Joni started to wake, soft cigarette smoke irritating his nostrils, his eyelids flickered and he groaned softly before opening his eyes. He saw Chris who was sitting on a stool, smoking and watching him with a cold, unreadable expression.

The bed on which he was laying wasn't soft like the one they had at home. A narrow path of sunlight poured from between the slightly open curtains, crossed the room, and landed on the room's closed oak door. Joni blinked. His head was throbbing and his mouth felt dry. Silence...

He gazed at the painting of a forest on the bedside, recognized it, and frowned.

"Your dad agreed we could spend some time here, they won't bother us since I told them we could use some time alone since you've seemed down lately... You know, spend time all romantic and shit." Chris chuckled dryly, "I hoped it could be that," he sighed then and Joni turned his eyes to him slowly. He still felt drowsy from the sleeping drug and didn't quite understand the situation.

"I'm so disappointed in you," Chris continued, inhaling some smoke, tilting his head, "are you ready to tell me his name?"

His family knew they were here but they wouldn't come since they didn't know what Chris could do... The room seemed so warm and homely, the yellow light in the oak room, it had been a while since he had been here, too long ago perhaps, and now... His heart started to beat faster again, he should think about his words carefully and should try to ease the situation if it was possible.

"His name doesn't matter," Joni whispered finally, turning his gaze back to Chris, who frowned and almost looked hurt, vulnerable. "Chris..." Joni continued, licking his lips, staying still, it was difficult to think when he was still affected by the drug, "I-" he didn't know what to say if there was anything that he could do to turn the situation around, where he wouldn't be hurt. "...I'm scared..." He decided to confess, tears rising in his eyes, "Please..."

For a moment Chris only continued to stare at him and Joni thought that he saw his eyes glimmer with tears waiting to be shed but the next moment he cleared his throat and his gaze hardened.

"I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else, it makes me sick..."

Joni struggled to sit up, "W-we can fix things, we can talk..." He whispered not wanting to annoy the man further, this was already serious.

"So now you want to fix it?" Chris raised his brow, almost looking amused.

"It's not too late..." Joni continued, "Can't it be like it was before? Remember? We were happy...." He swallowed, felt a tear running down from his eyes, landing on his lip and he carefully licked the salty taste away.

Chris sighed, "Yes, I thought we were... you changed..."

Joni swallowed, letting his gaze drift to the ceiling, watching the thin smoky rings floating above.

"You shouldn't smoke in here," he said softly, looking back at Chris, perhaps trying to distract him with idle conversation. "Dad wouldn't like it, he never smokes inside."

Chris shrugged, "I can air it off later," he answered and opened the curtain a little further, gazing outside for a moment. This calmness was odd Joni thought, lowering his feet on the floor while his hand reached out to touch his sore cheek. "I changed my life to be with you, I moved here for you, I have been faithful to you... you just don't care... " He was still looking outside, drawing another deep breath of the cigarette, his elbow resting against the writing desk next to the window.

Joni was silent for a moment, trying to remind himself to stay calm, to not raise his voice. To just remain as calm as possible, hoping it would keep Chris calm as well.

"I-I do care..." He started carefully, creeping to the edge of the bed, "You know... I sometimes miss that time I visited you in Canada, remember Chris?" He bit his lip, he felt nervous having no idea what was going on in the other man's head.

Chris turned his face to him and gave him a crooked smile, his expression unreadable.

"Yes." A short answer giving no clues.

"I remember... you used to laugh more... and... we had fun...you looked at me differently then too, you don't do that anymore... I miss how we were, once."

Chris rolled his eyes, and put the cigarette out, "And whose fault is it that it changed, huh?" He asked, tapping his fingers on the table. "I fucking love you and you act like such a slut, flirting with everything that fucking moves...You're hurting me, Joni."

Joni fell silent, he didn't know how to go further with this; hearing the words I love you from Chris' lips felt odd and he thought that Chris had never really meant it if he even knew what love was... He didn't know how to act the right way if there was one. Perhaps it was true that he was to blame for the way Chris was now? He felt his stomach churn and confusion spread.

"How's your mom doing?" Another question to distract the man. Chris took another cigarette and lit it, he shrugged again.

"She has cancer..." The voice said lacking emotion.

"What kind of cancer?" Buy time, distract, try to break the wall, get a connection.

"Breast."

"Are they going to operate on her? Or have they already?" Chris raised his brow smiling slightly which seemed odd.

"They recommend it... A slut with one breast, it's kind of amusing. Dad doesn't like it," Chris grinned and Joni frowned. "She said she would like to meet my girl..." He added then, still having that odd smile on his lips, "Are you my girl, Joni?"

"Chris, this is stupid..." Joni started carefully, "...I'm sorry about your mom, I know how it feels, but she has a chance to survive."

"I really don't think you know how it feels Joni."

"I lost my mom, she had cancer, remember?"

"Yes, but it doesn't make you understand how I feel."

"Of course, I can't know exactly, but..."

"Enough!" Chris finally snapped, "Shut your mouth ... It's not working. This is not about my mother, this is about you..." He hissed, "About you being such a goddamn whore."

Joni drew in a shaky breath watching as Chris stood up after putting the cigarette away.

"How can I make you learn?" He asked, approaching. "Huh?" Joni turned his face away. Chris took a hold of his hair and forced him to look up. "You will look at me when I'm speaking to you." His eyes were narrowed with anger, he was forcing Joni's head back making him whimper. "You are hurting me, Joni, screwing around, you don't care, you fucking don't care!"

"You raped me, Chris!" Joni finally screamed, "You raped me and you say that I'm hurting you! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds; get your head out of your ass and think!" That earned him a hard slap across the face, Chris was breathing fast.

"You're mine, you are fucking mine! You're my boyfriend and you should fucking respect me!" With another hit to the back of his head, Joni brought his hands to cover his face crying out, trembling.

"Look at me!... Look at me, Joni!" Chris took hold of the back of his neck and squeezed until Joni lowered his hands, brown eyes watering when they met his gaze.

"How can I respect you... When you don't respect me at all? I am not a thing, Chris..." His voice trembled, tears fell down, "...don't treat me as such." Chris let go of him, walked closer to the door, and turned, his eyes narrow, upset clear on his features. Joni didn't know at all what to expect next, whether the beating was over or just starting.

"Who is he?" Chris asked tightly, Joni shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he replied quietly, lowering his gaze for a moment.

"I fucking deserve to know who fucked you! Tell me!"

Joni brought his gaze back up and gave him a sad look, his eyes glimmering. "Chris," his voice was soft, "this isn't going to fix us...can't you see? Can't you just..." He swallowed, "just calm down and talk with me? What would knowing his name change? Would you go after him? Is that it; you want revenge?"

"How long?" Chris asked, ignoring his question, "How long has it been going on?"

"This was the first time... like I said," Joni answered tiredly.

"I don't believe you. Why should I?"

"I don't know what to say to you! I just don't know! I can't go on like this... I've tried, but I can't... please Chris, it's no use! You have to see it...." Joni cried, feeling utterly exhausted, mentally as well as psychically.

Chris smiled in that odd way of his and when he approached Joni got up backing away.

"Don't..." He let out a fearful sigh. "I'm scared of you!" He admitted openly not knowing what else to do.

"You're weak...." Chris stated, "You think I'm just going to let you walk out of my life?" he asked and Joni shook his head desperately as the fear kept growing. "You need me..."

"No... Chris... please...we can just... talk."

"You're a pathetic whore...sissy..." Joni took the nearest object in sight, a book, and threw it at him, Chris easily dodged it. "What do you think you're doing?" Joni kept backing away; took another book from the shelf and again tried to aim it at Chris, this time hitting him which made the man growl in anger.

"You even fight like a freaking girl!"

"Don't come closer, Chris!" Joni threatened, pushing his hand forward in vain defense. "I mean it!"

Chris smirked, "Oh yeah, and what do you plan to do?"

Joni had his other hand against the wall trying to move towards the door, "I will fight..." He breathed and to this, Chris began to laugh.

"Oh yeah?... You can be amusing, dear." He said, tilting his head and watching him, "This should be interesting..."

Finally, Joni found the doorknob, he sighed in small relief and squeezed it like a lost friend, he bit his lip and waited, unsure if what he planned would work, and just as Chris made a quick threatening movement forward, Joni pushed the door open, his back pressed against it and just in time shot his leg forward to trip Chris. When the man fell to the floor he quickly closed himself in the room, hearing Chris' angry scream from the other side.

The door had no lock he realized then, pulling on the handle. He could already hear Chris standing up on the other side and soon enough he was banging his fists against the door.

"You slut, fucking open the door!" Joni's heart beat madly when Chris started yanking the door on the other side, getting it slightly open before Joni pulled back with all his strength. His hands were sweaty and slippery, his body still weaker than normal and he cursed the drug he had swallowed earlier that made it this way. Chris also had the advantage in the opening direction. He pressed his feet against the side and kept pulling back trying to look for anything that might help; everything was too far away, even the window, Chris would get in eventually, he realized, starting to panic.

"You fucking let me in now!" He was wasting his energy like this; Joni realized and decided to release his hold of the door so suddenly that it would surprise Chris when he was pulling from the other side. The door opened wide and Joni immediately tried to run past him to the front door, where would the car keys be? He wondered, but he didn't have enough time; the stronger weight hit him from behind, knocking him over on the floor.

Joni coughed, struggling against Chris who shifted on top of him, unintentionally giving Joni the chance to roll to the side: Chris hit him on his ribs, and his chest, the pain shooting up all over and Joni screamed, blindly hitting back; at times receiving a few blows.

They wrestled on the floor, both panting and growling. Joni tasted the blood, the sickening taste of iron, his nose was bleeding. Chris's hand sneaked around his throat at some point after Joni had managed to connect his fist with his jaw; this time he refused to go down without a fight.

But then Chris started to strangle him and he realized just how bad it was getting. It was blind anger, he couldn't breathe, and he tried to pull the hand away desperately and then suddenly Chris let go, leaving him gasping on the floor while struggling to stand himself.

"Had enough?" Chris panted out of breath, looking down at him, he kicked his side. "Huh? Going to learn now?" Joni curled into a small ball, licking the blood and coughing, trembling. Chris moved towards the kitchen area slightly staggering on his feet and it was a small comfort to see him slightly hurt as well, but Joni couldn't move; he desperately continued to gasp for air.

He was seriously starting to fear for his life. Jealous rage could lead to drastic things, what if the next time he would strangle him to death?

Chris opened a beer, walked back, and sat on the couch watching him while drinking. After a while Joni struggled to sit up, holding his hand under his bleeding nose droplets of blood dripping on the floor and on his clothes. Without a word, Chris stood up again and walked to the kitchen. Moments later he returned with a towel and some ice, Joni winced when he came closer, but the man only pressed the ice wrapped in the towel against his nose, "hold it there," he said but his tone was cold and he returned then to his previous seat.

Was it over now? Joni wondered and took a careful glance at him, still unable to read his expression, for a moment the ticking of the clock and their breathing were the only things that broke the silence around.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Dima had been able to give him the number of Joni's boyfriend, but Misha had started to hesitate; calling him might make things worse for Joni and that was the last thing he wanted. Finally, the only idea that came to his mind was to go over to Joni's parent's house, to see if they knew where the couple might have gone to and if not maybe tell them why he thought it was important to find them. Of course, they might not believe him, he remembered Joni telling him that his father got along quite well with the guy.

Dima hadn't had any idea of Joni's possible whereabouts either but had promised to call some people and ask around, Misha just hoped something would work, he was so sure of his reasons to worry that if everything else failed he was ready to do some false crime report on this Hanratty man, to get the police looking for him for whatever cause as long as the result was that Joni was found. It might be a drastic thing to do and might only bring trouble for himself, but so far it was only Plan B.

He arrived at the house a little after three pm having spent the time in between thinking about his options, he prayed that they could tell him something.

The children were playing in the yard under a water spray, giggling and laughing. Misha could recognize the twins he had seen a couple of years earlier, he knew that the young girl of about five years old was Joni's sister. The boy reached for his water gun on the ground as soon as he saw Misha.

"Freeze, name and ID?" He asked grinning and Misha raised his eyebrow at the boy.

"I'm Misha, your older brother's friend, are your parents home?"

"MOM!" The boy shrieked towards the house, then turned his eyes back towards him, "You were here before," he nodded and Misha was somewhat surprised that the boy could still remember him from that very brief meeting.

"Yes, I was." He smiled slightly, not exactly comfortable dealing with kids, especially ones holding a water gun. Luckily for him, a woman stepped through the front door before the kid would get it in his head to involve him in their games.

"Hello?" Katja greeted with a small smile, approaching him carefully.

"Hi," Misha gave her a brief smile, wondering what to say. "I'm Dima's older brother and... hm, Joni's friend..." He started and the woman gave him a curious look, crossing her arms over her chest while standing before him. "I was wondering if you know where Joni is? It's kind of important that I find him."

"Is... something the matter?" She asked carefully, looking concerned.

"To be honest I'm not exactly sure, but I'm worried he might be in trouble," Misha replied in a lowered voice; the kids were still close and he didn't think they needed to hear it.

"What kind of trouble?" Katja asked, now her worry was evident.

Misha sighed, "I'm not comfortable telling my suspicion, I'm not certain after all, but..."

"Please, I would feel better if I knew." The woman insisted.

"Alright," he sighed, "it's about his boyfriend and their relationship... I have reason to believe that... he might be hurting Joni."

"Chris?" Katja gasped, "No... surely not..." She frowned and shook her head in slight disbelief.

"As I said I can't be sure, but I have strong reasons to suspect, so, if you know where they are?"

"They went to our cabin," she replied. "Chris said they wanted...some privacy..." Her face had gone pale and she looked at him as if still looking for signs that he was mistaken.

"Where? Can you tell?"

"An hour's drive from here... I-" She looked at him hesitantly.

"You can trust me," Misha told her, reading her troubled mind. "I know I might be wrong but there's a good chance I'm not; Joni has changed, have you noticed? I've had clues but not certainty, now..."

She opened her mouth and closed it. He could see from her eyes that she was starting to believe his worry was genuine, but still needed some convincing.

"Joni is my brother's good friend and through him, I've known Joni since well... since he's been about fifteen... We've had our ups and downs but lately, we've... gotten closer... I worry for him..." Misha continued when seeing the doubt on her face.

She nodded worriedly after a moment of silence. "I'll get you the address." She said finally and hurried inside the house.

Only a few minutes later she returned, with a map and the address.

"Thank you," Misha told her after she had explained to him what the fastest road would be.

"Joni's phone is switched off if you want you can try to call his boyfriend... But don't tell him about me or that you're suspicious, I don't know if the call will help, but..." Misha shrugged, "Ah, and here's my phone number as well..." He quickly wrote it down and gave the small piece of paper to her.

"You will call me when you get to him?"She asked looking at him, her voice revealing the concern she felt.

"Yes, if everything is alright I'm sorry I troubled you and I'll ask Joni to call you to tell you everything is okay."

*

Katja nodded stiffly and watched the young man getting into his car and drive off. Some minutes later she tried calling Joni only to find that his phone was indeed switched off.

She hesitated a moment but still ended up calling Chris letting it ring several times. All she got was his voicemail; the worry inside grew, all those little signs on repeat in her mind; Joni's change in attitude, his withdrawal, the small bruises every now and then on his arms, the way he seemed almost annoyed when Chris was around, but perhaps it had been more tension than anything else?

But still, why would Joni have stayed? Why would he not have told? Fear... Of course, she had seen it before but forgotten, Joni was so different from how her friend had been... All those little signs... She could only hope that the man was wrong.

**^^**^^**^^**

He had tried finding the car keys when Chris had gone out for a few minutes, having them in his hands already trying to make it to the door when he had returned. Another hit, a kick, he had fallen, the blood that had dried tickled under his nose and started to crack, new moistness, the taste of