn't feel comfortable with it, or perhaps he just didn't feel that way for Kasper and that was the problem. He wondered, but like before he didn't venture any further with this thought.

At the dinner table, he was seated right opposite Misha, and Kasper who sat next to him continued touching under the table as if the others couldn't notice.

"My parents aren't home, you could come over after we leave here," Kasper whispered, while his hand traveled upon his thigh, squeezing him and making it clear what he was suggesting. At the exact same moment, Joni met with Misha's eyes.

"Yes, I'd like it very much," Joni smiled at the other boy.

"I can't wait to be alone with you, honey," Kasper whispered in a low voice and smiled as he looked at him. Joni responded with a smile, more forcefully than he would have liked. He was a little annoyed by the way Kasper looked at him, yet, at the same time... Perhaps Misha would get jealous and realize what a jerk he had been to him.

"Neither can I, baby." He answered and looked up at Misha.

Misha rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink, a frown formed on his face that moment their eyes met. But the blond was the first to divert his gaze back to his food. Joni could see him gritting his teeth as if annoyed and it brought him some satisfaction.

"So, you're Joni's new boyfriend?" Misha suddenly asked looking at Kasper. Joni felt himself tensing up at the question, he glanced at Kasper who smiled at Misha.

"Yes, I am, but it's only been a week that we've been together."

"We've dated for a week, not..." Joni found himself correcting, already regretting having opened his mouth.

Misha looked at Ivo briefly then away from him, back at Kasper.

"Oh, you must be really ... hmm, in love? To be able to stand him for so long," he added cruelly.

"Misha!" Ivo was the first to breathe out looking at his brother in disbelief, while Joni narrowed his eyes at him. He couldn't believe that asshole!

Why was Misha so cruel to him? He could feel himself trembling from the sudden rush of anger and...hurt. And the moment their eyes met Misha had the decency to look a tiny bit embarrassed and was about to open his mouth to either soften the insult or throw more at them and Joni wasn't going to let him do either.

"Listen Mr. Perfect", Joni started keeping his glare at the blond. "Just because you- "his voice was revealing his hurt and he honestly didn't come up with any good comeback. Suddenly he felt Kasper's comforting hand on his arm, and it made him stop and look at him. The other boy smiled at him, before looking back at Misha.

"Well, I do like Joni very much in fact and I'm glad for every minute I get to spend with him." He told him calmly.

Joni looked at Kasper, surprised. He felt strange gratitude towards the other boy, who had been nothing but nice to him even though he had been quite difficult. Kasper hadn't even used the eyeliner anymore, and... he was even dressing more smartly and...

"I'm glad too," he told him, finding himself relaxing a bit, in all honesty, he had been thinking of giving some excuse to Kasper later and not going with him, but now... He was grateful to him and wanted, even more, to be able to feel for him the way Kasper felt for him. Surely it was better to persuade the affection of such a kind person rather than the desperate attempt to melt the heart of that blond, idiotic icicle of a man.

Misha smiled, though his smile appeared anything but sincere. "Oh, so everybody's happy." He retorted and focused back on his dinner, ignoring the disapproving gaze of both of his brothers.

*****

Kasper let him inside the house, smiling at him.

"You've been awfully quiet," he commented as he took off his jacket and shoes in the hall. Joni followed his example and smiled at him back.

"Sorry, I guess I'm feeling a bit tired." He lied he had just been lost in his thoughts, thinking about how much he hated Misha right then. First, he had taken his virginity and now he was insulting him in front of everyone!

"Would you like something to drink?" Kasper asked, "Coke?"

"Sure, thanks," he followed the other boy into the kitchen.

"You have a nice house, quite big." He told him.

"Yeah, can't complain," Kasper grinned, taking the coke from the fridge and pouring some into two glasses, then giving the other to him. "So, let's go to my room?"

Joni nodded and followed Kasper through the house, down the stairs to a large dark room. Kasper turned on the lights but left the room dim.

"Cool, own fireplace too," Joni noted, looking around, seeing various band posters most heavy metal bands, and of course the electronic guitar that stood in the corner.

"Any wishes on what music?" Kasper asked, standing near the stereo.

"Whatever, as long as it's not Russian," Joni said without thinking, it made Kasper chuckle.

"All right, anything against German then?"

"Nothing whatsoever, I guess," Joni was still busy looking around.

"You can sit down," Kasper said, "the...um... bed," he pointed. Joni turned, grinned at him, and then walked over to the bed and sat down.

"Large bed," he smirked at the boy who started walking closer.

"Yeah, I like it large... more room to... do stuff." Kasper grinned, undressing his shirt.

"Hm... interesting. I somehow always thought of you as this quiet and 'innocent' type." Joni said tilting his head.

"Looks can deceive." Kasper grinned again, throwing his t-shirt on the floor. Joni looked at the other boy, feeling a little insecure. He knew in which direction the situation would be heading and was not entirely sure if he should let it go so far.

On the other hand, he couldn't deny that he was curious. Kasper looked better without his shirt than he had imagined, he looked like he did some exercising as well. Joni had imagined he would be scrawnier. They were equally tall and perhaps more equal in strength than what he was with Misha for example.

Maybe it would be possible to erase Misha's memory from his mind, maybe it would be possible to fall in love with Kasper, maybe it only needed time? Maybe having sex would take away the memory of the night with Misha? Kasper was eyeing with a challenge, waiting for his reaction.

Joni briefly wondered how many sex partners Kasper had had, they hadn't talked about it and he had just assumed that the other might be a virgin still, but now... With this sudden boldness, Kasper seemed to have, Joni wasn't so certain it was the case.

Joni decided to meet the challenge and undressed his shirt slowly, Kasper stood only two meters from him, silently watching the show he put up for him. Silently opened his pants where Joni could see the bulge revealing his eagerness to proceed further.

His chest naked, Joni brought his hands down and unbuttoned his jeans, then he leaned backward with his hands supporting him. He gazed at the other boy, throwing back the challenge to act.

And Kasper did, he closed the distance and kneeled, bringing his hands on his opened jeans. He looked up and licked his lips. When Joni didn't say anything, he started to pull his pants down.

"Lift your hips," he whispered huskily. When Joni did, Kasper could pull the pants down completely, leaving him naked. Kasper bit his lip as his hands slowly traveled up on Joni's thighs, to his flat stomach, and then down again. "You're the most amazing-looking guy I've ever seen." Kasper praised and though it wasn't anything Joni hadn't heard before, right now It felt good to hear.

Kasper leaned forward, snuggling between his thighs before moving closer to... Joni felt the hot breath on his skin and sighed contently when he felt Kasper starting to kiss him there, hardening him further before finally taking his length between his lips.

And it felt amazing! Joni closed his eyes, he listened to the music, Kasper's breathing, his moans, the sloppy sucking sound and he felt his hands touching his body where they could reach...

Joni's mind started to take him elsewhere, to a place where he was with someone else, and instantly his skin grew hotter, and his lips parted into a silent moan. He licked his lips and moved his hips up to meet with the warm, moist cavern surrounding him.

Fingers on his skin, playing with his nipples, going down, down... down until they reached his entrance, something slick, finger pushed in and all he could think of was Misha. Misha was doing this to him, and the music faded somewhere... He brought his hand to his chest, feeling how hot his skin seemed to be, he found his way to his nipple and played with it, getting lost in his fantasy.

He had of course felt Kasper's slick fingers moving in him while the other had pleasured him with his mouth, but he hadn't really thought of going all the way. They hadn't talked about it before but... he had come there, and ... 

Kasper moved on top of him, and Joni realized he wanted to penetrate him. He didn't ask it out loud, simply seemed to assume. Kasper slipped the condom on, and Joni saw it.

Joni on the other hand was terribly confused at that moment, unsure If he wanted it or not. But he was there, they were there, and they were naked.

 His mind was in turmoil, he just wasn't sure, wasn't sure he wanted this... Kasper positioned himself, silencing the possible protest, Joni still wasn't sure if he should give, with a hungry, wet kiss. 

The penetration was awkward and uncomfortable. Joni winced, feeling the length moving in further bringing more discomfort than pleasure and he didn't like it. At least Misha had given him time to adjust but Kasper seemed way too eager. Sloppy kisses, impatient thrust, pleasuring for Kasper, but an awkward and displeasing experience for Joni.

"You feel so amazing, oh god you're so tight... fuck...nnh...yeah, yeah..." Joni felt disgusted, he didn't like it, he didn't want to continue.

"Stop, take it out," he asked.

"Aah... just... I will... soon, just... so close..." and Kasper only pushed in faster until he was panting hard.

"Stop, get off!"

"I-I will... soon... oh god... so close... nnh..." and with two final thrusts, Kasper reached his climax. He collapsed on top of Joni, panting and sweaty.

"Get off me, now!" Joni squirmed under him and feeling exhausted and relaxed, Kasper pulled out, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Joni was breathing hard, trembling from anger and an overwhelming feeling of disgust. He got up shakily from the bed.

"I told you to stop!" He screamed.

"And I did..."

"Yeah, AFTER you got off!" Joni started looking for his clothes and started to dress, the beginning of his sex life obviously sucked!

"Baby... I... you... I was already in!" Kasper sat up looking at him, seeing his eyes flashing with anger.

"When I say stop then you fucking stop! I DON'T CARE WHEN I SAY IT!" Joni pulled his pants on, "And don't ever call me baby, we are soooo over!" He had thought Kasper was the good guy, but obviously... 

Now he was feeling even more confused.

"Joni, look, I'm sorry, I... did I hurt you? I'm sorry, really am."

Joni shook his head in anger, trembling from it, he wanted to punch Kasper's face and then ask him if it hurt. And yet the other voice in his mind wondered if he was too dramatic, he could have stopped it sooner, he should have. He shouldn't have come here.

"Joni, hey, I am sorry, I-" Kasper watched helplessly as Joni was almost done with dressing. "Was it Misha?" He asked.

"Excuse me?!"

"The one you were with, the one who fucked you earlier?" Kasper asked, starting to get dressed as well. Joni had stopped and now watched him with his mouth open.

"Just what the fuck gave you that idea?!"

"I- the way you were looking at each other, what he said and... what you've said... what you said when... Joni, I- I like you. If I hurt you I'm sorry, but I was already in, and it- "

"You asshole!" Joni screamed, "Just freaking stay away from me, all right?! Don't call me, don't even look at me just stay the hell away and I won't say anything to your friend."

Joni wasn't sure if he was more upset about Kasper mentioning Misha or the fact that he hadn't stopped when he asked. He could hear Kasper starting to cry, and he was repeating sorry repeatedly. Joni didn't look back when he finally left, his head was pounding, and he just wanted to punch at something.

Walking home, feeling pain and regret, he thought of Misha, he thought of what Kasper had said and done and he thought of the night that he had shared with Misha, it had felt good... at least it had felt good... and maybe Misha had been right? Maybe he had been right all along and maybe... No! He didn't want to think of him, but he couldn't stop... Why couldn't he stop? What was happening to him? He had only wanted Misha to... notice him... To like him. But maybe he had just screwed everything up already.


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