72. The verdict

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Joni felt his palms sweating, he sat next to his father in the courtroom and looked nervously towards the judges who were about to give their verdict. He had slept poorly all night, mostly having nightmares of Chris coming to get his revenge. He felt afraid, what if he had done a bad mistake taking this to court? What if they'd let Chris go? He felt sick in his stomach, he could hear the beat of his heart drumming in his ears and he felt like he would faint if he got up to his feet.

He glanced towards Chris who met his gaze and Joni swallowed at the intensity of the stare, detecting some sadness behind the coldness. Joni felt sad as well, he didn't want to be in this place anymore than Chris did. He rather wished it all away; he would happily have lived his life free of this experience. It was painfully clear, however, that if Chris didn't get his judgment, then he would never be free from his ex.

In the end, they found Chris guilty of repetitive abuse, forced intercourse, and deprivation of freedom. The fact that they had been in a relationship and lived together, seemed to make the crime less obscene and less traumatic in their eyes. They found that there wasn't enough evidence to convict Chris of attempted murder or multiple sexual assaults either.

Joni wasn't sure what to think as he listened to them continuing how the defendant was lacking previous criminal history and how his (the victim's) injuries hadn't been of a permanent kind which made the assault less offensive. They concluded that there was no proof that the accused had planned the crimes but rather performed them on a mad, jealous impulse.

The result was that Chris was convicted as a first-timer for two years in prison, the working permit to stay in the country would therefore expire and after serving his sentence he'd have to return to Canada. Chris would also be required to take part in counseling to help him recover from his violent tendencies. A restraining order was set and he would not be allowed to contact Joni in any way, he was also ordered to pay 8500 euros as compensation to him including the medical expenses.

It was over. Chris's lawyer said something to him, possibly that they could still complain about the verdict and take an appeal, Joni guessed. It felt surreal, the guards came to lead Chris away, the courtroom was starting to clear and Joni felt confused. He hadn't really expected Chris to get more than a few years and deep down he knew that two years would most likely turn into one.

His lawyer said that they would file an appeal, that the verdict wasn't enough and Joni simply felt tired of it all. It was what it was, but it was over, at least he wanted it to be. At that moment he simply wanted Chris to get deported, wanted him as far away as possible, and sure they could complain all that they wanted, but what difference would it really make?

"I just want to go home," he said and got up. "I don't want to deal with this anymore, it's over." He sighed. His father got up as well and gave an upset look towards the prosecutor, a look that said he wouldn't accept such a low verdict the way his son seemed to.

They were driving home, Misha with him in the backseat while his dad was driving. Joni was mostly silent, answering vaguely when his dad or Misha tried to speak with him.

Was the whole thing unfair? – Of course, it was. He could scream and moan about it, but all it would do was take more of his energy and most likely be fruitless. Joni looked up to the sky from the car window, it was dark that day, it started to rain slowly and the trees swayed in the wind.

He tried to process everything that had taken place, but both his body and mind felt the exhaustion of the past months. Joni wanted to sleep, just wanted to go to bed and prolong the inevitable thinking about the future.

They arrived at the house and Joni got out of the car. He stared at the house for a moment standing in the rain that got heavier, he didn't care about getting wet. Misha was soon beside him, his hand on his back and with Misha and his dad, Joni got inside.

"What happened?" Katja asked immediately after they got to the hall. Joni took off his shoes and wet jacket.

"He was sentenced to two years", Joni replied with a calm voice, his face not betraying any emotions. Katja nodded slowly glancing towards her husband who seemed more or less upset. "I think I'll go to rest for a bit now, I'm quite tired," Joni continued and headed towards the stairs and his room.

Misha felt angry, the verdict seemed like a joke though, of course, they had all known to prepare themselves for something similar, still...He glanced at Joni's father who met his gaze, both having the same thought in their mind; if justice didn't happen through the law they'd be forced to take it into their own hands. Still, at the moment, Joni's wellbeing was more important and so Misha followed him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Misha asked after closing the door behind them. Joni gave him a tired smile and removed the day blanket from the bed.

"I'm fine, as fine as I can be at least. Shame I didn't break anything or stay longer in the hospital, huh?"

"Don't say things like that," Misha scolded. "Nothing is more important than you getting out of it safe and alive. Still... You will file an appeal, won't you? About the verdict?"

Joni sighed heavily, thinking of Misha's words before shaking his head. "I don't see the point. Two years, a restraining order, compensation payments, and in the end, he'll have to leave. It's all that I could expect really."

"It's not enough," Misha argued. Chris wasn't even convicted of rape but of forced intercourse!* The thought alone made his blood boil because he knew the truth; he was seeing the result of it almost every day! Joni glanced at him before sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Perhaps not, but... It's been a long year, I don't have the energy anymore and in the end, if you honestly think about it, it won't matter if he gets one year or five, what matters is that someone helps Chris to heal. I just need it over with and..." Again he sighed. "Well, right now I just need sleep, I'll think about the rest later." Slowly Joni got up and walked over to Misha. "Give me two days, okay? I just need to rest and you go do your thing and when I feel rested enough I will come to you," Joni placed his hands on Misha's shoulders watching him carefully.

"But..." Misha tried to argue and Joni placed his finger on his lips.

"No buts. Please Misha, two days, it's all that I'm asking, all that I need right now." Misha watched Joni carefully, worried, not wanting to leave him, worried about the strange calmness that he sensed in him. His arms wrapped around Joni's waist, just holding him for a moment.

"So you feel okay now? Not... depressed, or... anything?" He couldn't help but ask and Joni gave a tired chuckle.

"Depressed? A little, but I'll get over it. Hey, I just need rest, that's all. I fully plan to continue my life if that's what you worry about," he grinned and Misha frowned.

"Such matters shouldn't be joked about," he said and sighed then. "Okay, two days, and then I want to see you."

"And you will," Joni promised and kissed Misha's cheek. "Go now and I'll see you on Friday." Misha gave Joni another worried look and a brief kiss on his lips before reluctantly leaving the room.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Joni spent most of the following days in his room, he only got downstairs to eat or visit the bathroom but mostly he just slept. After getting the much-needed rest, Joni thought about the whole ordeal and how to deal with it. He didn't see having many options, he could either stay there and feel depressed, angry, and frustrated, moping about the past and the verdict, or he could take a deep breath and do his best to move on despite everything. The latter seemed more appealing after all.

There was no washing away what had happened, but he would be strong enough to carry on regardless. Chris was in jail and he had a restraining order, Joni had to believe it was enough to keep him away. The picture issue was unfortunate, but there wasn't much he could do except hope that the cops had every copy or that Chris would come back to his senses with some miracle.

It was Friday when Joni decided to go pick Misha up from work, knowing that his boyfriend was using public transportation now that Ivo needed the car. He hadn't driven after the accident, but he knew that the longer he'd postponed it, the harder it would get. He didn't tell his dad who would also have some worry fit over it and who was at work that day, but he did tell Katja, who ended up being quite supportive.

There was no hurry, he reminded himself while driving. And the feeling of being behind the wheel was somewhat liberating. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he could get back into controlling his own life. Finally, he arrived in the parking lot, found an available spot to leave his car, and headed towards the building where Misha worked. He smiled at the receptionist, who, from the looks of it, recognized him.

"Hey, I'm looking for Mr. Volochov. Shouldn't he be leaving soon?" Joni asked standing by the reception table.

"He should, yes. Should I call and tell him that his boyfriend is here?" The woman grinned and Joni smiled slightly and nodded, watching her taking the receiver and making the call.

Misha was surprised to find out that Joni was there. It made him both happy and nervous, hopeful that the brunet was doing better. Why else would he have gotten there? Nervousness was due to knowing that some of his co-workers would never let him hear the end of it, Cecilia among them. Still, if Joni had gotten that far, the least he could do was show him around a little.

Misha walked to the reception and smiled at the sight of Joni, who grinned back at him.

"Well hi there, how did you get here?"

"By car, of course, I wanted to pick you up," Joni explained, eyeing Misha who was dressed in dress pants, and a neat button-up shirt, he had an identification card hanging on his chest.

"Oh?" Misha let out a surprised sound. "Come on then, let me show you around, I still have a few things to take care of but it shouldn't take long."

Joni walked by his side, still grinning at him. "You look very handsome by the way," he said and Misha smiled back at him.

"So do you," he complimented back before leading Joni back to the office. There were lots of curious eyes following them and Misha was aware of that. He didn't make a big deal out of being gay, didn't say it unless asked, but it was no secret either that he was dating Joni. One magazine article had made sure of that. "You got here okay, did you?" Misha asked as they were making their way towards his desk.

"I did, thank you. It was actually kind of nice being able to drive again," Joni answered. He noticed the looks as well, but in his past, he had been used to being noticed and now he needed to get used to being looked at again.

"There's someone I want you to meet", Misha said and walked closer to Cecilia's desk, who of course had noticed them arriving already. The woman grinned.

"Hi, Joni. I'm Cecilia." She introduced herself making Misha roll his eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Misha has talked a lot about you," Joni smiled.

"Nothing bad I hope", the woman replied with a slightly mischievous glint in her eyes as she glanced at Misha.

"Of course not," Misha retorted back quickly and winked at her.

"You know Misha has your picture, I've seen it in his drawer." Cecilia snickered and Joni gave a surprised look to his boyfriend who gave a kind of sour gaze to the woman.

"Well, I shouldn't be in the drawer; I should be on your desk, right?" Joni teased and Misha sighed.

"Yes, yes, okay... You've met Cecilia now... I have to take care of a few documents before we can go." Misha said and led him toward his desk.

"It was nice meeting you Joni!" The woman called after them.

Joni sat on the edge of Misha's desk as the blond finished up writing some documents on his computer. He looked around the office where most were starting to clear up for the weekend and every once in a while he noticed some people gazing in their direction which made him look away. Misha also gazed at him every now and then, finding Joni's presence somewhat distracting. Joni was smiling at him, looking as though... everything was normal. Misha didn't believe that it was the case, however.

He and Asko had carried out their plan, Jyri knew some people from the jail where Chris would be serving his sentence and it wouldn't take long until...

"So, you like working here?" Joni interrupted him. Misha looked up at him and nodded.

"It's alright. I like that I'm able to use Russian as well and... most people here are nice." Misha smiled. Joni noticed one curly-haired, blond man with glasses gazing at them long, seeming like he had been about to come their way but then changed his mind and direction. "Just a moment..." Misha muttered focusing on his screen and Joni wondered how many men and women were interested in the blond.

"Take your time," Joni commented calmly, reminding himself that he was still the one Misha wanted to be with, despite everything.

"I'll be going now; you two enjoy your weekend!" Cecilia winked and waved at them.

"You too, Ceci!" Misha waved and Joni smiled at her before she left.

"You take your work too seriously Misha, most people have already left," Joni commented smiling down at him.

"Yes well, unfortunately, I'm a little behind my work..." Misha sighed.

"Because of me and the trial, huh?" Joni asked and Misha looked up at him and smiled.

"Chris is the problem, not you," Misha assured, rubbing Joni's thigh for a while, before focusing back on typing. Joni smiled, before looking around again. The place looked weird, with all the empty cubicles, huge and ... empty, it might even have been kind of scary if dark.

"I could become your sectary or of this whole office," Joni grinned then. "I could make coffee and run errands or become your assistant, how's that?"

"People here and especially myself would have a hard time focussing, I'm afraid, with you running around here." Misha grinned back.

"Oh, hard, you say?" Joni teased and the mischievous grin made Misha sigh and shake his head with a smile.

"Be careful with your mouth." Misha smiled, was quiet for a while, and then decided to ask: "Have you reconsidered an appeal?"

"No," Joni replied looking at him and he could see slight disappointment behind the blue eyes. "If the prosecutor wants to do that, it's up to him. I'm just... done with it, okay? So I must ask that you won't ask about it anymore." Misha gazed at him and gave a reluctant nod. In the end, it might not matter, Chris would be beaten up just the same.

Misha finished his report and closed the computer. "Alright, I'm done, we can get going," he said and Joni hopped down from the table. "Where would you like to go?"

"Can we go to your place?" Joni asked, sneaking the picture from Misha's drawer, and setting it on the desk. "There, that's where I should be." He grinned and Misha rolled his eyes with a smile, before leaning closer to kiss Joni's forehead.

"Fine, and sure we can go," Misha agreed.

"Are Jami and Ivo there?" Joni asked while they were walking through the office.

"I'm not sure," Misha said. "Why?"

"Well... I'm kind of embarrassed," Joni confessed. "About what I said to Jami, how I snapped like that. I mean... what must he think of me now?"

"Nah... He said he understands. Don't be embarrassed and don't worry, you'll have time to talk it out with him later, I'm sure," Misha comforted him.

When they got to Misha's home there was no sign of Ivo or Jami. "Perhaps they went out for a drink," Misha wondered.

"By car?" Joni wondered and Misha shrugged.

"He could be at Jami's too, or someplace. I'm beginning to see my brother less and less. We've both been busy though." Misha walked towards the kitchen. "Want something to drink? Coke? Are you staying for the night?"

Joni followed the blond, smiling idly. "I thought I'd spend the night and... I could take one beer if you have it?"

"Sure, that's why I asked," Misha said glancing at him with a smile before opening the fridge.

"What if Ivo wants to move in with Jami?" Joni asked when Misha gave him the other bottle.

"Well, it's bound to happen sometime, I didn't plan to live with my brother for the rest of my life," Misha grinned. "Did you want a glass with that?"

"Nah, this is fine," Joni said. "You have room here, all three of you could live here," Joni said as they walked towards the living room.

"Perhaps, but sometimes it's good to move on. Could use some change."

"Yeah..." Joni sat down on the couch and looked at him. "I should look for a new place as well, as much as I love my family... It's... Well, Dad still treats me like a child sometimes, that's not fun." Joni grinned slightly and took a sip of his drink while Misha sat down next to him.

"He's worried for you, it's understandable," Misha said. "And... I don't know... Maybe it's not good for you to live alone... You know... after Chris... and all." Joni cocked his brow looking at the blond quietly.

"If I don't want to continue living with my family and shouldn't live alone... Who do you suggest I live with?" Joni grinned. "A dog? I could get a big and mean one, wouldn't be alone then, right?" He teased, kind of sensing what Misha was thinking of.

"A dog is a lot of responsibility, you can't ever leave him alone for too long, kind of stressful for someone living alone," Misha said looking at him while taking a sip.

"I suppose a sensible boyfriend can be left alone for a while, even for a week or two and afterward still find him alive and well," Joni grinned slightly.

"That could happen." Misha agreed watching him for a while. "Listen, as long as our living arranges stay as they are, you are welcome to spend time here or even live here if your family starts to get on your nerves, you think about that, okay?" Misha didn't want to push Joni and perhaps getting their apartment might be too early, but he didn't really want Joni to live alone, not while Chris was still in the same country, it might be a silly thought but still... He preferred if Joni always had someone in the same household, he would prefer it even more if it was himself. Joni tilted his head and moved slightly closer to the blond.

The brunet brought his hand in the soft blond hair and leaned forward to brush his lips against the others. He looked into the blue eyes and smiled before leaning in for yet another kiss. Misha moaned, the kisses slowly turned bolder and he trembled, want and frustration mixing, so close yet so far, he wanted more and knew he couldn't or shouldn't, yet Joni was always tempting him.

Somehow they ended up making out on the couch, Joni beneath him, eager and responding, and only after feeling Misha hardening and acting more demanding, grinding against him, the kisses slowed down on Joni's part, some old feeling of fear and uncertainty returned seeming to freeze him and as Misha became aware he groaned and raised himself on his heels.

Joni looked at his boyfriend feeling bad, guilty, and wrong, it shouldn't go like this, he knew it shouldn't and he was just as frustrated. Misha had his back turned against him, taking a deep breath, hands on his hips. "Mind if I take a shower?" He asked glancing at him from over his shoulder. Joni knew the reason, and though it made him

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