37. Don't let me go

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height


Joni had enjoyed every moment of his short-lasting freedom. He was sleeping much better alone than with Chris in the apartment, or onto the bed next to him. It made him realize how much weight he carried on his shoulders when Chris was around. He was beginning to see more clearly that it was impossible to keep living his life this way, in the end, he would suffocate, and he wanted to break free so badly it hurt. There had to be a way, and somehow, he would find it.

Moments alone, hours, and even more gave him strength, yet he still doubted that he'd be able to go against him when facing Chris. He thought daily about the possibility of the pictures coming out and what it would mean in the end, how it would affect his life. If only there was some other way.

But Chris wasn't going to let him go so easily, he knew that. He feared what else Chris would do besides publish those pictures. And he felt nervous about the stigma that the truth would leave him. Weak, abused, and raped.

Who would ever want him then?

But he also understood that he couldn't go on like this much longer. To live a life forever with the man he despised as much as he feared. How could he break free?

The party came at the perfect time, to give him something else to think about. He felt it was something he needed; to see other people, drink, have fun, and relax before he would again face the harsh reality with Chris.

He drank a couple of beers before leaving home to calm himself further, knowing he would meet some of Dima's friends who weren't exactly his greatest fans. Yes, he had managed to rub quite a few people the wrong way during his time and now the thought brought an idle and unhappy smile to his lips.

He stood in front of the mirror for a long time adjusting his carefully picked-out clothes, fixing his hair, and practicing a smile that would be casual and ...cool. Today he would not think about Chris, yes, he planned to get very drunk until reaching the bliss where all pain would be forgotten, tomorrow was a completely different matter.

There were much more people present than in their housewarming, of course, there was more room than in their home; and an engagement... Well, it was a big deal. Linda and Dima were serious with one another and were planning a wedding for the following summer. It was odd, Joni still thought they were so young for marriage but on the other hand, Dima was right; it felt right for the both, why should they wait?

Ivo as always greeted him with enthusiasm, Misha was busy talking to some woman but smiled warmly when seeing him; something that still at times felt odd to Joni, pleasant and heartwarming but odd.

He feared so much to lose that warmth in Misha's gaze, to lose Misha's respect that he had only just regained. He feared the pity that he would see in Misha's eyes if he knew.

He congratulated the happy couple, the center of everyone's attention, and secretly envied their happiness and how equally they treated each other. To be honest, he had come to envy every happy couple he knew.

He greeted Dima's other friends, those he knew from school, and their enthusiasm when greeting him wasn't really there. Many didn't like him. He had been outspoken, unafraid to show his opinions and perhaps there had been times when he should have kept them to himself. Joni could see his past mistakes and take some responsibility for his behavior back then.

But in truth, it wasn't always his faults that caused the dislike, it was jealousy too, and evil gossip. He had heard some of them, many quite wild, like giving blowjobs to some modeling agents, silly stuff like that, stuff that made him uneasy now. Oh, how his haters would love it if those pictures would get out to prove them right about him.

Joni decided to find Ivo, knowing that whatever happened Ivo could be relied on, whatever he did would not make the man turn his back on him. It was an odd feeling, trusting the man as though he was his family, the older brother he never had. Ivo's cheerful attitude always cheered him up.

"Hey, how's my gypsy eyes," Ivo grinned at him, "want a drink?"

Joni smiled warmly at the man. "Well, don't mind if I do," he chuckled.

"Beer? Cider? Wine? Vodka?" Ivo asked, making Joni grin amusedly while watching the man move about; he was dressed differently than usual, much more... smart, in dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt with a silver-blue tie matching his eyes well.

"Well, why don't you fix me a drink with that famous Russian vodka," Joni grinned and Ivo winked at him.

"Of course." Ivo smiled, took the bottle, and mixed a drink with some cranberry juice.

"You know, you still haven't visited us," Ivo reminded him with a small fake pout.

"I know, I'm sorry." Joni smiled gently and thanked Ivo when the man gave him his drink.

"Well, sometime, yeah?" Ivo raised his brow and grinned.

"I promise."

"You can bring that guy of yours," Ivo shrugged watching his reaction.

"Well, we'll see," Joni replied with a slightly uneasy smile. "How is it going with that girl...hm what was her name?"

"Susanna, we're not dating anymore. I think I'm destined to be alone," Ivo sighed dramatically.

"Nah you'll find someone, I know you will," Joni assured smiling at him.

"Perhaps," Ivo answered and looked at Misha who was approaching them. "Well duty calls; have to make sure that everyone is enjoying themselves!" He excused himself and left the two alone in the kitchen.

"Hi," Misha greeted reaching to fill his glass.

"Hi," Joni smiled at him, "having fun?"

Misha shrugged, "well, it's alright, I guess," He nodded.

"Lots of happy straight couples and teenagers, yes I imagine you're having the time of your life," Joni teased and Misha tilted his head grinning slightly while observing him.

"Not like Ivo's parties..." He chuckled and tasted his drink. Just then they heard someone clinking their glass and announcing a speech.

"So, I guess it's polite to go and listen," Joni grinned, and nodding Misha followed him.

The speaker was one of Dima's old friends from junior high. Arto, his name was, Joni suddenly remembered. He was a completely opposite personality from Joni, but it just showed how well Dima got along with very different people. Most people Dima met couldn't help but love him, Dima was sweet that way. The fact that he had never clicked with Chris should have told him something, Joni thought darkly.

Joni observed Arto, who began his speech. He had thick, round glasses, neatly combed hair that seemed already thinning though he was only twenty, and a vest over his shirt that looked one size too small. Arto hadn't liked him and he hadn't liked him back much either. Joni had once heard him spreading those nasty rumors about him, jealous of his friendship with Dima perhaps, people were strange at times. But Joni hadn't questioned Dima's willingness to be friends with Arto, Dima loved mathematics and chemistry and Arto shared that interest. For Joni, those were subjects that bored him the most.

"Mmh, watch out Misha, it's the man of your dreams," Joni whispered teasingly, still looking at the guy who was far from attractive. He then regretted his words, knowing how mean they sounded, but he hadn't been able to stop himself in time and now worried if Misha would think badly of him. He didn't dare to look at Misha's face.

"Yes, I can hardly control myself," Misha said surprising him because the words had a playful ring to them and Joni brought his gaze to him. The blond was looking back at him, the playfulness lingered in his blue eyes that almost made Joni blush. Misha was flirting with him! How delightful feeling it was and how painful at the same time, because he wanted nothing more than to act and play along. But surely he couldn't? He shouldn't...

Joni turned his gaze back to Arto, unconsciously chewing his lip when feeling Misha's gaze burning on his skin.

Arto went on and on praising Dima, until finally at some point he included Linda in his marathon speech that, judging by the looks of the others, was making the majority tired of listening.

"Poor Dima, he looks so embarrassed," Joni took note looking across the room at his friend who indeed had some color on his cheeks and was looking quite uncomfortable being talked about in such a manner that made him sound almost like a superhuman.

"Dima's never enjoyed being the center of attention."

"So I have noticed," Joni smiled and turned his eyes to Misha. "How does it feel to watch your kid brother getting engaged?"

"Strange," Misha admitted with a chuckle, "on the other hand I sort of knew that he'd be the one to settle down early, earlier than myself or Ivo; seeing Ivo getting engaged, now that would be strange."

"Yes, it certainly would be, but you never know... One day he might meet someone special." Ivo was a catch, surely there would be many forming a line if knowing he was single and in want of a partner.

"Perhaps," Misha agreed, smiling when he saw Linda leaning closer to Dima, whispering something that made them both giggle. He was pleased to see his brother so happy. Finally, the speech was over, and people seemed relieved, happy chatter filled the room once more.

Joni's phone rang, he checked the caller and saw it was Chris, sighing heavily he excused himself and left for the backyard to take the call. Misha watched him through the window, and saw Joni's unhappy, annoyed expression when talking with whoever was calling; most likely his boyfriend, Misha thought to himself.

When Joni returned inside, he seemed to be avoiding him, talking to different people laughing, and ignoring him. Misha felt frustrated, but he didn't want to go begging for his attention either, he drank and tried to at least fake an interest in the people he was talking with, the party was boring in his opinion, so he drank some more. Some girl tried to hit on him! And he drank more.

Why was Joni avoiding him now? He didn't get it. They were on good terms after all, and... perhaps it had something to do with that call and his idiotic boyfriend, so Misha still hadn't met that idiot, but it didn't rule out the fact that he was one. Tonight, he wanted to ask Joni the truth.

*

Joni wasn't sure how much he had already had to drink, he was feeling rather indifferent; managing to put behind Chris' phone call, he had heard the doubt in the man's voice, but it seemed that whatever the situation was there at Chris' home made him busy enough to drop the accusations and leave the call rather short. But talking to Chris had managed to wake a bit of guilt, which was why he had chosen to avoid Misha.

Misha however had kept glancing and looking at him; could it really be that Misha was interested in him? Joni wondered while taking another sip of his drink, hardly listening to the man next to him who kept going on about something that didn't interest him.

His guilt slowly faded with each drink he poured down his throat, his gaze holding Misha's longer each time they happened to meet. He was beginning to feel quite certain that the man wanted him; it made him feel warm and almost giddy; screw Chris, screw everyone, he thought smiling at the gorgeous blond across the room. Misha gave him a curious look, amused almost, seeming to be quite unimpressed with the girls he was talking to, or rather the girls who were talking to him.

Joni pursed his lips and winked at Misha, snickering at the confused expression that soon turned to a grin on the man's face. Joni finished the remains of his drink and turned, not even excusing himself, and the man who had been in the middle of his life story or whatever, blinked in confusion; watching as the teen slowly walked away towards the kitchen grinning playfully over his shoulder; looking at the tall blond man who immediately followed.

The man looked around feeling slightly lost, but he had enough sense to know that the two had something going on that he should not try to interrupt. And so he quietly moved to another group of people hoping to find someone else to listen to his ranting.

Once in the kitchen, Joni turned to face Misha. "Are you as bored as I am?" He asked with a snicker.

"Depends, " Misha grinned, tilting his head, "yes, I was a little bored."

"Want to escape?" Joni asked, his gaze measuring Misha's body, he licked the alcohol from his lips and Misha moved even closer, an amused frown on his face.

"Escape?" Misha asked curiously

"Let's go to your room," Joni smiled, "do you have any alcohol there?"

"No, but that's easily fixed..." He replied and reached for a bottle of vodka on the counter, Joni grinned at him.

"Something to mix with it, yeah?" he asked, and took a bottle of coke himself, "let's go."

They sneaked upstairs, others too busy to pay attention, Misha followed behind Joni, clearly remembering that night two and a half years ago, he felt hot suddenly, his palms were sweating, and his lips felt dry.

They entered his room; Joni was looking around, walking towards the window where the bright summer light was pouring in.

"Looks similar except for the scenery," he commented, turning to Misha, who slowly closed the door behind him and decided to lock it as an afterthought. "It was snowing that night, remember?" Joni continued, hoping to sit on his desk, Misha's action had not gone unnoticed by him and it both excited and nerved him.

He knew somewhere deep down that this was a bad idea, but at the same time he didn't care; screw Chris, so he already blamed him for cheating, what if he actually did it? He wanted to be able to feel sexy again, wanted to feel wanted, wanted to play and have some amount of control, to choose for himself.

He wanted to see if he could still seduce Misha.

"Yes," Misha answered, watching him keenly, "I remember..." He added while approaching carefully.

Joni opened the bottle of coke, poured some in his glass then held it out towards Misha,

"So, you think I could get a little bit of vodka?" he asked, saying the last word seductively, remembering it had been Misha's nickname as well.

*

Misha felt amused, by Joni's tone of voice and the hidden suggestion... well he might have imagined it because he wanted it to be there, but whatever the reality was he felt a definite spark of arousal.

"Sure, you can always have some vodka," He grinned, standing now before him, opening the bottle, and filling Joni's glass. He felt the heat radiating from Joni and swallowed thickly, taking a seat at the desk where Joni sat, before mixing a drink for himself.

"So what would you like to do, Misha?" Joni asked, placing his other hand behind him on the desk and leaning slightly towards it while twirling the glass in his hands.

"I would like to know a few things..." Misha answered after a moment of silence, finding it difficult to focus now when Joni was acting this... playful way, "... about your relationship," he finally said and for a moment Joni's grin faded, his expression serious, but a moment later the smile was back and his feet lowered on Misha's thigh.

"Do we really have to talk about that?" Joni asked, his feet now gently rubbing his thigh causing Misha to groan.

"You're not making this easy," he complained, his hand reaching for his ankle, "Joni..."

"You don't hate me anymore do you, Misha?" Joni asked, sipping his drink.

"I never hated you."

"But you didn't like me either..."

"You annoyed me."

"Do I annoy you now?" Joni tilted his head.

"You confuse me," Misha answered honestly, and Joni moved, placing his other foot down on Misha's other thigh, tickling the sensitive area of the man's inner thighs with his toes, grinning, "What are you doing?" Misha asked in surprise; this definitely wasn't helping one bit.

"Playing," Joni answered innocently, "Having fun," he continued, trying to tickle Misha some more, before the man grasped his other ankle, his breathing getting hard.

"I don't understand you..." He breathed while his hand sneaked up on Joni's leg caressing it softly.

"You don't have to..." Joni whispered with a smile and Misha looked up at him, "I don't always understand myself either," he added and when Misha's other hand released his ankle as well only to move on his leg like the other, Joni used the opportunity to slide from the table onto his lap. "Hi," He whispered slyly, making Misha grin and move his hands on his skin.

"Hi," He whispered back, "what are you up to brat?" He asked, the brat coming out gently but teasing.

"What are you up to, Misha?" Joni asked simply, a teasing grin still dancing on his features,

"You're on my lap," Misha stated, unable to keep himself from touching Joni now, carefully sneaking his hands behind him, Joni deliberately moved against him, as if looking for a more comfortable position, instead it just caused Misha's organ to react with interest.

"I can move if I make you uncomfortable," Joni said then smiling as he stood, making Misha groan for the loss, feeling ready to snap. He watched how Joni emptied his glass and did the same to his own before slowly standing up, Joni placed his glass on Misha's nightstand.

"Do you still have that dildo?" he asked casually already opening the first drawer, the magazines coming to his view at first and he picked up one, flipping the pages.

"The dildo is in the lower drawer," Misha replied picking the bottle up and approaching slowly, checking out Joni's butt while taking a sip not bothering with a glass, the alcohol burning in his throat. "Found something interesting?" he asked then, Joni looked at the pictures, and smiled in a slightly sour way to himself, before looking at Misha from over his shoulder.

"I guess they're alright," he grinned. "So do you prefer these magazines or porn?" he asked again, flipping through a few pages.

"Both... I guess I like porn from the computer better...if I'm in the mood," Misha shrugged and grinned, walking up behind him, his hand lowering on Joni's hip, brushing his lips against his neck, he simply couldn't help it and Joni's sex-related questions really didn't help.

Joni giggled feeling Misha's touch and his heavy breathing behind him, he bit his lip. "I wonder, could you ever date a porn star?" He asked not looking at him but at the magazine.

"Um, that's... an odd question," Misha frowned grinning, feeling distracted.

"It's just a question," Joni answered grinning as well.

"Well..." Misha began, moving even closer, taken over by his lust. Joni's scent was so intoxicating he thought to himself sniffing him slightly as his front brushed against his butt and... he had denied the pleasure of another for too long, "...I don't really... like to...share," he breathed kissing Joni's neck again, "it would be odd...really... I mean...yeah...odd.... so I guess no."

Joni nodded a bit stiffly and put the magazine away. There was a moment when Misha thought he detected some sadness on his features before it disappeared and was replaced with a playful smile. Joni took the bottle from his hands, grinning teasingly before taking a sip, it made him wince, but he composed himself quickly, looking up, at Misha's eyes and Misha's lips, licking his own.

"I think... you're teasing me," Misha nodded to himself.

"Am I?" Joni asked, leaning closer and finally making Misha give in to the desire to kiss him. It started slowly but soon turned hungrier, every nerve in his body seemed to tingle, the want slowly driving him towards

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net